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  #21  
Old May 2nd, 2013, 03:49 PM
Onessa Onessa is offline
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Most parents remember the incredibly stupid things that they did or their friends did when they were in high school and college and mostly hope that they can keep thier kids from making the same mistakes. I know it doesn't work, but it does not keep parents from trying!

DD is 17YO, and is probably a lot more practical than I was at her age. Her dad and I have worked hard to prepare her for increasing levels of independence.

It is all pretty much common sense -- if I was expected home at 9:00 from a meeting, but decided to stop for a cup of tea with some friends, I would text home to let her and DH know that I'd be later. And she will do the same if she is out and about. It is considered a common courtesy in our household.

How sad would it be if no one cared about where you were and whether you were safe? My DH is 63 and his mother is 91 -- she still worries about him.

Last edited by Onessa; May 2nd, 2013 at 03:50 PM.
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  #22  
Old May 2nd, 2013, 09:00 PM
nothriver nothriver is offline
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Each parent is unique, each child is unique, and every parent-child relationship is unique. I quesion my own parenting skills daily; who am I to question other parents decisions?

Over many years, I granted my oldest child freedom. Perhaps more freedom than other children had, and that child has always acted responsibly, leading to even greater freedom... he is now 19 and I'm confident that he will conduct himself as an adult at all times and therefore THAT child has not had any "rules" for years.

My youngest child is another matter entirely. She is not quite 8, and I'm afraid at 18, I'll still not want to let her out of my sight. She is the kid that does not pay attention to her surroundings, the one that still doesn't remember to look both ways before crossing the street, so leaving her to roam a cruise ship alone? Yikes! Time will tell of course, perhaps she'll mature, but someday when someone wonders "why does that girl have a 1am curfew?" It will be because she's the kid that needs someone looking out for her at all times because she can't remember to look out for herself.

Another point I'd like to make about the curfew is that I am too old to wait up all night for my kids. I need MY sleep before a long busy day exploring ports I may never have the opportunity to return to. I like to sleep midnight-6am. A 1am curfew would be a stretch of a compromise for me, for a kid that I wouldn't trust to stay out later. Again, that is trust that builds over years, over a lifetime, really of "knowing" my child. In a bit of an ironic twist, while I don't wait up for my oldest child, when I am out, he ALWAYS waits up for ME!

My point is, as a outsider or as a casual acquaintace, you can't have any idea why a parent sets the rules they do. It isn't always JUST because they are overprotective. I agree, cruise ships are great places for kids to "test" freedoms, but this is a privlidge that a child earns, and not all teens deserve the same level of freedom that another teen deserves.

Hopefully this will shed a little light on the innerworkings of a "mom" brain!
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  #23  
Old May 5th, 2013, 07:17 PM
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I find it amazing that the kids are up to 6 am. If ds didnt come straight back to the room after the teen lounge closed the security would catch them and send them back. so unless they have a really good hiding place i think the kids are just bragging and making things up. I also find it extremely rare that she would be the only teen on the ship with a 1 am curfew. I love when DS says things like that. Here is our conversation " how come I am the only kid in my class that has a bed time anymore?" How about Zack ? his bed time is 11p? " well except Zach." well how about Tommy, he has a bed time too. " well except Zach and Tommy." this goes on and on til he realizes he isnt the only one and actually more have bedtimes than dont . I do agree with the poster that some people seem to have to early bedtimes by our standards, but as others have said you dont know why. Maybe they had a relative that was kidnapped, killed or raped, so they are a little more worried than the average parent.. Or like DS he gets migraines if he doesnt get enough sleep. so if i let him out til after 1 and had to get up for an excursion he would get a killer headache and that would totally ruin his and everyone elses day. A parent cant enjoy the day if thier kid is in pain. So it could have to do with some thing a little more than parents worried they are going to be grumpy.
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  #24  
Old May 5th, 2013, 09:17 PM
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I've been trying to work on my tendency to be a helicopter mom. But after a local teen (who my daughter knew) passed away in March due to inhaling from a computer cleaner...and she was not the slammerhead type, it's very hard not to go back to being protective.
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  #25  
Old May 8th, 2013, 07:01 PM
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I have 3 boys twins 16 and older one 20. Our last cruise was IN August on 2011 (It was one of my twins Make a Wish Trip) and we went on RCI to the Eastern Med. My boys are generally well mannered and respectful - they all sat for 2+ hours having dinner with the Captain and had people and crew coming up to me telling me how well behaved my boys were. My boys also have a genetic metabolic disease - looking at them you would have no clue and I try to treat them as normal as possible.

On the cruise the twins had to come back to the room no later 1 when the teen club closed. My oldest then 18 also had to come back at 1 - on RCI the twins could not walk around on the ship without someone over 18 after 1AM. When the came back to the room if they wanted my oldest would take them to Johnny Rockets to get food and then they would come back. After that all 3 needed to be in the room. They had no problems with this. They had to go on excursions with us (although my friend who came with me wanted to stay on the ship in Crete so the twins decided to stay - I had no tour planed just wanted to shop which I did) and have dinner with us - although one night they did go the buffet with the teen club and their friends with my permission. During the day on sea days they just needed to check in with me every couple of hours at specified times. They had no problems with this.

In July we are cruising the Baltics & Scandinavia (including overnight in St. Petersburg). In general the boys will have the same freedom and the same constraints. They may have an earlier curfew on a few nights as we have a very port intensive cruise and leaving a couple of mornings close to 7AM.

I give my boys freedom but they need to check in, etc. They know if they don't the privileges they have will be revoked

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  #26  
Old December 14th, 2013, 07:51 PM
CruiseAddict1982 CruiseAddict1982 is offline
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Originally Posted by youngestof9 View Post
My kid will not be hanging out with other kids who come in between 3 and 6 am. Call me a helicopter mama, I call it smart.

My kid, my rules. I know what my child can handle so while to a perfect stranger it may appear I'm being harsh, you have no idea what the other 51 weeks a year entail. I have no problem with my rules. They don't affect you (the collective "you", not the OP), so I have no issues imposing them.
I'm with you on this topic. I have 2 boys, but I watch them like a hawk. It only takes one time for something to happen anywhere. On a cruise, there is no cell service so there's really no way to get in contact with a child if they're on their own. If I had a daughter she wouldn't have a curfew of 1am on a cruise ship. What teenage activity is available for teens around that time? None!! Anybody can get on here and say how responsible they are, but actions speak louder than words. My job is to keep my kids safe no matter what. I helped make them so it's my responsibility as a parent to keep them safe. I may trust my kids, but the thousands of other passengers on board I know nothing about and don't trust. As parents we have to keep our kids safe.
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  #27  
Old December 14th, 2013, 07:57 PM
CruiseAddict1982 CruiseAddict1982 is offline
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I am a seventeen year old girl who has been blessed enough to have gone on several cruises with my family, including three in the circle c or young teen group and two in the club o2 or older teen group. Recently, in anticipation of my next cruise coming up this summer, I have been reading a lot of forums on here, especially those that pertain to teenagers, and I am dumbfounded by some of the posts, especially since they seem to be such a stark contrast to what I've seen on my trips. First off, I believe my parents have set pretty fair rules for me, even though I've had my fair share of complaints. My boundaries haven't really changed from age 12 to now: no hanging out in other people's rooms or bringing friends to hang in ours (although my parents are fine with me running in with a friend to get something or if one of us girls need to change clothes, etc.), be courteous, attend all shore activities with my parents, go to dinner with them, and come back to the room when the teen activities end at 1 a.m. (Which has been the only rule I've ever had an issue with, as I've rarely ever come across any other kid with a curfew at all on my cruises. My last one was the first time, and the girl was in a separate room from her parents, so she would come back before her parents checked on her and then just leave again. Most of the kids stayed out until anywhere from 3 until 6 depending on the night, which I do believe is a bit insane.) Other than that, I was free to do what I wanted, and I believe my parents created a fair balance.
However, reading these forums, I've come across a lot of parents who seem to be way overprotective of their teens, forcing them to come back at ten o'clock, not allowing them to walk anywhere by themselves, checking on everywhere they go, and "grounding" them if they're not exactly where they said they would be. I could maybe see some of these being acceptable for a twelve or thirteen year old, but not the older teens. I've even read of parents giving eighteen and nineteen year olds curfews! They're adults, for crying out loud. Many parents also make the excuse that their teens have to be in early so that they aren't grouchy on a shore excursion. Most teens get themselves up for school in the morning, running on little sleep due to crazy schedules, homework, and general teenager-ness. They still manage to make it through the day, and the energy of a cruise and all the cool things they'll be doing in port should be enough to keep them from turning into a grump. And if they are exhausted and don't enjoy themselves, they'll learn their lesson and choose to come in earlier on their own.
I understand that there are dangers lurking everywhere, and parents need to look out for their children's safety, but sheltering them and hovering over them, especially on vacation, is not going to do them any good, especially when they soon have to venture out into the real world and don't have mommy or daddy to watch over them everywhere they go, and those teens who are so overprotected (the ones who don't rebel anyways) are more likely to be naive and find themselves in danger because they don't have the necessary street smarts. A cruise is a good place to start developing these skills, because although there are creeps and threats on a ship sometimes as well, it is a much smaller atmosphere for them to start making decisions on their own than a big city or a major college campus, where they'll be in a few years.
So all you tiger moms and dads out there, loosen the reins a bit. Let your kids live a little. They're on vacation. Trust that you've raised them well and that they will make good decisions.
With all due respect I wouldn't call the parents crazy that seem to care about their child's safety. So many kids turn up missing all the time and they're trying to make sure their kid isn't next. I was a teen once and I thought like a teen which you are doing now. As I matured and my wife and I had our kids my mentally changed. I'm a father, husband, role model and my kids protector! Crazy? Maybe a little if someone messes with my kids or my wife.

My advice for you is to be safe on the cruises and don't trust anyone. Stay close to your family. They are truly the only people you can trust on a cruise.
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  #28  
Old December 15th, 2013, 03:28 AM
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momof3cruisers momof3cruisers is offline
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[quote=poet123;38

Ships are a microcosm of society. I would not be happy with my young teen being out alone in the area we live in after a set time, so why would that differ on a ship?

I agree with the poster who said that when you pay the piper you call the tune.[/QUOTE]

messed up that quote sorry. I agree with this part of your statement. My daughter will not be walking home by herself in my home town at 1:00 in the morning, nor will she be doing so on a cruise ship.i attended college 2000 miles away from my parents. I was plenty responsible and trustworthy. All of us women were lectured over and over again not to walk across campus by ourselves late at night when there weren't a lot of people around. I didn't. All it takes is ONE person you know being raped and it will change the way you look at things forever.

As for 18 or 19 year olds being adults...not if they aren't self sufficient and living on their own. Again....2000 miles from home for college. Summer time between my jr and sr years. I was 21 years old and I wanted to go into town (20 miles away) to see a movie by myself. It ended at about 9:30. The town near our lake house was about 9k people and I regularly worked until close to midnight at my waitressing job...in town. My mom told me she didn't want me to go alone because she would be worried about me. That's just what us moms do. And as a kid living in my parent's home, it was my job to do what my parents asked of me. I admit to rolling my eyes, though.
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  #29  
Old December 17th, 2013, 08:37 PM
Blk_Amish Blk_Amish is offline
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Thanks for taking the time to do this and your parents should be proud. Whether or not we agree (not much with my teens sometimes) they have given a voice and thanks for using yours.

I was raised with a crazy mother. Look up Madea online and she is a Saint compared to my mom. Now I try to balance out crazy with respect and understanding. There are so many things that trigger you as parent it hard to say sometimes. I give my kids a voice because I was seen and never heard. I am sometimes overprotective because I fear the worse could happen because I don't trust and have enough faith. I sometimes yell and scream because I am scared and reacting to my own fears. Sometimes I turn into my own mama and remind my kids, I took you into this world I can take them out. I know exactly what this meant, so far mine don't. I still can't answer my mama, what!

As a parent I try not to put my kids in situation I don't think they can handle. If I can't take my eyes off them then I have put them in a situation they don't belong. They are clear on my expectation and what the consequence would be. I never used childcare until they were able to speak and could tell me if something went wrong. As babies, I didn't trust them with anyone I couldn't trust with a million in small bills so I became a stay at home mom. My son is away at college with my million dollars, trusting all kinds of pretty girls. I often got out the car and teach them how to walk down the street and be conscious of their surroundings. Yes, there are perverts out there but there are a few, and fewer with time, who look out of not only their kids but others. I don't fear the random stranger as much as I fear those I TRUST with my kids at school, church, sports ect. I try not to let my own fear cripple them, not always easy.

On our last cruise my son (17) did not have a curfew but I was eyeing him like a hawk. I wanted to see how he would do knowing in a few months, before his 18th birthday, we would be moving away from me with my credit card. He did fine (less the pretty girls) and shared things with me I could have done without knowing. I am glad he had the voice, as I am truly glad you used yours. Let's not forget not all parents have kids that are trust worthy and respectful. They need to be watched more to protect the general public and cruising population.

Thanks for you post!

Ms. Pauline, (don't do first name with teens

Last edited by Blk_Amish; December 17th, 2013 at 08:55 PM.
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  #30  
Old December 17th, 2013, 11:30 PM
Blk_Amish Blk_Amish is offline
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Originally Posted by CruiseAddict1982 View Post
I'm with you on this topic. I have 2 boys, but I watch them like a hawk. It only takes one time for something to happen anywhere. On a cruise, there is no cell service so there's really no way to get in contact with a child if they're on their own. If I had a daughter she wouldn't have a curfew of 1am on a cruise ship. What teenage activity is available for teens around that time? None!! Anybody can get on here and say how responsible they are, but actions speak louder than words. My job is to keep my kids safe no matter what. I helped make them so it's my responsibility as a parent to keep them safe. I may trust my kids, but the thousands of other passengers on board I know nothing about and don't trust. As parents we have to keep our kids safe.
Do you send them to church, school, sports, friend or relatives homes. In my school district last year, 3 teacher were arrested for having 'relations' with teenage boys. There were 2 teen suicide, online bullying was suspected in one case. I have a teenage son and his senior year in high school was an eye opening of how edgy and devious teenage girls can be. I try to explain to him, one accusation can rock his world but I am not the pretty girl smiling at him. Think about it, hormonal teens hanging out for hours. Also, do you really trust the worker in the childcare some from cultures who may not share your values. The abuse of women and children is accepted or condoned. If they did something wrong, it would not be reported and therefore not show up in a background check. How do you keep your kids safe, no matter what, from everyday life and living outside of praying and having faith some days. Sad thing is , the same kid who can't be out at 1 am at 17, will be on his own, at some of the known party colleges, before the 18th birthday. At home my son had an 11 pm curfew but he texts me at 2 am from his dorm.. Why is my child awake at 2 am, and I hope it's his dorm, HIS own? Do I trust him, depends!

I apologize for religious reference.

Pauline

Last edited by Blk_Amish; December 17th, 2013 at 11:45 PM.
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  #31  
Old December 18th, 2013, 01:18 AM
CruiseAddict1982 CruiseAddict1982 is offline
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Originally Posted by Blk_Amish View Post
Do you send them to church, school, sports, friend or relatives homes. In my school district last year, 3 teacher were arrested for having 'relations' with teenage boys. There were 2 teen suicide, online bullying was suspected in one case. I have a teenage son and his senior year in high school was an eye opening of how edgy and devious teenage girls can be. I try to explain to him, one accusation can rock his world but I am not the pretty girl smiling at him. Think about it, hormonal teens hanging out for hours. Also, do you really trust the worker in the childcare some from cultures who may not share your values. The abuse of women and children is accepted or condoned. If they did something wrong, it would not be reported and therefore not show up in a background check. How do you keep your kids safe, no matter what, from everyday life and living outside of praying and having faith some days. Sad thing is , the same kid who can't be out at 1 am at 17, will be on his own, at some of the known party colleges, before the 18th birthday. At home my son had an 11 pm curfew but he texts me at 2 am from his dorm.. Why is my child awake at 2 am, and I hope it's his dorm, HIS own? Do I trust him, depends!

I apologize for religious reference.

Pauline
My kids are young and one is in preschool and the other isn't old enough for school. You keep your kids safe by watching them while they're on cruise lines, home or wherever. When I said i will keep my kids safe I meant it. That's the job I signed up for. Even when they get 18 and married, I will still do everything in my power to keep them safe.
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  #32  
Old December 18th, 2013, 09:15 AM
mjkacmom mjkacmom is offline
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Originally Posted by CruiseAddict1982 View Post
My kids are young and one is in preschool and the other isn't old enough for school. You keep your kids safe by watching them while they're on cruise lines, home or wherever. When I said i will keep my kids safe I meant it. That's the job I signed up for. Even when they get 18 and married, I will still do everything in my power to keep them safe.
You signed on to keep them safe, but also to prepare them for the world. You only get about 18 years, and they go by very quickly. Our job as parents is not to raise children, but to raise adults. You do your children a disservice if you don't allow them more independence. Sending a timid, nervous, unprepared kid off to college is not doing him or her any favors.

I have three teens. My 15 and 17 year olds were fine on the ship without constant adult supervision. I was the mean mom, and made them come back to the cabin at 1 am - most other teens were still out. At home, they can go to the beach with friends, take the train into NYC, go out to eat, shop, movies, sporting events - dd17 even took the bus to Boston, alone, to visit her boyfriend (she has also flown alone many times). Next year, she will be away at college.

And the thought of any of my kids being 18 and married?! That would be one of my worst nightmares!
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  #33  
Old December 18th, 2013, 11:14 AM
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Originally Posted by mjkacmom View Post
You signed on to keep them safe, but also to prepare them for the world. You only get about 18 years, and they go by very quickly. Our job as parents is not to raise children, but to raise adults. You do your children a disservice if you don't allow them more independence. Sending a timid, nervous, unprepared kid off to college is not doing him or her any favors.

I have three teens. My 15 and 17 year olds were fine on the ship without constant adult supervision. I was the mean mom, and made them come back to the cabin at 1 am - most other teens were still out. At home, they can go to the beach with friends, take the train into NYC, go out to eat, shop, movies, sporting events - dd17 even took the bus to Boston, alone, to visit her boyfriend (she has also flown alone many times). Next year, she will be away at college.

And the thought of any of my kids being 18 and married?! That would be one of my worst nightmares!
I agree. As a parent there is only so much we do to keep them safe. My kids are now 16 and 19. We need to encourage them to make good decisions as they grow up and point out the results of others or their own bad decisions. We need to show them that their actions have consequences by setting rules and punishments for breaking those rules and following through. We need to impress on them what unacceptable behavior is from others and encourage them to have open communication with us if they experience it. We need to make them aware of the dangers that are out in the real world so they can be alert to them. We need to give them added responsibilities and choices as they grow older to prove that they can make those good decisions when they leave. Sometimes it is extremely hard to let them go....but it is so much better than sufficating them with overprotection and then letting them go without a clue how to handle themselves in these situations when they become adults.
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  #34  
Old December 18th, 2013, 02:54 PM
Blk_Amish Blk_Amish is offline
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Originally Posted by mjkacmom View Post
You signed on to keep them safe, but also to prepare them for the world. You only get about 18 years, and they go by very quickly. Our job as parents is not to raise children, but to raise adults. You do your children a disservice if you don't allow them more independence. Sending a timid, nervous, unprepared kid off to college is not doing him or her any favors.

I have three teens. My 15 and 17 year olds were fine on the ship without constant adult supervision. I was the mean mom, and made them come back to the cabin at 1 am - most other teens were still out. At home, they can go to the beach with friends, take the train into NYC, go out to eat, shop, movies, sporting events - dd17 even took the bus to Boston, alone, to visit her boyfriend (she has also flown alone many times). Next year, she will be away at college.

And the thought of any of my kids being 18 and married?! That would be one of my worst nightmares!
+10


I was unnerved by 18 and married. I would say, 16 and pregnant, 16 and homeless but my DD replies, I guess 15 and 17 are safe but 18 I am SOL. Oh 21 means doing what you have done since 15 but legally. Moments like this I realize, not as mean as I need to be, time to get my Madea on

I can see based on some of the replies why a teen would think some parents are crazy, less the ones who know they are. We are saying to these kids hang out all day with other hormonal teens, with no fear of bullying or peer pressure. They will drive when they get home, so no need to walk anyways. They move away to college, with mama's credit card and vacation funds. However all other times I need to have my eyes on you to keep you safe. Afterall, we are their creator and our life to protect. Then we say, they don't understand, rightfully so!

Last edited by Blk_Amish; December 18th, 2013 at 03:06 PM.
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  #35  
Old December 18th, 2013, 03:20 PM
MommaBear55 MommaBear55 is offline
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Dear OP, I would be proud to have you as a daughter! You are taking great steps to becoming an adult.

To another poster, we also have the pictures of the teenager scowling! You would think that the trip was an advanced form of torture, invented by the CIA, KGB or Taliban solely to distress them.

My kids are 29, 31 and 34 and they were raised to be independent, responsible adults. Since all 3 were in college by 17 or 18, DH and I felt it was time to start loosening the apron strings at 16. (Not untied, just loosened!) One kid would have been wild and crazy even if we had had super strict rules, the other two not so much. When they got to college they were quite surprised how much they knew how to do and it really made them feel good that they were so competent.

I also agree that one size rules does not fit all children or all situations! Some are more mature at a younger age, some have more common sense and others.... well, we earn our gray hair from them.

My philosophy is it is our job to give our kids wings to fly and a safety net if they fall, not a cage to keep them out of harms way.
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  #36  
Old December 18th, 2013, 03:53 PM
CruiseAddict1982 CruiseAddict1982 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mjkacmom View Post
You signed on to keep them safe, but also to prepare them for the world. You only get about 18 years, and they go by very quickly. Our job as parents is not to raise children, but to raise adults. You do your children a disservice if you don't allow them more independence. Sending a timid, nervous, unprepared kid off to college is not doing him or her any favors.

I have three teens. My 15 and 17 year olds were fine on the ship without constant adult supervision. I was the mean mom, and made them come back to the cabin at 1 am - most other teens were still out. At home, they can go to the beach with friends, take the train into NYC, go out to eat, shop, movies, sporting events - dd17 even took the bus to Boston, alone, to visit her boyfriend (she has also flown alone many times). Next year, she will be away at college.

And the thought of any of my kids being 18 and married?! That would be one of my worst nightmares!
I think I do them a disservice by not protecting when I can. My kids will never roam around anywhere by themselves, not in this day and age. I'm a police officer so I live in a different world than most people and I'm more aware of crime than most people. If something were to happen to your kids on a cruise how would they contact you? How could you help them not knowing where they are? Are you aware of the criminals that are on cruise ships? I'm not bashing your parenting, just having a civil conversation. I respect your opinion, but everybody raises their kids differently, if I'm doing a disservice by protecting my kids then so be it.
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  #37  
Old December 18th, 2013, 04:01 PM
CruiseAddict1982 CruiseAddict1982 is offline
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There's no perfect blueprint on how to raise kids. If one existed, then everybody would use it. You do what you think is right and hope and pray for the best.
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  #38  
Old December 18th, 2013, 09:54 PM
MommaBear55 MommaBear55 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CruiseAddict1982 View Post
There's no perfect blueprint on how to raise kids. If one existed, then everybody would use it. You do what you think is right and hope and pray for the best.
Got that one right!
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  #39  
Old December 18th, 2013, 10:00 PM
CruiseAddict1982 CruiseAddict1982 is offline
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Someone sent me this site on Cruise Critic. Internarionalcruisevictims.org

Might think twice about leaving your kids on a cruise after you read some of the stories on this website.
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  #40  
Old December 18th, 2013, 10:30 PM
CruiseAddict1982 CruiseAddict1982 is offline
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Internationalcruisevictims.org is the website
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