PHOTO REVIEW: H turns GOLD on the Carnival Conquest (Fun Times, New Menus)

[ProfCruise]

FUN ABOARD AND FUN ASHORE

 

 

This event was hosted by Eric Brouman, our cruise director, and promoted as a way to win a free shore excursion (and was the inspiration for the format of this review). First, a few words about Eric. If the Energizer Bunny and Carrot Top had a kid, it would be a miracle of modern science and would probably look a lot like Eric Brouman. He has crazy red hair and endless energy. It was a bit much for mom to have both myself and Eric on board at the same time, but otherwise, we loved him.

Anyway, back to the event. This was essentially an hour-long advertisement for Carnival excursions with a brief mention of some ship activities and prizes thrown in. If you’ve read my prior reviews you know that we never book excursions, as sometimes mom decides she’s just going to lay on the floor and scream and kick. So we weren’t in the market for any excursions that would require us to be somewhere at a certain time or act human in the company of others. Then why were we giving up valuable eating time to try to win a free excursion, you ask? Well if you know mom at all, you know she LOVES getting something for free, even if she can’t even use it (she was over the moon once at winning a year supply of Omaha Steaks…she’s a vegetarian). Mom stuffed the entry box with hundreds of slips, using a secret technique she learned from her great aunt who was a professional contester (you crinkle up the paper a little – don’t tell her I told you).

Well she didn’t win one of the grand prizes (they gave away 4, one for each port) or any meat, but she did win one of the smaller prizes. For any of you on the Conquest soon, here’s how you can win one of the smaller prizes. First, sit up close to the stage and wear running shoes. Prizes were given out for:

The first person who ran up on stage with their Carnival Mastercard in hand.

The first person who ran up on stage and gave Eric some “love.” Skip the breath mint, just RUN.

Someone up front who smiled and didn’t fall asleep during the presentation.

The person who shouted the loudest when asked, “Who are my drinkers in the audience?” I was robbed on this one.

And finally, the prize went to mom for being the lamest audience member. She won a Carnival stuffed bear and a ship on a stick (because walking around with those totally makes you look cooler). And Eric threw in a bottle of champagne for me since I have to be seen with her. (Actually I won for being the youngest audience member…mom got the champagne.)

 

 

 

 

[momof3cruisers]

When do you board? That might be just the motivation I need!

 

We get onboard on Jan 2nd. Looking forward to reading your report as we drive from MN to Miami. Your mom is nice. At least you get to fly. We almost always drive. There was a flight, ever after referred to as "the incident that shall not be named" when we travelled with a baby and a not quite two year old. It scarred my husband permanently and he swore to never fly again. You'd think that since the youngest is 14 now he'd be over it, but no luck.

[Miamichile77]

I love your reviews, "H"! It's good to see that you enjoyed yourself. I'm planning on going on the Breeze and hope that the cut-backs are not fleetwide.

[ProfCruise]

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

 

 

I’ve always thought snow and grouchiness were essential components of the Christmas season, but cruising in December is proof that Christmas still exists in tropical climates where everyone greets each other with high fives and fist bumps instead of shoving each other out of the way for a talking Elmo, that, if you just waited a season, would be plentiful and cheap at Goodwill.

Although it was confusing to be wearing my Speedo in December (who am I kidding, Speedos are always confusing), the Conquest crew succeeded in reminding me that Santa was on his way, loading lots of toys and goodies in his sleigh, and so on. There was also a Hanukkah service each evening of Hannukkah, for our Jewish friends.

Festivities included a tree lighting celebration:

 

 

“Let it Snow” (it’s hard to see in this photo, but there was REAL snow falling in the lobby):

 

 

An Ugly Sweater Contest (No photo because mom went blind).

And a few appearances from the big man himself (one in the lobby and one at the Christmas production show). Santa and I are currently not on speaking terms due to an unfortunate incident earlier in the season:

 

 

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good fright!

[pinto18]

That is one mean looking Santa! No wonder you were crying!

[Peemagg]

H...I think that Santa needs some coal in his stocking for scaring you! He was not a nice looking Santa! I would be crying too if I had to sit on his knee!

[ProfCruise]

H...I think that Santa needs some coal in his stocking for scaring you! He was not a nice looking Santa! I would be crying too if I had to sit on his knee!

 

I know, right!?!

[Delta Dear]

Hey, H ! Glad to see you even if you didn't make it to the Pride with us in November. I'm so excited that you turned Gold and were on the Conquest. I'm expecting you to be the role model for my grandson who will be on his first cruise for his first birthday. Want to guess which ship ? Conquest of course. I told him all about you so his mom and dad are going to read your review.

 

Speaking of reviews, I just finished writing mine and am just loading up the photos to include. Your review of the Pride came in very handy for me. We loved that ship.

 

I was taken back by your comment about your grandpa. Please accept my condolences. I know he was right there with you, you just couldn't see him.

 

Looking forward to the rest of your review. You know I love your writing. by the way, big props to your mom on receiving her tenure. Way to go, mom.

 

I hope you had a Merry Christmas. Trust me, the big guy in the red suit didn't mind your screams and cries. He's used to that, yet he comes anyhow. He's probably screaming and crying right about now because he overslept and became a pier runner and missed his cruise this morning. Poor guy. He was planning on buying the CHEERS package, too. He needed it badly.

 

Happy New Year to you, H. You'll be Platinum Kindergarten at the rate you are going.

[ProfCruise]

ENTERTAINMENT SCHEDULE

 

 

SUPER ATOMIC WEDGIES

If you’re looking for comedy, you could stand around the elevators and watch elderly people (mom) try to figure out where the heck they are or, if you’re lucky, you might catch a slip and fall on the Lido deck (grandma). Or you could try the comedy club.

 

There were four different comedians featured on our sailing (see the above entertainment schedule) at the Punchliner’s Comedy Club located in the Degas Lounge on Deck 5 Aft. I was a little turned off after seeing a set called “Loving Parent” by Jason Blanchard, so I only hit the comedy club once. “Loving Parent” was about how funny (read as mean) guy Blanchard disciplines his children and featured his favorite technique, the super atomic wedgie. Please understand, as someone who is new to the world of big boy underpants AND exceptionally naughty, I didn’t find this funny at. all. You might though and generally the comedy club is a lot of fun, so I suggest you give it a try. I got there right as the 9:30pm show was starting and was able to snag a seat in the back; get there earlier for a better selection (but know that if you sit right up front, you might find yourself the butt of a joke or you might find your actual butt up on stage demonstrating the super atomic wedgie).

[Naomi John]

Enjoying the review. Will have to read your others.

[Posesmom]

Love your reviews! I have no plans to sail this ship (yet) & still can't wait for more :)

Edited December 27, 2015 by Posesmom

[ProfCruise]

Hey, H ! Glad to see you even if you didn't make it to the Pride with us in November. I'm so excited that you turned Gold and were on the Conquest. I'm expecting you to be the role model for my grandson who will be on his first cruise for his first birthday. Want to guess which ship ? Conquest of course. I told him all about you so his mom and dad are going to read your review.

 

Speaking of reviews, I just finished writing mine and am just loading up the photos to include. Your review of the Pride came in very handy for me. We loved that ship.

 

I was taken back by your comment about your grandpa. Please accept my condolences. I know he was right there with you, you just couldn't see him.

 

Looking forward to the rest of your review. You know I love your writing. by the way, big props to your mom on receiving her tenure. Way to go, mom.

 

I hope you had a Merry Christmas. Trust me, the big guy in the red suit didn't mind your screams and cries. He's used to that, yet he comes anyhow. He's probably screaming and crying right about now because he overslept and became a pier runner and missed his cruise this morning. Poor guy. He was planning on buying the CHEERS package, too. He needed it badly.

 

Happy New Year to you, H. You'll be Platinum Kindergarten at the rate you are going.

 

JANE! My favorite cruise buddy! Thanks for all your kind words -- I really feel like you get me. Plus, you're super funny. I did want to make sure you knew that my Poppi (the one who got the liver transplant) is alive and doing GREAT! My (other) grandpa passed away 5 years ago (today, in fact). We always miss him on the big boat (especially when grandma comes with us).

 

I'm loving your review of the Pride so far. I guess the only calamity is that I wasn't able to join you! Maybe I could come on the Conquest with your grandson? :D

[ProfCruise]

BEHIND THE FUN

Thing 2 (AKA Grandma) was looking for a way to get out of the Green Eggs and Ham Breakfast this year (I guess she was sick of getting her picture taken), so she bolted over to the excursions desk as soon as we boarded and secured herself a spot on the “Behind the Fun” tour (it did sell out, so make sure to book early). I’m not sure why anyone would want to be “behind” the fun (I kept looking for grandma hiding under furniture with a salty expression on her face trying to avoid merriment) and especially why they’d want to pay $95 to do it, but grandma seemed to think it was worth it.

I dunno, there were a bunch of rules too:

 

The tour took place on the last sea day beginning at 8:30am and lasted approximately 3.5 hours. Grandma reported seeing backstage at the main show lounge, crew areas, the brig (mom saw this earlier in the week…but we won’t get into that) and morgue, laundry, operational areas, galleys, engineering, and the bridge. In each area, a crew member from that department would speak (stage manager, chef, engineer, etc). The tour concluded with an opportunity to meet the Captain and ask him questions. There were also professional photos taken with the Captain. The photos were provided free of charge to grandma in our stateroom later that day. Grandma wouldn’t let me post the photo of her with the Captain because she was afraid his wife would get jealous. Speaking of which, when mom found out that the Captain’s wife joins him on the ship, sometimes for a month or more at a time, she sent dad divorce papers over Facebook using the “Social Media Internet Package” (more on that in just a second) and created a “Match” profile entitled “SWF with summers and holidays off looking to (literally) sail away with someone…specifically a cruise ship Captain.”

At the end of the tour grandma got a goodie bag with a hat, bracelet, soap, and lanyard.

 

You can understand now why grandma was worried about the Captain’s wife. Later, a plate of goodies was delivered to our stateroom. Grandma shared it with me to soften the blow of the news of my parent’s divorce.

 

 

For anyone else needing to deliver bad news over Facebook, here are the details of the Social Media plan (and the other internet options).

 

 

[LizaMM]

Thank you for your entertaining review and all the photos!

 

I will be sailing the Conquest soon and am happy to see a review and photos :)

[janpa70]

If you don't have a sense of humor don't go to the 18+ shows. The comics do go a little on the dark side for the shows and yes if you sit up front you will get picked on. My kids both got it but they were able to laugh at them selves and moved on. My kids are 23 and 19. We did like the shows.

[luvs2beachit]

Thanks for taking the time to compose this review. Your writing skills are wonderful for such a little boy! I can't wait to read more.

We will be on the conquest in 4 weeks so love reading about your experiences.:D

[mikechass]

Thanks for taking the time to do it.

I have two kids (14&11), we have done RCCL cruises as a family.

I was wondering what to expect should we try Carnival. This is wonderfully helpful.

We have always booked one room, which isn't easy with older kids, but the price of these cruises are so great it may convince me to book two rooms!

Thanks again. Loved all the pictures and especially all the details!

Happy New Year.

[ProfCruise]

PLAYLIST PRODUCTIONS, PART DEUX

Mom and grandma saw three Playlist Productions shows: The Brits, Divas, and Latin Nights.

Grandma didn’t provide much detail on the two shows she saw (that has nothing at all to do with my attention span), but seemed to find them entertaining and enjoyable.

A bit of context before I provide mom’s critique of the show she saw (Latin Nights). Like many teen girls of her generation, mom had dreams of following in the footsteps of her idol, Debbie Gibson (she goes by “Debra Gibson” these days) and, because grandma wanted her out of the house and grandpa figured “Anything is Possible” (that’s a Debbie Gibson song for any of you who are cool and/or young), they enrolled mom in private voice lessons. Well as it turned out, tone only existed “In Her Dreams” (‘nother DG reference) and “She Banged” (William Hung style). After a few months of having to replace the windows after each lesson, “Out of the Blue” (DG, again), mom’s voice instructor relocated to be closer to family (or it’s possible he pulled grandma aside and delicately told her she was wasting her money). Since then mom’s been banned from karaoke in all 50 states and in international waters (that’s how she ended up in the brig).

So…keep that all in mind when I tell you that mom thought the show was excellent (great energy and special effects – even smoke and water – and a generally talented cast) with the exception of one performer who mom thought was singing off key. She was an amazing dancer though, which mom respects because she has “No More Rhythm” (okay, that one didn’t really work).

 

 

The thing mom found the most fun about “Latin Nights” was that after the show ended, they moved the party out to the lobby where audience members had the chance to dance with cast members. Mom watched from the sidelines (see above), but really enjoyed watching the Conquest version of “Dancing with the Stars.”

Now, who’s ready for a prize? If you can figure out a way to prevent mom from singing “Happy Birthday” to me tomorrow (turning 3 - send cruise credit), I’ll post photos of the Seaday brunch!

[ProfCruise]

SEADAY BRUNCH

For two years in a row, we’ve taken our pre-Christmas cruise without dad. He wasn’t in trouble for loading the dishwasher wrong or anything (well he was, but that’s not why he didn’t come with us), he just didn’t have enough vacation days left. To distract himself from missing us terribly (likely story), he took himself on a short trip to Vegas. Dad was eating THIS at brunch…

 

 

…while we were at the Seaday Brunch. Still though, we loved it. Here’s the menu:

Standouts this time included the mac 'n cheese which was extra cheesy and perfectly browned on the top and the popovers (only available during the afternoon) which come with a cheese butter to clog your arteries for.

Here’s what I ordered:

 

Funnest French Toast

 

 

Steak and Eggs

 

Mac 'n Cheese

 

 

To be continued…

[ProfCruise]

Bagel Breakfast

 

 

pappardelle "Principe di Napoli"

 

 

flamin' tomatoes soup

 

 

Mac 'n Cheese (not a duplicate -- I ordered a second helping)

 

 

Banana cream pie

 

 

Caramelized cheesecake (I posted this one as far away from dad's cheesecake as possible to prevent direct comparisons)

 

 

What? I'm a growing boy.

[ProfCruise]

TRIVIA

Mom’s hopeless (you should know that having a Ph.D. means you know a lot about one thing no one cares about and NOTHING about anything else – especially child rearing), but even grandma (the person who finally took down Ken Jennings on Jeopardy) couldn’t manage to win at trivia. She came close – we could have had matching “ship on a sticks” if she hadn’t shown up late for “Musicals” trivia or if she’d known where the O.K. Corral is located (Tombstone, AZ). If you’re on the Conquest soon, it’s time to start re-watching all 10 seasons of “Friends,” while listening to “Rock Tunes” and “Michael Jackson,” while researching “outrageous laws” with someone “British.” Ready, go.

I didn’t have time for trivia, I was busy doing this:

 

Also, this outdoor play area is awesome when it’s not wet or windy.

It’s located right outside Camp Ocean and is a great place to meet new friends and share strategies for pushing back one’s bedtime (cry for the blanket you hid in the mini fridge earlier) and making your mom’s life miserable on the flight home (scream, kick, color on everything but your paper, and try to close the tray with a full drink still on it). You’re welcome.

[hlb76]

Yay for another H review. Keep it coming

[ProfCruise]

A BOOK WITH NO PICTURES

What’s the point? Mom insisted I include the following three activities even though we didn’t take any photographs (because it was prohibited or because grandma’s phone is older than photography).

Art? On a cruise?

I’ve always wondered, who the heck buys art on a cruise? Plenty of people it turns out. Grandma attended her very first art auction (mom didn’t go because she’s the type who would accidentally raise her paddle and end up with a $4,000 piece of “art” that looks like something I painted with my fingers at daycare). Grandma wasn’t interested in buying anything and doesn’t drink champagne (which is great because when you win a free bottle you don’t have to share any with her), but she found it interesting to hear the descriptions of the paintings and to “people watch.” She also attended an art lecture, which she enjoyed. She was also able to add another free print of a fence to her collection (I know what all her neighbors got for Christmas this year).

Viva Variety

Mom can be a bit of a stick in the mud, so I was sort of expecting her report on the Viva Variety show with Taylor Mason to go something like this: “stupid.” Instead, it turned out to be her all-time favorite Carnival show. I guess she felt a special affinity with Paco the pig (see that thing I said earlier about the mud – plus Paco knows they can share a good meal together that won’t include him). Anyway, Mason’s one-man variety show included puppets (and ventriloquism), stand-up comedy, improv, and music. It was like Second City at sea – a must see if offered on your sailing.

Thank You For Your Service

Grandma attended a special event honoring veterans. It featured stories from veterans and their families and a beautiful performance by one of the Playlist Productions cast members (grandma doesn’t think he’ll be doing cruise ships for very long, so catch him while you can). Grandma went up on stage to honor my uncle, who is currently serving in the Air Force. She found the whole thing very moving and would highly recommend it to service members and those of us who appreciate all the sacrifices they make (including over the holidays when many are away from their families). Thank you to all who have served/are currently serving!

Now, guess what today is? MY BIRTHDAY (send orange sherbet and cruise credit). I’m officially a 3-nager. While you’re praying for my parents (and waiting for me to post the Fun Times, which I’ll be doing next), enjoy my birthday video.

 

 

[YOUTUBE]_znuVZ_b4wM[/YOUTUBE]

Edited December 29, 2015 by ProfCruise

[ProfCruise]

FUN TIMES, INDEED

 

Saturday

 

 

 

 

[ProfCruise]

Sunday