Spring break on the Allure...a photo review

[micmacmissy]

I have to say I'm with your daughter on this one. I once saw a program on this cove in Japan. The whole thing got me so upset that I went out into our garage took one look at our Toyota Avalon, decided I was having nothing to do with a Japanese car and it was replaced within a week. However, my Weimaraner came from a breeder too!:D

 

Yeah, it's bad, but I have a hard time getting too animal-rightsy because I feel like there is so much human oppression and abuse in this world, we should deal with that first...geez, way to bring the review DOWN!!!

 

I just traded in my Toyota...for a Subaru. Hmm...that isn't better, is it?

[micmacmissy]

Gym on Oasis also smelled of smoke! What IS up with that? [emoji23]

 

Who knows, although I bet someone familiar with the deck plans will have an idea.

 

And welcome to cruise critic, Gronkfan. Even if you're a Pats fan, I won't harass you too much. (That's actually not true.) ;) :*

[A&L_Ont]

Yeah, it's bad, but I have a hard time getting too animal-rightsy because I feel like there is so much human oppression and abuse in this world, we should deal with that first...geez, way to bring the review DOWN!!!

 

I just traded in my Toyota...for a Subaru. Hmm...that isn't better, is it?

 

They have cute puppies in their advertising too. I wonder how they were trained? I think we better stop now. 😉

[micmacmissy]

I know I'm late to the party and all...

 

BUT THANK YOU. The smell of that place disgusts me. It almost ruins that entire portion of the ship for me. And my wife drags me there every night in our drunken stupors because she thinks that pizza has magical healing powers or something. The worst pizza ever made.

 

/rant

 

You aren't late to the party...I'm only on my third beer!!

 

I feel better that I'm not the only one who noticed the stench and avoided the promenade because of it.

 

And I hate to say it, but probably you should divorce your wife and marry a New York girl. Pizza DOES have magical healing powers, but that slop at Sorrento's is NOT pizza! <<insert puking face emoji here>>

[Ocean Boy]

They have cute puppies in their advertising too. I wonder how they were trained? I think we better stop now. 😉

 

 

I love that commercial.

[micmacmissy]

Okay, so we left off talking about the public bathrooms on Allure. They were very pretty but I like a little variety in design when I'm taking a powder, you know? So, this isn't a comparison review or anything, but I like Celebrity's public toities better than Allures.

 

Anyway, we've already established that I'm a bit weird. Got it. And clearly I have a bizarre sense of smell, because there is another smell I noticed. In. Every. Bathroom.

 

Have you noticed it? Is their bathroom cleaning lady named Mary Jane? Are they taking the POT in potty too seriously? Tell me, have you noticed...that all the bathrooms on Allure...smell like marijuana???

 

I'm guessing it's some sort of sanitizer they use- but holy schnikies, it really, seriously, totally, completely- smells like weed. Everytime I left the bathroom I had a weird craving for Cheetos.

 

Please, tell me someone else has noticed this...

[micmacmissy]

DAY THREE...AT SEA

 

Things I did today:

 

Read on balcony

 

 

Hung out in Solarium (more on that in a tick)

 

 

Said we'd play mini-golf...then didn't

 

 

Said we'd watch flowriders...then didn't

 

 

Didn't even pretend we were going to play basketball but hey, for some reason I took a photo of it

[micmacmissy]

We started our day with a workout. Instead of the gym, we hit up the walking track, which is BIG on allure. I think 7 laps is roughly a 5K? So we did that. Unlike any other ship we've been on, you can actually USE the track for running, instead of dodging chaise lounges. We liked it, although as you've heard, there are limited sea views.

 

One of the best spots on the ship, in my opinion, is the aft of the running track, under the aqua theatre. They have a bunch of old-timely wooden deck chairs there, and it's a great spot to relax or watch the ship leaving port. But at night it's super creepy and dark and all you can hear is the water churning below <shudder>.

 

After our workout, we picked up the lazy teenagers and headed to the MDR for a sit-down breakfast. I tell you, we did not hit lines there at all! When you walk up you have two options: buffet, or menu. We always pick menu for some reason. Then, you have another two options: your own table, or share. When it's all four of us we pick our own table.

 

Sometimes they ask you to step aside and wait. But here's the good thing- you never wait for more than 3-5 minutes. It's great. I think the crew is very antsy to get people seated, which is great.

 

MDR breakfast service is spotty. It seemed that the earlier in the cruise, the better the service when it came to breakfast. But they come around with a pasty tray, then with a chocolate pastry tray, and THEN they take your order. Our average breakfast was four courses: 1) Croissant

2) Chocolate croissant

3) Fruit plate

4) Actual breakfast order (omelette/French toast/bacon)

 

Then, sometimes, on the way out, we'd walk by the buffet for course #5...second croissant. (Where is the pig emoji when you need it?!?!)

 

Look, at home for breakfast I eat a 160-calorie cup of oatmeal and a black tea with no sugar, so get off my back, okay?! Geez!

[micmacmissy]

So after breakfast, we'd head to the Solarium to relax, read, nap, hot tub, dip in pool. And to get to the solarium, you walk past the pool decks where there are a lot of open chairs. There are also a lot of chair hogs, but there are still spots to sit down.

 

But in the solarium? That's a different story, guys. You walk in, and picture maybe 25 people in the whole place. But every chair has a towel on it. Some chairs have one flip flop. An old book. A stupid towel clip. Several clever folks took a towel, folded it lengthwise, and used it to knot two chairs together, saving TWO chairs with ONE towel! Now that is chair hog efficiency.

 

None of these "occupied" chairs have a wet butt print on them, or a tote bag that actually looks like someone is using it...signs that the chair is actually being used.

 

So let's try to do this right. I march over to the pool attendant. Tell him we'd like 2 chairs, and point out all the towel chairs. He says, "well, they're probably in the bathroom or getting food." SERIOUSLY. Sigh, okay.

 

At the risk of being flamed I'm gonna tell you guys how I handle this. I've been honest to this point, why stop now?!

 

THWART THE CHAIR HOGS USING THE MMM Method (Micmacmissy Method):

1. Find chairs that are obviously not really, truly occupied. I picked a set of two that had a towel on one, and a Pepsi tshirt so old and dirty it was clearly a rag, but still had a crease in it and didn't look like it had been worn.

2. Ask adjacent lounge chair occupants politely, "Have you seen someone actually sitting here?" If it's a real chair hog seat, they will say no, I promise you.

3. Plop yourself down and use the chair. I neatly folded the towel and placed it next to the chair, and just tossed the Pepsi tshirt next to the chair.

4. The end. The chances of someone actually coming along to confront you are slim to none, because I promise you, these people are gone for HOURS.

 

MMM Method Variation: Once you have been in that chair for at least 30 minutes, take the towel and Pepsi tshirt over to the pool attendant and say, "Someone left these behind. Do you have a lost and found?" And they will take them and put them wherever that stuff goes.

 

MMM Method Emergency Plan: You've followed the method and moved someone's stuff aside, and they come along within 1-29 minutes and say, "Hey! You took my chair!" You say to them, "My gosh, I am so sorry. I didn't think anyone was sitting here." And then you get up and move quickly. (I have NEVER had to do this.)

 

MMM Method Emergency Plan #2: Someone comes along within 30 minutes to six hours and says, "Hey! You took my chair!" You say to them, "This chair was vacant when I got here two hours ago." Then you pick up your book, start to read, and the conversation is over. Over, you got it?! Meaning if they continue to rant and rave you ignore them. You don't respond. You just keep sitting. Calmly. (I had to do this once, on Independence.)

 

Now, keep in mind that your comfort level with executing this plan may vary. I know lots of people (including the other 3 members of my family) who are appalled that I would touch anyone's towel or tshirt because it is not mine. And they won't do it. But they'll happily sit in the chair I clear for them. Guess what? Chair hogs are counting on you having that ridiculous fear...that's what keeps a front-row lounger available for them from 9:00am until they wander down at 1:30pm...or later!

 

I used the MMM Method on all three sea days...with no problems.

 

I wish folks would realize that if everybody only claimed a chair when they were actually using it, and then vacated, no one would have a problem finding a chair. But humans are humans and that probably won't happen, so instead, RCCL would police this a little better.

[A&L_Ont]

MMM EP1 & MMP EP2 are the way to go. If no one is really there the people in the adjoining seats will admit it, unless they are blood relation or Chair Hog brothers in arms.

[legaljen1969]

It did occur to me - briefly, fleetingly - to call Hyatt Place and tell them that we were getting in late...but then I thought, nah, I confirmed it two weeks ago, I have the confirmation email printed out, what could go wrong? Well, lots.

 

"Well this was a THIRD PARTY BOOKING," as if people who book that way are a bunch of degenerates.

 

Well you certainly get some sympathy from me. I have gone down that road with the third-party booking thing. We lost our reservations a couple of years ago. The hotel said they never got anything from third-party site. I now know to check immediately after booking. I will NOT use the third-party booker again. They were terrible.

 

The hotel we used could not have been more helpful (not a Ft Lauderdale hotel). They ended up negotiating a room for us for the rate we had booked. The third=party site was awful.

 

I won't go that route again.

 

I know it's super frustrating. Sorry your vacation got off to a rocky start.

[buddyjones]

So after breakfast, we'd head to the Solarium to relax, read, nap, hot tub, dip in pool. And to get to the solarium, you walk past the pool decks where there are a lot of open chairs. There are also a lot of chair hogs, but there are still spots to sit down.

 

But in the solarium? That's a different story, guys. You walk in, and picture maybe 25 people in the whole place. But every chair has a towel on it. Some chairs have one flip flop. An old book. A stupid towel clip. Several clever folks took a towel, folded it lengthwise, and used it to knot two chairs together, saving TWO chairs with ONE towel! Now that is chair hog efficiency.

 

None of these "occupied" chairs have a wet butt print on them, or a tote bag that actually looks like someone is using it...signs that the chair is actually being used.

 

So let's try to do this right. I march over to the pool attendant. Tell him we'd like 2 chairs, and point out all the towel chairs. He says, "well, they're probably in the bathroom or getting food." SERIOUSLY. Sigh, okay.

 

At the risk of being flamed I'm gonna tell you guys how I handle this. I've been honest to this point, why stop now?!

 

THWART THE CHAIR HOGS USING THE MMM Method (Micmacmissy Method):

1. Find chairs that are obviously not really, truly occupied. I picked a set of two that had a towel on one, and a Pepsi tshirt so old and dirty it was clearly a rag, but still had a crease in it and didn't look like it had been worn.

2. Ask adjacent lounge chair occupants politely, "Have you seen someone actually sitting here?" If it's a real chair hog seat, they will say no, I promise you.

3. Plop yourself down and use the chair. I neatly folded the towel and placed it next to the chair, and just tossed the Pepsi tshirt next to the chair.

4. The end. The chances of someone actually coming along to confront you are slim to none, because I promise you, these people are gone for HOURS.

 

MMM Method Variation: Once you have been in that chair for at least 30 minutes, take the towel and Pepsi tshirt over to the pool attendant and say, "Someone left these behind. Do you have a lost and found?" And they will take them and put them wherever that stuff goes.

 

MMM Method Emergency Plan: You've followed the method and moved someone's stuff aside, and they come along within 1-29 minutes and say, "Hey! You took my chair!" You say to them, "My gosh, I am so sorry. I didn't think anyone was sitting here." And then you get up and move quickly. (I have NEVER had to do this.)

 

MMM Method Emergency Plan #2: Someone comes along within 30 minutes to six hours and says, "Hey! You took my chair!" You say to them, "This chair was vacant when I got here two hours ago." Then you pick up your book, start to read, and the conversation is over. Over, you got it?! Meaning if they continue to rant and rave you ignore them. You don't respond. You just keep sitting. Calmly. (I had to do this once, on Independence.)

 

Now, keep in mind that your comfort level with executing this plan may vary. I know lots of people (including the other 3 members of my family) who are appalled that I would touch anyone's towel or tshirt because it is not mine. And they won't do it. But they'll happily sit in the chair I clear for them. Guess what? Chair hogs are counting on you having that ridiculous fear...that's what keeps a front-row lounger available for them from 9:00am until they wander down at 1:30pm...or later!

 

I used the MMM Method on all three sea days...with no problems.

 

I wish folks would realize that if everybody only claimed a chair when they were actually using it, and then vacated, no one would have a problem finding a chair. But humans are humans and that probably won't happen, so instead, RCCL would police this a little better.

 

 

 

GREAT ADVICE!!! We're going on Allure April 30 and I've been wondering how I'll deal with the chair hogs (Last trip was a big problem). I might write about the experience and call it The Chairhog Chronicles (lol).

 

I'd love to know if anyone came by on your last trip.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[micmacmissy]

GREAT ADVICE!!! We're going on Allure April 30 and I've been wondering how I'll deal with the chair hogs (Last trip was a big problem). I might write about the experience and call it The Chairhog Chronicles (lol).

 

I'd love to know if anyone came by on your last trip.

 

I used this method on all three sea days- and had no problem! On the last sea day, I kept my eye on two chaise lounge chairs across from our spot that were "tied" together with a towel knotted across the arms- it was like that for the entire 3 hours I was in there. Dozens of people walked through looking for chairs, no one would touch those chairs.

 

Come on, people! Have a little chutzpah and challenge those chair hogs!

 

...the other thing I saw on the last sea day that was amusing- some guy carrying a chaise lounge from the pool area (they have blue color loungers while the Solarium has gray) and set it down in the Solarium near his friends. Well, I guess if lots of guests started doing that, RCCL would have to do something, no?

[micmacmissy]

Well you certainly get some sympathy from me. I have gone down that road with the third-party booking thing. We lost our reservations a couple of years ago. The hotel said they never got anything from third-party site. I now know to check immediately after booking. I will NOT use the third-party booker again. They were terrible.

 

The hotel we used could not have been more helpful (not a Ft Lauderdale hotel). They ended up negotiating a room for us for the rate we had booked. The third=party site was awful.

 

I won't go that route again.

 

I know it's super frustrating. Sorry your vacation got off to a rocky start.

 

Thanks for the sympathy. I don't think I'll use a 3rd party booking site ever again, I'll tell you that much!

 

It was fire sure a rocky start but things went fine after that...

[buddyjones]

Well micmacmissy when the chair "bondage" people came back did you make an "oink oink" sound? [emoji23]

 

Love your review!!!

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Ladybug36dreams]

I love your posts!!! Going in June on Allure, 1st cruise in over 20 years and I am learning a lot and laughing!! Keep it coming!!!

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Forums

[floatel_lvr]

LOL, I think you missed the joke. It's not a shot at NYC. It's a joke about the distance to the washroom from the specialty dining venues and peeing outside, which happens everywhere.

 

If Oasis Class ships had a Victoria Park, which is in our near by hometown, I'd be named the city London in my comment. :)

 

Granted... I did miss it my bad. Just used to NY getting singled out. Although with our current Mayor things are definitely taking a turn for the worse... okay back to cruise chat.

[Ocean Boy]

I used this method on all three sea days- and had no problem! On the last sea day, I kept my eye on two chaise lounge chairs across from our spot that were "tied" together with a towel knotted across the arms- it was like that for the entire 3 hours I was in there. Dozens of people walked through looking for chairs, no one would touch those chairs.

 

Come on, people! Have a little chutzpah and challenge those chair hogs!

 

...the other thing I saw on the last sea day that was amusing- some guy carrying a chaise lounge from the pool area (they have blue color loungers while the Solarium has gray) and set it down in the Solarium near his friends. Well, I guess if lots of guests started doing that, RCCL would have to do something, no?

Now maybe you understand why your daughter and I have more sympathy for non-human animals?

[live2cruise2011]

So I apologize to you folks from Pitchfork, Wyoming or Tumbleweed, North Dakota or Cut N'Shoot, Texas (okay, that last one is real, google it) who love Sorrento's - but this #$%& Sorrento's is serving is NOT REAL PIZZA. And for the love of Papa John, the cheese they're using smells like feet. And it stunk up the Royal Promenade all week long. I'm not kidding. It was super nasty.

 

yup!!! Cut n' Shoot is actually a quaint little town blink and you'll miss it but they have an adorable town hall. It's one of those lawn buildings decorated like an old western saloon. It's about 45 min or so north of Houston on the back roads.

[VPIcruiser]

Micmacmissy, I have done the same thing on many cruises and not once has anyone returned to claim the chair I was sitting in.

[tropiclvrs]

Love, Love, Loving your review :hearteyes::hearteyes::hearteyes:! You crack me up with your witty sense of humor and I am totally going to use your MMM Method for future cruise and land based vacations. In fact, last week we were in Las Vegas at the Bellagio and the chair hogs were out in full force there too. It didn't help that one of the days they had one of the huge pool areas blocked off all day to set up for a corporate function that evening. It created quite the mess at the other pool that was open, and so many people came out early to save chairs. I did witness at least a couple of towels being removed.

[micmacmissy]

I'm back and it's the weekend- which hopefully means I can speed up and get this review finished!

 

So we're on our first sea day, and after thwarting the chair hogs, we retired to the cabin to order room service. This is a favorite cruise tradition of ours- hot tea and cookies on the balcony!

 

 

Don't be put off by the long amount of time it takes someone from Room service to answer the call- or the fact that they will tell you it will take 45 minutes to get your order - usually it's there in less than half the time they quote!

 

 

(Second cruise book: The American Heiress. Pretty decent read!)

 

Guys, please tip your room service peeps (and ALL your cruise peeps) in cash. Good old singles and fives do the trick. Despite what you may read on here, they do not want a crab keychain from your home state of Maryland or worse, a Patriots magnet from your home state of Massachusetts (barf)...and no, they don't want candies or chocolates or anything except Cold. Hard. Cash.

 

I am guessing based on my college years of waiting tables that if you tip your room service person in anything but cash, your NEXT room service order of tea may have extra DNA in it. ;)

[micmacmissy]

DAY THREE...St. Thomas

 

We've been here before and done the whole Magen's Bay thing. Which is nice, and beautiful, but this time we were looking for something different, so I started trolling Trip Advisor and Cruise Critic, mais oui!

 

I found an awesome sailboat charter - Simplicity Charters. It's basically a guy and his sailboat (which I'm guessing was about a 40 footer or so?) and his dog. All three were awesome but c'mon guys. The dog? On the boat? I was sold.

 

So next time you get to St. Thomas get away from the crowds and book a private sailboat charter. Charlie only takes a max of 6 people onboard- for $150 per head. That includes open bar and a delicious, homemade lunch, plus your snorkel equipment, and unlimited Hinckley rubs.

 

 

That's Hinckley. Ain't she the cutest?

 

So here's how this works...Allure arrived at the port of St. Thomas around 10am. Holy geez this is one of the few times you feel the crowds, when 6,500 of your cruising friends descend on the port are and all try to get in cabs. Yikes. Needless to say we didn't arrive in Red Hook (at the Marina where the Simplicity takes off) until 11:15. But no worries- Charlie is super cool and texted me and said not to worry.

 

When you arrive in St. Thomas, the traffic is BAD. Ugh. Took us almost an hour to go maybe 15-20 miles? It just crawled. And forget about road rules. This was worse than the Cross Bronx Expressway during rush hour on a game day for the Yankees (fuggedaboudit).

 

Once we arrived at the marina, Charlie was waiting for us in a little rubber dinghy, we took a 45 second ride out to his gorgeous sailboat. Let the fun begin!

 

 

Charlie is the captain and hails from the northeast. His friend Josh also helps out on board- he's from Connecticut (shout out to my CT peeps!) and I think was a marine biology major. Either way, I don't think we were onboard for two minutes before they popped us open some Heinekens and started sailing away from St. Thomas and toward St. John. On the way over under sail, they told Us about how they came to St. Thomas, and gave us a little history of the island, and pointed out the other islands on the horizon. They also pointed out some huge catamarans (those are the ones loaded with cruise passengers), and boy, did we feel spoiled.

 

I am pretty sure that I was born an illegitimate Rockefeller child who was given up at birth...because I take very easily to the private sailboat life.

 

We were under sail for maybe an hour or so, and wound up within swimming distance of St. John's and Caneel Bay.

 

 

The water was just incredible. Josh put down the ladder and yelled, "Hey guys! Pool's open!" And we jumped right in. 80 degree water temperature felt amazing...they gave us noodles to chill out on, and then dug out flippers for each of us (yep, they had our exact sizes) and snorkels and masks (that they thoughtfully de-fogged with baby shampoo).

 

 

After we floated around a bit, Josh jumped in and showed us where to go to see fish, and hopefully, maybe, luckily, a sea turtle. After about five minutes we saw a turtle- just chilling and swimming within two feet of us. It was SO awesome! You could've reached out and touched him...if Josh hadn't already told us to keep our dirty mitts off the turtles lest we wipe off their protective turtle-ish coating.

 

Then a minute later...another turtle, and another, and...a family of five. COOL! I was just kicking myself for not having an underwatera camera. Mitsugirly (check out her reviews on CC sometime) would have had a field day with this underwater life.

 

Josh was great at pointing out all kinds of different first- we even saw two stingrays! And a few barracudas, which he assured us were not going to attack us. I kept my distance just in case...

[micmacmissy]

While we are snorkeling away, Charlie is onboard preparing us a delicious lunch. Hey: better him than me! He made grilled chicken, some tasty spicy rice, and a nice Caesar salad. He called us in when it was ready and set up a little table for us...

 

 

Why didn't I take a photo of the table WITH the food? Who knows. I am not good with the whole photo thing, obvs. Back to Charlie: when he found out my daughter was a vegetarian, he made her a special plate with some fruit and nuts and berries...awesome. Oh: he also made bread with this really awesome oil dip. This kid cooked better in one hour on a sailboat than I have my whole life.

 

While we ate, we had a visitor...

 

 

Turtle friend be like, "Guys! Are you coming back in?"

 

 

^ that silver thing is a GRILL upon which delicious marinated chicken was made...

 

 

Oh HEY Hinckley!

[micmacmissy]

After lunch we sailed a little ways to a different part of St. John near a reef - we saw all kinds of fish (my knowledge of sea life is limited to what I have seen in Finding Nemo) and lots of sea urchins. Charlie timed our visit to the reef so as not to interfere with the mega-catamarans filled with cruise ship passengers. We were out there with maybe five other people. Amazing.

 

 

After another hour or so in the water, it was time to get under sail again and head back to St. Thomas. Technically the charter is from 11-5, but remember, I have the FOMTCS syndrome, so I insisted we get back to the marina at 3:30 so we'd be there in plenty of time for all aboard at 6.

 

On the way back, we lounged...and...then...we...ZZZZzzzzzz....

 

 

Seriously, this was the highlight of our cruise. It was fantastic. We learned a ton and had a great time chatting up Charlie and Josh. They were excellent hosts, and also very adept at knowing when to just let us chill.

 

 

Even Hinckley napped on the ride home!

 

So you may be wondering about the choppiness of the sailboat ride. We are decent sailors, but I packed Dramamine just in case. We didn't need it- but your mileage may very. We were bouncing quite a bit, but always within sight of land.

 

Okay friends, those of you who have a cruise booked with a stop in St. Thomas, go ahead and book your day with Charlie. Tell him I sent you!!!