How do you cope with Worry?

[SHIPMEOUT]

We are booked on a 15-day cruise this February. My elderly mother has been ill quite often over the past year with various things, and I'm wondering more and more if I should be going away at all. It's not that she has a terminal illness or anything, it just that every day I'm gone I know I'll be worrying about what's happening back home, instead of focusing on the R & R that I should be having on the cruise.

 

I'm wondering how others cope during vacations who are worry warts like me?? :confused:

[dzboss1]

I think that you have asked a very tough question, that has many answers, that are neither right nor wrong. I think in life, there is never a 100% correct time to do half the things that we do. But I do believe that we all need to make the most of each day, and try never to let too much pass you by. I hate to look back with the wrong regrets. But.....you need to do whats best for you. If you will waste the joy of cruising worrying about your mother, then cruising is not for you at this time. But that said, you know there is nothing in this world like cruising and I am sure you need and deserve it, so if I were you....I would focus on that and go, and use the computer and phones to keep in touch and keep positive thoughts about your mom. Good luck and and I hope for only the best health for your mother, and success in your decision.

[gincase]

I have a 7 day vacation coming up, 2 nights on a train, a one-night cruise, and a three night cruise. The cruise is 10 days before a very important project is due at work - it's one of those career chaning projects. We booked the cruise before the project came up, and I made the decision to not back out of the cruise - because I NEED THE BREAK. However, I know that when I get back the whole thing could have fallen apart and I could lose my job. But, I'm going to do my best to make sure that when I walk out of the office for my lone vacation of the year - that nothing will happen.

 

If you are a caretaker, you need to take a break from time to time to take care of yourself. You do the best you can to make sure you are leaving her in good care, and then you leave. Should something happen, you know you can be contacted on board.

 

So, prepare for your cruise, and leave the work and worries at home. You need to rejuvenate, re-energize, and center. Take the vacation. Your mother would want you to.

 

Hope this helps.

[Gingee]

Just leave the information on how they can contact you if something comes up and then try to go and enjoy yourself.

[imacrusing]

When I took the 15 day Statendam to HAwaii...my daughter said if she died or her husband died..they would not call me on the ship and ruin our cruise..She said they would ask funeral home to hold body until our return..Now maybe that sounds insensitive, but she said what could I do anyway...and why ruin my cruise of a lifetime...so in a way I agree...but of course that wont work for us all..

 

Just what she decided to do..

[gg3]

I do understand your anxiety over taking a trip. It seems like every time I have taken a big trip, there is always "something" going on in my family - critical illnesses, moves, babies, job changes, weddings approaching, or marriages ending. This is the reality of life. I would LOVE to take a trip with all my ducks in a row - everyone I care about healthy and happy - ain't going to happen, ya'll. So, I, like you, worry. I do most of my fretting before hand and get so darn anxious I often wonder if my trip is worth it - then I go - and oh my yes, it is worth it. Many of us feel just as you. SOMETHING is always going to be happening. Go and enjoy, knowing you deserve it. Peace !!!! gg

[KLLund]

I am leaving for a 16 day vacation/cruise to the Orient. My parents, while for the most part in good health, are in their mid 80's. I heard yesterday that my mom made my son and daughter promise that if anything happened while we were gone they would NOT tell me until I got back... I raised hell with her and she said .. You are going on a vacation I would die to be able to do .. so If I die I am just gonna join you onboard and haunt you !!!!! She then said very reasonably .. what could you do from halfway around the world and I don't think there are any issues left between us and I know you love me so if the worst happens I am at peace with you !!!!!!

 

So I decided to leave that worry at home and enjoy myself.

[JanineM]

I tend to be super worried about everything and have panic attacks occasionally. It is extremely difficult for me to leave the house, especially for an extended period. No - let me correct that, I worry every day before I leave the house.

 

To help with my worry about the house and our pets, I have a neighbour who watches over the place and is in and out at least twice a day. Our families live in other parts of the continent, so me being on a ship is not going to change anything. This past week there was a family crisis, but my mother didn't phone me as soon as it happened because I was writing a big test for my professional registration, and I am 3,000 miles away - so what could I do? I really appreciated that.

 

Some times you have to just take a lot of deep breaths and trust that those at home will deal with things. In fact, I have learned that those at home are perfectly capable!!!

 

Hope you can relax and enjoy the anticipation of your trip, and the cruise itself.

[bdcbbq]

What would your mother want you to do if she knew how much you were worrying about you?

 

What what would you tell your best friend to do in the same circumstance?

 

If either one is GO. Then GO!

[BobBeaSea]

For the OP, don't be worried. Your mother certainly won't, even though she has had a tough time. God bless the old folks (a gentle, loving term), they do not want to be a burden. I just lost my Dad, July 31...he was 84. He would have been livid if we had worked our schedule around his "not so good periods". Besides, I would do just about anything to get out of "Winterpeg" in the middle of Feb. :)

[cusyl]

February is a long way off, anything could happen to anyone between now and then. No sense worrying about it until you are very close to your sail date. :o

[SHIPMEOUT]

Thank you:

 

dzboss1, gincase, Gingee, imacruising, gg3, KLLund, Water Baby, bdcbbq, BobBeaSea and cusyl for your very kind and helpful words of advice.

 

I know there's no easy way to deal with all these worries....we are who we are. I will have to see how things are as February approaches.

 

My sympathies to you BobBeaSea, on the loss of your Dad. Take care.

 

To all of you thanks again.

[cruzincurt]

We all think about what could happen; in the end we have no control.

 

The very day I returned from my last cruise, my business partner was killed in a car accident. My mother-in-law died one week before a past cruise. She wanted to die on a Thursday and be buried on a Saturday so no one would have to miss much work! She did exactly what she planned. My 82 yr old mother died unexpectently in July, the day she was to leave the hospital, I was 1000 miles away.

 

My 84 yr old father is having surgery next week. I am 1000 miles away; when on a cruise even farther by miles and days.

 

So, life goes on regardless of our plans. If you are concerned about losing your cruise fare, buy insurance. Leave the ship's phone numbers so people can contact you. ....Never pass up the opportunity to say "I love you".

 

I was fortunate to talk with my mother by phone just a few hours before she was to leave the hospital. She never made it home. My last words to her were "By the way, you know we all love you."

[britincanada]

I guess you just have to accept that worrying about the people we love is part of life & part of loving. We cannot be with the people who mean the most to us 24/7.

 

One of my best friends was cruising when her 57 year old father died unexpectedly. Her parents were divorced, but she was still close to him. Her mom made the decision to put dad 'on ice' (with the blessing of the deceaseds father & son), and told my pal when she got home. The thinking was that her flying home early couldn't change anything, so what was the point.

 

I have been writing letters today authorising a friend to take care of my kids (4 & 7) & any medical needs while I am away on a 5 night cruise. I cannot allow myself to even begin to think of what may happen to us or them or I would go crazy & lock us all in the basement in cotton wool!

 

You have to remember that those we love want us to live happy & full lives. You only get one chance - there is no dress rehearsal - don't let the 'what-if's' hold you back.

[BobbiOh]

Make sure you get trip insurance. Losing the money you've put into the cruise plus having to pay for an emergency trip home, on top of having to pay additional bills for health etc, would only add to the stress.

[cruzincurt]

If you didn't worry, you would not be normal. But we don't know what may happen today or tomorrow. Don't wait. My business partner did not wait to travel until he retired. He never made it to retirement. Celebrate and enjoy life.

 

What may happen will happen whether you are there or not. Just think, you will have your memories of the cruise to share with them when you get back. Thay may no longer be able to travel, so they can share in the joy of your experience.

[Doug&Suzy-Q]

This is a good story & I feel very lucky, however you never know when it will be your time to depart. Don't feel guilty about your vacation, would your mother want you to have these feelings?

It is strange how each of us deals with this situation...my father was ill & declining when we went for 3 weeks to Europe, he died 4 months after our return. But I worried every day.

When my mother became ill she came to live with us for 7 years..when she finally had Hospice care at home, my older sister dealt with it by taking a trip to Italy for a month. She called every day, however my mother died half way into her trip. Since my DH & I took care of everything, she had no worries...but that is how she deals with situations. She always has & always will (she is 60 y.o.)

In my opinion, I was the lucky one. By the way, my father died at 86 y.o & my mother at 89 y.o. They both had a long and wonderful life & I was very lucky to have the time I did with each of them.

You can't help worry. Good luck with your trip & give your mom a big hug.

[packercruising]

This is probably more prevelent than you might think. My brother died in 2000 while I was on a cruise and I didn't find out until we were on the way make after the last port. He was terminal so it wasn't unexpected. Our TAs dad died last year just before our cruise. He had been sick and it was a worrisome time for her and se wondered whether to cancel her cruise. Everybody ith elderly parents probably have similar worries.

[Guest rfrenchbaxter]

I am the queen of worry! Last year we cruised over Christmas and all I could think about was what ws going on at home. My parents, kids, home, and my dog! I purchased minutes to access the internet and that is how I kept in contact. WE now have another cruise planned for Jan. 2007 and my Father is not in the best of health, he just had colon surgery and was diagnosed with cancer. I have worried if I should or should not go, but I talked to him and he wants us to go. Then I ask myself, will I feel guilty if I do go? Who knows! Who ever said to talk to your Mother and ask what she wants to do that is what I would do also!

Rebecca

[Mekamax]

We only have one chance at this life. I would deffinately buy the trip insurance - I have for my cruise. My Father in law is very ill - and I almost didnt' book the cruise back in June for this October. I canceled my May vacation because I was afraid to be away - I can see he is going down fast but he is so stubborn. Well after a lot of prayers about him and hoping i do not have to make the decision to go on the cruise in October with him dieing or critical in the hospital, he ended up having to go in last week. That was such a releif as that is the best place for him and we thought he would be too stubborn to go this time same as last time when we almost lost him last year. I spoke to my mother in law and she said I was stupid and to book the cruise and go. I can not live my live around him - it is so hard as I love him so much and he is like the father I don't have but I have to concentrate on hubby and me and right now I'm happy he is in the hospital and hopefully I will not have to make a hard choice about going on the cruise next month since he will be better. The insurance helps me because if anything happens they will fly my home but as others above have said - my mother in law said she would not call us as what could we do???? Take care. Debbie

[Cotton]

I'm wondering how others cope during vacations who are worry warts like me?? :confused:

 

In a word - PAXIL.

[geepmaley]

We only have one chance at this life. I would deffinately buy the trip insurance - I have for my cruise. My Father in law is very ill - and I almost didnt' book the cruise back in June for this October. I canceled my May vacation because I was afraid to be away - I can see he is going down fast but he is so stubborn. Well after a lot of prayers about him and hoping i do not have to make the decision to go on the cruise in October with him dieing or critical in the hospital, he ended up having to go in last week. That was such a releif as that is the best place for him and we thought he would be too stubborn to go this time same as last time when we almost lost him last year. I spoke to my mother in law and she said I was stupid and to book the cruise and go. I can not live my live around him - it is so hard as I love him so much and he is like the father I don't have but I have to concentrate on hubby and me and right now I'm happy he is in the hospital and hopefully I will not have to make a hard choice about going on the cruise next month since he will be better. The insurance helps me because if anything happens they will fly my home but as others above have said - my mother in law said she would not call us as what could we do???? Take care. Debbie

 

We are in the same situation with my Father in law. What is the best insurance to get for this type of contingency?

[geepmaley]

I just called Travelex and they specifically told me that since my father in law is already ill, this would not be a covered expense, even under the pre-existing condition rule. Something about the waiver only being good if you, say, have a sore leg at the time you buy the insurance, but it gets worse as you get to the sailing forcing you to cancel/interrupt the trip. I think this stinks and as such, will probably not use Travelex, but anyone should check with their carrier to make sure their particular circumstance is covered. You cannot really get aroudnthis b/c my FIL has documentation that he is in fact dying and the insurance company woudl ahve access to those records.

 

Kinda make the preexisting condition clause moot in my opinion, but it is what it is.

 

Anyone have a similar situation that they were covered under, please let me (us) know

 

I just called TravelGuard and they said that since it is within the wiaver period it woudl be covered. I believe that the rep at Travelex was mistaken, but cannot rpove one way or another, so will be goign with TravelGuard most likely.

[ute_fan]

I'm the same way -- worry about everything. The best suggestion I have for coping with it is to maintain some kind of contact. We chose to get the internet package on the ship to keep track of my "kids" at home on our first cruise. One was 20, the other a senior in high school. I also have an elderly mother, but everything worked out fine.

 

My DH's family had a similar situation several years ago. His grandfather turned 100 in April, and his aunt, uncle, and all their grown children were cruising in May. His Mom and Dad were upset that they were leaving -- "something could happen to Grandpa", even though there were no known health problems. His uncle's response -- keep him on ice if something does. Well, Grandpa developed pneumonia, was admitted to the hospital, and died very unexpectedly. Even the hospital wasn't sure exactly why, as the pneumonia wasn't particularly serious. They did have to postpone the funeral until the rest of the family returned. While it was certainly unfortunate, everything worked out. Even if the aunt and uncle had been in town, they probably wouldn't have made it to the hospital to see Grandpa before he died, as it wasn't the expected outcome of the hospital stay.

 

The rest of the story -- two years later, the Uncle who cruised had a massive stroke and was gone within 3 or 4 days. If they had postponed their cruise and waited around for Grandpa to die, they might never have been able to arrange another time when everyone could go before the Uncle died.

 

Moral of this rather long story -- you have to live your own life. Yes, we all have family members or friends that we care about, and it's human nature to worry that something will happen to them while we're gone. Make arrangements to stay in contact with your Mom and enjoy your cruise.

[critterchick]

Wow, what a thought-provoking thread!

 

I think you have to live your life (obla-di, obla-dah, life goes on, as the Beatles said) and hope for the best. I imagine your mother wouldn't want you to miss out on the many opportunities life has to offer on the chance that she would become ill.

 

My DF is pretty much the opposite, I'm afraid - every time his wife (SM) proposed going away on a trip he would lay a guilt trip on her - what if something happens to MEEEEEEEE? So she finally stopped talking about it, and now I'll bet she barely dreams about it.:( He used that on me for years, but it stopped working about 20 years ago.

 

As for trip insurance, if you can't find something that excludes you because of pre-existing conditions, look for a policy that allows you to add "cancel for any reason" coverage. The cruiselines offer that, and you get a 75% or 90% credit toward another cruise. I think Travelsafe offers it, too.

 

None of this will stop you from worrying, of course, but you should go with a clear conscience. And do try to enjoy yourself!