PHOTO REVIEW of my maiden voyage on the FREEDOM! Food porn, people!

Hi. I’m H. I’m almost TWO (that’s why I yell A. LOT.). This review is of my maiden voyage on the Carnival Freedom (12/13/14-12/21/14, ports were St. Martaan, St. Kitts, San Juan, and Grand Turk).

My mom and grandma tagged along.

Here's my mom. She's super hot and funny and smart (and may be helping me with this review if you haven't figured that out already).

And here's my grandma. She kept my mom sane by hanging out with me lots.

Coupla dead weights really if you ask me, but they insisted on coming (I was determined to make them regret it though. Next time, I sail SOLO.). If you were on this ship, I probably gave you a sticky high five at some point. Or you probably heard me yell. Because, dudes, I yelled A. LOT. My mom told me to tell you sorry for that -- I don’t really know what that means yet, but SORRY. Oops, yelled that, didn't I? She tried her best to keep me quiet, people, I just suck at it.

It’s good I’m cute!

You might find my review particularly helpful if you’re traveling with a little one around my age (lord help you) or a vegetarian (my mom’s one of those weird hippy types, but my grandma isn’t…so there are non-vegetarian food pics too), or are on a tight budget (My mom wasn’t, she’s just uber cheap. She’s seriously proud that her on-board expenses totaled -$.19. Yeah, she actually got refunded 19 cents. Sorry shareholders. She’s going to be one of those cat ladies living in a shack with millions in the bank when she dies. On a related note, Christmas is coming soon and I saw Goodwill bags in her closet—pity me, people.).

There should be something here for everyone though. My mom keeps telling me to “tell them this” and “tell them that.” So fine, I’ll talk about lots of boring grown up things too.

Anyway, instead of organizing this review by day, I’m organizing it by theme as follows: “FOOD,” “SHIP ACTIVITIES,” “PORT ACTIVITIES,” and finally, “THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE UGLY.” I'll give you a hint about that last one -- it involves an older gentleman losing his trunks. My grandma found that a bit disturbing. Just another day at the office as far as I'm concerned -- I'm always losing my drawers.

FIRST THING’S FIRST: THE FOOD! Sail away with me and stay tuned!

You write pretty good for a little guy. :D

Ok, you had me at " I'm cute".

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Cant wait to hear all about your trip - and perspectives on all those pain in the @#$ .... adult things you may have been forced to endure.

We're doing the same trip next month.

Thanks for sharing -

You are adorably cute! And your writing style is super cool! Can not wait until you write more...:D

Love it! What a cutie.

THE FOOD!

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Disclaimer (My dad’s a lawyer, so….yeah, he tells me we need a bunch of these. He may be the scum of the earth, but he keeps me in cruises so I need to do what he says): My mom and I are vegetarians and my grandma lost about a zillion pounds over the past two years and didn’t want to gain it all back in 8 days, so she tried to eat healthy (she mostly ordered the “hearts” on the menu and the sugar free desserts). Fear not though, my mom LOVES full sugar desserts and more than one of them (there’s a story about that later) and grandma ordered a warm chocolate melting cake with TWO ice creams and steak and eggs just for YOU.

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I may be two and a vegetarian, but I have a very sophisticated palate and man oh man, do I love to eat. My mom does too. It’s probably her favorite part of a cruise and, well, life.

That brings me to the story I promised you. My mom posts under the handle “ProfCruise.” She’s a college professor and not very creative, so, yeah (her password is probably “password.”) If you searched her posts you’d note that pretty much all of them are about ordering more than one entrée, dessert, etc. in the MDR and various other food related posts. My dad and gigi were browsing CC and saw a food post from a certain “ProfCruise” and knew right away it was mom. Well daddy started calling her “ProfCruise” and she knew she was BUSTED. They were relentless with their teasing. Kids (and mom’s) be warned: what you post on the Internet can and WILL come back to haunt you.

Back to the food.

MDR

We had the 6:00pm seating and our wait staff included Art and Florin. I loved saying “HI ART” and watching him work and giving high fives to Florin. Art was all business, but provided very good service. He brought me fruit or a cheese plate as soon as we sat down each night. Florin was my buddy. Mommy wanted to take him home with us as, like, a much older sibling. Our maître d’ was Konstantine (sp?). If you’re an old lady, you’ll loooooooove him. My mom loved him too, but in an ironic sort of way. My mom tells me cruises are cheesy (that’s part of what makes them fun!). I did eat a LOT of cheese.

My favorite items in the MDR were the soups, the cheese plate (I had one every night), anything with noodles, bananas and Cheerios I stole from the Lido earlier in the day (Moms of toddlers will want to bring some sandwich bags and an extra large purse to breakfast to stuff with crap to bribe your naughty with throughout the day. Also, bring your own kid friendly cups, dishes, and silverware.), and orange sherbet (hence the sticky high-fives). I tried a lot of other things too, but these were the clear winners.

My mom loved the cinnamon, pumpkin, yam pie thing, the polenta and mushroom dish, the vegetarian lasagna, and the Indian vegetarian. The tofu steak (go ahead and laugh) and the chili relleno weren’t her favorites, but she still ate most of them. The eggplant, zucchini, and mozzarella dish was very heavy, but tasted good. She loved all the cold soups. She thought the warm soups were generally too salty. As for the desserts, she loved the WCMC with TWO ice creams and the bitter and blanc. Her absolute favorite was the Grand Marnier Souffle. After all the fuss and ridicule she endured about ordering more than one dessert, she only did that once.

Grandma ordered a LOT of fish. She also loves to try new things and had the ox tongue, snails, sushi, and frog legs. She thought the sushi was excellent and liked the snails and frog legs, but thought the ox tongue looked too much like a tongue (go figure).

Patience! Food porn coming, yinz (shout out to any fellow Pittsburghers!). BTW, there’s a quiz at the end to see if you read any of this or just skipped to the photos (MOM!). I don’t know what Playgirl is, but I know she only buys it for the articles.

Mom wanted me to mention that she would have taken even more pics, but she was busy grabbing my hand full of food mid throw, playing ice “cars” (don’t ask…you do what you have to do), and picking s**t up from off the floor (thinking of cruising with a toddler, yeah, don’t they have grandparents they can stay with?!?!).

Wait for it….

W A I T F O R I T

W A I T……..Okay, fine:

Frog legs. I had to start with these. They were fascinating! Grandma thought they were pretty good. Tasted like chicken. No really, they did.

Cherry soup. YUM! I stuck my fingers in this like 10 times. So good!

Eggplant and mozzarella app. Heavy, but good.

Mango soup with ginger. Best ever! 20 finger licks!

Tomato, mozzarella, and basil app. Light and tasty.

Ox tongue.

Continuing on with soups and apps:

Tomato soup

Veggie spring rolls. These are on the menu every night, but we're not sure why -- not our favorite.

Stuffed mushrooms. Mommy loved these. They looked too much like the snails for me.

Shrimp cocktail. Grandma ordered this twice and got it one other time by mistake. No problemo, Art! Yum.

Moving on to entrées.

First though, here's what my table looked like after I ate EVERY night. Poor Art. He really earned that extra buck my grandma slipped him (I'm not sure if that's what she really gave him, I just assume it was A LOT).

Broiled tiger shrimp.

Cinnamon, yam, thingy. Best evaaaar!

You cruise types like trivia. Name that fish! Anyone, anyone???

Eggplant, zucchini, mozzarella dish.

Tofu "steak." Not very good. Not because it was tofu (mom and I love well-prepared tofu...yeah, yeah...laugh), but because it tasted like a block of uncooked plain tofu sliced up and topped with some spicy stuff. Blah.

To be continued...

Continuing on with entrees. Is your mouth watering yet? Go back to that photo of my post-dinner table to lose your appetite.

Couscous stuffed pepper and stuffed pastry thingies (my mom can't pronounce, spell, or remember what those were. Now's an appropriate time to call her "Dr.").

NOODLES! This boy loves him some noodles.

Salmon.

Indian vegetarian part I

Indian vegetarian part II. If you like Indian food, you'll LOVE this!

Chili relleno.

Next up, DESSERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I didn't photograph all 8 of the orange sherberts I ordered, sorry.

You must have had some stinky diapers after all that food! :eek:

LOVING this review!!!

And you are SUCH a little cutie!!!:D:D

Can't wait to hear about all of your "adventures".:D

Patiently waiting....

Ok, you had me at " I'm cute".

 

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LOL...me TOO!! ;) :D

I am loving this refreshing spin on a review. It is just too cute! That was very cool of you to let mom and grandma tag along with you. :D

I'm hooked and I love your writing style..plus you are such a cutie!

See what I did there? I made you WAIT for your dessert. And wait, and wait, and wait. That's what Art did to me. Actually it wasn't that long, but it feels that way to a two year old (that's when you pull out the "ice cars," mamas). While I was waiting, Konstantine would serenade us, old ladies would swoon, and sometimes the waiters would get "low, low, low, low, low, low, low, low." I danced and chanted "orange sherbert, orange sherbert!"

You've waited long enough. Orange sherbert you want, orange sherbert you shall have.

That was formal night. I had to take off my sport coat to really get at that sherbert properly.

Here's my mom's favorite, the Grand Marnier Souffle (and the second time tonight my mom has had to Google how to spell "souffle").

"Healthy" cheesecake. Just cause it has a heart next to it doesn't mean you can order 3 of them, GRANDMA!

Sticking with the same theme, here's the "diet" orange cake. Notice the disheveled icing? Yeah, I stuck my fingers in that. What can I say, I like orange stuff.

Baked Alaska. Not that good, but it's the law that you order this on a cruise.

And the money shot:

Next up, Lido Buffet, Blue Iguana Cantina, and Guy's (veggie) Burgers...and regular too, calm down!

Lido Buffet, Blue Iguana Cantina, and Guy’s Burgers

My mom’s really a quantity vs. quality kind of gal, so she thought the lido buffet was perfectly fine for stuffing one's face. I liked it for breakfast, mostly because they had peanut butter toast, oats, and bananas, three of my all-time favorites. Plus, I got tons of tickles and high fives from the super silly buffet staff.

Here's a random plate of vegetarian food from the buffet. Interestingly enough (okay, not really, but you have to humor me, I'm 2), the tofu on the buffet was much better than in the MDR. It was grilled and nice and firm and flavorful.

You think I’m boring, my mom had the exact same breakfast every single day. Seriously. One morning she said she was getting something different and she came back with the SAME. DAMN. THING. Said she panicked. What was it, you ask? It was a breakfast burrito from Blue Iguana Cantina. Did she at least mix up the ingredients? No. Mexican eggs, potatoes, cheese, lettuce, pico, sour cream and guacamole. I give her some credit though -- she accidentally ordered a wheat tortilla instead of jalapeno one morning. She also ordered a lunch burrito from there once. She didn’t think that was as good as the breakfast one, but it was still good. I had one too, but mostly I just made art (not to be confused with our waiter, Art, who I also covered in food regularly) with it.

See that little omelet looking thing? That's an arepa. It's also the best thing my mom and I had on the whole cruise. Sweet corn and cheesy goodness and available at the Blue Iguana Cantina for breakfast. My mom got two of those every morning with her burrito. She had to stuff one in on her way back to the table or I would grab it for my own self.

My mom and I both tried the Guy’s “veggie” Burger (forgive us, Guy) and grandma tried the real thing. You have to ask for the veggie burger and it takes about 10 minutes to make. We liked the burgers, but mom and grandma thought the “fixins” were the best part -- they loaded theirs up with grilled mushrooms and onions.

Next up: Dr. Seuss Breakfast! Don't act like you aren't interested. There were full grown adults there with hats, weird socks, and no kids.

Dr. Seuss Breakfast.

These guys have the same names as my mom and grandma.

My mom HATES Disney. But this almost made her want to take me. Almost. I freakin loved seeing the characters and when the food came out I was like, holy crap, the chef can see into my weird little brain! Everything was fun and yummy. 5 out of 5.

Waffles.

Pancakes.

Steak and eggs (Just for you, people. We'll send you the bill for grandma's Weight Watchers).

This has got to be the best review Ive ever read... Love it!

This is adorable!

Very creative!

Thank you for taking the time for your review and photos! Beautiful family!

Awesome review H. Love all the food shots!

Continuing on with entrees. Is your mouth watering yet? Go back to that photo of my post-dinner table to lose your appetite.

 

Couscous stuffed pepper and stuffed pastry thingies (my mom can't pronounce, spell, or remember what those were. Now's an appropriate time to call her "Dr.").

 

.

I had this on our cruise and LOVED it! I'm not a vegetarian but wanted to try something different each night and I think out of the 3 days we ate in the MDR, I got a vegetarian entree each time. DELICIOUS! But I especially loved the couscous pepper meal in your pic -- so freaking good. Ahh now I want some.

Loving the review and can't wait to read more!

Moving on to entrées.

 

First though, here's what my table looked like after I ate EVERY night. Poor Art. He really earned that extra buck my grandma slipped him (I'm not sure if that's what she really gave him, I just assume it was A LOT).

 

 

Broiled tiger shrimp.

 

Cinnamon, yam, thingy. Best evaaaar!

 

You cruise types like trivia. Name that fish! Anyone, anyone???

 

Eggplant, zucchini, mozzarella dish.

 

Tofu "steak." Not very good. Not because it was tofu (mom and I love well-prepared tofu...yeah, yeah...laugh), but because it tasted like a block of uncooked plain tofu sliced up and topped with some spicy stuff. Blah.

 

To be continued...

Very cute, but maybe you should consider using these cute placemats when eating out with your toddler. At least until he can use utensils.

http://www.target.com/p/neat-solutions-table-topper-18-ct-elmo/-/A-13968864?ref=tgt_adv_XSG10001&AFID=google_pla_df&LNM=13968864&CPNG=Baby&kpid=13968864&LID=9pgs&ci_src=17588969&ci_sku=13968864&kpid=13968864&gclid=CI2DmIT32cICFcKPMgodEzQAGQ

Well, that concludes the food portion of this review. Or does it? I might sneak in a few more pics here and there so I don’t lose 90% of my audience. Oink, oink, people.

SHIP ACTIVITIES:

For months my mom dreamed about sitting on her balcony, relaxing with a dessert, a glass of wine, and a book. What an idiot. Really she spent most of her time trying to keep me entertained (read, not YELLING). I’ve ranked these activities in order based on how many minutes they kept me from YELLING, from 10+ minutes to 0 minutes -- because all the parents out there know that life with a toddler is measured in 5-10 minute increments. “Okay, we’ve eaten twice, painted on the walls, danced like no one is watching, gone up and down the stairs 30 times, chased the dog, and it’s only 7:30am. What NOW?” My mom has a long list of adult activities she’s asked me to include in this section, too. Feel free to skip that part, I won’t tell her. She lives with me and, as such, doesn’t have much self esteem left (NO, MAMA!!).

10+ minutes:

Open playtime in Camp Ocean. On sea days Camp Ocean was open to the under two crowd from 8-10am (with parental supervision). This was the clear winner. I had fun playing toys with mom and grandma and the camp counselors were really nice. I can’t wait until I turn two and can enroll in camp (my mom REALLY can’t wait).

Fancy elevator. Going up and down in the glass elevator (My mom called it the “fancy elevator” to try to con me into being excited about it. I let her have this one win.). This was awesome except when we went up when I wanted to go down and when we went down when I wanted to go up. I guess other people use these to get where they’re going. Whatever, I gave them high fives to be polite even though they don’t understand what elevators are for.

Dudes, one of the most awesome things on a cruise that many people overlook is the “kitchen” in your cabin. It’s got a little fridge with a bunch of bottles of “happy juice.” After your mom drinks all of them and is suddenly in a much better mood (You know she didn’t really drink them, right? CHEAP, remember.), you can take them out and put them back like a billion times. Also, you can pretend to drink them and get the side eye from passers by. Way fun.

Dr. Seuss Bookville

It looks pretty cool in here with all the bright colors and different places to sit. Really, though, it’s just, well, books. That might fly with old people like my mom and grandma, but I demand more. Still though, we killed a few minutes in here each day.

Outdoor playground (right outside of Camp Ocean)

Holy WINDY! Usually I just freaked out the minute we walked in, because it was like walking into a tornado. I played in here for a few minutes when we were stopped at port though, on the last sea day, and while we were waiting to get off the big boat. It has a tunnel to climb through and a slide. I also made one of the chairs into a kid “clamshell.” On a related note, the adults only serenity deck (my mom spent many an afternoon there) is located directly above the playground. LOL, suckers!!!

Still reading? Apple pie for you!