Funny tales from cruising..

[LibraLass41]

Anything to share?

I heard a good one the other day in the pub..

A chap there, had just come off a RCI cruise...he was on a table '49' for 8 with his wife and a couple of friends, on the first night they went down to dinner, and the other foursome, were the most boring snobbish people they had ever met, and didn't want to talk to them all night... So after dinner this chap saw the head waiter and asked to be moved.

 

...the next evening the head waiter said he had a new table for them,

no 9....they went to the table and as they started to sit down....noticed the other four people were........the passengers from their table the night before!!! how embarrassing!!!

 

Also, where is the most stable part of the ship? Ok...I was always told it was the Medical Centre....as the seasick and ill people must be taken to the most stable place in a storm...but in a book I'm reading written by a ships dr, he said the most stable place is ....the Casino!!! Because a) the ball on the roulette wheel has to spin smoothly at all times, and b) they want people to be able to gamble for as long as possible every day - storm or not!

[CASPALL]

We made friends with a nice couple on a recent cruise. The wife (Mrs X) kept getting lost - just couldn't find her way around the ship.

One particular night we were in the Crows Nest after dinner and Mrs X went back to her cabin to change her shoes. We realised she must have got lost again when some 30 minutes later she arrived back with a male escort. The fellow passenger said "Is she yours?" and walked off with a smile on his face.

We were then told the tale. Mrs X had been trying to get into her cabin. When an officer went past, she told him her key just wasnt working (most distressed!!) so he let her in.

She switched on the light and there were 2 people in her bed!!! Except it wasnt her bed - she was on the wrong deck!!!!!

She blustered out a "sorry!" and went back down the corridor where the kind gentleman found her and took her back to the Crows Nest - in the same shoes! We never did say thanks to him!

[southwinds]

so does that mean they use the roulette table as an operating table then ;)

[jeanlyon]

Went to the Laundrette which is unusual, cos I usually can't be bothered. All machines were busy except one which was Out of Order with a card saying so on the top. As I stood there, wondering what to do, a woman arrived with a pile of dirty clothes, proceeded to put them in the washing machine marked "Out of Order", set it going and then left taking the "Out of Order" card with her. Obviously a tried and true practice!!!

[LibraLass41]

.......the people who avoid the Main dining room on the last dinner onboard to avoid giving out tips....grrrrrrrrr :mad:

 

the rich man in a suite who left a stuffed tip envelope for his butler, when he opened it after the man had gone it was full of shredded newspaper cut to shape of bank notes....:eek:

[LibraLass41]

Another one...

 

Passengers in the cheapest inside cabins have been known to suddenly develop a fear of closed spaces and go to the ships dr in a state of panic demanding to be moved as they just can't stand the inside cabin.... a common ploy the dr says to get a FREE upgrade! HOW CHEEKY":cool:

[DamianG]

We once had a table companion who talked every day about how committed she was to the Church, how much she did for it, how much she helped the vicar and so on. Everyday she mentioned it and retold the same stories. On Sunday evening thinking it would be a conversation piece I asked her if she had gone to the Church Service at Sea that morning and her answer was "Good God no! I'm on holiday!"

[steelerannie]

We were walking down the stairs when a woman said "ooh look at that picture it's unique" To which her friend replied "I wonder if there's another one somewhere"!!!:rolleyes:

 

Sat down to dinner one night on Freedom Dining and the chap next to me kept moaning all through the meal about his illnesses. He finished by saying "If you see me walking up the stairs you move out of the way for me"!! Nice. If we had been on fixed dining with him we would have asked to be moved - he was so rude.

[balf]

This guy was walking along the corridor in front of me, going back to his cabin on the last night of the cruise. His cabin steward is working outside his cabin and he gave her his tip, a small bag of jelly babies. To make it even worse he said "I hope you like jelly babies"

 

David.

[Denarius]

This is hearsay but ....

A P&O tradition is Black & White night, a formal evening on which men wear black or white DJs and ladies black and/or white dresses. In the daily paper the dress code is described as "Formal / Black and white". A couple unused to P&O interpreted this as meaning Formal OR Black and White, with the latter perhaps involving fancy dress. So the lady turned out for dinner dressed as a fresian cow, complete with face paint and udders, only to find everyone else in formal dress. Whether on not she stayed in costume, and if so was served in the MDR, is unknown!

[u2cruiser]

.......the people who avoid the Main dining room on the last dinner onboard to avoid giving out tips....grrrrrrrrr :mad:

 

the rich man in a suite who left a stuffed tip envelope for his butler, when he opened it after the man had gone it was full of shredded newspaper cut to shape of bank notes....:eek:

 

That's just reminded me: on Azura a couple of weeks ago, on the last night (and 3 other nights as we really liked it there) we went to the Verona : part of buffet that becomes a restaurant at night. We were on Freedom dining and had auto tips, but as we walked through the buffet, I have never seen so many people dining in there. It was packed! They could have been on Freedom too I suppose, but it did cross my mind that they could be avoiding tips :eek:

[u2cruiser]

We were in a Princess buffet when 2 old ladies came into our area, making a big fuss at a waiter and demanding to see the Captain as someone had 'stolen' their port purchases, which were reserving their table, while they'd been to the food stations.

 

I had an idea that they had become lost after getting their food and walked around to see if I could see some bags reserving tables, which of course were in another section :D

 

I told them their mistake and showed them to the table and they grumbled to each other without even a thank you to me! :rolleyes:

[Aloonie]

Last year we were on Ventura in the buffet for breakfast when we noticed 2 elderly couples with huge plates of food,:eek: we then saw them assemble there lunch and brought out tin foil from there bags to wrap it all.

 

This year while on a bus tour in St Maarten 2 ladys got there breakfast out of there hand bags for a snack.

[tartanexile81]

On my cruise in Summer 2010, I popped up to get an ice-cream whilst my OH was reading on the balcony. Insetad of waiting for the lift I decided to run down the stairs on the way back. I tried my sea-pass to get back into the cabin, but it wouldn't work, which isn't unusual in my case.

 

I started banging on the door, and was joined by various people walking along the corridor. We agreed my OH had probably fallen asleep on the balcony and someone suggested phoning him. I'd never used the phone before so a kind lady showed me how to do it, asking me my cabin number.

 

Are you there before me?? As soon as I told her my cabin number, she told me I wasn't on Deck 9 but Deck 10. By now, as well as feeling stupid and embarrassed, the ice-cream had melted and slipped unceremoniously onto the floor..... so everybody coming out of the lift had to step round it till I asked house-keeping to help me out!

[Cruachan]

This is hearsay but ....

A P&O tradition is Black & White night, a formal evening on which men wear black or white DJs and ladies black and/or white dresses. In the daily paper the dress code is described as "Formal / Black and white". A couple unused to P&O interpreted this as meaning Formal OR Black and White, with the latter perhaps involving fancy dress. So the lady turned out for dinner dressed as a fresian cow, complete with face paint and udders, only to find everyone else in formal dress. Whether on not she stayed in costume, and if so was served in the MDR, is unknown!

 

ROFL!

 

Just dropped by from the Cunard board and read this one - excellent!

 

It calls to mind a story about QE2 back in the early 70s. At that time the dress code was a little more laid back that it is now, but they did have a sign at the entrance to the Mauretania restaurant that said the minimum dress code for gentlemen was jacket, collar and tie. Some waggish dress code denier turns up one evening pushing his luck and dressed in flip flops, shorts and a tastefully ripped T Shirt. The Maitre D' drew the notice to his attention and he went back to his cabin and duly donned the "minimum requirement" - a shirt, a tie and a jacket. He then walked back to the dining room sans trousers and full expecting to be sent away again. Sadly for him, the Maitre D' was possessed of a well developed sense of humour - he looked him up and down and said "That's fine sir, thank you. You may join your table". A somewhat uncomfortable meal followed.

 

J

[Presto2]

ROFL!

 

Just dropped by from the Cunard board and read this one - excellent!

 

It calls to mind a story about QE2 back in the early 70s. At that time the dress code was a little more laid back that it is now, but they did have a sign at the entrance to the Mauretania restaurant that said the minimum dress code for gentlemen was jacket, collar and tie. Some waggish dress code denier turns up one evening pushing his luck and dressed in flip flops, shorts and a tastefully ripped T Shirt. The Maitre D' drew the notice to his attention and he went back to his cabin and duly donned the "minimum requirement" - a shirt, a tie and a jacket. He then walked back to the dining room sans trousers and full expecting to be sent away again. Sadly for him, the Maitre D' was possessed of a well developed sense of humour - he looked him up and down and said "That's fine sir, thank you. You may join your table". A somewhat uncomfortable meal followed.

 

J

 

Love it when the staff join in the friendly banter --- shows they're human too ! Must admit, we too howled at the post re the woman in a cow costume ----- brilliant !!!!:D:D:D

[Cruachan]

Love it when the staff join in the friendly banter --- shows they're human too ! Must admit, we too howled at the post re the woman in a cow costume ----- brilliant !!!!:D:D:D

 

OK, here's my only other cruise story, then I'll leave all you nice P&O folk in peace and get back to the Cunard ghetto.

 

Lady pitches up in Piraeus on QE2 and decides she's going to do "Athens on her own". She doesn't speak a word of Greek but she's not bad at lateral thinking. So she takes one of the free postcards that you get in the info pack in the cabin - you know the ones that have a photo of the ship on the front. She takes this with her so she can show it to the taxi driver to indicate that she wants to return to the ship. The journey into Athens goes without a hitch - just about everybody disembarking was going there anyway. So she spends an interesting day in Athens taking in all the usual sights. Then she decides it's time to return to the ship so she flags down a taxi. As she expected, the driver doesn't speak a word of English, but she has plan B to fall back on so she shows him the postcard with the photo of the ship. He nods his head vigorously and sets off. After a while she realises that he's not going anywhere near Piraeus and she is just starting to get seriously concerned when he chucks the taxi into a violent U turn across the city traffic and screeches to a halt at the side of the kerb. She shows him the postcard again and he nods his head vigorously and gesticulates wildly in the direction of the building in front of which he has stopped. It's only then that she realises that he has taken her to the main Post Office so she can get a stamp for her postcard. Sadly, history (or at least my version of it) hasn't recorded whether or not she eventually made it back to the ship on time.

 

J

[Presto2]

OK, here's my only other cruise story, then I'll leave all you nice P&O folk in peace and get back to the Cunard ghetto.

 

Lady pitches up in Piraeus on QE2 and decides she's going to do "Athens on her own". She doesn't speak a word of Greek but she's not bad at lateral thinking. So she takes one of the free postcards that you get in the info pack in the cabin - you know the ones that have a photo of the ship on the front. She takes this with her so she can show it to the taxi driver to indicate that she wants to return to the ship. The journey into Athens goes without a hitch - just about everybody disembarking was going there anyway. So she spends an interesting day in Athens taking in all the usual sights. Then she decides it's time to return to the ship so she flags down a taxi. As she expected, the driver doesn't speak a word of English, but she has plan B to fall back on so she shows him the postcard with the photo of the ship. He nods his head vigorously and sets off. After a while she realises that he's not going anywhere near Piraeus and she is just starting to get seriously concerned when he chucks the taxi into a violent U turn across the city traffic and screeches to a halt at the side of the kerb. She shows him the postcard again and he nods his head vigorously and gesticulates wildly in the direction of the building in front of which he has stopped. It's only then that she realises that he has taken her to the main Post Office so she can get a stamp for her postcard. Sadly, history (or at least my version of it) hasn't recorded whether or not she eventually made it back to the ship on time.

 

J

 

Brilliant ------ please stray over here more often !!! ;)

[philipsw285]

anything to share?

I heard a good one the other day in the pub..

A chap there, had just come off a rci cruise...he was on a table '49' for 8 with his wife and a couple of friends, on the first night they went down to dinner, and the other foursome, were the most boring snobbish people they had ever met, and didn't want to talk to them all night... So after dinner this chap saw the head waiter and asked to be moved.

 

...the next evening the head waiter said he had a new table for them,

no 9....they went to the table and as they started to sit down....noticed the other four people were........the passengers from their table the night before!!! How embarrassing!!!

 

Also, where is the most stable part of the ship? Ok...i was always told it was the medical centre....as the seasick and ill people must be taken to the most stable place in a storm...but in a book i'm reading written by a ships dr, he said the most stable place is ....the casino!!! Because a) the ball on the roulette wheel has to spin smoothly at all times, and b) they want people to be able to gamble for as long as possible every day - storm or not!

 

the book by the a ships doctor is it interesting if so whats it called and who's the author as i could imagine that could be quite funny to read...

[CASPALL]

On our Hong Kong to Dubai cruise a few years ago we had a great sailaway party leaving Hong kong, then it was our first day at sea. We overheard one lady (new to cruising) ask her friend "Is there a sailaway party again tonight?"

 

Caryl

[Presto2]

On our Hong Kong to Dubai cruise a few years ago we had a great sailaway party leaving Hong kong, then it was our first day at sea. We overheard one lady (new to cruising) ask her friend "Is there a sailaway party again tonight?"

 

Caryl

 

We've all been there -- we're just about getting to know the right terms to use ! :):)

[jocap]

We were on Ventura, sailing away from Spain towards Italy.

A couple on the terrace were writing postcards, and sticking stamps on.....I couldn't understand where they'd found Italian stamps, so they told me they'd bought them at reception. I was surprised that the ship was selling them early, and had a sneaky look at the stamps- all were printed with " Espanol".

I said, slowly, that I wasn't sure they could be posted in Italy, as they came from Spain.

"Course they can!" was the reply:"They're P&O stamps!"

I wonder if they ever made it to the UK....:D

Jo.

[LibraLass41]

the book by the a ships doctor is it interesting if so whats it called and who's the author as i could imagine that could be quite funny to read...

 

 

Its called 'Cruiseship SOS' I downloaded it onto my kindle for about £4, really enjoying it. Have a look on AMazon.

[LibraLass41]

Coor ! Over a 1,000 views of this thread, :D Enjoyed reading all your comments.:)

[CASPALL]

On our recent Adonia cruise it was Xmas Eve and we were on the bus going through Nazareth.

A lady sitting behind us was tut-tutting to her husband saying- "Oh really!!! It's all just so comercialised and modernised here - no use at all!!!"

We thought she must have been expecting to see folk still riding donkeys!

:)

 

Caryl