Where to put grown son?

[LSEA]

 

and the only thing I can say to all the "helicopter" parents out there is.. think back on how you were raised.. and I guarantee you that mom and dad didn't come to the rescue anywhere near what occurs these days .. and I still think the world was a better place when that was the case.

 

As for sticking to ANY OP's original topic... for anyone who has been around here long, good luck with THAT challenge .. *L*

 

I have been to a few presentations given by the man who coined the term "helicopter parents" and I'm not sure leaving a sad person of any age alone over the holidays to tough it out on their own meets the definition. Of course, should the son accompany his parents, it would be reasonable to expect him to be a pleasant and responsible gentleman and travel companion.

[michmike]

I said in my original post that I was certain there would be a fair bit of disagreement with my premise.. apparently I was prescient..

 

maybe I've become cynical after 37 yrs working in jails and prisons.. but a fair number of those folks who inhabit them were bailed out of one mess after another until they finally found themselves in one where there was no bailing to be done.

 

You may not be aware of it, but at least in Michigan (and I would imagine many other states in the country) inmates who have the money can order candy bars, chips, ramen soup, etc etc along with magazines, radios, batteries, personal hygiene items and writing supplies and envelopes, not to mention phone calling cards. They can spend up to $55 a week for those items. Many get sacks twice the size of a backpack. And guess where the money comes from? Their clueless families. (on the plus side, it helps keep ME employed *S*)

 

when I was raising my son, he was told he could call me at any time day or nite if he was in an untenable situation that he knew was going south and mom or I would come get him.... but if he ended up in jail he was not to expect bail money or weekly bags of wham whams and zoom zooms...

 

how many kids do you know who went off to college on mom or dad's dime and majored in poly sci or art appreciation or some dead end field where they don't stand a chance of decent employment? A little MORE involvement in the formative years and some tough love thereafter will go a long way to building responsible adults who can negotiate a path thru life and cope with the bumps, twists and turns inherent in that.

 

I know I'm not going to convert anyone, but I also know that in doing it the way I advocate, I ended up w/ a kid who manages fine on his own, understands that actions have consequences and knows that picking up the phone and calling home is not the first line of defense when problems arise.

 

as in the beginning, your mileage may (and clearly in most cases up to this point DOES) vary.

[LSEA]

The poster asked a question about an adult son who had recently been through a bad breakup. The parents were considering including that adult son in their holiday cruise plans. How does this in anyway relate to having a child in prison buying a lot of unhealthy snacks??? It seems to me you are getting quite carried away trying to make comparisons that just aren't reasonable. But don't mind me. I went to college on my parent's dime. I majored in Political Science. But, guess what! I tuned out OK! Financially secure, responsible, and I am now beginning the process of caring for my parents in their twilight years. I defied the odds!

[AlexandNessa]

Is this Cruise Critic or a Parenting Forum? Am I on the right site? :confused:

 

OP, hope you were able to work something out with HAL. I would think the primary consideration would be where there are berths available for all three of you. I would agree that 3 adults in one room can be a little cozy. If there is an inside cabin available, it may be worth the extra space, bed, and bath if you can swing it.

 

Good luck with whatever you decide.

[celle]

Is this Cruise Critic or a Parenting Forum? Am I on the right site? :confused:

 

OP, hope you were able to work something out with HAL. I would think the primary consideration would be where there are berths available for all three of you. I would agree that 3 adults in one room can be a little cozy. If there is an inside cabin available, it may be worth the extra space, bed, and bath if you can swing it.

 

Good luck with whatever you decide.

 

Agreed! The OP has already made a decision about what to do, and only asked for advice on how to do it.

 

We know nothing about the son, except that, after a relationship breakup, he would have been alone at Christmas and his parents did not want that. Statistically, he is more likely to be a model citizen than a jailbird .

 

Parenting advice and allegations about "helicopter parents" are unnecessary and irrelevant.

 

To the OP - I hope your family has a lovely cruise!

[Aqua's Mom]

I'm back to update everyone. Thanks to those who offered help on cabin choices. It gave me the information I needed to make an offer to our son to join us. As many in our age group, we are stretching our budget to go on this cruise. To everyone else - - -

 

First, for the unwanted advice and snarky posters: For your "penance", please make a donation to the Michael J. Fox Foundation for Parkinson's Research. (That tells you about our son. It also shows I'm not Lutheran:)).

 

Second, for the relationship experts: Please make sure you and your perfect offspring understand that "for better or worse" includes catastrophic diseases so more marriages won't end when health problems progress.

 

Lastly, about our wonderful son: He won't come with us and interrupt our romantic voyage.

 

Enough said. On to a fantastic and much needed cruise.

[RuthC]

I'm back to update everyone.

...

Enough said. On to a fantastic and much needed cruise.

Thank you for coming back and letting us know what's been decided.

Have a wonderful cruise. Best wishes to your son.

[peaches from georgia]

Thank you for coming back. This is my first post on this thread, but wouldn't have been snarky as I have 3 grown sons so totally understood your feelings. Adult children are still and forever will be our babies.

 

The paternal side of my family has already suffered Parkinson's with 3 members, so my brother and I live in dread of the possibillity. Prayers for your son and family. You're a wonderful Mom. Have a great cruise.

[Copper10-8]

Enjoy Zuiderdam and Christmas on her! All the best to your son!

[vicocala]

I'm back to update everyone. Thanks to those who offered help on cabin choices. It gave me the information I needed to make an offer to our son to join us. As many in our age group' date=' we are stretching our budget to go on this cruise. To everyone else - - -

 

First, for the unwanted advice and snarky posters: For your "penance", please make a donation to the Michael J. Fox Foundation for Parkinson's Research. (That tells you about our son. It also shows I'm not Lutheran:)).

 

Second, for the relationship experts: Please make sure you and your perfect offspring understand that "for better or worse" includes catastrophic diseases so more marriages won't end when health problems progress.

 

Lastly, about our wonderful son: He won't come with us and interrupt our romantic voyage.

 

Enough said. On to a fantastic and much needed cruise.[/quote']

 

I'm sorry for your having to deal with so many snarky comments that don't ease your burdens. I hope he has a very happy and blessed Christmas whatever he decides to do. Secondly I want to wish you a very happy cruise, free from worries and also a very Merry Christmas. My prayers are with you and your entire family. May the Lord Jesus Christ watch over you all.

[celle]

Aqua's Mom (the OP) - thank you for coming back to update us.

 

We, too, have a son who (because of medical issues) needs a little more help from us than his siblings do. It's not a moral question, but simply a matter of giving each child the degree of support they need. That's what we do, as parents.

 

All the best to you and your son. Have a lovely holiday!

[dr.dawg]

and to SOME of the posters on this board, just wait until you get ALL of the information before rushing to judgement and excoriating others. i've been victim of that, also. which is why i shy away from this board. you folks can be sharks, you know.

[cruisemom42]

and to SOME of the posters on this board, just wait until you get ALL of the information before rushing to judgement and excoriating others. i've been victim of that, also. which is why i shy away from this board. you folks can be sharks, you know.

 

I think some on the HAL board would benefit from an early New Year's resolution to stick to the question/issue raised by the poster and not use it as a jumping off point for your favorite "lecture" -- whether it be dress codes, smoking, behavior of children, or parental responsibility. We never have full disclosure (nor should we need it); and as the saying goes, when you assume things.......:cool:

 

This board is worse than many in that regard (IMO), and a major reason I do not post here very often. I could almost quote you who is going to respond to a given question here, and what they will say.

[dr.dawg]

excuse me, please, but i was NOT delivering a lecture. my point was only that a lot of folks expressed opinions, many negative as usual, without knowing the facts. guess i got jumped on again. i'll never be one of the 'sacred cows' around here because i deign to disagree sometimes. i hope the son is going to be with loving and caring folks over Christmas; and i wish the parents a care-free and relaxing cruise. that's all that was meant. surely, no one wants to disagree with me or detest my comments on that score. but, who knows?

[ellbelle]

I believe Cruisemom quoted your post in agreement with you.

[cruisemom42]

excuse me, please, but i was NOT delivering a lecture. my point was only that a lot of folks expressed opinions, many negative as usual, without knowing the facts. guess i got jumped on again. i'll never be one of the 'sacred cows' around here because i deign to disagree sometimes. i hope the son is going to be with loving and caring folks over Christmas; and i wish the parents a care-free and relaxing cruise. that's all that was meant. surely, no one wants to disagree with me or detest my comments on that score. but, who knows?

 

 

:confused::confused: I was agreeing with your post.

[PathfinderEss]

I'm back to update everyone. Thanks to those who offered help on cabin choices. It gave me the information I needed to make an offer to our son to join us. As many in our age group' date=' we are stretching our budget to go on this cruise. To everyone else - - -

 

First, for the unwanted advice and snarky posters: For your "penance", please make a donation to the Michael J. Fox Foundation for Parkinson's Research. (That tells you about our son. It also shows I'm not Lutheran:)).

 

Second, for the relationship experts: Please make sure you and your perfect offspring understand that "for better or worse" includes catastrophic diseases so more marriages won't end when health problems progress.

 

Lastly, about our wonderful son: He won't come with us and interrupt our romantic voyage.

 

Enough said. On to a fantastic and much needed cruise.[/quote']

Thanks very much for coming back and letting us know what you finally came up with. I'm sorry that your son will not be joining you for your holiday cruise.

Hope you have a wonderful cruise and best wishes to your son.

 

[mamaofami]

Thank you so much for coming back here to tell us the outcome of the issue you presented here. My best wishes to your family for a wonderful holiday. You are a special mom who is blessed with a special son. Good luck to you all.

[vbmom87]

I'm back to update everyone.

 

Enough said. On to a fantastic and much needed cruise.

 

Thank you so much for coming back to let us know your decision. It was kind of you considering the responses you received. Most would not have bothered.

 

Have a very enjoyable cruise with your husband! It sounds like just what you need at this time.