Bedwetting

[horsegal]

Again thank you everybody for your kind words and suggestions. I’ve tried having a conversation with my hubby and mentioned some of the suggestions mentioned above ( trying different absorbent underwear, over pants and catheters). It has lead to deeper conversations and a greater appreciation on my behalf of the suffering he is going through.

 

It’s really so tough, every suggestion has been met with resistance and reasons why they won’t work. He really focuses on the worst possible outcomes. Whilst I tried my hardest to put this into some sort of perspective, for example, the worst possible outcome is a wet mattress that can be be cleaned or at worst, replaced at our expense and the benefits being quality family time and lifelong memories for our children. Unfortunately the conversation ends when I do not have suitable response to the humiliation he feels because of the bedwetting and he ends up in tears. It is so gut wrenching.

 

I’m now starting to realise that this is much greater than a discussion about keeping a bed dry, I’m concerned my hubby may be severely depressed. I did suggest we see a doctor or a psychologist, but he doesn’t see the point. He feels defeated.

 

 

Whilst my objective from my original post was to find some positive experiences of cruising from people in a similar situation as my husband has not been achieved, I now realise that my husband’s circumstances are worse than I realised and that a cruise is not only not feasible at this point of time, there are far greater priorities for me to attend to at this stage.

 

 

Thank you

Good luck with getting him to talk to someone about this. My husband is very resistant to things like that, I think he feels it is a sign of weakness which causes him to feel ashamed and embarrassed. Which of course is a never ending cycle when you add in a medical condition that causes the same feelings. It sounds like therapy might be your best course of action right now, that is no way to live his life. Maybe with some help down the line you can revisit the idea of a cruise.

 

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[AmazedByCruising]

Whilst my objective from my original post was to find some positive experiences of cruising from people in a similar situation as my husband has not been achieved, I now realise that my husband’s circumstances are worse than I realised and that a cruise is not only not feasible at this point of time, there are far greater priorities for me to attend to at this stage.

 

I'm quite sure ships can handle the original problem easily, they've set up complete departments in order to let anyone cruise, and this should be one of the easiest problems to deal with. I hope that you will find a way to let them do so soon!

[vickila]

My husband enjoys an alcoholic drink, but he is not, and has never been a big drinker. He rarely drinks during the week, and really only drinks socially. He drinks even less these days as he did notice that if he does drink alcohol or caffeine, he is more likely to wet the bed. That said, his bedwetting occurs whether or not he has consumed alcohol.

 

 

 

In relation to his spinal stenosis, he has stenosis and arthritis in the L4 and L5 lumbar vertebrae. He had an laminectomy performed on the L5 about 3 years The neurosurgeon who performed the operation was the person who suggested to my husband that the stenosis and sleep apnea may have been the cause of his bedwetting. Since the operation there has been some improvement to the frequency of bedwetting occurances, but it hasn’t stopped.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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[SuiteTraveler]

Again thank you everybody for your kind words and suggestions. I’ve tried having a conversation with my hubby and mentioned some of the suggestions mentioned above ( trying different absorbent underwear, over pants and catheters). It has lead to deeper conversations and a greater appreciation on my behalf of the suffering he is going through.

 

It’s really so tough, every suggestion has been met with resistance and reasons why they won’t work. He really focuses on the worst possible outcomes. Whilst I tried my hardest to put this into some sort of perspective, for example, the worst possible outcome is a wet mattress that can be be cleaned or at worst, replaced at our expense and the benefits being quality family time and lifelong memories for our children. Unfortunately the conversation ends when I do not have suitable response to the humiliation he feels because of the bedwetting and he ends up in tears. It is so gut wrenching.

 

I’m now starting to realise that this is much greater than a discussion about keeping a bed dry, I’m concerned my hubby may be severely depressed. I did suggest we see a doctor or a psychologist, but he doesn’t see the point. He feels defeated.

 

 

Whilst my objective from my original post was to find some positive experiences of cruising from people in a similar situation as my husband has not been achieved, I now realise that my husband’s circumstances are worse than I realised and that a cruise is not only not feasible at this point of time, there are far greater priorities for me to attend to at this stage.

 

 

Thank you

 

Oh dear! I'm so concerned for your husband...and you. First of all, depression is very dangerous and untreated, it can be as fatal as cancer. It is imperative that your do all you can to get your husband treatment now and that includes going to his doctor and telling him what is going on behind your husband's back. You can call your husband's doctor's office and make a consultation appointment where you go talk to him by yourself and explain all that is going on and get the doctor's advice, which I'm sure will include bringing your husband in for an appointment. They can call him and tell him they need to do a physical or rerun some test in order to get him to come in so he won't know you talked to the doctor. Please don't play around with this. People who are suffering from depression believe that things will never get any better and that there is nothing that can be done to help them. They feel completely hopeless and this will only get worse and worse as it involves a chemical change in the brain that the patient cannot help. Depression can't be wished away and it must be treated. The good news is that there are anti-depressants which have been proven to help, It takes a concerned loved one to force a change to happen. Your husband won't believe that anti-depressants can help. But a compassionate doctor can assist your husband with medication. It takes about 6 weeks for the antidepressants to begin to work, but they will eventually work and it is important to reassure your husband of this and make sure he knows that you are on his side and that you will do everything you can to help him and that he must take his medication. Be an advocate for your husband. Also, you may just need to force the solution to bedwetting issues by procuring the products and coaxing your husband to try them. If he is already wearing disposable underwear at night, what difference would a different, drastically more absorbent brand make other than potentially resolving the situation? Sometimes you have to tell a therapeutic lie to help someone. Tell him simply that the store didn't have his old brand so you bought these instead.

 

Here is a device that would awaken your husband as he starts to wet: https://www.nytone.com/products/adult-nighttime-incontinence-alarm-system. This may help him greatly as he could wear an adult diaper and when he starts to wet, it awakens him so he can go to the toilet instead of peeing in the diaper in his sleep. This type of device may be all that is needed to resolve this problem - hard to know for sure, but worth a try!

 

I don't know the number for Australia, but in the US 25 million people wear adult diapers out of a population of 323 million - that's 12 percent of the population. Of people over 65, 50% report at least occasional incontinence. I would assume that the percentage would be similar for Australia. So if 12% of the population uses adult diapers, obviously it is a very common problem and nothing to be embarrassed about but someone who is suffering with depression won't hear that.

 

Please act swiftly to get your husband the help he needs.

 

Again, I think you need to take the reigns and gently force some changes in order to help your husband. When all is said and done he will be grateful to you and know you did all you could to help him in his time of need.

[newcruiser1956]

Hi I’m after some advice.

 

It’s my fiftieth birthday later this year and I really want to go on a cruise to celebrate my family.

 

My problem is that my husband is not so keen. A couple of years ago he started wetting the bed. It has been so embarrassing and frustrating for him. At first he was in denial and thought it was just “one offs”, too much to drink, deep sleeping etc., and would just go away. But it just kept on happening. He finally went to the doctors and after lots and lots of tests with lots and lots of doctors it was discovered he has spinal stenosis which has caused nerve damage to the nerves controlling his bladder and sleep apnea which makes him “wake up” even though he doesn’t recognise it. Hence when he “awakes” with a full bladder, which he doesn’t feel, he pees in the bed. He has had a spinal operation and uses a CPAP machine, which has improved the problem but hasn’t completely resolved it.

 

He has also tried wearing adult nappies to bed... which he hates, and doesn’t always work because he sleeps on his sides, and medications which have been useless (just make him really thirsty and needing to drink more, and didn’t stop it anyway).

 

At home we have a waterproof mattress protector and reusable bed pad, which we take on holidays as well. When he go away on holidays we only stay in apartments or cabins with washing machines and dryers so we can manage ourselves. If he goes away on overnight business trips he only stays in 5 star hotels so he can send an email to get a protector placed on the bed, check in late, and if the bed is wet in the morning he will strip the bed, leave a large tip and checkout early, to avoid coming face to face with housekeeping staff. We never stay with friends or family.

 

He doesn’t want to go on a cruise because he says that you know the housekeeping staff, who will know he wets the bed and that on cruise ships the laundry facilities are public and he will be too embarrassed taking the sheets, protector and pad to be laundered in public.

I have offered to do the laundry for him and said that others will assume that it is the kids that have the problem. But he is too humiliated and proud to allow me to take on this responsibility.

 

I’m at my wits end. Has anyone out there had to deal with this problem?

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to deal with laundering the wet sheets and protectors privately and discretely?

 

 

Consider Viking ocean, they have FREE washing machines on their ships, if it happens You can quietly wash things without any one knowing.

[suspaul]

Also there is no cost for the do it yourself laundry and they even provide the detergent.

 

 

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[Organized Chaos]

Thank you all for your thoughts.

 

It is so frustrating, because I know deep down he would love going on the cruise. In fact earlier in our marriage, he was keen to go on a cruise but I was the one who was hesitant. This whole bedwetting issue has really taken a toll on him and changed his life. I wish he could put a different perspective on the issue, he is a kind and loving husband and father, and in my view it is such a minor matter, just a bit more laundry. Unfortunately he has been devastated by it and is completely humiliated by it. I have tried to get him into counseling and reassure him that there are a lot of bigger issues in our lives than the occasional wet sheet, but I have not been so successful.

 

First off, let me start by saying I commend the loving support you give your husband over his condition. I'd like to think your reassurances that you don't think any less of him goes a long way, but also be aware that, hey, we're guys and this is just how we are. :D Pride, a show of strength (physical, mental, and emotional), not wanting to show weakness (and I'm guessing he sees this as a weakness). We're hardwired this way and, more often than not, it's a big blow to our psyche to let something like this out into the public eye. I dealt with this issue as a kid who didn't grow out of it as soon as most do. Even at an early age, the embarrassment and psychological affects were difficult to deal with. It sounds like you're doing a great job being as loving and supportive as you can, but understand that even that may not outweigh the pain and embarrassment it causes him. That's something he has to work on from within, just keep doing your part.

 

With that said, I hope you two find a way to make this work because both of you deserve it. We just took our first cruise in '16 and absolutely loved it. Booked our second last year and will be setting sail in a few months. The two of you deserve to try it at least once. If he'd like to try to spare himself the embarrassment of the room steward, or any other housekeeping crew, knowing about it at all, I would suggest one of the recommended pads (either disposable or washable) and taking your own sheets. Put the pad between their bed linen and your sheet. That way theirs won't have to be changed and you can strip yours off the bed in private. You can wash yours in the DIY laundry and the steward would be none the wiser. Maybe take two or three sheets so you don't have to wash every day, just take a plastic bag along to hold the wet ones until you can wash them. The DIY laundry rooms only have a few washers/dryers in them, so it's not like people will be watching you. I think most start their wash and leave. Just be careful near the end of the cruise because that's when everyone wants to do laundry and they fill up fast.

 

In regards to the drinking conversation, alcohol and caffeine both act as diuretics, typically causing an increased urine production. So that's more than likely why your husband saw a decrease in the frequency of bed-wetting when he stopped drinking as much alcohol.

 

In response to the person who said it was a health issue for those who end up in your cabin after you, I disagree. That person implied that those linens wouldn't be changed between cruises. Maybe they don't change them every day for the same guests, but I find it hard to believe that they wouldn't change linens when it's time for the next guests. It sounds like your husband takes great care not to get the mattress itself wet, so I don't see any health risks to the next guests. Considering incontinence is fairly common amongst senior citizens and toddlers, both of whom cruise often, I'm sure it's been dealt with countless times.

 

I googled “Adult Rubber Pants” and you should see all these really weird internet sites that came up... LOL.

I couldn't help but laugh at this, no offense. Yeah, it's best to search for something like that directly on a retail website, like Amazon. Good luck to the both of you. I hope you figure out a way to get past this barrier and are able to give cruising a try.