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An amusing exercise

exlondoner

By exlondoner,
in Cunard Line

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exlondoner

exlondoner

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I am in the process of compiling a review of our cruise, which will be very positive. However, I thought it would be fun to put together a really negative review focusing on all the things that weren't perfect. The facts will be accurate, though they were to me all unimportant, but for some I can imagine would have led to a ruined cruise and a one star review. So here goes.

 

Check in and parking were OK, but then we had to wait because the ship wasn't 'ready'. How pathetic is that? And nobody gave us a glass of champagne when we stepped aboard. There was a bottle in the cabin, but I would have had open it myself or wait for the butler to appear.

 

QG cabins much as expected, but bathrooms grim. In fact all the Grills facilities poor, dark, and inadequate. Our balcony had some specks of rust. Clearly nobody cares about the condition of the ship. Sometimes our time on the balcony was spoilt by the smell of varnish nearby. Why do they have so little regard for passengers that they do this sort of thing? And my progress round the promenade deck was constantly disrupted by having to walk around people working. You'd think they would do it at night.

 

Food and service were mainly good, I admit, but I once had to send a dish back because it was tough. Not good enough even in a school canteen.

 

The internet service was diabolical. Cunard seems to be stuck in the 19th Century, with its large intimidating public rooms and demands that people don't wear shorts for dinner. There are more important things than how people dress.

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exlondoner

exlondoner

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15 minutes ago, Windsurfboy said:

You forgot to say how much the sight of people in Tee shirts at 6.01 pm ruined your enjoyment,  or was it fortunately too dark in the gloomy rooms to see them

Remember,  everything I wrote was true. That wouldn't have been. 

 

I did forget to mention the most bizarre thing: for several days hot water ran from the cold taps. Shows the ship's clapped out, I assume.

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ballroom-cruisers

ballroom-cruisers

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47 minutes ago, exlondoner said:

Remember,  everything I wrote was true. That wouldn't have been. 

 

I did forget to mention the most bizarre thing: for several days hot water ran from the cold taps. Shows the ship's clapped out, I assume.

 

I think you should have included the real facts about the cold water being rather warm - a day or two after that there was a captain's announcement, and he told us that they had been trying to work out what had caused the hot cold water, and eventually worked out that it was because of unprecedented high sea water temperature due to the extreme heat wave across Europe and the Mediterranean. He also then announced that they were going to turn off the entire ship's water supply overnight, between 1am and 5am in order to make a major engineering change that should resolve the problem. Next morning when we got up cold water came out of the taps as normal, so the engineers had done a fantastic job in uncharted territory - the sea temperature was over 31C through most of the voyage. So this was the reality, and the crew and engineers did an amazing job in difficult circumstances. So you can't fault them, and it was not because the ship was clapped out at all.

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ballroom-cruisers

ballroom-cruisers

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1 hour ago, exlondoner said:

I am in the process of compiling a review of our cruise, which will be very positive. However, I thought it would be fun to put together a really negative review focusing on all the things that weren't perfect. The facts will be accurate, though they were to me all unimportant, but for some I can imagine would have led to a ruined cruise and a one star review. So here goes.

 

Check in and parking were OK, but then we had to wait because the ship wasn't 'ready'. How pathetic is that? And nobody gave us a glass of champagne when we stepped aboard. There was a bottle in the cabin, but I would have had open it myself or wait for the butler to appear.

 

QG cabins much as expected, but bathrooms grim. In fact all the Grills facilities poor, dark, and inadequate. Our balcony had some specks of rust. Clearly nobody cares about the condition of the ship. Sometimes our time on the balcony was spoilt by the smell of varnish nearby. Why do they have so little regard for passengers that they do this sort of thing? And my progress round the promenade deck was constantly disrupted by having to walk around people working. You'd think they would do it at night.

 

Food and service were mainly good, I admit, but I once had to send a dish back because it was tough. Not good enough even in a school canteen.

 

The internet service was diabolical. Cunard seems to be stuck in the 19th Century, with its large intimidating public rooms and demands that people don't wear shorts for dinner. There are more important things than how people dress.

 

I can't believe some of this whingeing - you complain that the ship needs refurbishment, and yet complain when the maintenance crew were working  flat out on the external door re-varnishing when the weather was ideal for that work to be done. In addition there were teams sanding down cracked paintwork on the external parts of the ship, and priming and repainting throughout, again because the weather was suitable for that work - which can' be properly done when it is wet weather.  In Lisbon there were two giant cherry pickers bringing crew up a hundred feet above the dock level, to do the  same on the external walls just below the promenade deck, as well as working on the outside of the lifeboats, to bring them up to good condition. They worked all day until the last half hour before she sailed on the last leg of the voyage. And no, they can't do that unless the ship is at port with the necessary facilities, and not at night.  In any event the noise of sanding at night would soon enough cause people to grumble that they can't sleep because of such work going on!

 

A lot of people disagree strongly with people walking through Britannia dining room on the upper level in shorts or 'slouchware' without due respect for those significant numbers of passengers who enjoy an elegant  well dressed group of diners in the classy dining atmosphere, and not wish to have that spoiled by sloppily dressed people breaking that atmosphere.

 

I hope you will find time to post a more positive view of the ship - and from the many people I talked to on the ship, it might seem your view is a minority one.

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exlondoner

exlondoner

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13 minutes ago, ballroom-cruisers said:

 

I think you should have included the real facts about the cold water being rather warm - a day or two after that there was a captain's announcement, and he told us that they had been trying to work out what had caused the hot cold water, and eventually worked out that it was because of unprecedented high sea water temperature due to the extreme heat wave across Europe and the Mediterranean. He also then announced that they were going to turn off the entire ship's water supply overnight, between 1am and 5am in order to make a major engineering change that should resolve the problem. Next morning when we got up cold water came out of the taps as normal, so the engineers had done a fantastic job in uncharted territory - the sea temperature was over 31C through most of the voyage. So this was the reality, and the crew and engineers did an amazing job in difficult circumstances. So you can't fault them, and it was not because the ship was clapped out at all.

 

Actually, while commending the effects of the engineers, I'm not entirely convinced by the explanation. We had warm water instead of cold the first morning, when the sea water was not exceptionally warm, and what happens when the ship is in the Caribbean?

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ballroom-cruisers

ballroom-cruisers

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1 minute ago, exlondoner said:

 

Actually, while commending the effects of the engineers, I'm not entirely convinced by the explanation. We had warm water instead of cold the first morning, when the sea water was not exceptionally warm, and what happens when the ship is in the Caribbean?

Is it not the case that QM2 would be unlikely to be in the  Caribbean in the summer when it is hurricane season?  In any event even in the Caribbean the sea temp is rarely much above or below 27C, and never over 30C.

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ballroom-cruisers

ballroom-cruisers

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When you said, "Food and service were mainly good, I admit, but I once had to send a dish back because it was tough. Not good enough even in a school canteen.", that is amusing because you 'once' had to sent a dish back, but what about all the other meals which were really excellent?  Our waiter explained that with the current supply chain issues Cunard are actually doing an amazing job sourcing supplies of so many of the the foods and ingredients that passengers have come to expect at every meal. But it is tough, and getting  supplies of high quality meat on board, is not always assured when suppliers have to be changed and with little time to establish how good a replacement supplier is, or its products.  Yes there was a day when orange juice was not available, but they got that back next day. All in all Cunard are doing a pretty amazing job keeping  up the standards, given the global supply chain problems, and the significant difficulty in keeping up the required number of well trained crew across the various skills and requirements needed for a cruise ship.  One of the waiters in the Verandah was leaving at the end of that voyage, and they had been unable to get a replacement for the following TA voyage.  All in all we were very lucky to get the level of service and crew at all levels who work flat out, smiling, and giving such high quality experience on a voyage.

 

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ballroom-cruisers

ballroom-cruisers

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3 minutes ago, Tonopah said:

@ballroom-cruisers The title of this thread is “An Amusing Exercise”. It is tongue-in-cheek. 

 

Perhaps - but I am not sure everyone would laugh. People will read the thread without looking too closely at the title - so having the positive aspects listed is useful, don't you think?

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exlondoner

exlondoner

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18 minutes ago, ballroom-cruisers said:

 

Perhaps - but I am not sure everyone would laugh. People will read the thread without looking too closely at the title - so having the positive aspects listed is useful, don't you think?

Well, you are the only one so far who has misinterpreted my intentions. My real (5*) review will, I hope, appear in reviews.

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mcloaked

mcloaked

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17 minutes ago, exlondoner said:

Shocking is it? Mind you there was a whole bottle of Laurent Perrier in our stateroom.

 

One thing we never got, and, please believe me, this is not a complaint, was the bottle of PA from the World Club.

 

We realised we might not get ours as the days rolled on - but a visit to the Purser's Desk established a date for when it would be put in our room - which turned out the last full day of the voyage - along with the complementary wine tasting that same afternoon - not that we would ever be likely to then buy wines with no time to enjoy them! 🤪

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exlondoner

exlondoner

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6 minutes ago, mcloaked said:

 

We realised we might not get ours as the days rolled on - but a visit to the Purser's Desk established a date for when it would be put in our room - which turned out the last full day of the voyage - along with the complementary wine tasting that same afternoon - not that we would ever be likely to then buy wines with no time to enjoy them! 🤪

 

That explains why we didn't get one then, as we were in isolation. It did seem a daft time to have the wine tasting.

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