Should I stay or should I go???

[cruzinmecrazy]

Just moved my 71 yo mother in with us. She is in a wheel chair and needs constant assistance. She was in an assisted living home in Laguna Beach Ca and was miserable. She loves being here and enjoys all the company she gets.

 

We have four boys (ages 17, 16, 14, 11), a great dane, two kitties and my MIL who is also 71 and has Alzheimers.

 

Problem is that we have a cruise planned for Jan 20, 2008 and I am feeling guilty about going so soon after moving her in.

 

Should I stay or should I go? I think I know the answer but really appreciate and value the opinions of my fellow cruise addicts.

[berylde]

As someone who has been a caregiver for my mother and mother-in-law, I say GO!!

 

Take every oppurtinity you have to get some R & R for yourself

[PhoenixCruiser]

I agree, GO! It's not like you are leaving the week after she moves in. You will probably need a break after the holidays :D

 

###

[bubbadog]

yes go, you will be able to help her better ,if you are fully charged,so take the cruise and recharge yourself,then when you get back you will be able to handle things better:)))

[LAKaye]

Absolutely go.

 

It's like that thing on the airplane safety briefing that says put on your own oxygen mask and then put the mask on the child/person next to you. You must take good care of yourself in order to be able to be a caregiver to someone else.

 

Enjoy this and all of your future cruises~~

 

Leslie

[Gonzo70]

I too say that you should go. It is a very nice thing you are doing caring for her, so you deserve a treat for yourself as well. Go and don't feel guilty about it.

[cruise_lover]

Just moved my 71 yo mother in with us. She is in a wheel chair and needs constant assistance. She was in an assisted living home in Laguna Beach Ca and was miserable. She loves being here and enjoys all the company she gets.

 

We have four boys (ages 17, 16, 14, 11), a great dane, two kitties and my MIL who is also 71 and has Alzheimers.

 

Problem is that we have a cruise planned for Jan 20, 2008 and I am feeling guilty about going so soon after moving her in.

 

Should I stay or should I go? I think I know the answer but really appreciate and value the opinions of my fellow cruise addicts.

 

You have 4 boys ages 11 to 17, pets, your mother who is in a wheel chair and your mother-in-law who has Alzheimers and you are worried about them and not yourself? BLESS YOU M'Lady. If anyone needed to get away to relax, regroup and refresh your nerves IT IS YOU! GO GO GO.

 

We are sailing the week of January 13 on the Voyager. If you said that you were on the same ship I would have love to meet you. You sound like a very caring, loving and giving person.

[reallyitsmema]

As long as you are able to find someone to care for your MIL while you are gone, I say go. As someone who has been a caregiver of a MIL, I know how stressful it can be. We weren't able to travel at all while she lived here since there was no one else to care for her. Go, enjoy yourself:)

[Quampapetet]

Call it a Mental Health Vacation and go! You're gonna need it with that houseful! ;)

[songster2]

I agree with the previous posters. As caregivers, we tend to put our needs last. It's easier to care for others when we are refreshed. Enjoy your cruise.

[petesweet]

Have you discussed it with your mother? How does she feel about it? We have a friend in the very same position (her mother is 92 and just broke her hip--for the second time--in four places). If her mother is living at the time of our scheduled cruise in May, she will go. It is the only time she has for herself. Her mother understands and gives her blessing. If your mother said that, I think you would have no qualms about going, would you? You NEED this!

[EchoSix]

Just from reading the title of this thread, now I've got this song stuck in my head... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Ag8J2NMYmc

 

Click on it! You know you want to.

 

Hey... If I have to have it in my head... So does everyone else. :D

[jaxon41]

I am sure you are having a care giver come into the house -- with all the family around her, she will be content. I agree with the poster who said ask her how she feels -- you'll feel better if she gives you her blessing.

 

Blessings on you head for caring for your frail relatives.

[Bargeo]

Bless you. You certainly deserve a vacation.....go....and enjoy it to the fullest.

[golfer1966]

Sounds like you could use it...Enjoy !

[JLS cruiser]

Just moved my 71 yo mother in with us. She is in a wheel chair and needs constant assistance. She was in an assisted living home in Laguna Beach Ca and was miserable. She loves being here and enjoys all the company she gets.

 

We have four boys (ages 17, 16, 14, 11), a great dane, two kitties and my MIL who is also 71 and has Alzheimers.

 

Problem is that we have a cruise planned for Jan 20, 2008 and I am feeling guilty about going so soon after moving her in.

 

Should I stay or should I go? I think I know the answer but really appreciate and value the opinions of my fellow cruise addicts.

Go without regrets. I am the primary caregiver for my elderly parents. Mom has many health problems and Dad had a stroke a few years back and has no ability to take care himself at all.

 

Without taking time for yourself, you run a very high risk of burnout. You need a break for yourself to relax and restore your own body so that you will continue to be able to care for folks back home.

 

Without time for your own R & R, you could end up worn down and that would not only make matters bad for you but also those that you care for.

 

When we travel, my adult children and my sister step up and care for my parents.

 

Please enjoy your cruise and things will be fine back home.

[financialgrl]

I moved my 80+ y/o dad in with me 4 years ago. Are you an only child? I only ask because while the discussions began regarding what to do with dad, I made it perfectly clear to my 3 other sibs that I was one of FOUR children and that I deserved time off to myself. At that time I also drilled it into their heads that I had no problem with him being here but at some point if things became unmanageable I expected help or a decision otherwise would have to be made as to where he could go and still receive the care he may eventually need.

 

I am one who believes that we all need mental health time for ourselves and also feel that to do it all alone only makes it bad for everyone around.

[petesweet]

And here's another thought: Things will probably not improve, and you will be getting older. You could be caring for these loved ones for many years yet. Don't wait until you are old and in poor health yourself and are not able to enjoy a vacation.

 

If your mother is as wonderful a person as her daughter seems to be, she will surely tell you to go.

[PantherFan]

As long as you feel comfortable leaving her then I say go and enjoy yourself.

 

I agree you will need a break after the holidays do you think she will mind? I am not suggesting you take her with you I am just thinking she may feel left out.

 

I know with a wheelchair she may have problems getting around. I don't know the situation but maybe should could go out to lunch or have her hair or nails done one day while you are away.....something different than her "usual" routine so she has something special to.:)

[Silvery Seas Cruiser]

I moved my 80+ y/o dad in with me 4 years ago. Are you an only child? I only ask because while the discussions began regarding what to do with dad, I made it perfectly clear to my 3 other sibs that I was one of FOUR children and that I deserved time off to myself. At that time I also drilled it into their heads that I had no problem with him being here but at some point if things became unmanageable I expected help or a decision otherwise would have to be made as to where he could go and still receive the care he may eventually need.

 

I am one who believes that we all need mental health time for ourselves and also feel that to do it all alone only makes it bad for everyone around.

 

As one who is in a very similar situation as you, I agree with the OP to go on the trip. When my sister and brother-in-law retired they were living near us and Sis helped me with my Mom. Then they just up and moved three hours away without so much as a fair thee well. They never asked how they could help out even though at a distance. I am left with total responsibility for my Mom.

 

I told them that Hubby and I are going on an eleven-night cruise in January. They have had six months notice. It is up to them to chip in and help out being as the rest of the year, we do it all. Yet, I feel guilty for some inexplicable reason, but why should the burden be ALL mine?

 

I say to the OP, go on the cruise and have fun, then come back refreshed.

[cruzinmecrazy]

Thank you, everyone for your inputs. I knew I could rely on my cruise addict friends. With all the complaining and bad press on these threads, it is nice to know that there are still intelligent, caring people listening and willing to help.

I appreciate your kind and informative words and will discuss the situation with my wife. But I totally agree with your recommendations. I'm 47 years old and not getting any younger. I want to travel as much as possible while I still can. I am retired from the air force and have been to Europe several times. My wife has never been overseas and I really want to take her before we get too old or can't afford it.

Once again, Thank You

[cruzinmecrazy]

You have 4 boys ages 11 to 17, pets, your mother who is in a wheel chair and your mother-in-law who has Alzheimers and you are worried about them and not yourself? BLESS YOU M'Lady. If anyone needed to get away to relax, regroup and refresh your nerves IT IS YOU! GO GO GO.

 

We are sailing the week of January 13 on the Voyager. If you said that you were on the same ship I would have love to meet you. You sound like a very caring, loving and giving person.

 

 

Thank you for your kind words. It is ok that you think that I am the Lady of the house. My wife is the one who informed me that we are to care for the Widows and elderly of the world. Thus my mother and her's live with us now. We are very Blessed with four great boys that love their grandmothers. We have also been blessed with a lady from our church who has offered to assist with my mother while we are away.

 

Our 19th anniversary is Dec 30 and we wanted to do something together. Our friend offered to stay with our mothers while we slipped away for a couple of days. Thank God...for great friends.

 

We are on the Legend of the Seas Jan 20, 2008 out of DR. Thank you for your kind words. Maybe we will meet on another cruise.

[cruzinmecrazy]

Just from reading the title of this thread, now I've got this song stuck in my head... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Ag8J2NMYmc

 

Click on it! You know you want to.

 

Hey... If I have to have it in my head... So does everyone else. :D

 

This was awesome. I couldn't place who sung the song, but it was perfect. Thank You..

[cruzinmecrazy]

I moved my 80+ y/o dad in with me 4 years ago. Are you an only child? I only ask because while the discussions began regarding what to do with dad, I made it perfectly clear to my 3 other sibs that I was one of FOUR children and that I deserved time off to myself. At that time I also drilled it into their heads that I had no problem with him being here but at some point if things became unmanageable I expected help or a decision otherwise would have to be made as to where he could go and still receive the care he may eventually need.

 

I am one who believes that we all need mental health time for ourselves and also feel that to do it all alone only makes it bad for everyone around.

 

 

I do have two brothers and two sisters. The oldest sister just flew my mother out from her area to live with me. She was burnt out and needed the reprive. My oldest brother is willing to take our mother, however his wife has threatened to leave if mom moves in. All the other siblings will visit occassionally (which is another concern, but we will deal with that later).

 

The other hard part about this is that my wife's Grandfather (95 yo) just passed and her mother is still somewhat greiving. She can't remember anything you tell her 3 seconds ago, but if you mention PePA she begins to cry.

 

Bottom line is, we will go and do our best to not worry or feel guilty.

 

 

Thank YOU.l

[sgttami]

I do have two brothers and two sisters. The oldest sister just flew my mother out from her area to live with me. She was burnt out and needed the reprive. My oldest brother is willing to take our mother, however his wife has threatened to leave if mom moves in. All the other siblings will visit occassionally (which is another concern, but we will deal with that later).

 

The other hard part about this is that my wife's Grandfather (95 yo) just passed and her mother is still somewhat greiving. She can't remember anything you tell her 3 seconds ago, but if you mention PePA she begins to cry.

Bottom line is, we will go and do our best to not worry or feel guilty.

 

 

Thank YOU.l

 

 

 

It is so sad when the children become the caregivers for the parents but it's sadder that there's sometimes discord for other family members.

 

"A mother can take care of ten children but ten children can't pitch in to take care of one mother."

 

Go on your cruise. You deserve it...