Learn from my mistakes, lost my kid 3 times in 14 days

[5waldos]

Please people, stop using the 'boys will be boys' or variations of this excuse. If your child is incapable of holding hands, unable to walk without running or otherwise incapable of behaving properly in public, regardless of gender, please re-evaluate your parenting.

.......

 

I am not using it as an excuse but there are real differences between boys and girls and boys at that age often aren't particularly interested in holding mom's hand. I said NOTHING about proper behavior. But at a certain point kids have got to learn to live in this world without being tied to mom's apron strings, or glued to her hands.

[Cuizer2]

Excellent response that is semantically null. You responded to nothing I said. Of course you clean up after a child. Of course you take responsibility for your child. What are you talking about?

 

You don't treat a child like a pet.

[bplazo]

You don't treat a child like a pet.

 

Why not? I treat my pets well!

[Cuizer2]

Why not? I treat my pets well!

 

Great, but you should treat your child even better. :)

[sacway]

Thanks to the OP. We have three kids, 4, 8 & 8, and are taking them on their first cruise this Christmas week (hopefully people with small tolerance for children and parents won't be on the ship, we imagine, since that is school holidays). Your story and how your child responded, and the many comments since, are helpful.

 

One thing no one has mentioned is the effect on parents and children of long distance travel. I would like to take the kids eventually on a Western Med cruise, but for now we are sticking to our own time zone.

[junglejane]

One thing no one has mentioned is the effect on parents and children of long distance travel. I would like to take the kids eventually on a Western Med cruise, but for now we are sticking to our own time zone.

 

If you're talking about jet lag, I honestly thought our kids dealt with that a lot better than DH and I did.

[daze6399]

You don't treat a child like a pet.

 

No you don't. Neither do I. You don't like a leash. You are not me, you don't have my daughter. So please don't tell me how to raise my child.

 

You can't provide any good reason for not using a "leash" other than it's like treating your child like a pet. Which it's not. Just because you don't like something doesn't mean it a bad thing.

 

I'm sure millions of children have been raised without ever wearing one. My wife and I chose to use one. We let our daughter pick it out, and chose weather or not she wore it.

 

You ever strap your kid in a stroller? Same thing. Actually worse in my opinion because they can't look at anything.

Make sure you are perfect before you tell me how to raise my kid ok?

 

daze

[njmom1975]

I don't want to get drawn into the leash discussion. I think that is a completely different topic about how to raise a child while keeping them controlled before they are old enough to walk with you on their own.

 

The original post was about losing a child repeatedly and I think the problem is that the child was allowed to 'run ahead' in a public area. I think is a bad idea for many reasons, including the results the OP had of losing their child.

I have a pet peeve over kids that run wild through hallways (ships or hotels), stores, and restaurants. It is unsafe and bad manners. The way we taught our children not to do that started very young with hand-holding or strollers and progressed to walking with the family, never running in public unless it's a park, and it worked for us. It is possible to have your children walk with you and not run off for every shiny object, but at younger ages it requires holding them or having them in reach at all times.

I was not suggesting previously that you need to hold an 8 year old or older's hand (boy or girl) when walking around the ship or every public area, my kids walk with us becuase they learned that behavior earlier by holding hands. The arguments that boys don't hold hands is wrong as mine did at least until 7-8 when in a crowd. On our med cruise I also grabbed his hand (at age 10) when in a place like the Grand Bazaar and whether he liked it or not, I'm his mother and he can deal with it.

 

I still don't get the reason for the OP losing her son at the changing of the guard. It sounds like both parents thought the other would take their son and neither did. My confusion is where was he to start with? If he was in another area of the crowd away from them That seems scary on its own. Back to the original intent, to warn people about the dangers of losing children in a crowd, I suggest never being apart from your children at any time by more than the distance to grab them at any age. When we are watching something as a family, either in a populated area like the OP or just at WDW we are always close to each other and we are watching our kids as much as the attraction. When we leave an aea it is a deliberate act of 'we all together, ok, let's go."

 

So for anyone traveling with family of any age, keep all family members in sight or within reach at all times and you should be fine.

[Cuizer2]

No you don't. Neither do I. You don't like a leash. You are not me, you don't have my daughter. So please don't tell me how to raise my child.

 

You can't provide any good reason for not using a "leash" other than it's like treating your child like a pet. Which it's not. Just because you don't like something doesn't mean it a bad thing.

 

I'm sure millions of children have been raised without ever wearing one. My wife and I chose to use one. We let our daughter pick it out, and chose weather or not she wore it.

 

You ever strap your kid in a stroller? Same thing. Actually worse in my opinion because they can't look at anything.

Make sure you are perfect before you tell me how to raise my kid ok?

 

daze

 

I'm not providing any parenting advise. Just my very strong objection to using a leash on a child.

[tkportersat]

The one that blows my mind is that I see parents all the time letting their small children run in front of them on the sidewalk of busy streets. Ugh. It would just take a split second for them to run into the street - or fall into it. I about have a heart attack every time :mad:

 

I don't want to get drawn into the leash discussion. I think that is a completely different topic about how to raise a child while keeping them controlled before they are old enough to walk with you on their own.

 

The original post was about losing a child repeatedly and I think the problem is that the child was allowed to 'run ahead' in a public area. I think is a bad idea for many reasons, including the results the OP had of losing their child.

I have a pet peeve over kids that run wild through hallways (ships or hotels), stores, and restaurants. It is unsafe and bad manners. The way we taught our children not to do that started very young with hand-holding or strollers and progressed to walking with the family, never running in public unless it's a park, and it worked for us. It is possible to have your children walk with you and not run off for every shiny object, but at younger ages it requires holding them or having them in reach at all times.

I was not suggesting previously that you need to hold an 8 year old or older's hand (boy or girl) when walking around the ship or every public area, my kids walk with us becuase they learned that behavior earlier by holding hands. The arguments that boys don't hold hands is wrong as mine did at least until 7-8 when in a crowd. On our med cruise I also grabbed his hand (at age 10) when in a place like the Grand Bazaar and whether he liked it or not, I'm his mother and he can deal with it.

 

I still don't get the reason for the OP losing her son at the changing of the guard. It sounds like both parents thought the other would take their son and neither did. My confusion is where was he to start with? If he was in another area of the crowd away from them That seems scary on its own. Back to the original intent, to warn people about the dangers of losing children in a crowd, I suggest never being apart from your children at any time by more than the distance to grab them at any age. When we are watching something as a family, either in a populated area like the OP or just at WDW we are always close to each other and we are watching our kids as much as the attraction. When we leave an aea it is a deliberate act of 'we all together, ok, let's go."

 

So for anyone traveling with family of any age, keep all family members in sight or within reach at all times and you should be fine.

[griffy116]

I'm now a Grandparent and my only grandchild is 16. His mother was a happy child, totally at ease with anyone in any situation. In a small town, he let go of my hand, only for a second. When I next looked, I saw her outside the entrance to the store, hand-in-hand with a stanger, headed down the sidewalk. Luckily, it was a nice woman who saw her standing on the sidewalk and asked where her Mother was. I'm sure I looked like a lunatic when I grabbed my daughter by the shoulders. This was long before the Adam Walch story but when I heard it, I immediately thought..but for the grace of God. My point is that it happens. Even back then, we knew the danger of a child wandering off with a stranger. My daughter had been told "stand right here and do not move." I don't think I was a bad or neglectful parent. Anyone who has had a car accident knows that you can become momentarily distracted. When you make accusations about the leash, please remember that some parents do this for safey reasons only. I would have welcomed a leash for my oldest daughter. The youngest one would have screamed bloody murder if a stanger even said "hello." ALL children are different, and regardless of the parenting skills (or lack of), some children have to have extra safety precautions taken.

[PattyW]

I think rather than critiquing how parents choose to keep track of their child, we should instead take the post for its intended meaning - make sure your child knows what to do if he or she gets lost; make sure everyone knows how to get back to the cabin, make sure the kids know how to ask an appropriate person for help if they need it. Above all - have a plan. Whether the plan is to "stand still and we will find you" or something else - have a plan and make sure everyone is on the same page.

 

I don't care if you hold your child's hand, keep track of them via leash, walk together without touching, dress every member of the family in neon green shirts, or carry your children on your shoulders every moment of the day. You can get separated even when taking all the precautions in the world, and it's important that children know what to do if it happens. There is no harm in being prepared.

 

I think it's very true that we assume too much about kids - a great example is that they will understand that a cabin number that starts with 9 means it's on the 9th deck.

[Onessa]

My DH read some of this thread over my shoulder and reminded me of an old story -- in the old County Stadium in Milwaukee WI, we had just attended a SRO game and were trying to leave -- so here we were, two 30-somethings holding hands so we would not get separated from each other. Our hands separated for what was only a second and I found myself holding hands with a complete stranger :D (50 something gentleman) - he had lost his wife's hand in the same instant!

 

Moral of the story - make certain your kid does know what to do if they get separated. Even adults, doing the "right thing" can be separated when both are concentrating almost solely on staying together.

[hucifer]

I think rather than critiquing how parents choose to keep track of their child, we should instead take the post for its intended meaning - make sure your child knows what to do if he or she gets lost; make sure everyone knows how to get back to the cabin, make sure the kids know how to ask an appropriate person for help if they need it. Above all - have a plan. Whether the plan is to "stand still and we will find you" or something else - have a plan and make sure everyone is on the same page.

 

I don't care if you hold your child's hand, keep track of them via leash, walk together without touching, dress every member of the family in neon green shirts, or carry your children on your shoulders every moment of the day. You can get separated even when taking all the precautions in the world, and it's important that children know what to do if it happens. There is no harm in being prepared.

 

I think it's very true that we assume too much about kids - a great example is that they will understand that a cabin number that starts with 9 means it's on the 9th deck.

I totally agree with you.

 

OP, thanks for posting!

[queensborough]

Great post. Very courageous considering internet anonymity breeds a big mouth. I have been thinking about shore excursions and safety issues in port, but had not considered safety on the boat.

 

I have some time, so we will be discussing:

1) Cultural differences and how other families may not observe the same social values that we observe.

2) School safety = boat safety, running for example is not allowed.

3) Where we will meet if we get separated. Who to ask for help. And drilling our room number in their head.

 

I am sure there will be more that come up. I really appreciate the post!

[McDebbie]

I appreciate the post also. We are planning grandson's first cruise in a few months (he will be 7) and since we don't see him very often I don't remember enough to think of all these things. Thanks for the reminders.

 

Dang, 7 year old boys don't like the leash? ;) There goes that idea

[CanadianTwosome]

My DH read some of this thread over my shoulder and reminded me of an old story -- in the old County Stadium in Milwaukee WI, we had just attended a SRO game and were trying to leave -- so here we were, two 30-somethings holding hands so we would not get separated from each other. Our hands separated for what was only a second and I found myself holding hands with a complete stranger :D (50 something gentleman) - he had lost his wife's hand in the same instant!

 

Moral of the story - make certain your kid does know what to do if they get separated. Even adults, doing the "right thing" can be separated when both are concentrating almost solely on staying together.

 

Ha ha ha I love your story, but I have to ask... was he cute? :p I am reminded of a story completely unrelated to the thread... my mom got hit by a big wave in Hawaii and the undertow pulled her under, so she flailed her arms out and grabbed the first 'solid' thing she touched... and came up with a man's swimming trunks in her hand. She apologized while averting her eyes, then came back to shore to share a laugh with the rest of us! :p

 

McDebbie and Queensborough, you'll find a wealth of information here, including some very good lists of family rules and the like. Do a little searching, or if you can't find the tips you're looking for, just ask and people will be happy to share whatever information they can. :)

[McDebbie]

McDebbie and Queensborough, you'll find a wealth of information here, including some very good lists of family rules and the like.

That's exactly what I am looking for, we've been on 13 cruises but none with grandboy so I need to brush up on the parenting/grand parent skills.

[emmtee]

Thanks to the OP for initiating this important discussion. I appreciate that your intent was to offer some helpful advice. Sorry that all the perfect people are flaming you. ;)

 

All this talk of hand holding reminds me of my childhood. Did any of you play the game "Red Rover" where one child runs at a line of other children holding hands and tries to break through? It's easily done - not only in a game, but also in a crowd. Anyone who relies on hand holding to keep their child safe would be wise to have a backup plan.

 

One bit of advice I've heard that hasn't been mentioned here yet: People usually tell their children to look for a police officer when they're lost. Better advice would be to tell them to go to a woman for help. Police aren't always around, and even when they are, small children may not recognize a uniform in a tight crowd. (One belt buckle looks pretty much like another.) Women, on the other hand, are almost always around, unlikely to be a predator, and very likely to help.

 

On a more humerous note: The subject of keeping track of children also reminds me of the time I took my 2-yr old niece to a Native American Pow Wow. Her mom had warned me that it was close to her nap time, so I told my niece, "Let me know if you get tired and I'll carry you." Almost immediately upon hearing this, she became "tired." :rolleyes: Soon, I became the tired one. Needless to say, we didn't stay very long. (Glad we went, though. She loved watching the children dancing.) :)

[SingleFatherofDD]

Unlike most of you, I am learning as I am going taking care of a 4 1/2 year old. I only took over being my DD father in February. I have only been on two vacations with her. One was to an Orthopedic Conference in Atlanta and the other was on a cruise. Both place she was in a kids camp. When she wasn't she was always by my side. However, like we have heard from this forum things can happen where your get separated even if you are holding hands. When ever we are in public she needs to hold my hand. I get a little lax on cruises but I know I should. The one thing I teach her is that if we get separated she is to stand still and look for someone to help her. In a hotel or cruise ship she is to look for someone in a uniform. She is to tell them who she is and that she is lost. She isn't suppose to leave from where she is. The only other information she is to give the person is my cellphone number. DD wears a backpack at all times when we are in public. Even on the cruise ship. It carries all of her toys and books. However, it has a built in locator and also an alarm that she can pull. I have role played with her a few times as what she is to do if she was taking by a stranger. Her reaction is good but remember everything changes when it actually happens. These strangers have new ways of getting these kids. Working in the city at a city hospital you sometimes hear the worst stories.

 

My advice is try to teach your children how to react if they are taking and always have an eye on them. They are your gifts.

[Onessa]

Ha ha ha I love your story, but I have to ask... was he cute? :p . . .

 

Not as cute as DH! But your mother's story is the best!

[mmbrocker]

Holy cow.. some people feel strongly on the leash issue. You know what.. keep it to yourself. Really. It's a parental decision. It is one that ultimately will do the child no harm so really... back off.

 

I'm sensitive on the issue, I have a son with high level autism. Holding his hand is NOT an option. He is also Spacey McSpacerston with no societal concept of fear (say of moving cars or strangers). A leash is helpful if I want to avoid carrying a tantruming 40lb'er.

 

Even w/out the autism, a leash might work for me. It doesn't for you. Fine. GET OVER IT.

 

Did I miss it? How did you find him in Athens? I nearly had a heart attack just reading that!

 

My hubby and I have a method we're using.. 1 person is assigned to our son. If he wants to do something, or I do.. we verbally 'pass' off our son. So say I'm walking with DS, I want to browse a store, I say "DH, DS is yours". I don't move until I hear DH say, "I got him". We too had the OMG OMG where did he slip off to moments. Even those quick moments were too much for this mommy's heart to handle.

 

Oh.. and the "My child always holds my hands, quietly and respectfully, because I trained my child that way". Yeah.. those are always girls. ;)

 

Thanks for the reminder OP that it only takes a moment or simple misunderstanding.

[Onessa]

. . . I'm sensitive on the issue, I have a son with high level autism. Holding his hand is NOT an option. He is also Spacey McSpacerston with no societal concept of fear (say of moving cars or strangers). A leash is helpful if I want to avoid carrying a tantruming 40lb'er.

 

Even w/out the autism, a leash might work for me. It doesn't for you. Fine. GET OVER IT.. . .

 

Well stated.

 

I see many very content young kids with the cute backpack "leashes". I think a happy kid, "functioning" in a public situation on a "leash" is better than an unhappy kid throwing a tantrum because "mommy is making him hold her hand" or sit in a stroller. The child can have some sense of freedom and autonomy without being placed in an unsafe situation.

 

quote=mmbrocker;26187810]Oh.. and the "My child always holds my hands, quietly and respectfully, because I trained my child that way". Yeah.. those are always girls. ;)

 

DD turns 15 :eek: today! And it was just over two weeks ago when we were in a VERY crowed train station in Chicago, and she asked to hold my hand to make certain we did not get separated.

[Julienatul]

Great post, it is important to always remember safety measures even on vacation. Sometimes people tend to let their guard down on vacation. You can turn your back for a second and something can happen. Luckily my kids are still very small so thay are right with me holding my or DH's hand or in a stroller at all times. I cringe the thought of them getting older and being more independent and able to walk off.

[mjkacmom]

Great, but you should treat your child even better. :)

 

Why do people put their dogs on a leash? To protect them. As a mom of 5, I don't have enough hands for them all (and they're all close in age). Parents must teach their children not to stray, run into the street, etc. Teaching takes time - you can't just tell a 2 year old to stay next to you, and expect that to happen. As a mom of twins, the only way my children could learn to walk next to me without bolting was to use harnesses (they LOVED them). Otherwise, they'd be stuck in the stroller (which is way more confining). I'd rather a child be allowed to walk and explore than be stuck in a stroller (similar to a wheelchair). BTW, #5 was a runner - he'd let go of your hand and vanish. Number 2 was almost as bad. Number 3 never left my side. All kids are wired differently, and as parents, we need to evaluate, and do what works best for each child.