Learn from my mistakes, lost my kid 3 times in 14 days

[CanadianTwosome]

Well stated.

 

I see many very content young kids with the cute backpack "leashes". I think a happy kid, "functioning" in a public situation on a "leash" is better than an unhappy kid throwing a tantrum because "mommy is making him hold her hand" or sit in a stroller. The child can have some sense of freedom and autonomy without being placed in an unsafe situation.

 

quote=mmbrocker;26187810]Oh.. and the "My child always holds my hands, quietly and respectfully, because I trained my child that way". Yeah.. those are always girls. ;)

 

DD turns 15 :eek: today! And it was just over two weeks ago when we were in a VERY crowed train station in Chicago, and she asked to hold my hand to make certain we did not get separated.

 

That's great. Mine grabbed my hand the other day and said, 'I don't care how old I am, I like holding your hand,' and I couldn't have been happier!! It's funny how doing things with your kids makes you think about your own mom, too... When we were in Cozumel on my birthday a couple of years ago, we were strolling along the beach and I took her hand and it was really nice to do that again. You're never too old to hold your mom's hand. :)

[daze6399]

In a hotel or cruise ship she is to look for someone in a uniform.

 

DD wears a backpack at all times when we are in public. Even on the cruise ship. It carries all of her toys and books. However, it has a built in locator and also an alarm that she can pull.

 

I have role played with her a few times as what she is to do if she was taking by a stranger. Her reaction is good but remember everything changes when it actually happens.

 

One of the things I tell my DD to do is to look for another "mommy" i.e. someone with kids, or a uniform and to tell them she is lost.

 

I love the idea of that backpack. Is it a regular backpack that you put a locater in or is a specific one?

 

The role playing is something I will have to try, haven't done it with DD. Seems like a good idea.

[McDebbie]

Getting lots of good advice here, thanks all. I remember one time with grandboy at Animal Kingdom when we were close to the Safari Ride, the showers around the curve. Easter, crowded and hot. 3 adults and 2 children. I went to the smoking area and DH and daughter went to the counter to get a drink. Grandboy and nephew in the shower had us in sight and they in our sight... well grandboy got confused and darted off into the main lane of foot traffic - nephew started off behind him and I was at least 20 lenghts behind. Never ran so fast in my life. :D I learned that time that having them in your sight isn't good enough. I still shake thinking about that time but at least nephew was 3 years older with enough sense to grab the boy and hopefully he would have known how to get help. We will make SURE though.

[FloridaPalms]

Holding hands vs. leash - sometimes you need both: ;)

 

 

This was when grandson was 2, with his aunt. I actually used the leash as a tether, hooked to my side, whenever we went to any of Florida's theme parks. I would still hold his hand whenever we were in crowded areas. Grandson was a bundle of energy and preferred walking over being strapped in a stroller. No sore back for me trying to hold his hand all the time and no wrenched arm for him from trying to run off in every direction. By the time he was 3, we had already stopped using the leash as he had learned to walk with us and automatically hold our hand in crowded areas.

 

To those who object to leashes, to each his own, but please don't criticize those who have used them. They are NOT a sign of laziness on the part of the parent (or grandparent) but, when used properly, can actually be a teaching device through which the child learns both freedom and limitations.

 

I am not using it as an excuse but there are real differences between boys and girls and boys at that age often aren't particularly interested in holding mom's hand.

 

True. At that age, might I suggest keeping a hand on the boys shoulder? This is what we do with our grandson (now 10) whenever we are in crowded ports, etc. It allows us to navigate side-by-side or single file through crowds without him feeling like a baby.

 

I think rather than critiquing how parents choose to keep track of their child, we should instead take the post for its intended meaning - make sure your child knows what to do if he or she gets lost; make sure everyone knows how to get back to the cabin, make sure the kids know how to ask an appropriate person for help if they need it. Above all - have a plan. Whether the plan is to "stand still and we will find you" or something else - have a plan and make sure everyone is on the same page.

 

I don't care if you hold your child's hand, keep track of them via leash, walk together without touching, dress every member of the family in neon green shirts, or carry your children on your shoulders every moment of the day. You can get separated even when taking all the precautions in the world, and it's important that children know what to do if it happens. There is no harm in being prepared.

 

I think it's very true that we assume too much about kids - a great example is that they will understand that a cabin number that starts with 9 means it's on the 9th deck.

 

Totally agree! We have travelled extensively with grandson (whom we are raising) and, while we have never lost him, we have always taken the precaution of making a "What if" plan and going over it with him.

 

While I do feel OP made some mistakes, including letting son "run" freely on the ship, I appreciate OP taking the time, and having the courage, to remind everyone to safeguard our children. Thanks OP!

 

~ Judy

[A&Jfamily]

Oh.. and the "My child always holds my hands, quietly and respectfully, because I trained my child that way". Yeah.. those are always girls. ;)

 

Not always - really depends on the kid. My DS (12) is a pretty high-strung type A personality. In crowds, he still has no issue taking my hand - so on this issue, he is a blessing. Of course that type A personality makes him a challenge on many others.

 

I have been blessed with two easy boys when it comes to the crowd thing, but I also recognize that we are all human and ANY kid can slip away in a moment. I think the leashes are an excellent idea and view parents who use them as responsible and caring.

 

Just my $.02

[tiff123]

Thanks for your post in order to help others - as losing children is a BIG deal!

 

None of us are perfect parents, as many of us would like to think we are. Flaming the OP is not helpful to anyone .

 

My boys are 7 & 9. We do still hold their hands in unfamiliar and crowded situations and it does tend to cut down on incidences of losing them. They know why we do it and don't seem to mind.

 

I'd have to say by far the one thing that gets us the most is miscommunication between parents. That is what lost us our 7 yr old once for a few minutes on the ship - because I thought the other had him and they thought I had him! It is such a common and easy mistake to make and something to be vigilant about!

 

I know children like to run. My kids would love to run down the halls of a cruise ship and down the stairs. But its not a good idea. First there are elderly people on the ship. If they were to fall they don't bounce right back like children or just average adults do. They have a much higher chance of breaking bones. Then when they break bones their complication rates are much higher. Cruise ships are not good places for children to run - it may seem harmless but it just isn't a good idea. Second, it may disturb people who are sleeping. Imagine being sick in a room trying to sleep off motion sickness or some other illness and children were running down the halls? It is up to us as parents to teach them to be mindful of their surroundings and be polite. And it is so easy to lose them when they run ahead! I know the OP realizes this was a mistake and hopefully others can learn from this as well.

[tiff123]

I think rather than critiquing how parents choose to keep track of their child, we should instead take the post for its intended meaning - make sure your child knows what to do if he or she gets lost; make sure everyone knows how to get back to the cabin, make sure the kids know how to ask an appropriate person for help if they need it. Above all - have a plan. Whether the plan is to "stand still and we will find you" or something else - have a plan and make sure everyone is on the same page.

 

I don't care if you hold your child's hand, keep track of them via leash, walk together without touching, dress every member of the family in neon green shirts, or carry your children on your shoulders every moment of the day. You can get separated even when taking all the precautions in the world, and it's important that children know what to do if it happens. There is no harm in being prepared.

 

I think it's very true that we assume too much about kids - a great example is that they will understand that a cabin number that starts with 9 means it's on the 9th deck.

 

great points :)

[sunshinegirl1344]

I think you are very dignified to be so polite to someone so RUDE! Thank you for sharing your experience, take NO notice of Mr Perfect - your advice will help so many people and me particularly. We are taking our daughter on her first cruise and I need as many tips as possible to keep her safe as the size of the Epic will blow her mind. Thank you, keep smiling and enjoying your vacations. with very best wishes, Kate x

[graceinmelbourne]

We just got back from a Mediterraean cruise with our two kids ages 10 and 13. We wrote our cell phone number on the youngest daughters arm when we were in port just in case she got lost. We told her that if she was to get lost to go into the nearest shop and tell them she is lost and get them to call the number on her arm. We told them to stick close to us and I held her hand anytime we were in crowded situations.

 

These things can happen though even if you are being very careful so don't feel too bad.

[johnson6ofus]

We traveled extensively with our 4 sons (only 5 years from oldest to youngest) including a tour of Europe, beaches, the Caribbean, etc.

 

We developed "travel rules" like you MUST stay close, I MUST know where you are, etc. And we all wore stupid matching "family" Tshirts- usually in a RED theme color. Not because I was playing "twinsy" but because ALL of the public then knew they belong to me.... and when you wore the shirt, you knew travel rules apply (and knew the parental leash would be shorter). This was especially important in large places like Disney, beaches, etc.. that had no "boundaries" like a cruise ship.

 

And ALL kids took swim lessons from the age of 1--- EVERY year until they could swim like fish. Hate to add the worry of drowning along with the worry of "lost".

[janna1]

I guess you better train your child to stay beside you! However, he wasn't afraid to approach a stranger and ask for help...that's HUGE! Good job! Do you remember the child who got lost on a Boy Scout trip? He was so afraid of 'strangers" that he wouldn't answer when his rescuers were calling his name......

Parents NEED to teach kids HOW to approach a stranger and ask for help!

Glad everything turned out good!

 

Not any strangers! You need to teach to them to find the "right" people for help. Spring break, I brought my kids to visit Beijing. My kids don't speak Chinese. If they get lost and they just talk anyone on the street, the chance get kidnapped is even higher. I told them if they get lost, go to any large, fancy hotel. Most of the receptions there know English and they can provide help. And I always write down our contact numbers on a small piece of paper to carry.

[janna1]

We just got back from a Mediterraean cruise with our two kids ages 10 and 13. We wrote our cell phone number on the youngest daughters arm when we were in port just in case she got lost. We told her that if she was to get lost to go into the nearest shop and tell them she is lost and get them to call the number on her arm. We told them to stick close to us and I held her hand anytime we were in crowded situations.

 

These things can happen though even if you are being very careful so don't feel too bad.

 

Write the number on their arm. That's a good idea!

[ROCruiser]

Call me paranoid. My brother had told me not to let kids out of sight for a second. Anything can happen in that second.

I teach, so I take kids on field trips. I would count the kids over and over again whether we are on a bus or at the site.

[ladeeesquire]

Leash, holding hands, whatever... I'm just glad people are teaching their kids to behave and preventing them from running off.

 

Thanks to the OP for posting as it started a good conversation between dh and I about crowd safety with our now almost 3 yr old daughter. I have adult sons so I think I know a bit about energetic little boys. I agree they have to be taught but they can still get away from you sometimes.

 

Each of my boys was lost once... I "lost" my older son when he was just over a yr old at the mall one time. He walked just to the other side of a table, out of my sight for ohh, I don't know, 5 secs but when I walked to the other side he wasn't there! Heart attack. I actually think I started screaming his name I was so scared. I found him of course within 30 secs or so and he was only about 10 feet away but that was a good wake up call for me.

 

I also lost my younger son in a Target store when he was about 3. He climbed inside one of those round clothing racks and was hiding from me. Again, heart attack!!! He was actually missing for about 5 mins but the store had already done a lock down.

 

The person who wrote that kids are small and move fast is right. They're also quite unpredictible.

[GrannyJ]

I came from a large family. My mother dressed us in matching outfits....at first she said it was so she didn't lose any of us. A few kids later, she would tell people it was so she didn't pick up any extras.

 

Speaking of holding hands: yesterday I was standing in a large crowd getting ready to board a riverboat in Chattanooga. All of a sudden, a small sticky hand clasped mine. I looked down and saw a little girl of maybe 4 years holding my hand. She said "you're not my mommy....where's my mommy???" I said "I think she must be lost." She said, "Yeah, she gets lost sometimes." Just then her mother came up, wearing the same color top and shorts as mine and we had a good laugh.

 

Luckily, I never lost my one daughter or three granddaughters, but I had a younger sister who had the talent of getting lost in our own living room. I'll swear, that girl had more disappearing acts than Houdini. Some kids are like that.

[highbridge5]

It happens.

 

We lost track of our 6 year old going through security. Each person has to go through the metal detector one at a time and you have to put through backpacks and purses and crap and collect them and keep track of kids at the same time. At this port, you went through security on deck 1 and then up a flight of stairs before there was an area large enough to reassemble a group of 5 or more. You are trying to stay together, follow the rules and instructions while not being a hazard to yourself and others...

 

Our middle child went through and when we all got to the other side and up the flight of stairs to deck 2, we realized he wasn't there. He had headed up the stairs and continued up the stairs to the cabin while the grownups were dealing with backpacks and purses and stuff and trying to help the 4 year old to give them his own S&S card and keep him from getting lost in the throngs of other passengers. Both me and DH were focused on the 4 year old and somehow it was my fault that the 6 yo was lost.

 

One adult took the other 2 kids and went back down to deck 1 to look and the other went up to the cabin to see if he was there. Sure enough, he was at the cabin and had even let himself in with his keycard.

 

Our lesson learned was to make sure the kids were reminded to wait for the group to catch up on the other side of security. The other lesson was to specifically designate one adult to handle the littlest kid and make sure the other adult knew to keep an eye on the other two.

 

I think the cruise lines could help with this if they would allow parents to

hold and deal with the S&S cards for kids when the family is getting on the ship. On our cruise, Carnival insisted that each person have/ding their own S&S card going through security and insisted that each person walk through the metal detector one at a time.

[Julienatul]

Ok I lost my kids this last week too!! He is almost two and I was holding him and we were entering the dining room and I set him down for literally one second to use the hand sanitizer machine and I look down and he was gone, he had run and was about 10 feet away before someone grabbed him, scary since it was near the granite stairway. I learned to bring the stroller after that!

[bplazo]

Ok I lost my kids this last week too!! He is almost two and I was holding him and we were entering the dining room and I set him down for literally one second to use the hand sanitizer machine and I look down and he was gone, he had run and was about 10 feet away before someone grabbed him, scary since it was near the granite stairway. I learned to bring the stroller after that!

 

Or a Leash :)

[thelioness1210]

Well, I have an 8 year old who just completed a 19 day cruise plus land tour of the Med this summer and yes, 8 years olds do hold hands.

 

Not once did we lose her on our trip. Why? Because we watch our child, are aware of who has her when we separate and because she holds hands. Most times in a crowd, my daughter will take my hand before I reach for her. Why? Because that is something that we have always done. Is she fearful in crowds? No, but she knows how to behave in a way that keeps her safe. And, because as parents, we are always watchful of what our child is doing and where she is.

 

Perhaps if parents actually parented their child, instead of making these crazy generalizations about what children do or do not do, they wouldn't lose them.

 

Oh, and thanks for letting your child run through the hallways - it is because parents like you that I was kept at night with children running past my cabin door every evening, or had to worry about the 'little darling' about to knock me over as they ran ahead of their parents in the hallways during the day. Really, is it so hard to just walk to your destination?

 

Well you deserve the mother of the year award not all of us are as perfect as you

[thelioness1210]

Thanks for posting this I have learned alot. We are going on our first cruise with two kids and needed the reminder of things we could do to keep the kids safe.

[cathy_kearns]

I remember when my nephew was small my sister took him to Disney and since he was a runner put him on one of those leashes that coiled like a phone cord. Within minutes she and her runaway toddler had hog tied an entire family from Iowa. She gave up on the leash after that.

 

When I took my little ones to Disney I was wearing carpenter shorts with the hammer loops. They would hold onto the hammer loops, leaving my hands free to peruse the day's program to find where Minnie would be appearing next. The older kids and husband were hitting the rides. Me and the two little girls were stalking Minnie. Good times.

 

I must say, to this day, when in crowds, I like to hold hands. My youngest child is now 16. So now, I hold hands with my sweetie.

[Jenjer]

The only perfect parent is one with no kids. Thanks for your post I will remember it with my own kids. On our Disney cruise they knew our cabin because of the decorations but on RCCL we won't have that. They need to know the number and its corralation to the deck

[nattie]

Well, I have an 8 year old who just completed a 19 day cruise plus land tour of the Med this summer and yes, 8 years olds do hold hands.

 

Not once did we lose her on our trip. Why? Because we watch our child, are aware of who has her when we separate and because she holds hands. Most times in a crowd, my daughter will take my hand before I reach for her. Why? Because that is something that we have always done. Is she fearful in crowds? No, but she knows how to behave in a way that keeps her safe. And, because as parents, we are always watchful of what our child is doing and where she is.

 

Perhaps if parents actually parented their child, instead of making these crazy generalizations about what children do or do not do, they wouldn't lose them.

 

Oh, and thanks for letting your child run through the hallways - it is because parents like you that I was kept at night with children running past my cabin door every evening, or had to worry about the 'little darling' about to knock me over as they ran ahead of their parents in the hallways during the day. Really, is it so hard to just walk to your destination?

 

I am glad you child is "PERFECT" and you are a "PERFECT" parent. However, this doesn't give you a right to put down other people.

 

It is very brave of OP to expose herself and to rudeness and general nastiness from "PERFECT" people so the rest of us can possibly benefit from her experiences.

 

Thank you for the post, OP. My boy fortunately could still be strapped to the stroller, but your experiences put a bug in my ear on what to be aware of in the future.

[mjkacmom]

Well you deserve the mother of the year award not all of us are as perfect as you

 

Well, I imagine it's not too difficult managing not to lose one child. I have 5, not nearly enough hands, and lost ds7 a few times on the ship last week. He's quick, and very independent. He also has an amazing sense of direction, and would just meet us at our cabin. We've lost this kid more times than I can count, starting when he was 2, and snuck out of the house.

[mjkacmom]

The only perfect parent is one with no kids. Thanks for your post I will remember it with my own kids. On our Disney cruise they knew our cabin because of the decorations but on RCCL we won't have that. They need to know the number and its corralation to the deck

 

We've always put magnets on our cabin doors on NCL and DCL.