Cabin Selection With Teens. Please Help!

[ventigirl]

We have cruised several times with our kids and have another one booked for April of 2011. We have two cabins selected (next door to each other). My question is this....we have an 18 year old daughter, a 16 year old daughter and one of their boyfriends coming on the cruise with us. We are trying to figure out the best arrangements for the two cabins so that everyone has an enjoyable vacation, but that there aren't any issues. We trust the kids completely, although we aren't naive and know things can happen. Has anyone ever allowed mixed groups of teenagers to share the same cabin when they are in close proximity to the parents and trustworthy kids? I would appreciate any input.

[cb at sea]

Do you remember how "tricky" you were as a teen? Did you NEVER do something your parents would have forbidden?

 

I would NEVER let my young teen daughter stay in the same cabin with her boyfriend...no..not even a "connecting" cabin (and you don't even seem to HAVE connecting doors!) Something can happen in a flash..especially with teens...they are fast, at that age!

[KFC]

We have cruised several times with our kids and have another one booked for April of 2011. We have two cabins selected (next door to each other). My question is this....we have an 18 year old daughter, a 16 year old daughter and one of their boyfriends coming on the cruise with us. We are trying to figure out the best arrangements for the two cabins so that everyone has an enjoyable vacation, but that there aren't any issues. We trust the kids completely, although we aren't naive and know things can happen. Has anyone ever allowed mixed groups of teenagers to share the same cabin when they are in close proximity to the parents and trustworthy kids? I would appreciate any input.

 

Your ONLY option if you "really" don't want alone time for the frisky teens is to have a boys cabin and a girls cabin (that means you and DH will be splitting up). If you're not willing to do that you will have NO control over their cabin connections because the sister will help them out or when she's busy on another floor the other two can steal away....and even if they are all in the cabiin at the same time, once the lights are out....

[luvs2travl]

Do you remember how "tricky" you were as a teen? Did you NEVER do something your parents would have forbidden?

 

I would NEVER let my young teen daughter stay in the same cabin with her boyfriend...no..not even a "connecting" cabin (and you don't even seem to HAVE connecting doors!) Something can happen in a flash..especially with teens...they are fast, at that age!

 

I realize that times have changed since I was a teen - even since my son was a teen - but ......seriously???? I'm totally with cb at sea on this one! You're going to have a teen aged male stay in the same cabin with your two teen-aged daughters - one of them being his girlfriend??? Where are they going to dress? Shower? Use the "facilites"? Who sleeps where??? Unless you have two suites booked, those cabins are really small!! Trust me - there are going to be "issues" of one kind or another!

 

I'm sure that cb & I will get 'flamed' for this, but NO WAY! Not on my watch as a parent.

 

I just had to call my DIL (she & my son have 4 daughters aged 11-18) and ask her if she would do it since she is of this more "modern" generation. She asked me if I'd lost my mind! :eek:

 

Is it do-able? Sure!! You & the girls take one cabin and your hubby and the boyfriend take the other cabin!

[johneeo]

..... we have an 18 year old daughter, a 16 year old daughter and one of their boyfriends coming on the cruise with us. We are trying to figure out the best arrangements for the two cabins so that everyone has an enjoyable vacation ......

 

The horse is already out of the barn.

 

Just ask the daughter with the BF what she would like for the "cabin arrangements" and go with that.

[luvsun22]

I think this is an issue you will have to decide on your own. Only you know what is acceptable in your family. I also have daughters the same age as yours and I would NEVER let them share a cabin with a boyfriend, trustworthy or not, it goes against our values. That however is only my opinion and like I said, you'll have to decide for yourself what is right or wrong, no one here can tell you.

[Springwater21]

leave the boyfriend at home!! or have his parents book too!!

[NorthCarolinaBelle]

The horse is already out of the barn.

 

Just ask the daughter with the BF what she would like for the "cabin arrangements" and go with that.

 

Are you freakin' KIDDING me? Even if "the horse is out of the barn," as you put it, doesn't mean the parents have to condone or participate in the rodeo.

 

Why can't parents be parents and not pals???

 

Flame away.

[Andee]

My parents would have considered me a good, trustworthy girl, for sure. And in many ways, I was. But, I stated sleeping with my BF when I was 17, rationalized it because we were planning on getting married--which somehow, in my teenage mind, made it OK. And, 3 years later, 2 weeks after colleghe graduation, we did get married--40 years ago.

 

There's a huge difference between smart and lucky--we were very lucky not to become parents at age 18. Be smart--don't take a chance on being lucky.

 

Personally, I'd leave the BF at home and make it a family vacation--but that's not the question you asked.

[johneeo]

 

Why can't parents be parents and not pals???

 

Flame away.

 

I really do not flame. I discuss.

 

Did the parents not allow the BF to go on the cruise with the daughter?

 

So now there is a BF with GF on a cruise. Where does the BF stay? Maybe BF and DH share a room, and GF, Mother/DW and DD stay in a room?

 

No matter what the cabin arrangements, it ain't gonna be pretty.

 

I am all for parents being parents. If I was the parent, this situation would not have happened.

 

 

Are you freakin' KIDDING me? Even if "the horse is out of the barn," as you put it, doesn't mean the parents have to condone or participate in the rodeo.

 

Did the parents not book the cruise and book the BF to come along. I think that goes beyond "condoning".

 

The parents opened the barn door and stuck the cattle prod to the horse's posterior.

[Pennypocket]

So many fantasies and so little time and space!

1. The 18 year old will be able to drink adult beverages. That adds yet another dimension to an already interesting scenaio.

 

So far we have a young lad that now thinks he has died and gone to sex heaven. Trustworthy, teenage hormones, adult beverages seem to combine to be an oximoron of the richest sort.

 

And you are looking for everyone to have a fine vacation and there not be any "issues" That may have been the best Freudian slip of the entire post. One shall say a prayer that there are not one nor heaven forbid two issues from the cruise.

 

Good luck - and do let us know how it all works out. About nine months after the cruise should be a good time.

[johneeo]

leave the boyfriend at home!! or have his parents book too!!

 

I concur.

[NorthCarolinaBelle]

"The parents opened the barn door and stuck the cattle prod to the horse's posterior."

 

Very well put!!!:D I think I misunderstood the sarcasm in your first post, when you said to ask the daughter what she wanted to do. I apologize if I did.:rolleyes:

[johneeo]

"The parents opened the barn door and stuck the cattle prod to the horse's posterior."

 

Very well put!!!:D I think I misunderstood the sarcasm in your first post, when you said to ask the daughter what she wanted to do. I apologize if I did.:rolleyes:

 

GEEEZ!

 

No apology necessary.

 

You wouldn't be the first to misunderstand me. You should talk to my ...:eek:

 

Nevermind.

[maryann ns]

And what about the spot daughter #2 is in! Nothing good can come from this. The only way te salvage this is to have gender separated rooms. Have a great cruise.

 

ps Is this a troll post having us on? I hope so!

[johneeo]

So many fantasies and so little time and space!

1. The 18 year old will be able to drink adult beverages.

 

I don't think so.

[kitty9]

Unless we're all missing something here, I'm guessing you know that your daughter and the boyfriend are "active". If that's the case, that's your problem and your daughter's. BUT, how can you even think of allowing the younger daughter to be in a cabin with the older two? That's way off the beam, imho. She has no business being in a cabin with an unrelated male, regardless of situation. You're just asking for trouble on that one. If your older daughter and the boyfriend want to do anything, it doesn't have to be in the cabin. But I'll repeat myself----how can any responsible parent even think of putting a 16 year old girl in the same cabin as an "adult" male? Again, unless we're all missing some point, I'm guessing that you have some sort of tacit approval of your daughter and her boyfriend being intimate. If you aren't of that persuasion, booking the boyfriend into the same cabin as your two daughters give a totally different picture. Of course you could be like my cousin, who fully believes that her 27 year old daughter was a virgin when she married---despite the fact that they traveled all over the USA together and slept in the same bed on those vacations and shared an apartment. Yeah, like that's the truth.

 

If you don't have a problem with your daughter being active with the boyfriend, your only option is to allow them their own cabin and have your younger daughter in the cabin with you. BUT, here's your other problem. Unless you're on Disney, Cunard or Crystal, the 18 year old boy will not be allowed in the cabin unless there's someone 21 (or 25 depending on the cruise line) in the cabin with him. It's different for your daughters being in the cabin, but he's an unrelated minor, according to the cruise line, and they have a rule that you must be 21 to cruise without an adult in the cabin with them.

 

Pennypocket, the 18 year old boy will not be allowed to drink alcohol unless this cruise starts in a port outside the USA. But seeing that this cruise is in April, I'm guessing during Spring Break, he won't be able to drink because his parents are the only ones who can sign the alcohol waiver to allow beer and wine. The OP cannot sign for him as they are not his parents.d

 

OMG, I just thought of something. What if the boyfriend is for the 16 year old???? We're assuming it's the older daughter, but maybe it isn't. If that's the case, we need Dr Phil on here.

[griffy116]

There's no way that, even if these teens conduct themselves honorably, your daughter's reputation and that of you as a parent will be affected by this if you allow your 2 teen daughters and her boyfriend to share a cabin. We had the same situation come up with some of the people who attend my Mom's church. They went on a cruise and took the boyfriend with a shared cabin with 2 other children of theirs. It was the talk of our small town. While you might not live in a small town, a school attended by your youngest daughter will get wind of the "cool" arrangements you allowed. This could, in the future, cause problems for your younger daughter. If you try keeping it a secret the problem will become worse. No one can make the decision for you, but I would say if abstinence is your goal during the cruise, it's going to include you and your spouse, since you'll have gender specific cabins. I wouldn't do it to my youngest daughter because it's going to be awkward with going to bed, goodnight kisses, getting up (hmmmm....can we say teenaged mailes in the morning) and coming in and out of the shower. Honestly, the more I think about it the more nasty the arrangement sounds. Why would you even need advice?

[AZNative2000]

Is this a troll post having us on? I hope so!

 

The OP is a brand new CC member and this is post number one? Either a troll or insane. I'm voting ... TROLL! If you really already booked this arrangement, why don't you ask the younger daughter's b/f along too? (A quad maybe :rolleyes:;):rolleyes:)

 

There is no good that could come from this situation. Will the OP come back and tell us which ship and itin?:confused: I doubt it.

[Linda&Vern]

My guess is one of the daughters wrote it hoping for the answer "she" wanted. :D

[johneeo]

 

why don't you ask the younger daughter's b/f along too?

 

The OP never said it was the older daughter's BF.

 

From the original post:

 

"we have an 18 year old daughter, a 16 year old daughter and one of their boyfriends coming on the cruise with us."

[beachchick]

The horse is already out of the barn.

 

Just ask the daughter with the BF what she would like for the "cabin arrangements" and go with that.

 

No absolutely not. They should ask the other daughter what she would like and feel comfortable with for cabin arrangements. IMO, it doesn't matter a smidge what the daughter with the BF going on the cruise wants. Besides, the parents are paying and it should be completely up to them (and the other sister), not the daughter and her BF. When the teens can cruise on their own and pay for it, they can have any arrangements they want. I would not have wanted to share a cruise ship cabin (at most 250 sqft, unless a suite) with an unrelated male, not even my best friend's brother, who was a good friend of mine, only 18 months younger than us, and very, very cute.

 

No matter how decent, well behaved, and moral they are, they are still teens. I can't help but wonder if the other daughter will really want to go on the cruise if she is required to share a cabin with her sister and the BF. It's really unfair to her because her sister will no doubt want the three of them to share (and expect the sister to "cooperate"). I'm not sure if the cabins are adjecent or connecting. Connecting would be better, but by no means ideal, regardless of how trustworthy the teens are in general.

 

So many fantasies and so little time and space!

1. The 18 year old will be able to drink adult beverages. That adds yet another dimension to an already interesting scenaio.

 

So far we have a young lad that now thinks he has died and gone to sex heaven. Trustworthy, teenage hormones, adult beverages seem to combine to be an oximoron of the richest sort.

 

And you are looking for everyone to have a fine vacation and there not be any "issues" That may have been the best Freudian slip of the entire post. One shall say a prayer that there are not one nor heaven forbid two issues from the cruise.

 

Good luck - and do let us know how it all works out. About nine months after the cruise should be a good time.

 

She will not be able to drink alcohol unless the parents sign a waiver and allow it. I do not assume that they will do so. Still, the same concerns exist whether alcohol is involved or not.

 

That's an interesting point about what the young man will expect. How does he feel about sharing the cabin with both daughters. How will any of them have privacy for dressing, showering, sleeping, etc? I suppose they could change in the bathroom, but that is such a PITA, especially when it's all steamy after a shower. Will the other sister feel awkward going to the bathroom in such close quarters, especially if she's menstruating. That's a really tough age, no matter how "mature" teens think they are these days.

 

Do you remember how "tricky" you were as a teen? Did you NEVER do something your parents would have forbidden?

I would NEVER let my young teen daughter stay in the same cabin with her boyfriend...no..not even a "connecting" cabin (and you don't even seem to HAVE connecting doors!) Something can happen in a flash..especially with teens...they are fast, at that age!

 

Completely agree. I did chuckle a bit, but only because I was remembering how disapproving my parents were when my husband, then long-time BF, and I moved in together before our wedding. My dad basically tried to "forbid" me from doing so--and I was 25, out of college, working full time, and had been out of their home for 3 years at the time! Once I had my own daughter to worry about, I realized that parents never stop being concerned and never stop wanting to tell their children that "parents know best."

 

 

ventigirl:

 

No, we would not have allowed unrelated teens of both genders to share a small cruise ship cabin. I think you are putting your other daughter in a terrible position if you tell her she must share a cabin with her sister and the BF. Are you considering her feelings a high priority? IMO, you should. How comfortable are you truly with the idea of the three teens sharing a cabin (close by or no--it's a big deal)? Do you accept that your daughter (whichever one it is) may be sexually active or may become so very soon? Is she mature enough for it and have you "covered" everything with her (STD avoidance; birth control; self-respect and safety)?

 

The only way I see for the fewest issues is for it to be "girls" cabin and "boys" cabin. I don't know how your hubby would feel about that; mine would not be happy or satisfied with giving up our space just so the BF can go on the cruise. I can guess how your daughter's BF would feel...disappointed.

 

Come to think of it, are the sisters close? Will your other daughter spend the cruise feeling like a third wheel? Of course, the 16-y/o will be able to participate in the teen clubs, while the 18-y/o will not. The 18-y/o will be able to gamble and go to the adult disco, but the 16 y/o will not. So they will likely already be doing some separate activities and perhaps will make some new friends. BTW, if you decide to allow the three teens to share a cabin, I suggest you strictly enforce "safe cabin" and "cruise safety" rules: No one allowed in their cabin; they don't go into a new friend's cabin or attend a party in any private cabin; they must spend time with you every day/evening; you must know where they are; at a minimum, the 16-y/o should have a curfew, certainly later than at home, but a curfew none the less; enforce consequences if rules are broken.

 

Please consider this further, especially for the sake of your other daughter's comfort and your own peace of mind. They still need (and deep down, want) rules and requirements at those ages. It could be that your daughter may hope that you do the single gender cabins because, if she's not already sexually active, her BF--no matter how wonderful he is, he's still a teen boy!--may be expecting more than she's ready to give. And it's such a wonderful gift that she should never feel pressured or uncomfortable about it. I think that a woman's first time often sets her up for how she feels about her sexual self and her body for a very long time, if not for life.

 

beachchick

[luvs2travl]

Methink perhaps we all took the bait! Surely the OP would've come back by now and agreed, or disagreed, or told us all what a great parent she was and how wonderful all the kids were, etc, etc.... With such a controversial question for a first post, I'm thinking that this was a troll hoping to get a bunch of us "posting" against each other while watching the flames from miles away. Didn't happen!!! :p

I think this is one topic with which everyone was in agreement, thank goodness!! 'Course as soon as I push the "submit" button, the OP will probably chime in to get things going again. ;) :) Just my humble opinion, BTW.

[AZNative2000]

The OP never said it was the older daughter's BF.

 

From the original post:

 

"we have an 18 year old daughter, a 16 year old daughter and one of their boyfriends coming on the cruise with us."

 

Good point! And from what they said, (one of their boyfriends) perhaps the daughters have mutual boyfriends which changes the dynamic altogether.:eek::eek:

 

Still say "troll".

[luvs2travl]

Good point! And from what they said, (one of their boyfriends) perhaps the daughters have mutual boyfriends which changes the dynamic altogether.:eek::eek:

 

Still say "troll".

 

I agree - troll! No replies, nothing, na-da from OP. Guess we all got suckered in again! Probably won't be the last time, either! :p :D