not quite LIVE FROM THE MAASDAM WITH TOMC

[solocanadian]

Enjoyed the giggles.:)

[tomc]

Back on the radio today. Took a while to get my head in gear and start reading the news as if I really cared about what was going on :p . City Council, blah blah; sewer commission, blah blah; Knights holding a breakfast on Sunday, blah blah. My head is still on the Maasdam even if it's "traffic and weather coming up."

 

Monday in Halifax

We had a bagpiper and drummer to see us off. Prevously, it was just a piper playing some sort of dirge provided by the merchants ("Fare thee well, thou purveyors of fair quid to our economy. Come ye back to our countryside soon.").

 

Bagpipes were used to lead people into war; as I understand it, the Scots were willing to die than listen to it. It's also been said (by those who say it) that people who say they like bagpipe music will lie about other things, as well.

 

I was surprised to see barf bags hanging at the elevators with care, in case supper would unexpectedly appear. Just as I stepped on to a lift, a guy reached out and grabbed one. "Gonna be a long ride," I thought, "no matter how few floors I'm going." As soon as I got out, I heard an unpleasant noise, but I didn't turn around to see if it was a cough, a sneeze or a Perfectly Grilled Breast of Chicken.

 

There is a really nice brewery acrosss the street from the terminal with a lusty brewery smell and tables for them what appreciates the finer graces of God's good barley and hops. Although I don't drink alcohol, I recommend a visit to this rough-hewn chapel of good cheer.

 

The usual rat catchers adorned the hawsers keeping us to the dock. Did not prevent me from returning aboard.

 

There is a CP railroad car by Pier 21 or 22, looking pretty down in the face. As it is the Director of First Impressions for people visiting the museum, the locals really should make some cosmetic repairs to it and stick a sign out in front telling us what it's for and why it's there.

[tomc]

Helen (hpf) --

 

This thred is not live, but "Not quite Live." I did not write it from the ship this year, but instead took notes and am doing it from home during the course of this week. I needed a little rest and relaxation instead of being clever.

[tomc]

Tuesday in Sydney

We had corn fritters at lunch, one of my favorites. They're chewy, tasty and have nice pieces of corn in them (remember to chew the corn thoroughly to break through the outer "shell" of the piece). They have interesting shapes, as well; one in my order had a thin bump sticking out which looked for all the world as if it were giving me the finger. Signature, or Finger, Of Excellence.

 

I have my favorite table in the Lido: Starboard side, all the way forward in front of the window; I want to see where we're going and, if the truth be known, who we're going to hit. Occasionally I have found people sitting in MY window seat and have silently darned them to heck (it's a less drastic punishment for something really not that important).

 

True story:

Some drunk guy wanted to get to what he referred to as the "Libido Deck." Huh ... the Libido Deck. On HAL, that boat has sailed and, from the looks of the pax, we ain't on it. If you took all the libido from the folks on this trip (the vast majority of them too old for AARP) and poured it together, it wouldn't fill a sub-atomic particle.

 

On this Memorial Day, we had a menu item listed as "Grandma's Turkey." It was Comfort Food Supper and, what with all the cutbacks, I'm surprsed they didn't serve hotdogs, the particle board of meats.

 

Another true story:

I was at a table in the Lido one evening and a husbnd next to me said to his wife, "There's something out there moving." She said she could not see it and neither could I. He insisted there was, but I still could not see anything (probably a reflection in the window glass). It sort of reminded me of the classic Twilight Zone episode, "Terror at 20,000 Feet," that starred a very young William Shattner, who watched something messing with the engine on the wing. Do cruise ships have gremlins on the bridge extensions?

 

Overheard somewhere:

Pax 1: "What do you think of the pipe?"

Pax 2: "I don't smoke, not even a pipe."

Pax 1: "No, I don't mean that; I mean the the pipe."

Pax 2: "The bagpiper we saw in Halfax? He had a nice touch with the pipes."

Pax 1: "I mean Pipe Francis in Rome."

Pax 2: "You from Australia, by any chance?"

[Krazy Kruizers]

I need my daily dose of laughs.

Thanks

[hpf]

Tom; live or not we will still follow you.

Helen

[tomc]

Just like the Pied Piper, or lemmings at the edge of a cliff ("Oh, please, you first."). Actually, lemmings do not jump off cliffs; that was done by the crew of the Disney movie "White Wilderness" in 1958. They just shoved them over the side wholesale.

 

"When you wish upon a star,

You'll get tossed way to far.

With our shovels we will pitch

Every little son of a witch.

We do this nice and quick

So we can say it's realistic."

[innlady1]

Wonderful! :D

[Himself]

Back on the radio today. Took a while to get my head in gear and start reading the news as if I really cared about what was going on :p . City Council, blah blah; sewer commission, blah blah; Knights holding a breakfast on Sunday, blah blah. My head is still on the Maasdam even if it's "traffic and weather coming up."

 

Monday in Halifax

We had a bagpiper and drummer to see us off. Prevously, it was just a piper playing some sort of dirge provided by the merchants ("Fare thee well, thou purveyors of fair quid to our economy. Come ye back to our countryside soon.").

 

Bagpipes were used to lead people into war; as I understand it, the Scots were willing to die than listen to it. It's also been said (by those who say it) that people who say they like bagpipe music will lie about other things, as well.

 

I was surprised to see barf bags hanging at the elevators with care, in case supper would unexpectedly appear. Just as I stepped on to a lift, a guy reached out and grabbed one. "Gonna be a long ride," I thought, "no matter how few floors I'm going." As soon as I got out, I heard an unpleasant noise, but I didn't turn around to see if it was a cough, a sneeze or a Perfectly Grilled Breast of Chicken.

 

There is a really nice brewery acrosss the street from the terminal with a lusty brewery smell and tables for them what appreciates the finer graces of God's good barley and hops. Although I don't drink alcohol, I recommend a visit to this rough-hewn chapel of good cheer.

 

The usual rat catchers adorned the hawsers keeping us to the dock. Did not prevent me from returning aboard.

 

There is a CP railroad car by Pier 21 or 22, looking pretty down in the face. As it is the Director of First Impressions for people visiting the museum, the locals really should make some cosmetic repairs to it and stick a sign out in front telling us what it's for and why it's there.

 

I take it you do not like the bagpipes. People either love them or hate them. There is no inbetween with them.

[innlady1]

I'm in Tom's Camp. Used to make me cringe at the inn when the bridal party would walk down the street past us...on the way to a reception...lead by a bag piper. We had one stay with us once...who practiced on our patio pre-wedding. :eek: In full dress...I have a photo somewhere.

[Himself]

Me self: I must tell you I love the bagpipes! I think they are teriffic!

Himself

[tomc]

I like bagpipes; that was just a joke.

[Typhoon1]

Thanks for today's dose of humor.

[disfanatiks]

Thanks for the laughs! Libido Deck...my fear is I will never be able to go to the Lido without laughing hysterically!

 

 

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[sail7seas]

Me self: I must tell you I love the bagpipes! I think they are teriffic!

Himself

 

 

I also love the pipers. No matter how many times we've had them welcome us and bid us goodbye in Halifax, I still hope we'll be port to the dock so we can see and hear them.

 

I still miss the old gent in the wheelchair who used to read us the Proclamation of Welcome. I always looked forward to seeing/hearing him but sadly he's been bagpiped away forever.

 

[SharonN]

I love the bagpipes. Brings me back to High School and the GH Highlanders. We usually had a bagpiper and the band all wore kilts. I was on drill team and still remember our version of the Highland Fling. We just won't say how long ago that was :)

[mamaofami]

Count me as someone who loves the bagpipes.:)

[mamaofami]

Count me as someone who loves the bagpipes.:)

[tomc]

Wednesday in PEI

 

I accidentally signed up for what seemed like two different tours, but actually covered much the same territory. The Shorex people alerted me and I ended up on a horse-drawn tour along with RuthC.

 

We pulled up to what had been the potato barn at the dock. It has come along some in the past bunch of years, although I really do miss the lingering smell of the potatoes. There seem to be an increasing number of vendors and an equally increasing number of crew members using little electronic devices instead of telephones.

 

Incidentally, I can usually finance a scone or croissant at each port by checking the coin return in the phones. A quarter here, a quarter there, it all adds up.

 

If you have been there, you've seen the little stage (moved from the right side to the left). Two step dancers were entertaining for whatever farthings we might toss in the violin case. I guess that's a more dignified way of turning a few quid than going around checking coin return slots. I dropped a few pence from the Canadian money hanging around from the last trip. A cute, slim little girl was the first up, dancing around in very close order to the recorded music.

 

In the information center, I visited the Necessary Room and saw three containers right inside the door: Waste, Cans and Compost. "That presents a problem, several of them," I said to myself. "Do I put my can where it says 'cans'? 'Waste' could mean 'poop' up here; you never know. Where I'm from, 'compost' means any organic matter, which is what I'm about to unload. These people apparently are pretty laid back, having the crappers right inside the door, but they're too high to just jump up onto." Just then, a guy comes out of a stall I didn't see, washes up and tosses the paper towel into the "compost" bin. That was one close call.

 

At 8:35pm we went under the Confederation Bridge. As is my usual custom, I warned people to watch for chunks of cement which would be falling on us as our ship's mast scraped the roadway. Nobody was buying that. As luck would have it, a truck was heading west (left to right) just as we went under the bridge. He stopped briefly after we went by, no doubt for a change of underwear.

[Krazy Kruizers]

I love bagpipes -- but only in the appropriate area -- like a parade.

[Himself]

Tom: Live or after, your posts are most enjoyable to read. Thank you for all the humor you bring to this board.

[disfanatiks]

Tom - Your posts are truly the best!

 

 

Sent using the Cruise Critic forums app

[RuthC]

Wednesday in PEI

 

I accidentally signed up for what seemed like two different tours, but actually covered much the same territory. The Shorex people alerted me and I ended up on a horse-drawn tour along with RuthC.

I had the pleasure of being taken for a ride with you on the downward slide. But I never did learn what you did on the up-trip.

Or did my company totally overshadow the memory??? ;)

[tomc]

Thursday on the St. Lawrence River

 

Guys, when you are making out your laundry list, don't make this mistake. When you check off "handkerchiefs" on the sheet, rememer to check exactly what you are indicating. Immediately above the little box is the indicator for "brassieres." Don't make the same mistake I did or the laundry people will look at you strangely when they meet you during the day.

 

The Mariner Awarads ceremony was held as usual. There were just a few copper medallions handed out and maybe two silver mariner awards: very few copper, maybe two silver. I've got a copper and maybe I'll be eligible for a silver in just $75,000. Maybe I can pick one up on eBay cheaper, if one were available (no, none are; I checked).

 

My rubber cockroach, a constant companion on cruises, is doing its duty. No pax are harmed during the making of this vacation, as they never see it; it's just between me and the crew. The bathroom girl found it one day in the sink when she turned on the lights; another time it was behind the toilet lid, which I left up. The room steward took it with great grace and I never knew where I would find it, although it mostly showed up in the towel animals.

 

I have used it with the Lido crew before. This time, it pretty much stayed in my luxurious first-class Inside-K Category stateroom. There are two ways to get an outside view: (1) Watch the bridge camera, mostly to get an idea of what the seas are like and also to find out what we are about to hit. (2) Bring a howitzer on board and blast a hole through your wall and that of the person on the outside cabin.

 

Could just be me, but aparently the soft cones at the ice cream bar (just the cones themselves) seem smaller, even if the ice cream is the same size. Anyone else notice this? Or am I just noticing things and/or paranoid?

 

While sitting in the Lido, minding my own business and that of anyone else's within earshot, there is a guy behind me who apparently has legal problems. Bad legal problems. I switch from reading USA Today to pretending I am reading USA Today and focus my attention on this jailbird-to-be. In my fantasy mind, I can imagine him in a 1940's movie escaping to another country on a fast-moving ship, talking to his moll (for you young'uns, a gangster's girlfriend). Except this isn't the right one. It doesn't go to some mysterious port in the Caribbean, or a North African country, but just to Montreal. This isn't Casablanca, the bar tender isn't Rick and the roulette wheels aren't fixed.

 

It's just a short drive for J. Edgar Formalgown's G-men who have already wired ahead to the Montreal gendarmes. "Pas de probleme," Inspector Clouseau replies. "We will 'ave eem in custody when 'e come ashore. You tell Klinger dat all is set."

 

Supper tonight is formal. Well, it is listed as formal and nearly all of us obey the dining code and desss appropriately. That should be a clue. One of the pax has his own idea of what "formal" means: He took off his jacket and put on his hat. In the dining room. Now there is real class, with a capital K.

 

HAL used to be "tipping not required," or something like that. They wouldnt even mention the "t-word." The CD could say [deleted by admin], or [deleted by admin] or even [this one really deleted by admin] but if they say the t-word, the ship hits the propellers. They still don't; it's called some sort of hotel service charge. You can remove it from you account, but if you do, the stewards show up with photos of their family waiting at the post office for their monthly check, The Man comes by to ask what's up and the chcolate mousse, compliments of the captain, comes filled with Ex-Lax.

 

My cup runneth over. That is, if you consider my toilet to be a cup. I considered it to be a weak fountain and my gratitude #1 was that it wasn't #2. If you want instant room service, call the FO and say, "My toilet is running over." The appropriate crew is there in about two minutes. If you want to have fun, toss a couple of Tootsie Rools on the floor. If you want to have more fun, keep one in your hand, act as if you just picked it up and eat it.

[nana51]

Funny review so far. Just a friendly reminder - the term "oriental" refers to things (rugs, etc.), not people. :)

Thank you for saying that. "Asian" is what you say for people