Same sex or no sex?

[Tam Tam]

Reminds me of what Dr. Seuss said....."Be who you are say what you feel because those that mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."

 

Please enjoy this cruise and every cruise after.

[Cruiser Craig]

That's a question that no one here can answer, partially because many posters already have, and you are still not at ease. After 33 years, and multiple cruises, cc replies are only going to be a quick fix. This has more to do with you, or your relationship, and coming to terms.

 

Maybe I'm sounding harsh, but I'm trying to just give you my honest opinion. We're in talks about joining my wife's uncle in Alaska, including his BF. He doesn't need repeat reassurance. To him, he'll be a normal guy on the ship, who happens to be gay, instead of a gay guy on the ship who wants to be accepted as normal.

 

 

 

Thanks Stateroom Sailor, on your hook you definitely provide bait for thought!

 

Not harsh at all! I agree wholeheartedly. Coming to terms is what it's all about. For some, it's a one time, one second deal, whereas for others, it can be a lifetime ordeal.

 

Are you in talks about joining him...or is he in talks about you joining him? Chicken or the egg? Normal guy who's gay, or gay guy 'accepted' as normal? An what does that mean in light of all of these other comments?

 

This is meant in a very respectful manner!

 

Many posters haven't answered the soufflé question. I'm still trying to fathom 'groping'.

[Chloesmom1]

It's so easy for me to say this because I don't have to live with the same reactions you do, but ignore those people (and by ignore, I mean a much stronger word).

 

I want to get to know people- their partners, be they the same or opposite gender, their interests, etc. I'd like to think that majority of my friends feel the same way. I would hope you would absolutely take part in all the activities. I've only skimmed some of the other replies so it seems like my only "caveat" to the above has been discussed: if someone is straight, gay, bisexual, etc., I think casual kissing, holding hands, and stuff of that sort is fine, but beyond that I hope people take it to a room :-)

 

 

I hope you have an amazing cruise.

[Stateroom_Sailor]

Thanks Stateroom Sailor, on your hook you definitely provide bait for thought!

 

Not harsh at all! I agree wholeheartedly. Coming to terms is what it's all about. For some, it's a one time, one second deal, whereas for others, it can be a lifetime ordeal.

 

Are you in talks about joining him...or is he in talks about you joining him? Chicken or the egg? Normal guy who's gay, or gay guy 'accepted' as normal? An what does that mean in light of all of these other comments?

 

This is meant in a very respectful manner!

 

Many posters haven't answered the soufflé question. I'm still trying to fathom 'groping'.

 

Very true to the first part.

 

I think many people, gay or straight, need to read "relationships for dummies", or something similar. I'm not saying you, but most people enter a relationship are trying to "complete themselves", or chase the Hollywood formula. "Being happy" is our own responsibility, and that is when a healthy relationship can be formed, with someone else who's self-actualized. Coming to terms with one's sexuality is just a part of it.

 

We're tentatively planning planning a cruise in June 2015, which will either be RCL or HAL. The uncle is a total airplane nut, loves to travel, but has never been on a cruise. He wants to see Alaska, so it would be more him joining us.

 

As far as "Normal guy who's gay, or gay guy 'accepted' as normal?", I'm referring to identity. I believe it is healthier to have a broad picture of yourself, and not pigeonhole your identity as any one thing. For example, it's not healthy for a parent to have their identity completely wrapped up in their kid, wearing a "Johnny's Mom" jersey at their kid's games, and crashing when they're an empty nester trying to find themselves. We could get into hundreds of examples: music, politics, religion, arts, race, sports. It's better to go onto that ship thinking "I'm a guy, and I like the Red Socks" vs "I'm a Red Socks fan."

 

As far as the last question, I don't know man ;)

[kitty9]

My sister and I have met and made friends with some great gay and/or lesbian cruisers. People are people and we don't care as long as they are open and fun.

[Elaine5715]

Happy and interesting people, nothing else matters as much..

[lawblond7]

I guess I want to think most people are not judgmental - but that is not the case. And in reality many face that if they are "too fat" or "too skinny" or "gay", etc. In general I do not think most people care about what goes on behind closed doors but some do not want it thrown in their faces - and I mean that for both same sex and opposite sex couples. I also think that a lot of people's reactions are based on (1) where they are from (2) their religious upbringing and (3) their parents. MY boys, 16, 16, & 20 could not care gay/straight, etc. Granted my BF from HS has been with her wife for longer than I was married and my boys love them both to death and my 74 year old mom and my 86 year old great aunt love them too.

 

However, I do know how once you get something stuck in your head or had a bad experience it is hard to get it out of your head. But just like when you fall off a bike - you need to get back on the ship and enjoy all that it has to offer and ignore the people who want to ruin your happiness. My guess on a ship with over 2000 passengers those who want to shun you or make you uncomfortable are a small percentage.

 

Just be who you are and don't give a damn what others think as long as it is not offensive on its face.

 

Sharon

[Jenninhawaii]

I would prefer you to be yourselves and enjoy your cruise. There are plenty of people who are not prejudiced against LGBT. Find those people and have conversations with them. Don't worry about what other people think of you. If there are meetings for LGBT on board, attend those to help you find people like yourselves. And make conversation with others who offer a kind smile, or a polite hello. My husband and I have quite a few gay friends and would never treat anyone with disrespect for any reason. I hope that you don't let others spoil your cruise fun!

[samiam0403]

I have to admit, I don't understand this 'groping dilemma'. We simply do not grope, period. We might touch, or caress (we do), but only in complete privacy. 'Groping' for me is one of those bizarre verbs which describes action in stipper clubs with pole dancing or maybe what could occur on third world subways during rush hours.

 

Don't tell me that after seeing two men lounging around next to the pool for two weeks, laughing and maybe sharing the same book, getting each other a beverage from time to time, sharing headsets for that special tune...you get it, right? These aren't two males on the prowl for female pole dancing moves?

 

'Groping' might be the greatest fear you have we could do with each other in public.

 

Except that we don't.

 

Ever.

 

We don't grope.

 

We don't even hold hands.

 

We simply enjoy each other's company.

 

OK, maybe, just maybe, we'll share a spoon of soufflé or another dessert when no one appears to be looking.

 

Is that so bad?

 

No. It is not so bad. Not even a little bad. And I am appalled that you have ever been made to feel that your relationship is 'less.' As a staunch conservative my entire life, a very dear friend came out to me almost 20 years ago. I then proceeded to quickly reassess my opinions because suddenly someone I loved was more important than my learned ideologies. I then attended a gay pride festival in London with him and his boyfriend and have never once since then thought twice about 2 adults in a loving relationship. As a young adult who was sure she knew it all, my eyes were quickly opened and I realized I had been horribly wrong. On every cruise I've been on, I have met couples who came in all shapes, sizes and genders - and I have enjoyed every second. I've also learned it's easy to say, 'don't worry about the haters' but I have seen the discrimination, subtle and blatant, against many of my friends and know that is easier said than done. I hope that very soon a loving adult couple is simply recognized as a loving adult couple, with no other caveat.

[JustCruiseMe]

I couldn't care less if you are gay or straight, share a spoon, a lotion application, and hand hold or a peck. Non issue. Have fun.

[notentirelynormal]

Truly blessed, bravo!

 

When I came out over a decade ago to my ultra-religious mother and so-so dad after twenty years with my partner, explaining that notwithstanding denial, my same 'room-mate' over the preceding years, was not just my 'room-mate', but is that he's my soul-mate and the person I love and will spend the rest of my life with in an exclusive, loving relationship, the answer I got was this:

 

"Because of having chosen to live this abomination, you will both burn in hell for eternity."

 

Neither parents have ever met my partner.

 

Paging Doctor CowPrincess, Paging Dr CowPrincess, painful memory alert, I think I need a follow-up therapy session!

 

Okay, we are at the bar one night. My step son says to me... my roommate, he's more then that. We're a couple. I said, "what?". My husband shushes me. I said don't shush me, I want to know what he said. So he repeats it. I look him dead in the eye and say, "are you happy?". He says, "yes". Conversation over. i knew everything I needed to know. God help the person who made a negative comment. Don't come in between me and my son.

[Sinppu]

I was about to write that I've never met a same sax couple on our cruises -and remembered then that indeed I have.

 

Goes to show how little I care :D

 

I hope that the OP or anyone else in this thread, will feel welcome in our company if we ever cruise together.

[Slugsta]

Craig, I am so sorry that you have needed to ask this question. I really don't believe it is anyone else's business what people do behind closed doors (as long as it is not damaging and both people have freely consented*).

 

I guess that your parents' reactions will stay with you for ever and colour many of your experiences. It is a pity that they cannot rejoice in having a son who is loving and loyal (33 years in a relationship is good going by any standards).

 

As to sharing a spoonful of dessert - FFS, I do this with my friends (male and female), never mind my partner! What is there to cause offense in that? Mind you, I have also been known to hold hands with my friends, kiss them on the cheek, squeeze a shoulder, apply sun lotion etc. By the standards of another poster on here, that seems to indicate that we are 'married' :D

 

My mother is in her late 80s and a 'born again Christian', so has been very anti same-sex relationships as she believes the bible forbids it. She has recently had to re-examine her own sexual orientation, so her views are finally changing (I must admit to finding it a bit strange when she 'came out' to me). Yes, some people hold beliefs that such relationships are wrong - but that is between them and their conscience, they should not inflict those views on other people (IMHO).

 

I then proceeded to quickly reassess my opinions because suddenly someone I loved was more important than my learned ideologies.

 

Yes, having been in this situation in the past, I agree 100%

 

* I have added this simply to preempt comments about spousal abuse etc, not because I think it is actually relevant to this topic

[Bonnie J.]

We have had good, close friends who are gay and have been together many years. We are just glad they found each other. We have enjoyed gay couples on cruises.

How do people know you're a couple? Just because two people of the same sex are cruising together does not mean they're gay. Granted women are more likely to cruise together but you could also tell people it would cost double if one of you sailed by yourself so you are both glad not to have to pay double to cruise.

Check out gay cruises here on cruisecritic. I know and have seen a cruise with only gay men but don't remember who sponsers these cruise.

[JawjaFatBoy]

I say live and let live. It makes life that much easier and enjoyable...especially for yourself:)

 

This!

 

I will say right off that I was raised that being gay/lesbian/bisexual was a cardinal sin. As such, I was very much against it for the majority of my life. Now, I'm older and I'd like to think a bit wiser, and I could really give a care. I feel that it's not my place to judge anyone for any reason. There is enough wrong with the world we live in to worry about already without adding something as minor as someone's sexual orientation to the list.

[rvsullivan]

Here's the issue with a post like this, IMO. After 150 posts, most have said very clearly they don't care. Not a single negative/biased post. We all know the general population still has some/many that are not pro gay. No one is going to publicly post an anti gay statement on here. The reality is, there are a huge number in the U.S. and elsewhere that are biased against something, including gays. It is going to show up in almost daily living if you watch for it. Best anyone can do is go with the flow. For the OP, if your own family is against this, you can be sure there are many others out there. Many churches/religions today still teach that it is wrong/a sin, got to ignore it and go on.

 

Best to you and yours!!!