Keeping up with teens

[jean87510]

51 minutes ago, S.A.M.J.R. said:

huh.  Our kids will tell us where they're going (mostly).   How did us parents survive when we were teens and there were no cell phones/tracking?  Do you REALLY need to be able to check in with your teens 24/7 (general, rhetorical question)?  

 

And even having a texting option doesn't mean the kids aren't doing something they shouldn't. 

If you are comfortable with that mentality that's fine.  I am comfortable with the ability to reach my kids 24/7 and them to be able to reach me if something happens.  Without too much detail, there was a bad time in my life where in hindsight I wish I had a phone to reach my parents.  I also had a recent incident with one of my daughters where luckily she had her phone and could contact us.  Of course a ship is much safer then the 2 incidents I mentioned.  Luckily we have only used it to find where our 20 somethings were in Bermuda so we could meet with them at night.

[robmtx]

12 hours ago, Mum2Mercury said:

Internet onboard wasn't an option when my kids were teens.  We didn't have any problem keeping up with them: 

 

This.. why is it so hard to keep up with family without technology these days? We did it growing up, and for hundreds of years as humans. I think it's just inexperience for the next generation, and how to do things without tech.

 

A portable dry erase board with magnets - hang on inside stateroom wall. You can hang it outside the room on your door, but I'll just come by and edit whatever's there 🙂

 

And usually, we'd have predetermined meetup times for things like lunch, dinner, shows, etc... so when not needing to meetup, I was comfortable not knowing precisely where my kids were.

[jean87510]

11 minutes ago, robmtx said:

 

This.. why is it so hard to keep up with family without technology these days? We did it growing up, and for hundreds of years as humans. I think it's just inexperience for the next generation, and how to do things without tech.

 

A portable dry erase board with magnets - hang on inside stateroom wall. You can hang it outside the room on your door, but I'll just come by and edit whatever's there 🙂

 

And usually, we'd have predetermined meetup times for things like lunch, dinner, shows, etc... so when not needing to meetup, I was comfortable not knowing precisely where my kids were.

If you are comfortable with that way, that's fine if it works for you.  Others prefer tech like myself.  Either way is fine.  

[topnole]

4 hours ago, Scottdalfonso said:

Wait...if I purchase an internet plan, I don't need to buy one for my kid as long as he has a C&A number??

Kids have the same Crown snd Anchor internet benefit as their parents.  So if parents get 1 or 2 free days (depending on diamond status), the kid does too.  That is a new benefit for kids.  Doesn’t do much of anything if you want internet 24/7 for the cruise.  It’s cheaper to prepay before the cruise and the diamond discount doesn’t apply to pre pay internet.  

[topnole]

5 hours ago, jean87510 said:

all of the above.  Add in Snap chat as well.

 

edited to add notes on door can fall. Swallowing Apple tags is a great idea but I'll let others start!  At home if my older kids are not home, I text or call them.  It's no different on a ship.  

Swallowing air tags?  Surely you are joking?   Please tell me this isn’t a thing now.  

[jean87510]

37 minutes ago, topnole said:

Swallowing air tags?  Surely you are joking?   Please tell me this isn’t a thing now.  

I was responding to an above joke.  😁

[mjkacmom]

I’ve cruised with our 5 kids before there was an app (we never got internet) and with an app. Being able to keep in touch was very helpful, we’d have breakfast together and then meet up getting ready for dinner (2 bathrooms for 7, so we did that in shifts).

[Scottdalfonso]

It's really not someone's place to say "just do it without technology, we've done it for years"  First of all, as technology advances, so do the kids- and asking a kid to keep track of time, and meet somewhere or leave a sticky note at a certain location is one thing....then doing it while they are out having fun and losing track of time is another thing. I'd rather have a sense of security knowing that we could reach each other if needed.  I don't know if I'd feel AS necessary to have constant contact with a 16-17 year old, but people have reasons.  My kid will be almost 12 when we sail again and we plan on giving him some freedom to hang out if he meets friends or wants to sign himself in and out of the kids club... but your damn right I'm going to have a way for him to get a hold of me at all times in case he gets turned around on the ship or something happens otherwise. 

[S.A.M.J.R.]

5 minutes ago, Scottdalfonso said:

It's really not someone's place to say "just do it without technology, we've done it for years"  First of all, as technology advances, so do the kids- and asking a kid to keep track of time, and meet somewhere or leave a sticky note at a certain location is one thing....then doing it while they are out having fun and losing track of time is another thing. I'd rather have a sense of security knowing that we could reach each other if needed.  I don't know if I'd feel AS necessary to have constant contact with a 16-17 year old, but people have reasons.  My kid will be almost 12 when we sail again and we plan on giving him some freedom to hang out if he meets friends or wants to sign himself in and out of the kids club... but your damn right I'm going to have a way for him to get a hold of me at all times in case he gets turned around on the ship or something happens otherwise. 

Really?  Go back and read the OP.  "Just do it without technology, we've done it for years" IS a valid answer to the question.  

 

All my kids have cell phones.  I appreciate being able to reach them/they can reach us if there's an issue. But that's in "normal" life.  Did their car break down somewhere?  Did their ride desert them?  Do they need picked up somewhere?   But *I* view being on vacation (depending on the vacation of course), especially on a ship, as different.  

 

Yes, it's basically a small city.  But a lot of concerns that I have on land are not there on a ship.  I don't have to worry about them getting stranded miles away from safety.  "Getting turned around on a ship"?  Surely they can ask an employee (or even another passenger) for guidance.  But what is "something happens otherwise" that the parents won't be notified (probably pretty quickly) UNLESS the kids have cell phones/immediate contact?

 

Obviously everyone parents differently and has their own worries AND can do what they want.  

[Scottdalfonso]

10 minutes ago, S.A.M.J.R. said:

Really?  Go back and read the OP.  "Just do it without technology, we've done it for years" IS a valid answer to the question.  

 

All my kids have cell phones.  I appreciate being able to reach them/they can reach us if there's an issue. But that's in "normal" life.  Did their car break down somewhere?  Did their ride desert them?  Do they need picked up somewhere?   But *I* view being on vacation (depending on the vacation of course), especially on a ship, as different.  

 

Yes, it's basically a small city.  But a lot of concerns that I have on land are not there on a ship.  I don't have to worry about them getting stranded miles away from safety.  "Getting turned around on a ship"?  Surely they can ask an employee (or even another passenger) for guidance.  But what is "something happens otherwise" that the parents won't be notified (probably pretty quickly) UNLESS the kids have cell phones/immediate contact?

 

Obviously everyone parents differently and has their own worries AND can do what they want.  

You're proving my point. What works for some, doesn't for others. Kids ARE different than they were 20 years ago, and people are too. Strange stuff can still happen on a ship-a kid can feel uncomfortable around a group of other kids OR adults,  and people may just feel more comfortable with an absolute way to get a hold of someone if needed.   I would LOVE to go on a vacation with no internet or phone. Only you know your kids- if you trust them to show up to a meeting place on time, or to leave you a message in the room- awesome. But I know a lot of people with teens who would not feel comfortable without knowing they can get a hold of the kid if they needed them.  

[mjkacmom]

13 minutes ago, Scottdalfonso said:

You're proving my point. What works for some, doesn't for others. Kids ARE different than they were 20 years ago, and people are too. Strange stuff can still happen on a ship-a kid can feel uncomfortable around a group of other kids OR adults,  and people may just feel more comfortable with an absolute way to get a hold of someone if needed.   I would LOVE to go on a vacation with no internet or phone. Only you know your kids- if you trust them to show up to a meeting place on time, or to leave you a message in the room- awesome. But I know a lot of people with teens who would not feel comfortable without knowing they can get a hold of the kid if they needed them.  

I was glad I could get in touch with my daughter when I realized it was past 1 am and she wasn’t in the cabin. Turns out she was playing monopoly and lost track of time. It’s also handy when you know they’re at the buffet and you’d like a little snack brought when they are returning to the cabin.

[S.A.M.J.R.]

7 minutes ago, Scottdalfonso said:

You're proving my point. What works for some, doesn't for others. Kids ARE different than they were 20 years ago, and people are too. Strange stuff can still happen on a ship-a kid can feel uncomfortable around a group of other kids OR adults,  and people may just feel more comfortable with an absolute way to get a hold of someone if needed.   I would LOVE to go on a vacation with no internet or phone. Only you know your kids- if you trust them to show up to a meeting place on time, or to leave you a message in the room- awesome. But I know a lot of people with teens who would not feel comfortable without knowing they can get a hold of the kid if they needed them.  

One could make the argument that if you DON'T trust your kids to show up at a meeting place on time or to leave a message in the room then they're not ready to be "out on their own". 

 

Again, saying "you don't need to use technology" *IS* a valid response to the OPs question. 

 

As far as your example of being uncomfortable around a group of other people, let's play this out.  Your child is uncomfortable wherever they are on a ship.  The right thing to do is to call their parents to do what?  Come "rescue" them?  I'm just not picturing it.  I would tell *MY* kids to simply walk away.  Separate yourself from the situation.  Again, if I didn't trust them to do that, I don't trust them to be on their own. 

 

I see this totally different than being somewhere "in real life" where one could be MILES away from "safety".

 

Do others feel more "comfortable" they can reach their kids 24/7?  No doubt.  Doesn't mean it's needed.   

[HappyTexan44]

50 minutes ago, S.A.M.J.R. said:

Yes, it's basically a small city.  But a lot of concerns that I have on land are not there on a ship. 

 

I am *more* concerned about the ship, and in fact that is why we are bringing a friend of hers along.   The cruise ship is effectively lawless and there is only as much protection as the company feels it has to provide, but even then people are attacked. 

Just a couple of weeks ago on Royal, the preteen daughter of a friend of mine had a crew member ask her for her phone number then follow her when she didn't give it.   She went back to her room with him following, and then he pounded on the door to the adjoining room next door.   If it had been empty, he was likely going to use his key to get in and then break through the adjoining door.  But, fortunately her dad was in the adjoining room.  When the Dad answered the door, the $^%$ pretended like that room had asked for maintenance.  

 

 

 

 

[S.A.M.J.R.]

18 minutes ago, HappyTexan44 said:

 

I am *more* concerned about the ship, and in fact that is why we are bringing a friend of hers along.   The cruise ship is effectively lawless and there is only as much protection as the company feels it has to provide, but even then people are attacked. 

Just a couple of weeks ago on Royal, the preteen daughter of a friend of mine had a crew member ask her for her phone number then follow her when she didn't give it.   She went back to her room with him following, and then he pounded on the door to the adjoining room next door.   If it had been empty, he was likely going to use his key to get in and then break through the adjoining door.  But, fortunately her dad was in the adjoining room.  When the Dad answered the door, the $^%$ pretended like that room had asked for maintenance.  

 

I disagree with a cruise ship being "effectively lawless".   First, while I know people get attacked on ships, I'd be much more concerned with my kids being in a major city.  I hope the Dad in your story followed up and reported the incident. 

 

That would also be a teaching moment for the child.  Going back to the room is probably NOT the best choice.  Going to an area with lots of crew... pool deck, restaurant, promenade, or even GS is the best play, IMO.  Now, a pre-teen (heck, anyone) in this situation isn't going to think straight, that's why it's a teaching moment.  

[Scottdalfonso]

1 hour ago, mjkacmom said:

I was glad I could get in touch with my daughter when I realized it was past 1 am and she wasn’t in the cabin. Turns out she was playing monopoly and lost track of time. It’s also handy when you know they’re at the buffet and you’d like a little snack brought when they are returning to the cabin.

This is exactly my reasoning... I KNOW he's going to lose track of time playing mini golf or hanging out with other kids... I just want to be able to shoot him a text or a call so I can be like "yo...get back to the room, and grab some Sorrentos on the way!"  

[HappyTexan44]

Yeah, that is why we don't live in a major city.  I estimate that I'm at most two-degrees of separation from everyone in our small town.  If we were forced to live in a major city, there would be much different rules for my teen.   

 

It was a teaching moment for that family and our family.  Our family discussed over dinner what should be done.  I can understand the little girls instinct though, go to safety.   She didn't know where her parents were, so she went to a safe haven, their room.  Then she had trouble sleeping for the rest of the cruise "since he knew which cabin they were in."   

We'd also discussed the importance of always using the hardware locks on room doors.  
 

Edited June 2, 2023 by HappyTexan44

[reallyitsmema]

1 hour ago, HappyTexan44 said:

 

I am *more* concerned about the ship, and in fact that is why we are bringing a friend of hers along.   The cruise ship is effectively lawless and there is only as much protection as the company feels it has to provide, but even then people are attacked. 

Just a couple of weeks ago on Royal, the preteen daughter of a friend of mine had a crew member ask her for her phone number then follow her when she didn't give it.   She went back to her room with him following, and then he pounded on the door to the adjoining room next door.   If it had been empty, he was likely going to use his key to get in and then break through the adjoining door.  But, fortunately her dad was in the adjoining room.  When the Dad answered the door, the $^%$ pretended like that room had asked for maintenance.  

 

 

 

 

 

This story is vey hard to believe.  There are cameras everywhere.  What did security say when the family reported the crew member?  Did they pull the video showing her being followed?  What happened when they followed up with corporate?

[HappyTexan44]

2 minutes ago, reallyitsmema said:

 

This story is vey hard to believe.  There are cameras everywhere.  What did security say when the family reported the crew member?  Did they pull the video showing her being followed?  What happened when they followed up with corporate?

 

Royal took it seriously, or at least they seemed to, and then they never saw that person again.  

I don't think they followed up with corporate.  I really doubt they'll be going on Royal again, so there isn't anything going to Corporate could do.  

And, really, it isn't like they can do a background check on everyone they hire.   Even if they do, the person might be the miscreant nephew of someone powerful in the government, so they'd report a model citizen just to get the person out of the country for a bit.  
 

 

[reallyitsmema]

45 minutes ago, HappyTexan44 said:

Yeah, that is why we don't live in a major city.  I estimate that I'm at most two-degrees of separation from everyone in our small town.  If we were forced to live in a major city, there would be much different rules for my teen.   

 

It was a teaching moment for that family and our family.  Our family discussed over dinner what should be done.  I can understand the little girls instinct though, go to safety.   She didn't know where her parents were, so she went to a safe haven, their room.  Then she had trouble sleeping for the rest of the cruise "since he knew which cabin they were in."   

We'd also discussed the importance of always using the hardware locks on room doors.  
 

 

16 minutes ago, HappyTexan44 said:

 

Royal took it seriously, or at least they seemed to, and then they never saw that person again.  

I don't think they followed up with corporate.  I really doubt they'll be going on Royal again, so there isn't anything going to Corporate could do.  

And, really, it isn't like they can do a background check on everyone they hire.   Even if they do, the person might be the miscreant nephew of someone powerful in the government, so they'd report a model citizen just to get the person out of the country for a bit.  
 

 

 

I have no idea if they do background checks on everyone they heir, they definitely do on anyone who is with children in Adventure Ocean.  As far as corrupt government trying to get someone out of the country, that is a far reach.

 

Why was a "little girl" out and about on her own with the parents back in the cabin?  This is definitely a teaching moment as children are always taught to go to somewhere with lots of people or a neighbors house if they have an issue with someone, never go home or to your cabin alone.  Go to guest services, a bar, restaurant or security.  Go up to an officer in a white shirt or even a group of people and ask for help. 

 

Once you actually go on a cruise, you will see that it is very rare to see any crew in the cabin corridors other than cabin stewards as other crew is not allowed.  Crew have certain areas they are allowed to go into and others they can't without permission.  Different departments wear different uniforms so it would be very obvious if this person was coming to do maintenance on a cabin.

 

Cruise ships are not the lawless places you think they are but common sense should always be used.  Ships take any incident very seriously and will put people off in the next port or lock them down in their cabin until the ship returns to its homeport.  We had a fight in the solarium on our last cruise and two went off the ship in cuffs in Bayonne.  They had been held in separate cabins until we got back as it happened towards the end of the cruise.  Two guards were outside one of the cabins they were in as it was women and one guard was not allowed to be with them alone.  Not sure were the other person was held but this was deck 14.  Multiple videos are floating around of the fight.

 

 

[Mum2Mercury]

On 6/1/2023 at 9:27 AM, S.A.M.J.R. said:

... And even having a texting option doesn't mean the kids aren't doing something they shouldn't. 

Yeah, technology can give parents a false sense of security.  

On 6/1/2023 at 10:26 AM, robmtx said:

... And usually, we'd have predetermined meetup times for things like lunch, dinner, shows, etc... so when not needing to meetup, I was comfortable not knowing precisely where my kids were.

Yes, I'd tell my kids, "Okay, so you're saying you're going ____.  Come find me after in the Solarium."  They always did.  

7 hours ago, Scottdalfonso said:

... but your damn right I'm going to have a way for him to get a hold of me at all times in case he gets turned around on the ship or something happens otherwise. 

Gets turned around?  I'd say do a walk-around on the first day, point out, "Look, our room is right by the Next Cruise Office."  Point out that they have maps next all the elevators and in other central locations.  Teach him how to find his way.  

6 hours ago, S.A.M.J.R. said:

One could make the argument that if you DON'T trust your kids to show up at a meeting place on time or to leave a message in the room then they're not ready to be "out on their own". 

Good point.  

6 hours ago, S.A.M.J.R. said:

... As far as your example of being uncomfortable around a group of other people, let's play this out.  Your child is uncomfortable wherever they are on a ship.  The right thing to do is to call their parents to do what?  Come "rescue" them?  I'm just not picturing it.  I would tell *MY* kids to simply walk away.  Separate yourself from the situation.  Again, if I didn't trust them to do that, I don't trust them to be on their own ...

Agree.  When my kids were teens, we talked about various situations that could come up ... one of the things we taught them was that if they felt uncomfortable about someone /something, they should leave and walk to the closest place where crew members were doing their jobs ... Windjammer, Guest Services, any bar.  On the first day, we'd look around and talk about appropriate places to get help.

And we taught them that, if they felt it necessary, they should start screaming (as opposed to waiting their turn politely).  

6 hours ago, HappyTexan44 said:

 ... Just a couple of weeks ago on Royal, the preteen daughter of a friend of mine had a crew member ask her for her phone number then follow her when she didn't give it.   She went back to her room with him following, and then he pounded on the door to the adjoining room next door ...

In general, a ship is a safe place, but bad apples exist.  Note what I said above ... teach your kids to go to the nearest place where crew members are working.  

5 hours ago, S.A.M.J.R. said:

... That would also be a teaching moment for the child.  Going back to the room is probably NOT the best choice ...

Totally agree that going back to the room /letting him know where "you live" isn't the smartest thing to do, but it makes sense that's what a child would do.  

[Scottdalfonso]

On 6/2/2023 at 2:48 PM, Mum2Mercury said:

 

Gets turned around?  I'd say do a walk-around on the first day, point out, "Look, our room is right by the Next Cruise Office."  Point out that they have maps next all the elevators and in other central locations.  Teach him how to find his way.  

 

I was still getting turned around on the ship after 4 days...Its easy to get off an elevator and take a minute to figure out where you are. I'm pretty sure my kid could figure it out, I'm not worried so much about that. It's really more just the fact that he may not pay attention to the time or be involved with something that lasts longer than the scheduled meeting time, he can let us know that with out us having to go back and wait in the room for him to eventually show up.  In any case- it's up to you. I don't understand why people care so much why others want to get internet packages or have a way to communicate with their family. It's a personal choice, We like having contact and we like having access to internet for various reasons during the trip.  

[Mum2Mercury]

5 hours ago, Scottdalfonso said:

I was still getting turned around on the ship after 4 days... I don't understand why people care so much why others want to get internet packages or have a way to communicate with their family ...

I'm not arguing that.  I'm saying, Show your kids where the maps are located, point out the landmarks that "point you towards" your room.  Teach them what to do if they don't feel safe. 

 

Give them tools for self-sufficiency.  That doesn't mean they won't ALSO contact you.  My mom's favorite saying -- I'm sure you've heard it before:  Give a man a fish, and he eats for a day.  Teach a man to fish, and he eats for a lifetime.

Edited June 4, 2023 by Mum2Mercury

[jean87510]

6 hours ago, Scottdalfonso said:

I was still getting turned around on the ship after 4 days...Its easy to get off an elevator and take a minute to figure out where you are. I'm pretty sure my kid could figure it out, I'm not worried so much about that. It's really more just the fact that he may not pay attention to the time or be involved with something that lasts longer than the scheduled meeting time, he can let us know that with out us having to go back and wait in the room for him to eventually show up.  In any case- it's up to you. I don't understand why people care so much why others want to get internet packages or have a way to communicate with their family. It's a personal choice, We like having contact and we like having access to internet for various reasons during the trip.  

You're wasting your time arguing.  These are people who lock their phones in the safe, use paper compasses with highlighters and folders when they board.  Probably have land line and drive to the bank to deposit checks.  

 

It gets old on here with the phone/wifi shaming.  

[gluecksbaer]

7 hours ago, jean87510 said:

You're wasting your time arguing.  These are people who lock their phones in the safe, use paper compasses with highlighters and folders when they board.  Probably have land line and drive to the bank to deposit checks.  

 

It gets old on here with the phone/wifi shaming.  

 

And doing all of that is fine, including the land line and checks so there's no reason to act as if there is something wrong with how those people live and cruise either.

There's nothing wrong with saying "Internet onboard wasn't an option when my kids were teens and here's how we did it."  It's really annoying when that turns into:  

 

On 6/1/2023 at 7:26 AM, robmtx said:

why is it so hard to keep up with family without technology these days?

 

I also grew up without technology, but I also like the ability to have contact with my kids.  I don't get why these discussions about keeping contact with kids or other family members have to turn into arguments and people trying to shame each other.

 

 

 

 

[Mum2Mercury]

19 hours ago, jean87510 said:

You're wasting your time arguing.  These are people who lock their phones in the safe, use paper compasses with highlighters and folders when they board.  Probably have land line and drive to the bank to deposit checks.  

 

It gets old on here with the phone/wifi shaming.  

I'm not arguing pro or con-Luddite.  I'm saying FIRST help your child to be self-sufficient.