In 1492………

[Jetdriver787]

In Fourteen Hundred and Ninety two,

Columbus sailed the Ocean blue.

In Twenty Hundred and Twenty Three,

It seems the time is ripe for me!

 

It’s taken 531 years for me to follow in the footsteps of the great Christopher Columbus and set sail on an epic voyage of discovery, across the ocean from the sleepy fishing village of Barcelona to the tiny hamlet of what I believe the native people call “Tam-pa” on the SouthEastern shores of the new world! My wife says 531 years isn’t bad considering how long she has been waiting to have the cabinet door under the Kitchen sink fixed? 🤷‍♂️ Anyway, Kris assembled 3 ships: The Pinta of the seas; The Nina of the Seas, and the Santa Maria of the seas, financed by king Ferdinand and Queen Isabella in order to embark on his 90 day voyage of discovery. Today we have financed King Jason of Miami in order to embark on ours!

 

It does occur to me that Kris’ went to a lot of trouble and expense to simply procure a carton of 200 cigarettes and a Potato! Or was that the other guy? I get them confused.  Can never remember whether Raleigh brought the Potato back or the Bicycle? (That will only mean anything to my older British readers!) I’m not sure what became of Christopher’s 3 ships? I suspect they were sold to Tui cruises who continue to use them to this day?

 

A few followers of these non-contentious nautical scribes might have stumbled across a recent missive where I (hopefully with great subtlety) bemoaned the paucity and quality of the fruit on this villainous Galleon. As a “Limey” I was concerned to notice a small Patch of dry skin on my forehead during my morning ablutions earlier this day! I spent half the morning “googling” the early onset symptoms of Scurvy, even though it’s only day 3 of the voyage!

 

It appears that this vessel’s master, a Nordic sea dog of fearsome repute, known for his obsession with the times the sun rises and sets over the yardarm, and reciting a string of numbers he calls “co-ordinates,” (incidentally I used yesterdays numbers in the UK lottery and won £10, so that’s the cost of that “Louis Vuitton” handbag covered! 👍) Anyway, it appears he boarded a songstress to entertain my fellow voyagers! Now, I know that much like food, entertainment is a very subjective thing, but oh for the love of God!! They say that even a stopped clock is right twice a day! I don’t think this young lady hit the right key once? At first I was worried that I was going deaf! By the end  of her set I was worried that I wasn’t!

 

Anyway, todays a new day and I woke with a spring in my step and a song in my heart! Whatever that songstress did, it seems to have cured my chronic tinnitus! Clothed only in my newly coloured (Wash & Fold) boxer briefs, I threw open the balcony door much to the shock of the young Filipino chap who was painting the balcony. Not really knowing what to say, I blurted out…..”JACK…..PAINT ME LIKE ONE OF YOUR FRENCH WOMEN!!!” My wife then appeared behind me and (rather unkindly I thought) said “He can’t……He only has  3 tins of paint!” Anyway he hastily gathered his tools and brushes and backed through the partition door and we haven’t see him since?

Another of our British idiosyncrasies is our aversion to meeting people we know twice in a short span of time. This is best exemplified in a supermarket where  we meet someone we know and then spend the rest of the shopping trip hiding in various aisles so that we don’t run into them again! I mention this because, on a ship it is extraordinarily difficult to assuage this cultural necessity. In fact, I am writing this in the main theatre! If you were wondering how I achieved this oasis of solitude, I wrote a sign saying “Quiet please……Singer rehearsing!”    Haven’t seen a soul! 🤷‍♂️

[Biker19]

1 minute ago, Jetdriver787 said:

I am writing this in the main theatre!

You might want to write in a different/larger font.

[76jxbarne1]

Yes please increase the font. I tried three different pair of glasses before returning to the Daily Telegraph.

[Jetdriver787]

Sorry! (another National trait!) I wrote this on my phone in default mode and it looks normal when I view it? I think RCI’s IT department (yes, hilarious I know) may be hacking my account? I’ve asked Cruise Critic for assistance. Failing that, I will email NASA and see if they have time available on the “Hubble?”

[neverbeenhere]

I thought someone was bragging about what went on in their stateroom # 1492.

[HicksRA]

The font is small..  It’s hard to squint and laugh at the same time.  👍

[Jetdriver787]

42 minutes ago, HicksRA said:

The font is small..  It’s hard to squint and laugh at the same time.  👍

Yet my wife has no trouble? 🤷‍♂️

[Ret MP]

Being a 72-year-old, I found the OP's post to be hilarious, well-written, and easy to read.  I liked it.  But, this statement holds true almost every time:  "No good deed goes unpunished". 

[GimmeOcean]

Um, which ship are you on? 

 

Edit: Enchantment, looks like.

Edited November 15, 2023 by GimmeOcean

[Ret MP]

I can raed the OPs psot jsut fnie.  Slmal pinrt dseon't seem to btoehr me

[soremekun]

31 minutes ago, Ret MP said:

I can raed the OPs psot jsut fnie.  Slmal pinrt dseon't seem to btoehr me

I can't seem to find it but there was an article online about misspellings and generally if the first and last letters are correct, we can decipher the word with minimal effort.

[Ret MP]

9 minutes ago, soremekun said:

I can't seem to find it but there was an article online about misspellings and generally if the first and last letters are correct, we can decipher the word with minimal effort.

Yep, I've been reading articles and posts about this for years.  Just last week, one of my cousins in Canada posted about it.  I responded that I honestly feel like I can read it just as easily or even better than correctly spelled words.  Actually, they are spelled correctly, just in the wrong order other than the first and last letters.  BUT, it really only works well with shorter words.  Imagine trying to decipher "Antidisestablishmentarianism"?

Edited November 15, 2023 by Ret MP

[Jetdriver787]

1 hour ago, Ret MP said:

Being a 72-year-old, I found the OP's post to be hilarious, well-written, and easy to read.  I liked it.  But, this statement holds true almost every time:  "No good deed goes unpunished". 

Thank you Ret MP. Your words are very kind if ill deserved. I’m a little apprehensive concerning your last sentence? I feel I have prepared thoroughly for this voyage by reading the Dutch Settler Peter Minuit’s 1626 treatise on the West India Company’s  $24 purchase of the Island of Manhattan. Although I hadn’t brought beads and trinkets with me, fortuitously there is a sale at the Centrum shops on Deck 6 tonight, where I should be able to rectify that omission. Coupled with the purchase of something called a “Fridge magnet,”. I also hope to avail myself  of a 15% “Diamond discount voucher?” I realise that there has been a little inflation since 1626, so I have also procured a box of overstocked red caps with the phrase “Make the New World Grate again!” Embroidered on them. I realise the spelling is erroneous, but they did come from a Cheese distributor in Amsterdam! I feel presenting these gifts before your officials at the port of entry should smooth my passage greatly. I’m also reliably informed that they are always  on the lookout for imported fruit and vegetables, but sadly this ship is not a good resource for such exotic gifts.

 

I have also ticked the box to confirm that I have never been convicted of “Moral turpitude!” To be honest I had to look that one up, and while my denial stands true, I do have to say it sounds like an enormous amount of fun! 

[Ret MP]

11 minutes ago, Jetdriver787 said:

Thank you Ret MP. Your words are very kind if ill deserved. I’m a little apprehensive concerning your last sentence? I feel I have prepared thoroughly for this voyage by reading the Dutch Settler Peter Minuit’s 1626 treatise on the West India Company’s  $24 purchase of the Island of Manhattan. Although I hadn’t brought beads and trinkets with me, fortuitously there is a sale at the Centrum shops on Deck 6 tonight, where I should be able to rectify that omission. Coupled with the purchase of something called a “Fridge magnet,”. I also hope to avail myself  of a 15% “Diamond discount voucher?” I realise that there has been a little inflation since 1626, so I have also procured a box of overstocked red caps with the phrase “Make the New World Grate again!” Embroidered on them. I realise the spelling is erroneous, but they did come from a Cheese distributor in Amsterdam! I feel presenting these gifts before your officials at the port of entry should smooth my passage greatly. I’m also reliably informed that they are always  on the lookout for imported fruit and vegetables, but sadly this ship is not a good resource for such exotic gifts.

 

I have also ticked the box to confirm that I have never been convicted of “Moral turpitude!” To be honest I had to look that one up, and while my denial stands true, I do have to say it sounds like an enormous amount of fun! 

What the .,.., did he say?  LOL

 

Here's a list for ya that I made just this morning.

 

https://boards.cruisecritic.com/topic/2888166-harmony-of-the-seas-january-14-2024/?do=findComment&comment=66437274

 

BTW, I wish I had the writing talent you have.  I'm betting you are a professional writer of some type, journalist, novel, candle stick maker, whatever, with a minor in history or vice versa.  

 

[goldfish65]

Best thing I have read today. I am envious of where you are, I have only made one crossing myself, there is nothing that compares to the feeling.

[skittl1321]

2 hours ago, soremekun said:

I can't seem to find it but there was an article online about misspellings and generally if the first and last letters are correct, we can decipher the word with minimal effort.

 

This has been debunked. 

https://www.sciencealert.com/word-jumble-meme-first-last-letters-cambridge-typoglycaemia 

https://www.dictionary.com/e/typoglycemia/

It works for short words, but otherwise, only certain typos allow it to be easy.  

 

Looking forward to more tiny writing from the original poster!
 

[Jetdriver787]

Just had dinner, and after being the 50th person today to ask the waiter “Did you get off the ship today?” His reply was that they did not as there was an unscheduled catering uplift. Strangely, this afternoon I walked through the buffet (something they have asked me to stop doing, in favour of using the walkways!) and I noticed the Bananas were looking distinctly fresh and healthy. Tonight’s Panna cotta even had a full (adolescent if not fully adult) Strawberry atop of it! The Merlot was back in stock.

 

If I didn’t know better, I might think a certain “Mr Jason” was scrolling through CC as he was munching through his Muesli at the balcony table of his Miami penthouse apartment this morning! 🤷‍♂️

 

Edited November 15, 2023 by Jetdriver787
Proof!

[Jetdriver787]

3 hours ago, Ret MP said:

I can raed the OPs psot jsut fnie.  Slmal pinrt dseon't seem to btoehr me

The Oxford English Dictionary defines the adjective: naive as

 

“showing a lack of experience, wisdom, or judgement.”

 

Curiously the reverse spelling is “Evian!” Something I unwisely shelled out over 30 bucks a box for! 🤦🏻‍♂️

[Ret MP]

6 hours ago, skittl1321 said:

 

This has been debunked. 

https://www.sciencealert.com/word-jumble-meme-first-last-letters-cambridge-typoglycaemia 

https://www.dictionary.com/e/typoglycemia/

It works for short words, but otherwise, only certain typos allow it to be easy.  It probably works well with typos but it also works well with jumbled letters other than the first and last letter.

 

Looking forward to more tiny writing from the original poster!  Agreed!
 

What has been debunked?  I don't think anybody mentioned Cambridge.  

8 hours ago, soremekun said:

I can't seem to find it but there was an article online about misspellings and generally if the first and last letters are correct, we can decipher the word with minimal effort.

 

8 hours ago, Ret MP said:

Yep, I've been reading articles and posts about this for years.  Just last week, one of my cousins in Canada posted about it. Without any reference to any accidemic reference/study I responded that I honestly feel like I can read it just as easily or even better than correctly spelled words.  Actually, they are spelled correctly, just in the wrong order other than the first and last letters.  BUT, it really only works well with shorter words.  Imagine trying to decipher "Antidisestablishmentarianism"?

It works for me and I never read a Cambridge study of ANY kind.  My mind decodes it quite well either by anticipation or by scientific mumbo jumbo.  I don't care, it works, and like I said, not so much for larger words.

[skittl1321]

5 hours ago, Ret MP said:

What has been debunked?  I don't think anybody mentioned Cambridge.  

 

It works for me and I never read a Cambridge study of ANY kind.  My mind decodes it quite well either by anticipation or by scientific mumbo jumbo.  I don't care, it works, and like I said, not so much for larger words.

 

 

As far as any of the articles say, there is no Cambridge study, that's the most common way it's passed around.

 

Did you read the example given?

"Soaesn of mtiss and mloelw ftisnflurues,

Csloe boosm-feinrd of the mrtuniag sun;

Cnponsiirg wtih him how to laod and besls

Wtih friut the viens taht runod the tahtch-eevs run"

 

 

It isn't about preserving the first and last letter that lets people do this.  It's about predictable text and being able to decipher simple typos that preserve overall sound.  

[Ret MP]

4 hours ago, skittl1321 said:

 

 

As far as any of the articles say, there is no Cambridge study, that's the most common way it's passed around.

 

Did you read the example given?

"Soaesn of mtiss and mloelw ftisnflurues,

Csloe boosm-feinrd of the mrtuniag sun;

Cnponsiirg wtih him how to laod and besls

Wtih friut the viens taht runod the tahtch-eevs run"

 

 

It isn't about preserving the first and last letter that lets people do this.  It's about predictable text and being able to decipher simple typos that preserve overall sound.  

Apparently, you didn't read this in an earlier post, "BUT, it really only works well with shorter words.  Imagine trying to decipher "Antidisestablishmentarianism""?  And, "Yep, I've been reading articles and posts about this for years.  Just last week, one of my cousins in Canada posted about it. Without any reference to any academic reference/study"!  And, "It works for me and I never read a Cambridge study of ANY kind".  I have two points I want to make about this:

 

1.  Like I said, it works for me and I've actually communicated with some folks that are like-minded/capable.  It didn't take any study of any kind, real or not, to KNOW that it works for me/us.  

 

2.  I don't know why there has to be pushback and made a contentious issue.  It either works for you or it doesn't.  To conflate what was posted above <(intended to be pure entertainment and humor) and a Cambridge study that isn't is pure hyperbole.

 

Okay, enough is enough.  I'm out.

[Ret MP]

16 hours ago, Jetdriver787 said:

The Oxford English Dictionary defines the adjective: naive as

 

“showing a lack of experience, wisdom, or judgement.”

 

Curiously the reverse spelling is “Evian!” Something I unwisely shelled out over 30 bucks a box for! 🤦🏻‍♂️

Funny you mentioned Oxford.  I just sold my home in Oxford on 16 October 2023.  Oh, Oxford, AL., that is.  But, I've never been to Cambridge, AL., which is south and east of Oxford, AL.

 

I'm sure all this trivia will be very helpful on my next cruise leaving out of Galveston, TX, not AL., in 59 days.  But, I'll be ready if asked.

 

 

[nelblu]

22 hours ago, neverbeenhere said:

I thought someone was bragging about what went on in their stateroom # 1492.

I thought he was commenting on the new Royal production "Columbus" on Harmony OTS.🤣

[Jetdriver787]

Well……it’s day 5 of this odyssey from The Kingdom of the Catalans to the New world, in the wake of the “please put your hands together” great Christopher Columbus! “One more time ladies & gentlemen let’s hear it for Christopher!” You will be pleased to know that the scurvy doesn’t appear to have gotten any worse, and in any event it isn’t listed as one of the things I need to telephone the medical centre on Deck 1 and report!
 

Now, I’m not sure what entertainment Chris had organised on the Santa Maria, the Nina and the Pinta, but as the Spanish Inquisition was in full swing at that time, It’s hard to imagine anything as painful today! That said……… The singer we took on board the other day has perhaps offered a flavour of those earlier times? She has yet to proffer a rendition of “Iron maiden,” but I would certainly consider ensconcing myself in one, given a choice of the two.  In the modern era it’s hard to find anybody since the likes of Florence Foster Jenkins that has provoked quite such an equivalent emotional reaction. Apparently bleeding ears isn’t something you need to report to the medical centre either? 🤷‍♂️ 

 

That said, some of the entertainment is really very good. There is a chap giving a series of excellent lectures on the “Titanic” and I am reliably informed there is also a Catholic priest onboard? I am not sure if this isn’t a tad pessimistic, but possibly the priest was brought onboard to administer the last rites to the asparagus? In fairness, the fruit and veg’ has improved in leaps and bounds since the emergency uplift in Malaga! 
 

Finally, today, please let me apologise once again for the terribly small font I seemingly used in the first post. The wonderful moderators at Cruise Critic have told me “this is your final warning!” No wait….wrong mail! 🤦🏻‍♂️ They have told me they cannot do anything about it. I think it may have been a result of using “pages” to compose the prose? I find that this phone rather annoyingly “autocorrects” not only every other word I write, but rather complete sentences! So much so that unless I stop and re-read every third word, even I can’t understand what I have written! Apparently the inventor of “autocorrect” died recently so I can only say “May he rust in piss!”

 

 

 

[NouCruzer]

Enjoying your 1492 TA reports.  Perhaps the Titanic lectures are appropriate since the singer seems to leave you with a sinking feeling.  Also, check the library for anything by Jules Verne; my understanding is that he wrote some pretty deep tomes.  Of note, autocorect changed that to times but didn't catch my omission of the second "r" in autocorrupt (er, I mean autocorrect).  So I agree with you; "May the inventor roast in pieces".