A guide to the ship

Often during my last (also first) cruise I wanted to know something and wouldn't know who to ask. The most interesting about the cruise was the cruise itself, and I felt I needed a guide. When visiting a church, I can ask the guide "Why is this door so small, people couldn't have been that small at the time?" and he'd respond with something like "the door wasn't that small, but the floor is much higher now", "they actually were that small, look at the size of this coffin" or "Mmm, let me check". I would like a guide exactly like that for the ship itself, for the whole duration of the cruise.

Questions I had were things like why is that flag so small? , why not use seawater for flushing toilets? and even questions that I would have liked to have an answer to immediately, even if at midnight: Why are we sailing in circles?. I didn't know about CC at the time, and there are still plenty of questions that I wouldn't want to bother you with but would have asked the guide.

So what I would like is an "excursion" that lasts the whole cruise and might be the most expensive of them all. It would include:

* A welcome event. "Hi I'm your guide. I've been such and such for so many years. Today's talk will be a short one and it's about this ship."

More subjects to be covered in the next days:

* History of this particular cruiseline, history of the industry as a whole

* Legalities (taxes, smoking, employment, casinos, Cabotage Laws)

* Commercial things (just the well known things, not real trade secrets of course): how many cabins would be empty, what's a normal salary for a room steward, the dealer, the piano man, how much does a ship cost, what's the cost of an extra hour in a harbour, or would Gibraltar actually pay the ship to visit their 280 or so jewelries, what's the average tip a room steward gets, etc. How much for booking the complete ship for a week for a company event? Does Microsoft pay HAL or vice versa? Does the souvenir shop, the photographer, the spa and casino pay rent or are they all employees?

* Problems facing cruise lines and how they are handled (storms, Noro, pirates, trustworthy high level officers falling into lifeboats a soon there's a real problem, environment, the well known ambulance chaser, drowning refugees in the Med)

* Things aboard that are necessary but ships won't brag about. The size of the morgue, do you have armed crew, are there actual jails on board?

* The future. Why not even bigger ships, like 10 times the size of Oasis, possibly without any ports of call because the cruise itself is the vacation, like DisneyLand? Cruising to the moon? Using ships to help UNHCR for refugees or when a tsunami strikes?

* Fun things I wouldn't have noticed but a guide would point at. For example, the yellow things that are meant to keep rats from climbing on the ship. Also, I wasn't surprised at the crew handing me food at the Lido and took it for granted, a guide would tell about Code Orange.

* The very technical. Can you predict how many will be seasick by putting actual movements of the ship, jetlag, passenger ages, food and drinks they had yesterday, etc in a computer? I heard the amount of sickness and coolness of rollercoasters are calculated by the derivative of the derivative of ... and then some. There must be similar calculations for ships.

And of course, the "excursion" (actually "incursion") should be sprinkled with a few actual tours:

* Kitchen

* Bridge

* Engine rooms

* Washing machines

* A quick peek to see what these super suites actually look like

* Meeting (and asking questions to) the guest relations manager, cruise director, the crew member that organized the crew show..

And last but not least: the guide (or one of them) to be very accessible. So he'd be around in the crow's nest each day between 10am-11am and 17pm-18pm and you'd share a drink and are allowed to ask even more questions. Harder questions like "who's the painter of the piece in the aft, there and there" would be answered by "I'll ask and probably will know the answer for that tomorrow"; questions like "how does piloting work?" with "We'll have a pilot tomorrow, I'll see if we can do a pilot tour". And an emergency number for questions that need answering right now, even if the guide is asleep and would need to ask the bridge. I would have used that option when my screen showed the ship going completely the wrong way and nobody at the bar and the casino had a clue and the befriended smoking officer wasn't at his usual spot.

Maybe I'm a bit too curious. While sailing through the Strait of Gibraltar I remarked to my sailing mate that the strait was so small, and the weather so good, that you could see Spain and individual houses on the African side at the same time. Which led to another passenger telling me that "Africa" was a totally different cruise...

Actually, it boils down to "What if my friend from high school, (who did become a captain though not on a cruise ship), happened to be the captain on our ship and would be proud and happy to tell and show me everything there was to know". I'd LOVE that.

Hopefully someone will be able to tackle your list. :)

Are you by any chance an Engineer?

A lot of things you ask about they are not going to tell anyone due to security concerns. No way will they divulge if security officers are armed, and what procedures are used for various issues.

Sea water can't be used because the salt would be corrosive.

I also think it's bad form to ask the salaries of the employees. I mean, if total strangers asked how much you make, would you feel comfortable telling them? I sure would not.

I don't think cruise lines care about how many people get seasick--they just handle it. And when it comes to Noro, they follow guidelines of the CDC.

For ship charters, whomever charters it, pays for it. If the charter is an incentive from a company, the company would pick up the tab. If it's just a group charter, those in the group pay their own fares. I had a cruise cancelled at the last minute because Oprah Winfrey chartered the whole ship for a party cruise.

Some cruise lines will not allow passengers into the working areas of the ship. Certainly nearly all don't allow tours to the laundry (insurance and liability) and most will not allow tours in the engine room for security reasons.

Honestly, I think a lot of what you're asking can be found doing your own research on the Internet. And I really think you're asking far too much from any employee to wake them in the middle of the night just because you're curious. I would suspect they would find you to be a huge pest, and 3am non-emergency calls would not be allowed. Nothing is that important.

A tongue-in-cheek day-dream of course.

But an interesting one, thanks for posting it. :)

There are plenty of other questions to ask your guide, and plenty of answers to questions you never even thought to ask.

On some cruises a senior officer - usually with one or two other members of the crew, such as the cruise director - will hold a seminar in the theatre on a sea-day, and it's always well-attended. Always informative, some speakers are quite witty & humorous. And the question & answer session at the end can last twice as long as the prepared talk.

I've only ever taken free tours of the bridge, that's on smaller & older ships. But on big modern ships you can sometimes take a ship tour - quite limited and quite expensive.

Almost as expensive as your personal 24/7 guide. ;)

Cabotage law?

That's something to ask your guide to explain to you at bed-time if you're having difficulty going to sleep.

The explanation is better than any sleeping pill. :D

JB :)

Ship's tour on NCL Jade ($75 unless you are Platinum Latitudes when it is free) covered the laundry; galley; waste disposal and environmental control and the bridge viewing area. Sometimes they go behind the scenes in the theatre.

Engine rooms would definitely be a no-no due to safety and security and the bridge is usually out of bounds (depending on the captain I believe).

I'm one of those folks who loves to find out how things work, etc. DH and I took the tour on Ruby Princess on our last cruise. 3 1/2 hours. Kind of expensive at $150 pp but you do get lots of goodies. We went all over the ship and ended up on the bridge where we spent 45 minutes since we had a captain who showed us everything. We had a couple of guys in the group who I think must have been former Navy - they were asking really good questions that the rest of us probably wouldn't have thought of so we got lots of info.

On most if not all ships you can inquire at guest services, and they will be happy to show you any room that is empty during the cruise (including suites).

If I had a suite booked I would NOT allow the cruise line to traipse people through my suite "for a peek." No way, no how. A total violation of privacy and security. I imagine most people would feel the same.

On most if not all ships you can inquire at guest services, and they will be happy to show you any room that is empty during the cruise (including suites).

 

If I had a suite booked I would NOT allow the cruise line to traipse people through my suite "for a peek." No way, no how. A total violation of privacy and security. I imagine most people would feel the same.

I totally agree. We sometimes book a PH on Celebrity and no way on God's green earth would we allow anyone to tour our suite unless it's part of a cabin crawl, that we expressly participate in. Otherwise, no "guide"would ever be allowed to do this.

A lot of things you ask about they are not going to tell anyone due to security concerns. No way will they divulge if security officers are armed, and what procedures are used for various issues.

I'm quite sure these are not real secrets. There must be laws, industry standards, etc. The bad guys will undoubtedly have ways anyway to find out if there are jails and guns on board.

Sea water can't be used because the salt would be corrosive.

While your answer is correct, seawater actually was used in not too distant history and there is a lot to tell about this like in this thread. It's also a question that is asked frequently, so the guide might spend a good 10 minutes to explain all about it and people like me would suck up that information like caviar.

I also think it's bad form to ask the salaries of the employees. I mean, if total strangers asked how much you make, would you feel comfortable telling them? I sure would not.

I earn about 3,800 euro a month before taxes if you are interested. Maybe I'm a bit nosey but I think it's nice to know if I tipped my room steward more than his normal salary. It also might explain why there is not a single white waiter on board while it would seem a dream job when I was 20.

I don't think cruise lines care about how many people get seasick--they just handle it. And when it comes to Noro, they follow guidelines of the CDC.

Really? I'm convinced cruise lines do not like their guests to get sick or have a lousy experience on board in any other way. In my experience (albeit limited to 14 days) they did their utmost to prevent Noro and seasickness. I even suspect cruise line would like their guests to have another trip.

Honestly, I think a lot of what you're asking can be found doing your own research on the Internet. And I really think you're asking far too much from any employee to wake them in the middle of the night just because you're curious. I would suspect they would find you to be a huge pest, and 3am non-emergency calls would not be allowed. Nothing is that important.

The internet has probably more about the church I would visit than a guide could possibly know, yet there are guides in the church because people want them to tell the general story, would point out some interesting things you wouldn't notice, and would answer questions about details someone happens to be interested in.

I did say it would be an expensive excursion so on a ship with a few thousand passengers I'd think one guide could be available 24/7. I wouldn't call at 3am to ask about the age of a painting. In this case though, the captain said we'd be sailing at 6 knots because it was just a small distance. I simply don't like a ship to sail much faster and turn around completely in the middle of the night, at one point heading for Syria, and having no one able to tell why. The 11:00pm call I would have made to the guide could have easily been prevented by the captain giving us proper information.

On most if not all ships you can inquire at guest services, and they will be happy to show you any room that is empty during the cruise (including suites).

 

If I had a suite booked I would NOT allow the cruise line to traipse people through my suite "for a peek." No way, no how. A total violation of privacy and security. I imagine most people would feel the same.

Yes, me too. I didn't intend to say the guide should open a cabin that was occupied. With "a peek" I meant that humble people like me would never actually sleep in it :) The guide would be able to find out if there would be an empty suite, or maybe after disembarkation. I was in a Vista Suite and would have liked to see an inside cabin as well.

Engine rooms would definitely be a no-no due to safety and security and the bridge is usually out of bounds (depending on the captain I believe).

I'd be happy to sign a waiver for the engine room for safety. For security, I wonder what a bad guy could do there that couldn't be done elsewhere on the ship. Even breaking the engines wouldn't sink the ship. Anyway, apparently tours in the engine rooms do exist.

Hopefully someone will be able to tackle your list. :)

 

Are you by any chance an Engineer?

Nope, I'm in IT. But at 6 I told everyone I'd become an inventor, and I think I was right :)

Also thanks to sparky-elpaso, SteveH2508 and John Bull for acknowledging that it's not that ridiculous to be interested in the ship itself :)

I think you could be on to something. By your mention of the Crows Nest, it seems maybe your cruise was on Holland America? I can see something like this being a hit on a line like HAL which is less active and more into guest lectures, etc.

Of course, there are some things on your list that it wouldn't include, like the specific capabilites of the security dept and of course, the stateroom/suite portion would have to come with a disclaimer that it's dependent on room availability. But otherwise, it could very well be a hit. Some lines already have extensive behind the scenes tours that you pay for that include the bridge, galley, engine control room, backstage, crew spaces, etc, so going the extra step and making it a multi-day affair probably wouldn't be too much of a stretch.

Make the pitch. You never know. ;)

I think you could be on to something. By your mention of the Crows Nest, it seems maybe your cruise was on Holland America? I can see something like this being a hit on a line like HAL which is less active and more into guest lectures, etc.

 

Of course, there are some things on your list that it wouldn't include, like the specific capabilites of the security dept and of course, the stateroom/suite portion would have to come with a disclaimer that it's dependent on room availability. But otherwise, it could very well be a hit. Some lines already have extensive behind the scenes tours that you pay for that include the bridge, galley, engine control room, backstage, crew spaces, etc, so going the extra step and making it a multi-day affair probably wouldn't be too much of a stretch.

 

Make the pitch. You never know. ;)

Thanks! :) Yes, it was HAL. We had a quite boring excursion at (IIRC) a steep $120 and continued with hop on/hop off buses and knowledgeable taxis after that which we liked much better. If the guide thing was an option, I'd be more than happy to pay like $500 for a 14 night cruise to have someone who could get us anywhere on the ship, points at things that we wouldn't notice, etc.

Regarding the security department, I don't want to know the exact details. General facts any crook can easily find out would be nice, though. Like "we do have jails, if you want to I can show them", "last year we picked up 4 drownees and had 2 stowaways and put them in jail", "We do have crew members that have access to guns if needed", "Yes, the possibility of mutiny is considered and we have standard operating procedures to deal with it".

I did make the pitch to HAL and got a standard "thank you very much, the input of our guests are most valued, we'll send it to Seattle, bla, bla" reply. Yet I guess they have a whole team looking at CC, so maybe ..

Princess has something called the Ultimate ship's tour. It costs $150 and people on this board have said it is great (I have never done it.)

Here is the link to the info:

http://www.princess.com/news/backgrounders_and_fact_sheets/factsheet/Ultimate-Ship-Tour.html#.VHONZ4eWGC0

It is a pretty comprehensive tour-and they thrown in some interesting gifts!

.......

 

Some cruise lines will not allow passengers into the working areas of the ship. Certainly nearly all don't allow tours to the laundry (insurance and liability) and most will not allow tours in the engine room for security reasons. ......

.

Although you are correct about no touring of engine rooms you are not correct about touring the laundry room. Both NCL and HAL include the laundry room in their 'behind the scenes' tours. I think perhaps other cruise lines do too.

My first cruise was with my bf (now hubby) who had been on his first cruise before meeting me. So he served as my guide for the things I was interested, such as activities. At that time, there were bridge tours (this was before 9/11) and galley tours, which we took. But I'm not interested in the minutia the OP seems to be. I can't imagine someone who want to be on call 24/7 just to answer questions -- many of which could wait, IMO. Why not write down the questions that pop in your head. Then you can go to the purser's or passenger service desk and hand in your list. Most likely, there will be staff that will get a good laugh out of your list, but might actually have someone available that will write answers to some of your questions.

Many of your questions can get answered by research away from the ship.

For example: The future. Why not even bigger ships, like 10 times the size of Oasis, possibly without any ports of call because the cruise itself is the vacation, like DisneyLand? Cruising to the moon? Using ships to help UNHCR for refugees or when a tsunami strikes?

Because of the PVSA, cruises to nowhere are very few and do have some criteria. I wouldn't mind just being at sea, but there's many who rather have a port-intensive cruise, and a behemoth of the seas does limit the ports that can be berthed at. And in the past, cruise ships have been used in terms of emergency such as after Hurricane Katrina.

And: Actually, it boils down to "What if my friend from high school, (who did become a captain though not on a cruise ship), happened to be the captain on our ship and would be proud and happy to tell and show me everything there was to know". I'd LOVE that.

And would you want to monopolize your friend's time while he's trying to acccomplish his job? If someone was gracious enough to show me around their place, I would hope to try to be as unobtrusive as possible and know when to end my visit so not to jeopardize his job. Again, maybe write down some questions, but try to narrow those down to ask later on, if really curious. Otherwise I would be taking advantage of his expertise.

Get the idea?

I did say it would be an expensive excursion so on a ship with a few thousand passengers I'd think one guide could be available 24/7. I wouldn't call at 3am to ask about the age of a painting. In this case though, the captain said we'd be sailing at 6 knots because it was just a small distance. I simply don't like a ship to sail much faster and turn around completely in the middle of the night, at one point heading for Syria, and having no one able to tell why. The 11:00pm call I would have made to the guide could have easily been prevented by the captain giving us proper information.

 

Yes, me too. I didn't intend to say the guide should open a cabin that was occupied. With "a peek" I meant that humble people like me would never actually sleep in it :) The guide would be able to find out if there would be an empty suite, or maybe after disembarkation. I was in a Vista Suite and would have liked to see an inside cabin as well.

 

I'd be happy to sign a waiver for the engine room for safety. For security, I wonder what a bad guy could do there that couldn't be done elsewhere on the ship. Even breaking the engines wouldn't sink the ship. Anyway, apparently tours in the engine rooms do exist.

 

QUOTE]

 

There are many people working on a cruise ship who can give you all the information you are looking for.

In this age of frugal cruisers and resultant cutbacks, no cruise line is going to assign a valuable crew or passenger cabin to an additional "guide" who can answer questions at all hours. It's a dumb idea that will never happen.

The Hotel Director, Staff Captain, and Engineers can answer all the questions you have. You need only contact them when you are onboard. But they will not appreciate you telephoning them at 11pm to answer a silly question about which direction the ship is going.

 

We do not really care which direction or which speed you want the ship to travel. If that is important to you, you need to purchase your own ship - or get a Captain's License.

 

At the end of a cruise, when all or nearly all passengers are leaving, you can tour the ship alone and at your lesisure, visiting all the cabin categories, as all unoccupied (and dirty) cabins will have their doors propped open for cleaning.

 

Engine room tours DO NOT exist on cruise ships today. The link you gave listed part of an expensive ship tour that visits the Engine Control Room, where the Chief Engineer answers all the questions you have.

Engine spaces on today's cruise ships are quite dangerous. Hearing protection must be worn and you cannot hear anything over the engine noise. Every surface you might touch will burn you. Anything you brush against will stain your clothing with oil or paint. Almost anywhere you walk is dangerously slippery with oil.

If there is a fire in the engine room (happens quite often) the space is quickly flooded with CO2 and Halon Gas. Anyone left inside the space will die. NO TOURS.

I do not want to go through the entire original post, but the thought of such a tour and/or presentation in the ship's auditorium would be nice. Disney has a presentation that answers many questions about the construction of the ship, the history of Disney cruises, etc. Here at home, I teach at two local universities' LifeLong Learning programs about famous ship disasters, and it has been well-received. As part of the course, I explain a great deal about how ships are operated, the Rules of the Road, navigation, etc., to give the class an understanding, if those cases, of what went wrong.

I suspect that the most able people would be ship's company officers, and their time is a bit limited. They likely couldn't be available all of the time, but could teach a class or two when the ship is at sea.

There are some things on your list that they are not going to get into, and a tour of the engineering spaces is very, very, very unlikely, but you can take tours on some lines of less critical spaces.

Why not write down the questions that pop in your head. Then you can go to the purser's or passenger service desk and hand in your list. Most likely' date=' there will be staff that will get a good laugh out of your list, but might actually have someone available that will write answers to some of your questions.

 

Many of your questions can get answered by research away from the ship.

[/quote']

 

I've already got a lot of answers afterwards thanks to the great CC community being nice enough to give me very elaborate answers. So, that works. Yet, returning to the guide-at-a-church example: maybe I'd forget about asking "why is this guy hanging on a cross" when there are other paintings with other guys fighting snakes, pierced by arrows, etc. It's precisely that why I need a guide to point at the things I should know about.

 

Because of the PVSA' date=' cruises to nowhere are very few and do have some criteria. I wouldn't mind just being at sea, but there's many who rather have a port-intensive cruise, and a behemoth of the seas does limit the ports that can be berthed at. And in the past, cruise ships have been used in terms of emergency such as after Hurricane Katrina.

[/quote']

 

I didn't know PVSA would even prevent ships returning to the same port, and I didn't know ships actually were used in emergencies. Thanks, starting google as soon as I've finished this post :)

 

And: Actually' date=' it boils down to "What if my friend from high school, (who did become a captain though not on a cruise ship), happened to be the captain on our ship and would be proud and happy to tell and show me everything there was to know". I'd LOVE that.

 

And would you want to monopolize your friend's time while he's trying to acccomplish his job? If someone was gracious enough to show me around their place, I would hope to try to be as unobtrusive as possible and know when to end my visit so not to jeopardize his job. Again, maybe write down some questions, but try to narrow those down to ask later on, if really curious. Otherwise I would be taking advantage of his expertise.

Get the idea?[/quote']

 

That was kind of a day dream, not something I would do in reality :) His "passengers" are containers, they're usually not that inquisitive.

 

Princess has something called the Ultimate ship's tour.

 

I will look very carefully at the excursion list next time. It seems I missed something similar on my cruise.

 

In this age of frugal cruisers and resultant cutbacks, no cruise line is going to assign a valuable crew or passenger cabin to an additional "guide" who can answer questions at all hours. It's a dumb idea that will never happen.

The Hotel Director, Staff Captain, and Engineers can answer all the questions you have. You need only contact them when you are onboard. But they will not appreciate you telephoning them at 11pm to answer a silly question about which direction the ship is going.

 

I think they will not appreciate me bothering them at all if I didn't have a problem that they would be responsible for. Their job description most certainly didn't include "answer questions about flags being small". That's why I'm willing to simply pay for a guide like I would for a land based excursion.

 

We do not really care which direction or which speed you want the ship to travel. If that is important to you, you need to purchase your own ship - or get a Captain's License.

 

I don't mind what speed or direction the captain sees fit. I do get curious when he says we'll be sailing at 6 knots and I can see we're sailing more than twice that speed going in the opposite direction. If the captain on a plane decides to fly upside down for a while, it's obviously his decision, but some explanation would be nice.

 

Here at home, I teach at two local universities' LifeLong Learning programs about famous ship disasters, and it has been well-received. As part of the course, I explain a great deal about how ships are operated, the Rules of the Road, navigation, etc., to give the class an understanding, if those cases, of what went wrong.

 

That's the kind of lecture I'd like to attend!

 

I suspect that the most able people would be ship's company officers, and their time is a bit limited. They likely couldn't be available all of the time, but could teach a class or two when the ship is at sea.

 

The compliance officer did a very nice talk at our ship about HAL & environmental issues. Of course officers who have a full time job don't have much time to listen to my stupid questions. That's why I want someone else who's main job is to answer them.

 

My cruise happened to be a B2B from Rotterdam and had a lot of retired personnel from HAL on board. They seemed to be very happy to talk about it. I could imagine some of them would like to be a guide, with little pay but a free cruise. (Similar to gentleman hosts) To be paid for by people like me who like excursions on the ship more than any shore excursion I've seen.

 

@the people who think I'm just stupid

 

It seems most of you have been on dozens of cruises, being your normal holiday. For 99% of the people I know cruising is the most ridiculous thing they ever heard of. More than a few sent me WhatsApp messages that mentioned Love Boat. For me, my first cruise was the weirdest holiday I've ever had, too. No hotel I've been to had a sign "tonight will be a formal evening". Hotels don't have a Code Orange. No hotel was serving ginger to prevent people getting sick. Hotels are just hotels and I guess the ones in The Netherlands (where I'm from) work very similar to hotels in Bucharest and Las Vegas.

 

Cruising is a totally different world, almost like a hotel on the moon. The hotel itself is much more interesting than any port we visited so please forgive me for wanting a guide to tell me all about it.

I can feel your enthusiasm bubbling over with excitement from being on your first cruise. There is one way to get a lot of questions answered, go on more cruises - its amazing how just chatting to other cruisers or the staff yields a myriad of information. This along with a regular visit to Cruise Critic increases your knowledge base of cruising.

However some people are really interested in the minutiae of cruising life and I reckon there is a place for some more informative lectures. I always remember on our first cruise we were being chased by a Cyclone back to Sydney and had Port cancellations, due to this extra lectures were put on. One was the Chief Engineer talking about the Engine Room and how the ship runs, it proved very popular (I went to the Casino but my DH found it fascinating). Then they did a lifeboat demonstration, you couldn't move for the men surrounding the people doing it. Also every time we tendered on every cruise I have been on, you always find a big group (again mainly men and including my DH) hanging around watching the tenders being raised. And Question and Answer sessions are always popular.

So taking your request as 'tongue in cheek' and a bit over the top, I agree there could be a group of lectures offered about the running of the ship and shipboard life in general over and above what is already offered.

Quote:

Originally Posted by AKman2495

Princess has something called the Ultimate ship's tour.

"I will look very carefully at the excursion list next time. It seems I missed something similar on my cruise. "

Actually this tour is not an "excursion," but it's an on board excursion. You can undoubtedly find this info on the Princess website. If whatever cruise line you're going on has a similar tour, you might find info on the cruise line website or you can ask on the specific board here if the cruise line offers a ship's tour. And if you do miss a port, many times the cruise director will scramble for activities to fill that time as noted above. So you might luck out and see an informational talk set up on an aspect of the ship.

I meant it's an on board activity.

We went on a behind the scenes tour on Carnival and learned a lot of questions similar to yours. We went to the galley, food storage area, laundry, crew quarters/dining room, backstage theatre, engine control room, environmental services and the bridge. We had time to ask questions in each area including a long time speaking to the captain and mates in the bridge. It was an awesome tour and something I would not hesitate to recommend to anyone. I believe it was $100 and was 2-3 hours long. We got lots of "stuff", chocolate covered strawberries, carved soap from the fruit/veg carving staff, back pack, baseball cap, lanyard, a picture of the group and a couple individual pictures with the captain, a couple drinks and snacks but the information alone was totally worth it.

We went on a behind the scenes tour on Carnival and learned a lot of questions similar to yours. We went to the galley, food storage area, laundry, crew quarters/dining room, backstage theatre, engine control room, environmental services and the bridge. We had time to ask questions in each area including a long time speaking to the captain and mates in the bridge. It was an awesome tour and something I would not hesitate to recommend to anyone. I believe it was $100 and was 2-3 hours long. We got lots of "stuff", chocolate covered strawberries, carved soap from the fruit/veg carving staff, back pack, baseball cap, lanyard, a picture of the group and a couple individual pictures with the captain, a couple drinks and snacks but the information alone was totally worth it.

On our tour we got all you mentioned plus the morgue, the jail, the room where the captain dines, the printing shop, we had to climb those rail like steps and went up to the stacks, the mooring area and so much more, but it wasn't with carnival. Totally worth it. I wish other lines would follow, but they just do the regular tour stuff.

I have had a tour in every ship I have been in that included the bridge and in one case engine room, and have never paid for it.

Sounds awesome! One of these industrious companies should get on it!

I did the chef's table experience on Carnival because I was amazed by the amount, variety, and quality of food produced on the ship. I wanted some insight on how it's done, and the chef answered all of my questions. I am even more impressed by my dining experiences on board now that I have greater knowledge about how they work that particular magic.

You might want to check out the chef's table on your next trip. Maybe it will satisfy some of your curiosity until they create the excursion you designed!