Is it bad manners?

Hi there, we're going our first cruise with our daughter who'll be 20 months. There are 5 in our party and we've been told we'll be seated at a larger table. Is it rude to start our dinner before everyone else has been seated? Although very beautiful, our daughter has the attention span of a gnat and I wouldn't want to ruin everyone elses dinner by her moaning and groaning. She generally sits well so I'd be happy to take her into the dining room, but as a new mum I've learned to eat my food at an incredible rate and if we have any very slow eaters at our table, her attention span would probably run out before they reached their dessert. I know I can eat at a more casual place and will certainly do so if she is misbehaving, so don't worry I won't spoil your dining, but I'd love to eat more formally and am a little concerned if it looks rude to ask the waiters to bash on serving me so I can race her patience to the end of the meal. Any thoughts??

Good question...and I don't know the answer. My experiences tell me the table usually is paced for all the passengers at the table in the same amount of time, and usually dinner will take around two hours. If you personally eat each course quickly, you will have lots of free time for your daughter between courses. Generally the waiter will wait for everyone to show up unless it appears some will be very late or not show at all. Something can probably be worked out though. :)

If you are at a table with others, but everyone in your group is there, they will start serving you.

Well, I think that the best option would be to entertain your daughter between courses and get your food with the others. I believe that the waiters are totally busy with their other tables as well, and it would make their work much more difficult, if there was one person, who needs to have food at a different time than others in that table. And, it is rude towards the others to eat at your own pace when in a company.

Other options would be to go somewhere else to have dinner or to go to dinner without your daughter, which are probably not very good options. ;) Or you can always try to get a table on your own.

On our last cruise, our waiter served my nephews before anyone else even ordered. They were a bit older - 2 and 4, but I'm sure it was for the same reason. The only problem with this is that they were done before their Mom received her entree! I'm not sure if she could have received her order sooner or not. Maybe ask RCCL for a smaller table - just for your family - if this would be ok with you. I'm sure the waiter would be happy to get you guys started before the rest of his tables. Good luck, and by all means, make sure you don't let this prevent you from eating your meals in the dining room! You wouldn't want to miss the experience!

On our last cruise, our waiter served my nephews before anyone else even ordered. They were a bit older - 2 and 4, but I'm sure it was for the same reason. The only problem with this is that they were done before their Mom received her entree! I'm not sure if she could have received her order sooner or not. Maybe ask RCCL for a smaller table - just for your family - if this would be ok with you. I'm sure the waiter would be happy to get you guys started before the rest of his tables. Good luck, and by all means, make sure you don't let this prevent you from eating your meals in the dining room! You wouldn't want to miss the experience!

When you booked your cruise, you should have been asked what size table you wanted. That is only a request, but then you might have gotten a smaller one.

I agree with Dreamin. If it is alright with you, I would go to the dining room as soon as allowed and ask for a table for 6. Or, ask the TA or RCCL to request it now. That way, you would be more at ease eating with your own party and you can come and go and not worry about other passengers.

My kids are pretty much grown now. They learned to behave in a restaurant at a very young age. If they misbehaved, we left the restaurant, like you plan on doing. Kids are not the most patient people, as anyone with kids or grands knows. If you allow them to eat first, just imagine how terribly boring the rest of the meal must be for them.

If I were you, I'd speak with the wait staff the first evening. I'm not one who would want my child served before everyone else, so the child would be whining for you to finish your meal. If she has her food while you do, it will take her attention away from the long meal.

How I would work this problem out is to take turns with my husband, letting the wait staff know we would order for the other, then the person with the little one arrive later than the rest of the crowd. That way, the child will not become as bored during the meal. We would also take turns leaving the dining area and go outside.

Bring along a small "surprise" toy to the formal dinners, in case they do "start". Finally, the wait staff (usually) love small children and will go to great lengths to entertain them. Your little one may have a much better time than you imagine :) .

It's nice to know that some people are as considerate as you. The ones who don't attempt any plan and just allow their kids to whine and cry give the others a bad name. Not all kids are horrid!

We have found the pace of the meal in the dining rooms to be pretty quick once everyone is seated and starts, but they would prefer everyone to be seated so they can get started. We were seated with a family that was habitually late and the server started us several times without them but after waiting 10 minutes. I agree asking for a table for your family only is a good option. Otherwise, explain to the server that you'd like your meals to be served quickly and explain it to the others so they are not offended... they will probably be able to accomodate,

but -

there will be a limit to how fast you can go. The kitchen sets up like a factory for each course. It is set up for appetizers to be picked up by the wait staff first. At some time, it switches to entrees. At a defined time, it switches to desserts. While it is possible to get salads after the switch to entrees, the server has to go to a separate area and plate them him/her self, which throws them off schedule and is much harder. It might be harder or impossible to get dessert before they are ready to serve it.

We asked about this since our table mates showed up a half hour late -twice. If you only want to stay on pace with dinner and not be held up by others lateness just ask and I am sure they will be happy to do so.

Honestly, the waiters seem to keep the ball rolling pretty fast when you have young children at the table. Usually you can start with rolls or crackers to keep her attention, then the meal moves pretty fast from there. I've had my kids as young as 7 months and as old as 6 make it through the dining room time with NO problems.

I know that most say here that it takes 2 hours to go through the entire meal but I honestly don't remember spending two hours in the dining room each night. I think it is 2 hours for those that linger over their meals.

Like you, a busy mom races through her food a little faster than others. And I have never had to ask a waiter to speed it up. They are pretty well paced.

And I just noticed that you are new to CC. So welcome. :D

If you have any more questions about kids and cruising, come on over to the family cruising board. We are all in the same "boat" so to speak. :p

http://boards.cruisecritic.com/forumdisplay.php?f=49

If I were seated with others, I would find it rude if they started without us ragardless of the reason (so long as everyone was on time for dinner). If a child was not able to make it through the dinner, I would expect the parent to remove him/her from the dining room so as not to disturb the other people in the dining room.

If you're concerned about it, definitely request a table to yourself, or enjoy the buffet for dinner.

I personally would not at all be offended if you needed to eat first, etc. We try very hard to be on time for dinner, but it doesn't always happen and we are sometimes 5 or 10 minutes late to the dining room. :rolleyes:

I also travel with children, so totally understand your situation. I have also found RC seems to try to seat people of like demographics together so you might be seated with another family. However, I think asking to be seated at a smaller table might work best for you. We always request this when traveling with our younger children. This way, we can give our children our full attention and discuss our day without ignoring others at our table. Our girls are 4 and 6 now and do great in the dining room and love the attention from the waitstaff, but still need to be reminded of their manners upon occasion.

BTW, I know this won't work for you now, but to keep in mind for the future. We always take early seating and ask the kids to be served first. They are usually done with their dessert about the time Adventure Ocean opens at 7 so one of us will take the kids up to AO and we'll finish our meal without the kids and can take our time finishing dinner.

Have a great time. Family vacations are special and should be enjoyed. :)

I wouldnt consider it bad manners if you had to start eating first.

But I would hope that, should your child become antsy(upset,crying, angry, out of control), you would leave the table/dining room so as not to disturb my dinner or the dinner of the other diners.

Did you know that RCCL offers in room babysitting? Maybe you could arrange for someone to watch her while you ate?

Another alternative is to request a table where you are dining with people you are cruising with - people who are not strangers and who might be more sympathetic.

This is what we are going to do when we cruise in April with our 6 month old.

However, you are going to run into all "types" in regards to this question.

Etiquette does deem it rude to not wait for everyone at your table before you start your meal - but I think Etiquette also either didnt take into account babies at the table or assumed that there would be no babies present at the table.

Happy Sailing!

My best friend and her family traveled with us on our last cruise--her smallest is 24 months and oldest is 6 yrs, and my friend has a "magic bag" full of little games, drawing, etc. which gives her daughters plenty of entertainment between courses, while waiting, etc. Sometimes they have little magnetic clothes that go on a doll form; sometimes it's typing paper, crayons and colored pencils, but in all cases, it gives both girls a diversion and gives mom some peace.

We received several compliments on the smallest one's behavior in the dining room over the course of the cruise. One guy even took pictures of her. The waiters catered to her and brought little munchies, etc. to keep her happy until each course came. In fact, there was nothing on the appetizer menu that would appeal to a 24 month old--so my friend just didn't order one for her--and the waiter brought her a fruit bowl anyway, which she loved. The waiters were so good to bring alternate selections that kids would eat.

So...the dining room with a toddler doesn't have to be a bad experience. It's just important to remember that they are young, have small attention spans and need something to keep them entertained--and we as fellow cruisers need to remember that we were all that age once. In the event a meltdown does occur, just pick him up, take him outside and let him calm down, then try it again. Your fellow passengers will love you for your efforts to remove the little screamer--and will welcome the little guy back when the moment passes. Most of them can relate to what you're going through!

As the other poster said, don't let worrying about it keep you from eating in the dining room--everything will be just fine. :)

An antsy child who is not crying or totally disruptive, is no problem in my book. I have raised my children and now I am in grandmother mode. If a child were only slightly misbehaving, the grandmother in me would want to help the parents, if we could. I have taken turns entertaining my grandchild, with her parents, while dining. They are only little so long, then they won't want to travel with you. I hope you get table mates as understanding as my husband and I would be.

Eighteen post so far and nobody has offered the most obvious suggestion....

On the first evening, simply explain your situation to your tablemates. I'm sure if you do, they'll certainly understand and be comfortable with your quicker eating. If they don't understand, you probably don't want to dine with them anyway!!

I would have no problem at all if you or your child started before we got there.:)

I hope no one thinks this is rude, but we like to have a martini or 2 in the lounge before dinner. So, if our rather expensive martini is running late, we will not inhale it or waste it. So we have been known to arrive at the table 10-15 minutes late. We always tell our table mates and the servers to begin ordering without us, and to bring a salad to our places if it helps to keep the serving on schedule. We would never expect everyone to wait for us. ( we are not always late, but it has happened more than once)

I still think that is less rude than having table mates who wanted us all to hold hands and say a prayer before dinner,,, that was a little too much for us.:eek:

I think you should have your daughter served however it is convenient for you and explain to your table mates on the first night. I really do think anyone with any class would not take issue with that. If you get malcontent table mates, then ask to be moved for the rest of the cruise.

Once, we asked to be moved after our first night and it wasn't because of the table mates, it was because we were right in the entry way and it was not comfortable. I saw one of our table mates in the Casino the next night ( after we changed tables) and told him why, but I don't think he believed me. In retrospect, I should have explained to the table mates after we changed our table so they wouldn't feel bad.

Thanks to you all for your replies. Also, your welcome was much appreciated so thank you Crusinmama - will definitely check out the family board.

Once you go the 1st night the waiters are pretty accomadating if you have little ones.I've had nights were my daughter was cranky and left the dining area and let my wife and Fatherinlaw eat dinner.The waiters packed a dinner for me that my daughter and i ate on our balcony.Even i've had bad nights were i don't want to be in the dining room.The one trick i found is let them snack a little before dinner and a good afternoon Nap.But like i said once they know yu after the 1st night there real good about working with your schedule.My dh is now 4 and my ds is 2.Were going on Explorer in 2 weeks.Are they going to have a bad night -of course.Is it going to happen EVERY night,probably not.So just play it by ear and don't worry about some hoyty-toyty table mate.

Glen, I'm a little confused. Do you mean dd is 4? 4 is a little young for a dh, especially when you mention you already have a wife! :eek: ;)

Hi there, we're going our first cruise with our daughter who'll be 20 months. There are 5 in our party and we've been told we'll be seated at a larger table. Is it rude to start our dinner before everyone else has been seated? Although very beautiful, our daughter has the attention span of a gnat and I wouldn't want to ruin everyone elses dinner by her moaning and groaning. She generally sits well so I'd be happy to take her into the dining room, but as a new mum I've learned to eat my food at an incredible rate and if we have any very slow eaters at our table, her attention span would probably run out before they reached their dessert. I know I can eat at a more casual place and will certainly do so if she is misbehaving, so don't worry I won't spoil your dining, but I'd love to eat more formally and am a little concerned if it looks rude to ask the waiters to bash on serving me so I can race her patience to the end of the meal. Any thoughts??

I've read some of the other posts, and wondered about one other thing...how about the first night you also talk with whoever else is at your table, as well as the wait staff? They might be quite willing to accommodate you. If you were at my table on a cruise, as a doting old granny :eek: I'd be happy to help you if need be! We grannies always like to get our mitts on little ones:D Mainly because they aren't ours!!!!!:p

Most 20 month old kids have the attention span of a gnat! However, my 22-month grandson is happy as long as there's food around. He loves anything that goes into his mouth. Feed your daughter when you eat, find something to keep her occupied in between courses. The meals are served quickly enough - most of the time.

Above all - enjoy!

Fran in Toronto

I'd be grateful if you started early, b/c I hope that would mean you left earlier. IMO, a 20 month old doesn't belong at a formal dining table. I know this will be unpopular and people will freak out.

I wouldn't consider it rude, but it isn't really all that possible on a cruise ship. They open the doors and admit everyone at the same time. The waiter'll bring your appetizers all at the same time, then he'll bring your entrees all at the same time. If you ask for your entree while everyone else's having appetizers, you'll mess up their system and delay everyone's dinner -- everything's choreographed very carefully to get the large groups in and out on time. I don't think you'd really have much of an opportunity to "start early".

Things you could do:

Consider putting her into the child care center for 2-3 of the dinner meals; that way you'd know you'd be able to treat half your dinner meals as "adult only" occaisons.

Bring along some small, new really cool new toys. My girls at that age particularly loved playing with an ice cube on a high chair tray. They also love-love-loved having several small cups of water (one of which contained a drop of food coloring) and an eye dropper -- this provides a great opportunity to talk about "lighter" vs. "darker", etc. But both of those are a bit messy for formal dining. Stickers, books, sewing cards, small puzzles would be good for entertainment. The key, of course, is to withhold the toys until dinner so that they are "new" to the child.

You could have your appetizer and entree, then ask for your dessert to be wrapped up "to go". This would cut your dinner short, and your table mates certainly would understand that you're trying to leave "on a good note" before your daughter's over-tired.

why should you need to share a table its your cruise after all, kick up a fuss of you must

Take a stroller and go for late seating, feed the little one before dinner then a stroll around the deck and your baby should be out for the count, take the stroller to dinner and with a bit of luck the babs will sleep right through dinner.

As someone said in another post most tablemates would want to entertaibn a little one,

Have a great cruise.