Awkward Solo Moments

[Thoth]

Because I work for Customs in another country, and we're horrible people who have no friends. ;)

good answer ;)

[SeagoingMom]

Sometimes the Customs guys are IDIOTS:eek:.....

 

I just came back from sailing to Bermuda out of New Jersey.....when

I got to the rep, she looked at my Passport.....it says UNITED STATES....

she asks me if I was an American Citizen:rolleyes:

Hmmm....have you noticed that on the forms at doctors' offices, they ask for both your birth date and your age? There is a reason for this -- they are checking for your mental state. If you know your birth date but don't know how old you are, you may be experiencing early onset alzheimer's or other memory issues. It's a little test...

 

I think this is what may be happening in the context you describe. If, for example, you had stolen that passport (or forged it) the quickness of your response, or even the look in your eye (furtive, perhaps...) might tell the customs agent something he would not know just by looking at your passport and moving on...

 

I am not saying I know that this is what's happening, but it is a possibility. People who deal in security nowadays have a harder job than they used to, and may have developed some new "tricks" for improving their effectiveness.

 

I guess we'll have to ask Thoie, the "horrible, friendless customs agent from another country" :( to weigh in on this. :)

[Thoie]

I guess we'll have to ask Thoie, the "horrible, friendless customs agent from another country" :( to weigh in on this. :)

 

I'm not actually a customs officer, nor do I have anything to do with law enforcement at all - I'd just have said that to annoy him :)

 

Irish passports have "Eire" (the Irish for Ireland) written on the front cover. The insides have both English and Irish I always remember my parents telling me the story of entering the US sometime in the 60s at an odd location, and the US border patrol guard taking the passports, and instead of opening them he looked at them from one direction, then another, then another, and eventually he'd turned them around 360 degrees before proclaiming "Eerie? Eerie? Where the bloody hell is Eerie?". Since hearing that, I've never been surprised by any question they come out with.

[Thoie]

PS - I'm not totally horrible, and I do have friends ;)

[Lois R]

Hmmm....have you noticed that on the forms at doctors' offices, they ask for both your birth date and your age? There is a reason for this -- they are checking for your mental state. If you know your birth date but don't know how old you are, you may be experiencing early onset alzheimer's or other memory issues. It's a little test...

 

I think this is what may be happening in the context you describe. If, for example, you had stolen that passport (or forged it) the quickness of your response, or even the look in your eye (furtive, perhaps...) might tell the customs agent something he would not know just by looking at your passport and moving on...

 

I am not saying I know that this is what's happening, but it is a possibility. People who deal in security nowadays have a harder job than they used to, and may have developed some new "tricks" for improving their effectiveness.

 

I guess we'll have to ask Thoie, the "horrible, friendless customs agent from another country" :( to weigh in on this. :)

 

Might be for some things but I know what I saw....basically I was

being profiled.....I was born in the USA......so I didn't appreciate it.

[SeagoingMom]

PS - I'm not totally horrible, and I do have friends ;)

Of course you know I was carrying on the tongue-in-cheek spirit of your post when I referred to you, right?

[SeagoingMom]

Might be for some things but I know what I saw....basically I was

being profiled.....I was born in the USA......so I didn't appreciate it.

If you had been suggesting that in your previous post, I am sorry I did not understand it. I had no idea that is what you had felt (or knew) was happening.

 

Unfortunately, we are all living very different lives than we used to due to outside influences which have forever impacted our culture and policies...

 

I am sorry you experienced this.

[Thoie]

Of course you know I was carrying on the tongue-in-cheek spirit of your post when I referred to you, right?

 

No offense taken at all! I knew you were joking - I was just clarifying for any future readers who may be humour-challenged.

[GUEST080219]

I think this is what may be happening in the context you describe. If, for example, you had stolen that passport (or forged it) the quickness of your response, or even the look in your eye (furtive, perhaps...) might tell the customs agent something he would not know just by looking at your passport and moving on...

Something similar happened to me on a flight from JFK to LAS. The TSA agent looked at my ticket and then asked what my first name is. When that is a new trick I guess you pass when looking puzzled and having a ***??? look on your face.

[aleeturk]

I (female) was cruising solo on Carnival and I chose to be seated at a 10-person table. I am glad I was seated with many amazing women and most of them were traveling in pairs. There was only one other solo cruiser at our table who also happens to be the only male at the table. One evening, the cruise line’s professional photographer came to our table and took photos of each pair of travelers. When he came to me and this other male solo cruiser, he asked if “we” would like to have a picture taken. All eyes were on us to see how we were going to handle this awkward situation. I leaned over to the male solo cruiser, smiled, and said to the photographer, “Sure!” Picture was taken. Awkward moment came and went. I did not purchase the photo and I don’t think our solo male traveler did either!

[Taz]

I've traveled extensively on my own, mostly for business, for many years and prefer it that way. My first solo (and only second ever) cruise is coming up this weekend. The only thing I'm a bit apprehensive about is dining. The line I'm sailing with is known for it's older demographic and I know it to be true as I cruised them previously with a friend. I'll be doing anytime dining later in the evening and don't mind dining with others, but absolutely do not want to be sat at the (for lack of better phrasing) "widows and widowers" table. I'm sure it'll all work out as ships services tells me I can easily arrange for a "mixed" table and eating later tends to appeal to a bit younger group, but still a bit of butterflies remain. As for those people who make the "aren't you brave" or "you poor thing, all alone" or "are you looking for a man" comments, those are all met with the same reaction; my finest stink eye, followed by a very sweet "I beg your pardon, why do you say that?".

Edited August 27, 2013 by Taz

[Thoie]

I'll be doing anytime dining later in the evening and don't mind dining with others, but absolutely do not want to be sat at the (for lack of better phrasing) "widows and widowers" table.

 

I'm in my 30s, and some of my best conversations on holidays have been at "older" tables. In general there are broader topics of conversation, and more interesting stories, rather than variants of "Duuuude, this one time, I was so wasted, I set fire to my foot. And I didn't notice for 3 months, and then I was all like "dude, my foot's on fire"". On the other hand, if you're trying to get rid of people you're talking to, tell that story ;)

[travelnap]

I've traveled extensively on my own, mostly for business, for many years and prefer it that way. My first solo (and only second ever) cruise is coming up this weekend. The only thing I'm a bit apprehensive about is dining. The line I'm sailing with is known for it's older demographic and I know it to be true as I cruised them previously with a friend. I'll be doing anytime dining later in the evening and don't mind dining with others, but absolutely do not want to be sat at the (for lack of better phrasing) "widows and widowers" table. I'm sure it'll all work out as ships services tells me I can easily arrange for a "mixed" table and eating later tends to appeal to a bit younger group, but still a bit of butterflies remain. As for those people who make the "aren't you brave" or "you poor thing, all alone" or "are you looking for a man" comments, those are all met with the same reaction; my finest stink eye, followed by a very sweet "I beg your pardon, why do you say that?".

 

Taz, I have sailed solo on that same cruise line a few times and have used the dining room without any problems. If you are willing to dine with others they will seat you at the next available table. The makeup of the table varies each time, but if you dine around the same time you will probably see a few people that you have met before dining at that same time as well. They don't have a separate widowers or widows table that I know of, or one for the swinging singles either. Most of the people have been very friendly and courteous so I think you will be fine. If you do run into a few of the dolts that go "aren't you brave", or the other comments, then I think your approach is a good one, because that is the response they deserve. If you were a southern lady you could just tell them, "Why Bless your Heart" which is polite for not telling them off in a more inappropriate manner. Enjoy your trip.

[TessM]

I've traveled extensively on my own, mostly for business, for many years and prefer it that way. My first solo (and only second ever) cruise is coming up this weekend. The only thing I'm a bit apprehensive about is dining. The line I'm sailing with is known for it's older demographic and I know it to be true as I cruised them previously with a friend. I'll be doing anytime dining later in the evening and don't mind dining with others, but absolutely do not want to be sat at the (for lack of better phrasing) "widows and widowers" table. I'm sure it'll all work out as ships services tells me I can easily arrange for a "mixed" table and eating later tends to appeal to a bit younger group, but still a bit of butterflies remain. As for those people who make the "aren't you brave" or "you poor thing, all alone" or "are you looking for a man" comments, those are all met with the same reaction; my finest stink eye, followed by a very sweet "I beg your pardon, why do you say that?".

 

I don't have extensive cruise experience, just seven cruises under my belt. I've cruised solo on Princess, HAL, Celebrity and Royal Caribbean. I've never once at dinner have someone tell me how brave I was - or any of the other comments you mentioned.

 

Also, I've met some incredibly lovely widows on my cruises. (I've never been married.) My last cruise there were two widows at my table and they were older than me but they were also extremely well-travelled and great conversationalists. Actually, that was a really fun table. Two widows, one divorced male, one married woman travelling without her husband, and me, (solo since birth). 3 US, 1 Canada, 1 Aussie.

 

I understand your anxiety - I was anxious before my first cruise it wasn't just my first cruise, but I was solo. -- Never has occurred to me that it was really a big deal to travel by myself; it's just something I do. --But, you'll be fine. Enjoy your cruise!

[moonbeam3]

This upcoming cruise will be my first as a solo. A couple years ago I found a great offer for a part of Mexico I love, at an all-inclusive so I thought I'd give it a shot. Here are some of the awkward moments:

- Eating at the buffet, even if I left stuff on the table, about half the time they would clear the table and someone else would be there when I got back.

- Signed up early in the day for a table at an ala carte. The maitre'd wouldn't seat me when I showed up. I was trying to keep my composure but I felt humiliated. A kind Canadian family added me to their party.

- At another ala carte, I was at a table by myself and a man with a large party (celebrating an engagement I think) asked if I was alone and then sort of handed me a small child. I totally love little kids but the child was obviously afraid.

This experience isn't stopping me from trying it again but not to that all-inclusive!

 

Sharon:)

[Lois R]

This upcoming cruise will be my first as a solo. A couple years ago I found a great offer for a part of Mexico I love, at an all-inclusive so I thought I'd give it a shot. Here are some of the awkward moments:

- Eating at the buffet, even if I left stuff on the table, about half the time they would clear the table and someone else would be there when I got back.

- Signed up early in the day for a table at an ala carte. The maitre'd wouldn't seat me when I showed up. I was trying to keep my composure but I felt humiliated. A kind Canadian family added me to their party.

- At another ala carte, I was at a table by myself and a man with a large party (celebrating an engagement I think) asked if I was alone and then sort of handed me a small child. I totally love little kids but the child was obviously afraid.

This experience isn't stopping me from trying it again but not to that all-inclusive!

 

Sharon:)

 

Hi Sharon, those experiences (in my opinion) sound terrible:eek:

Another guest "handed you" a child?:mad:..omg...he sounds like an idiot!

Who did he think you were? A babysitter?:confused:....I hope you told him

NO.......

 

As for the Maitr'd who would not seat you? He is another idiot!!!!:mad:

 

Not just on a cruise but I would think those (hoping anyway) those

would be the exception to the rule..........And should a Maitr'd ever

not allow you to dine on a ship? Go above him and see the Restaurant

Manager.....this kind of thing makes me so mad!!!

[moonbeam3]

Hi Sharon, those experiences (in my opinion) sound terrible:eek:

Another guest "handed you" a child?:mad:..omg...he sounds like an idiot!

Who did he think you were? A babysitter?:confused:....I hope you told him

NO.......

 

As for the Maitr'd who would not seat you? He is another idiot!!!!:mad:

 

Not just on a cruise but I would think those (hoping anyway) those

would be the exception to the rule..........And should a Maitr'd ever

not allow you to dine on a ship? Go above him and see the Restaurant

Manager.....this kind of thing makes me so mad!!!

__________________

 

Lois, thank you for your indignation on my behalf! Seriously these were some bad experiences. I am a little shy/timid so would rather just sort of melt away than demand decent service.

As for the man handing me that child, he just seemed to want me to feel as if I belonged. Obviously that didn't help! I would rather have been a fly on the wall so to speak. Actually I was missing my adorable grandkids anyway so I was OK with the toddler except she was not!!!

 

Seems like the buffet thing is a universal problem for solos. I have left lots of stuff on the table and people still take your table!:(

 

Sharon

[Lois R]

__________________

 

Lois, thank you for your indignation on my behalf! Seriously these were some bad experiences. I am a little shy/timid so would rather just sort of melt away than demand decent service.

As for the man handing me that child, he just seemed to want me to feel as if I belonged. Obviously that didn't help! I would rather have been a fly on the wall so to speak. Actually I was missing my adorable grandkids anyway so I was OK with the toddler except she was not!!!

 

Seems like the buffet thing is a universal problem for solos. I have left lots of stuff on the table and people still take your table!:(

 

Sharon

 

Hi Sharon:)....shy has never been in my vocabulary;).....sometimes I talk

too much.....but in those cases, my mouth would have been helpful.

Refusing to seat you because you were on your own? That is just

totally unacceptable. :mad:

 

I went to an All Inclusive way back in the mid 90s.....and I have been

cruising regularly since 2003......and for me? Cruising wins, HANDS DOWN:)

It is so much easier (in my opinion) going solo on a cruise, rather than

the AI......I try to cruise 2 to 3 times a year and I love it, love it, love it:)

Edited September 12, 2013 by Lois R

[Taz]

I did, indeed have some "interesting" moments as a solo last week. Here's a couple of "highlights"...

 

Standing in line to board the plane from Detroit to Quebec City, a bit of polite conversation took place with two women traveling together who were in line behind me. One of the women said "aren't you going to wait for your husband to board with you?". I smiled and lightly said "if I have one of those, it's news to me". Their next comments where total SHOCK that I was going to LEAVE THE UNITED STATES ALONE!!!! I very calmly said, "It's Canada. They outlawed cannibalism a couple of years ago. I'm sure I'll be fine".

 

I attended the repeat cruisers brunch on-board. When the host attempted to seat me at a 6 top with one other couple already seated, the woman of the couple vehemently refused to allow me to be seated there, saying that they would not dine with any solos, only other couples.

 

As I've said before, comments and actions such as these are a reflection of those who make those comments, but I really wish people would THINK before some of the things they say come rolling out of their mouths.

[Thoie]

I attended the repeat cruisers brunch on-board. When the host attempted to seat me at a 6 top with one other couple already seated, the woman of the couple vehemently refused to allow me to be seated there, saying that they would not dine with any solos, only other couples.

.

 

I've seen a lot of strange things, but that takes the biscuit. How incredibly rude.

 

Sent from a mobile device.

[wildweston]

I've seen a lot of strange things, but that takes the biscuit. How incredibly rude.

 

Sent from a mobile device.

 

I agree that's just rude, who knows a bit of karma may come her way one day and she may be solo :)

[Darcy15]

Incredibly rude!

 

How was the situation handled by the host?

[Taz]

Incredibly rude!

 

How was the situation handled by the host?

 

He noted the table number on a little pad he was carrying and took me to a different table.

[Darcy15]

Thank you for replying to my question :)

 

I travel solo, and would have been so upset had this happened to me.

 

Reinforces why I always eat in the buffet!

[Thoie]

Thank you for replying to my question :)

 

I travel solo, and would have been so upset had this happened to me.

 

Reinforces why I always eat in the buffet!

 

I eat most of the time in the main dining room, and have never come across behaviour that disgusting. The majority of people are very welcoming. I think that scenario is a good time to get angry, not upset. Vocalise your anger. Draw on the depths of your vocabulary. Throw in some forgotten 18th century insults. Make it a learning experience for the insolent. It's for their own good ;)