Just for fun!

[MARIANH]

''Dr. Why does everyone ignore me?''

 

''Next.''

 

"Doctor,doctor, I've broken my arm in two places"

 

" We'll don't go back there again then"

[Tothesunset]

I tried to skive off work by pretending I was invisible but the boss saw right through me.

[MrsWaldo]

Obviously your parents were Glass Blowers :)

[Tothesunset]

Never break wind in a lift (elevator).

 

It's wrong on so many levels.

[MARIANH]

Never break wind in a lift (elevator).

 

It's wrong on so many levels.

 

" Doctor,doctor my sister thinks she is an elevator ( lift)"

 

" Oh dear, bring her in "

 

"I can't, she doesn't stop at this floor"

[Flamin_June]

"Doctor, Doctor, I can't pronounce my F's, T's and H's."

 

"Well, you can't say fairer than that then"

[Daytonasailor]

An elderly lady at our dinner table told us that on the first night the captain had invited her to his table for a drink. She then told us that the second night, the captain invited her to his room for a drink. Once inside the captains quarters, the captain told her he wanted to make mad passionate love to her or he would sink the ship. The lady told us that she saved 1820 passengers last night.....twice.

[Tothesunset]

Our neighbour is the unluckiest man in the world. He's been knocked unconscious 47 times.

 

And he lives only a stone's throw away.

[MARIANH]

"Doctor, Doctor, I can't pronounce my F's, T's and H's."

 

"Well, you can't say fairer than that then"

 

Personally, I would not touch fairy stories. Those with a long memory will recall that the last time they featured here ( In the context of Northern Mythology) they caused a furore and were banished. There may have been a troll involved also.

[Tothesunset]

I used to have a job in a helium balloon factory.

 

I quit - I didn't like the way they talked to me.

[Emperor Norton]

That really is rather bizarre. I'm racking my brains, but I can't come up with a plausible reason for this request!

 

Vampires? Or just mean spirited folk who don't want anyone to have a view while dining?

[Emperor Norton]

don't worry about what you can and cant say to others on Seabourn, the "majority" are very nice people. Yes of course you will find "some" that have some strange ideas, but boy could I tell you some stories about some of them! (which of course I wouldn't be so rude to do in a public forum) ;) Enjoy your cruise!

 

That could be interesting, although I have a funny feeling it wouldn't have a long lifespan.

[MARIANH]

Having met many lovely Americans on cruises( and some are now firm frends)' it has been my experience that much British subtle humor, particularly irony is understood by only a select few Americans. Whereas for example the Benny Hill school of puerile innuendo driven sexist pap seems to have a following.

 

The popularity of Jack ass in the US suggests that there is also a large audience for humor based on stupidity and self harm- I hesitate to call it schadenfreude. ( well I never, the automatic censor would not let me enter Jack ass as one word! - now that is funny( peculiar) .Can anyone explain?

 

However, American situation comedies read well over here in the UK and are enjoyed by many- so there is stuff that we both appreciate.

 

Could anyone give examples of jokes that Americans think are funny. Or indeed witness contemporary US comedians that might be worth listening to.

 

I am particularly interested as we will be taking a cruise in the Caribbean where most of the guests will be from the USA and I wish to avoid any faux pas. With the aim of not being reported on this thread!

 

Or like Sex and Politics, should Humor be off the agenda in conversations?

[Rotterdam]

#1

Lady Astor to WC - "If I was your wife I would poison your soup"

WC replies to Lady Astor -" If I was your husband I would drink it"

 

#2

WC and Opposition Leader Attlee in a bathroom about to use the urinal trough

Attlee says to WC as WC stands as far away from Attlee -"Feeling standoffish today are we Winston?'

 

WC replies -" That's right. Every time you see something big, you want to nationalize it"

[MARIANH]

#1

Lady Astor to WC - "If I was your wife I would poison your soup"

WC replies to Lady Astor -" If I was your husband I would drink it"

 

#2

WC and Opposition Leader Attlee in a bathroom about to use the urinal trough

Attlee says to WC as WC stands as far away from Attlee -"Feeling standoffish today are we Winston?'

 

WC replies -" That's right. Every time you see something big, you want to nationalize it"

 

Great ripostes from a truly great man. Thankyou.

 

My favourite Winston Churchill put down :

 

Bessie Braddock a larger than life Member of Parliament for Liverpool -

 

"Winston you are drunk"

 

Churchill -

 

" Bessie you are ugly and tomorrow morning I will be sober"

[Flamin_June]

A freind of mine drowned in a bowl of muesli.

 

 

A strong currant pulled him in.

[sassyw]

I didn't complain, I couldn't as I was having trouble breathing at the time, but my banana boat ride on odyssey last September didn't go well. Banana boat capsized, inevitably, me too big to haul out and onto banana boat, too big to haul out into safety boat. I was towed back holding onto a line. All was well till the crew decided to accelerate, at which time I converted from surfboard to deep running torpedo. Finally back on board, having revitalising beverage (s) chatted with chief safety officer, coincidentally on board, who complained he would now have to rewrite the safety manual. Charming gentleman genuinely pleased to have witnessed the incident.

Happened to me too!!! I was told to sit in the front as I was the smallest and on the way back I was upended by the wake of another boat. Could not climb back on as I was laughing so hysterically! Had to be dragged back to the ship! Last time on a banana boat!!!

[Flamin_June]

Those are my principles. If you don’t like them, I have others.

 

I never forget a face, but in your case I’d be glad to make an exception.

 

You’ve got the brain of a four-year-old boy …and I’ll bet he was glad to get rid of it.

 

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas, I’ll never know.

 

Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.