Dinner Etiquette Question

[Thetrail]

I wanted to get some opinions from my fellow cruisers on this - we will be sailing with our 5 and 6 year old kids and plan on eating most meals with them. Usually when we go out to restaurants, I bring along my phone and ipad, as well as some small toys, to keep the kids occupied while we're waiting for our food. They know the rule that once the food arrives, everything gets put away and it's time to talk as a family while we eat. I've found that wait time before the food is usually where most of the whining/bickering tends to occur, especially after a long, exciting day. So here's my question: if you were sitting at a large table with us, would you consider it rude that the kids were playing quietly with toys or electronics at the table, as long as it was not disruptive (no sound on devices, etc.)?

Note: I did request a table for four, mainly because I know many people prefer to dine without children, and I respect that option. Even my (mostly) well-behaved kids can have their moments, that's for sure! :p

that's the end of this conversation....:confused:

[LindaO]

I think your plan is wonderful. My mom (in her 80s) and I always ask for a table for 8 because we love talking with fellow cruisers. More often than not we have had children at thee table. Last cruise the first night at the table they were busy with their games and participated in some conversations. On the second night they were so much fun telling us about the beach, snorkeling, the fish and their dad snoring on the beach. We all laughed and had such a good time. The rest of the cruise was just as delightful. The little girl was so excited about the shows.... They brought the games to the table but rarely used them past that first night. But if they had played all week that would be fine. We only expect children to be children, not mini adults. We have never had a "bad" child at our table... And parents that come prepared are the best!!!

 

 

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[nbsjcruiser]

Kids sitting quietly at a table? Never an issue.

[pcur]

My husband and I eat most of our meals out, and we are amazed at how many parents don't have a clue that bringing something to entertain young children during a meal is a GREAT idea!! Thanks to the OP for doing this.

 

This is something we always did with our two sons in restaurants and on vacations. They would build things with small Lego pieces, which we brought in a small plastic container. Since there were no electronic devices 25 years ago to bring, Legos were a good choice for them. They became very absorbed in what they were building, so were quiet and distracted until the food arrived.

 

As far as the poster who asked "at what age will it end", I had to chuckle. It stops when they aren't interested anymore, and more interested in long conversations. It reminds me of a friend long ago when I was worried about my son's slow potty training. She said, "Peggy, he won't go to college in diapers." :D

[Queen of Oakville]

hey toothdoc - wanna sit together? Maybe we could meet up for lunch and see how the kids get along - and then go try and get our table assignments joined? We're signed up for 6:30 (I think) - according to my MY CRUISES preferences. I know we have early seating - hoping its 6:30 and not 5:30. will it show now in the cruise docs what time dinner is at or just on our sail passes?

 

I am generally anti-devices at dinner. I always bring crayons for the kids to colour and we try to have family time to talk too. Might be nice to have some adult conversation. On our last Disney cruise, I let the kids bring their electronics to the table but it was only supposed to be for pictures/video. My son has a mini and my daughter has an ipod touch. but if you let your kids bring devices, I will too. My daughter is 7 and my son is 6.

 

 

just checked and I'm signed up for traditional dining at 6PM

[ChicagoBound]

I wanted to get some opinions from my fellow cruisers on this - we will be sailing with our 5 and 6 year old kids and plan on eating most meals with them. Usually when we go out to restaurants, I bring along my phone and ipad, as well as some small toys, to keep the kids occupied while we're waiting for our food. They know the rule that once the food arrives, everything gets put away and it's time to talk as a family while we eat. I've found that wait time before the food is usually where most of the whining/bickering tends to occur, especially after a long, exciting day. So here's my question: if you were sitting at a large table with us, would you consider it rude that the kids were playing quietly with toys or electronics at the table, as long as it was not disruptive (no sound on devices, etc.)?

Note: I did request a table for four, mainly because I know many people prefer to dine without children, and I respect that option. Even my (mostly) well-behaved kids can have their moments, that's for sure! :p

 

Here's my opinion--since you asked for it--and I don't mean to stir up a hornet's nest of controversy, but it's my opinion: Leave the devices in the room. As another poster mentioned, give it a shot on the first day without them. After all, the kids will have a TON to talk about, both with you and others at your table. And the others will have lots to talk about too.

 

I have young kids too (9 y/o twins and a 5 y/o), and I've definitely heard the "when's the food going to get here" mantra a million times. But I think one of the best ways to get children ready for adulthood is to show them what successful adulthood entails. And it entails interacting with others, talking, listening, sitting still even when bored, etc. We've all had to sit through a work meeting that was boring as heck. Sitting through dinner, even if it means being bored by listening to the adults' conversation, prepares one to deal with what they will experience from time to time as adults.

 

I'm convinced that one of the reasons there is so much ADD/ADHD these days is because kids play so many video games and have so much screen time where they are inundated with action, noises, lights, etc., when it comes time to sitting still in class and listening (often to something that's much less interesting/interactive as a video game), their brains simply can't handle it. My kids watch television (about an hour a day) and play on my iPhone (maybe 10 minutes a day a piece), so I'm not anti-screens.

 

But at dinner, when they can learn conversation skills, especially as young kids, that's a great training ground. When I see kids at restaurants playing on devices, my biggest emotion is sadness. It makes me sad tht the parents and kids aren't interacting. What better time to actually talk.

 

Look, if your kids are going to be unruly without devices (something I doubt since you seem like a conscientious parent), then let them play on the devices. There are worse things in the world. But see if they can handle dinner device-free the first night. Between the ability of the waiters to keep them entertained and the conversation with fellow passengers, they'll be just fine. And speaking of the waiters, they do a phenomenal job of entertaining--often with napkin tricks, etc. Many of them have kids of their own who they miss, and they love being able to entertain other children as a way of feeling connected to kids. You don't want to deprive them of that, do you?? :)

 

Just my two cents.

[pcur]

Here's my opinion--since you asked for it--and I don't mean to stir up a hornet's nest of controversy, but it's my opinion: Leave the devices in the room. As another poster mentioned, give it a shot on the first day without them. After all, the kids will have a TON to talk about, both with you and others at your table. And the others will have lots to talk about too.

 

I have young kids too (9 y/o twins and a 5 y/o), and I've definitely heard the "when's the food going to get here" mantra a million times. But I think one of the best ways to get children ready for adulthood is to show them what successful adulthood entails. And it entails interacting with others, talking, listening, sitting still even when bored, etc. We've all had to sit through a work meeting that was boring as heck. Sitting through dinner, even if it means being bored by listening to the adults' conversation, prepares one to deal with what they will experience from time to time as adults.

 

I'm convinced that one of the reasons there is so much ADD/ADHD these days is because kids play so many video games and have so much screen time where they are inundated with action, noises, lights, etc., when it comes time to sitting still in class and listening (often to something that's much less interesting/interactive as a video game), their brains simply can't handle it. My kids watch television (about an hour a day) and play on my iPhone (maybe 10 minutes a day a piece), so I'm not anti-screens.

 

But at dinner, when they can learn conversation skills, especially as young kids, that's a great training ground. When I see kids at restaurants playing on devices, my biggest emotion is sadness. It makes me sad tht the parents and kids aren't interacting. What better time to actually talk.

 

Look, if your kids are going to be unruly without devices (something I doubt since you seem like a conscientious parent), then let them play on the devices. There are worse things in the world. But see if they can handle dinner device-free the first night. Between the ability of the waiters to keep them entertained and the conversation with fellow passengers, they'll be just fine. And speaking of the waiters, they do a phenomenal job of entertaining--often with napkin tricks, etc. Many of them have kids of their own who they miss, and they love being able to entertain other children as a way of feeling connected to kids. You don't want to deprive them of that, do you?? :)

 

Just my two cents.

 

Having been there, done that with my now 31 and 36 yo sons, I can tell you that taking something to entertain them during restaurant meals hasn't resulted in any harm. My sons did this from the time they were 3 until they weren't interested anymore. It helped them learn that they were to be quiet and sit at the table, but also they never got bored. They learned how to behave in public, and interestingly, are now VERY sensitive to their behavior when in public and in restaurants.

 

We were able to have many quiet conversations about what they were building with their Legos; they were never isolated from dinner time interactions.

[Rufferto]

I would not find it rude, but my personal advice (take it or leave it) would be to hold off on breaking out the toys to see how things go. A cruise is a bit different from going out to a restaurant, and the wait staff usually seems to enjoy interacting with the kids. So, I would recommend not immediately giving them the toys, but just have them, if you need them.

 

I agree. :)

[cruiser-007]

Nope, I don't think it's rude either. Now, letting children throw things and run around without removing them from the restaurant is rude. As a father of a teenager I've been there, done that too. On our next cruise, I actually wouldn't mind sharing a table with children, they are very entertaining.:)

[nanwel]

My grandson is 9, and on the Allure in March, he took his book to dinner every night and read until the food arrived. His sister, not a bookworm, took barbie with her (not sure why, but her choice). All went away when appitizers arrived, and if there was a really long wait between courses.

My daughter thought they had too much time with electronics,and said they were not allowed on the ship - she did not want to pack/worry about them.

We often used between courses for a washroom break, and a short walk to see what was going on - then quickly back to table to see if next food had arrived. Got better at conversations as the cruise went along and we could discuss the day.

I see no problem with electronics, as long as you have a good portion of family time. No reason for others to judge, better quiet and busy than winey and fidgety - we have all seen those!!!

Relax, and enjoy your cruise with you family!!!

[VernRDH]

Having cruised with our daughter since she was 5, I can honestly say we have never taken anything to the MDR with us for entertainment. We have been fortunate to sit at larger tables with other families,so the kids could talk and play and adults could have conversation.

 

99% of the wait staff that we have had have bent over backwards for the kid, one head waiter even cried the last night of the cruise, he was going to miss the kids (he had a daughter of similar age at home). One of the other things they did (which no one has mentioned), is that they will bring the kids food out quicker if you ask so that the kids can get to AO. We worked it out so that DD was finished by the time we finished our main course. I would then take her up to AO and return for coffee and dessert with DH and the other adults. That worked out really well too, and since the kids do not necessarily eat all the courses, no one misses out on anything.

 

Now DD is 14 and a total foodie, and as we mostly cruise with family and close friends, she aint going anywhere. But she did learn good table manners and how to use silverware and what everything is in the place setting. :rolleyes:

[babyher]

We always took a little something to keep the kids occupied when we went out and it always worked well.

 

As long as it keeps them quiet and entertained. The parents get to have a quiet meal, the other diners get to have a quiet meal, and the kids are happy and best of all QUIET!!! Win, win win situation. :)

[sdw322]

Personally, I believe you are being more considerate to your table mates by bringing something for them to do while waiting. Adult conversations can be outright boring for children. Having something for them to do will make everyone more comfortable. Besides if the conversation does get interesting for them they may join in.

[boulders]

I have 3 children including an 8 year old. Yes, I would find it annoying. Just as annoying as an adult playing with their phone or iPad.

[galavant3]

Personally, I believe you are being more considerate to your table mates by bringing something for them to do while waiting. Adult conversations can be outright boring for children. Having something for them to do will make everyone more comfortable. Besides if the conversation does get interesting for them they may join in.

 

Well said. Regardless of whether you agree or disagree with the strategy, I think everyone appreciates that the OP wants to make sure his/her kids don't disrupt anyone else's dinner.

 

Just because they are bringing distractions, doesn't mean that the kids won't join in the conversation. It just means they have an option.

[Sherlock43031]

some of you people are wrapped way too tight. (or never had kids) when we took our kids we always sat at a table with other couples with kids. they sit there in silent for 5 mins eye-balling each other then you can't get them to stop talking. if the mother has one of the games in her purse as a back-up option should it be needed isn't going to ruin anyone's dinner. our waiters always seemed to bring their drinks quickly and some cracker or pretzels, etc.. to keep them busy. on a couple of cruises the waiters brought little kit of canyons and a couple of sheets of paper to color.

[WetToes]

some of you people are wrapped way too tight.

 

 

Ain't that the truth!

[Paul65]

some of you people are wrapped way too tight.

 

Some may even consider you "wrapped way too tight" for making that post on a thread where the overwhelming position is that the OP's plan is not a problem at all. Focusing on the small minority with a different opinion seems a little uptight to me. :)

[tlatrice]

I don't see it as being any more rude than the crayons and placemats that most restaurants give you for kids that age.

[hansolosmom]

Just my 2 cents

 

I don't like electronics in the dining room. I think we all use them to much & that is one of the places I don't allow them. My boys and their friends know if I see a phone, I will take it & they will get it back after dinner.

 

BUT I have no objection with you bringing something non electronic to play with. I loved the Lego idea. The first time we did a long cruise the boys were 5 & 7 and they were always entertained themselves with the crayons and the placemats. I still have the pictures and stories they did on those placemats. I swear they did that on cruises until they stopped gettng the kids menus. It's also a great conversation starter if there are other people at the table.

[ToothDoc78]

Thank you for all the replies! I truly appreciate the feedback. For me, its more about being respectful to my fellow passengers. My kids, like most, can be high-energy at times (more often when tired). I certainly hope the kids will join in on the conversations and not have their heads down the whole evening (in fact I wouldn't allow that! :)) I think I might try packing some small bags with Legos... both of them love Legos and that would certainly be a good choice.

I hadn't thought about letting them go up early to AO too while DH and I enjoy dessert... that may be a good option as well. We plan on spending most days together as a family, but evenings would make for better adult time anyway.

[ToothDoc78]

hey toothdoc - wanna sit together? Maybe we could meet up for lunch and see how the kids get along - and then go try and get our table assignments joined? We're signed up for 6:30 (I think) - according to my MY CRUISES preferences. I know we have early seating - hoping its 6:30 and not 5:30. will it show now in the cruise docs what time dinner is at or just on our sail passes?

 

I am generally anti-devices at dinner. I always bring crayons for the kids to colour and we try to have family time to talk too. Might be nice to have some adult conversation. On our last Disney cruise, I let the kids bring their electronics to the table but it was only supposed to be for pictures/video. My son has a mini and my daughter has an ipod touch. but if you let your kids bring devices, I will too. My daughter is 7 and my son is 6.

 

 

just checked and I'm signed up for traditional dining at 6PM

 

We would love to meet all of you! We are signed up for traditional seating at 6 as well. Is there more than one MDR on the Oasis? I'm assuming so... I'm sure the kids will meet in AO too - my youngest will be in the 3-5 group though, I think. If the groups are small, do they tend to combine them? I'm guessing there aren't going to be a ton of kids on this sailing due to the time of year.

[sherilyn70]

I don't know for sure, but I don't think the games the OP was referring to would have bring flashing lights. The kids I've seen in the MDR on such games looked about the same as if they were reading a book or kindle.

 

But, it couldn't hurt to ask if anyone would be disturbed by the activities.

 

Do you play any games on an iOS device or android? They all pretty much have moving colors or lights, but watching a video is the worst. Just like with a television it gives off different levels of brightness and movement that can catch the eye.

[cjdixon4]

So here's my question: if you were sitting at a large table with us, would you consider it rude that the kids were playing quietly with toys or electronics at the table, as long as it was not disruptive (no sound on devices, etc.)?

 

The fact that you are aware of the feelings of others, and mindful of your children's demeanor is commendable. My DH and I wouldn't mind sitting with/near your family anytime!

[Queen of Oakville]

here is my addy: queenofoakville@gmail.com