Silversea Water Cooler: Part 3, Welcome!

[UKCruiseJeff]

 

 

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[jpalbny]

Nice focaccia!

 

Pizza tonight. Here's the first one cooking. Heated the stone on the grill tonight as the weather was nice, and didn't want to cook indoors. No leftovers, I'm afraid...and the second one didn't survive long enough to pose for a portrait.

 

[Camillus112]

Mysty, I feel your pain. The feeling of being constrained by domestic responsibilities hit me right when we had to be financially very prudent, and our only escapes were based on DH's work. Jeff is right; you have to have conversations with your Myster, regarding planning an accommodation that works for both of you. In my case I negotiated splurging on gardeners (we used to have two acres of land) and a regular cleaning lady. Also, I decided I would take up drama, something that was always in the back of my mind. Maybe you need help with all your chores, so you can do leisurely travel research for all the trips you would like to plan for. Like you, I enjoy the planning almost as much!

[mysty]

Greetings Coolers! More bright sunshine this morning which does elevate the spirit!

 

Cam...thanks for your post! Myster is really a very kind and understanding soul. Although he knows how much I detest winter and am feeling shackled by the house and gardens, I don't think I have been very honest about the depth of my feelings. And that is on me! And that is something I will have to address. :)

 

I deeply appreciate my Cooler family and thank you!

 

Have a great day all!

[MissSophia]

G'Day Coolers.......

 

Thanks for the sympathies......still resting up and feeling totally sorry for myself 😉

Good news from my TA this morning though with the 2018 voyages now all sorted on the Spirit.

 

Terry, no real tips for your upcoming cruise except to say you will love the ship and her crew. The ambience is very relaxing which adds to the atmosphere and you'll often see the ships officers on the pool deck chatting to guests....something that was missing on the Muse!

All the dining venues are good as is room service if you want a night in after your full day of exploring.....if you are partial to sampling some local cuisine have a word with your butler to have something different served in your suite one evening.

The main restaurant is a delight and also missed on the Muse....l also missed the always available menu for a change from the main menu although that does change each evening on Spirit.

I noted Spins mentioned the chocolate extravaganza and if this happens on your trip it's a must and great fun...also look out for the themed deck buffets.....although I've only ever seen them on the crossings.

 

Mysty.....I think you are suffering from post cruise blues....quite common as we all so love the pre planning along with the excitement of actually getting on board...then crash bang wallop it's all over in a flash and one has to leave La La Land and get back to reality.

I agree with Cam....hire a gardener and a cleaner so you can concentrate on what you want to do without having to think about the mundane and boring stuff...and maybe once Myster has retired you'll be able to go out more for some fun lunches together and plan your next cruise over a good bottle of vino!

 

Happy Day

S 😊

[mysty]

Thank you Miss S! You are right! Most of this is post-cruise let down! I think it is stirring up dissatisfaction that has been building for a while though (something akin to a latent volcano). Once the visiting Mongol horde (my 3 siblings) have decamped after the weekend Myster and I will put our heads together to create something we can both be happy with. I was feeling a bit overwhelmed last evening and it spilled out all over the Cooler! Sorry for the mess! And thanks again all for your kind words, suggestions and support!

[UKCruiseJeff]

M,

 

I think there is an age when a sense of regular panic starts to emerge and repeat itself when there is a cold sense of sort of terror washes over us reminding us that time has gone quickly and the time left mustn't be wasted and there is so much that we wanted to do but haven't. It can be a feeling that gnaws at you, but it is also a rational bit of our instinct and intuition that really shouldn't be ignored otherwise you won't end up doing some of the things that is in your heart and you yearn to do and that you can probably do. I think we have been given a set of instincts that calls on all parts of us and produces a feeling that might not easily be rationalised but that doesn't mean the feelings are irrational and should be ignored.

 

Not doing any of them or simply not confronting the issue by avoidance and ignoring them and putting them on the back burner will only increase as you age and will result in a sense of feeling cheated out of an aspiration that might fairly easily be met at least in part. It might lead to avoidable bitterness later on.

 

I'd sit down and write down what it is exactly what is missing and what compromises might be made to alleviate them. But don't ignore them. Confront them and find a resolution. Sometimes a compromise solution might not make you feel completely full, but it might at least alleviate much of the hunger. If you don't do this the feeling of unfulfilment will inevitably increase and might end up being all-consuming.

 

Good luck M.

Edited April 25, 2017 by UKCruiseJeff

[mysty]

J...I think you have hit the nail squarely on the head with your analysis. I know I can't bury and ignore the issue any longer as it is really nibbling at my soul now. What has brought it to a head I think is a book I bought recently called Live, Love, Explore: Discover the Way of the Traveler by Leon Legothetis. From the very first chapter my heart sang. The volcano is rumbling.

 

https://www.amazon.com/Live-Love-Explore-Discover-Traveler/dp/1621453235

[UKCruiseJeff]

What has possibly also added to things is that you spent so much time anticipating and planning what was a trip of a lifetime, that whole period of "looking forward to it" has been replaced with a comparative vacuum and you need stuff in the diary to "look forward to".

 

The good thing is that there is a solution, you just need to establish what it is.

 

Today was Moroccan burgers and salad.

 

 

 

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[Camillus112]

Jeff, what makes those good looking burgers Moroccan?

[UKCruiseJeff]

The label on the pack Camels! :)

 

It has chickpeas, peppers, fruit snd spicing .....

 

 

 

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[Camillus112]

Funny! I thought you had prepared them. Fruit in a burger sounds...off...but, I would give them a try when I get to London. BTW, don't know if I told you that we did book our transfer with Blacklane.

[UKCruiseJeff]

Yes, I hope you find Blacklane OK. If you want to pass by Jeff's they'll be a pizza in the oven and some wine in the fridge!

[mysty]

I spent my morning chasing dust bunnies around the house. Since this is a relatively mindless activity I let my mind wander. And wander it did. As I stood vacuuming (hoovering) the living room the grey matter presented me with a rather disturbing thought. I will be 65 in November. Neither of my parents lived to see 65. I am relatively healthy and there is no rational reason to think that my days are numbered. Fear is not rational though. To complicate matters, Myster will retire at the end of this week and the steady source of income will stop. We have retire savings and will receive Canada Pension and Old Age Security payments monthly but our income will be limited. Not uncomfortably so but limited none the less. Thus priorities for spending will be required. I think my fear is that the house and gardens will require the money that I would prefer to spend on more enjoyable pursuits. Of course maintenance and repair are necessary so that the assets do not devalue. I feel a little steadier on my pegs now. I think I have identified the sources of my angst. Serious negotiations with Myster will be in the offing. No more Auntie Misery posts now. Thanks for your patience all!

[UKCruiseJeff]

Hi M,

 

For what it's worth I guess all of us go through various stages in life where we are sort of confronting ourselves with moments of truth and it's how we choose to respond that sets out how well we will enjoy the future. My worst one came twenty five years ago when I realised with some fear that although I was earning a packet I hated being an employee and it was killing my spirit. I hated not being in control of our destiny. I was also trapped into a middle class wealth trap which made starting out on my own seeming to be extremely dumb thing to do. I was imprisoned by the salary, company car and all the other stuff. But once I discussed the issue with wifey and explained that taking the plunge puts everything on the line, she told me to do it and we did and our lives changed completely.

 

You mentioned the financial aspects of reconciling your fears for home maintenance with travel and enjoyment etc, and one of the things I did might be worth mentioning. It in fact has been one of the most important things I did.

 

I made a list of all the stuff we owned including the equity we had in our property and everything else and I made a spreadsheet which was in effect a sinking fund. The spreadsheet answered the question "if everything failed today how long would our assets last for and what state would we be in". Of course starting out in a new business where I'd set rather ambitious rates for the work we'd be doing meant that I'd be turning stuff away that wan't sufficiently lucrative. After a while it worked out and on one day I was able to say to wifey, "if everything failed today, the worst thing that would happen to us is that we could sell the house and live in a trailer and we'd have enough to live on for the rest of our lives". It may sound crass, but that was very liberating. It enabled me to take risks because I knew that the worst of the downside was we wouldn't starve or be cold even if we wouldn't be overly comfortable.

 

Over time the notional trailer was replaced with a notional home and after three years we'd paid off the mortgage of one house and bought a further - "Seaside" for cash. I was able to choose clients I wanted to work with, choose projects I wanted to work on, fire clients I felt were tiresome and control the amount of work I did by increasing the price of what we did until we had exactly the amount of work we wanted doing interesting things. I cannot tell you how much pleasure I got by telling one or two that we would no longer be providing them with advice. I feel that my life choices were completely liberated by knowing what could be done and where we were financially at every moment. The spreadsheet now tells us that I can look after ourselves and our family with almost any problem and whilst we might fear many things cash needn't be one of them. In fact the biggest and worst thing we've had to cope with is the terrible reality of retiring far too early and too young, getting all we wanted to do done and now being extremely bored and not being able to think of further things to do. But that isn't a complaint because I know how fortunate we are.

 

So my suggestion is that avoiding confronting the reality of the finances of retirement is a fairly foolish thing to do. It might be painful doing the spreadsheet and realising how dire things are, or it might actually prove that you aren't as badly off as you think. What it will do is provide a clear picture of the challenges that need to be addressed. Is there a gap beween the income you'll have and what you need to spend. Can the gap be bridged by reducing expenditure. Can I improve the situation by realising some house equity by downsizing. The spreadsheet nudges the question of what do we need to do and what are the options.

 

Don't stop posting on the topic until you want to. These issues are challenges that have clearly worried you and it just might be that in the same way the book made you realise what you think you might be missing, a few ideas from strangers in "The Cooler" who understand and can provide different perspectives over a notional e-drink just might trigger some helpful thoughts for you to ponder.

[mysty]

Jeff...you are a brilliant man! Your spreadsheet idea is awesome! It would definitely help Myster and me! The CPP and the OAS income are fairly secure (unless the government of Canada runs into financial problems). So we have a very small sort of guaranteed monthly income. I have kept track of our expenditures in a spreadsheet for a number of years now. We have most of the retirement savings invested in relatively safe stocks. Our financial advisor has produced a couple of retirement income forecasts for us which seem to indicate that our funds will carry us into our 90s. Of course, no stocks are absolutely safe. I think your suggestion would really help us figure out where the money should go.

 

The input from the Cooler family has already proven extremely helpful! And I am very grateful to all! And I am so very happy that I stuck my toes into the Cooler water! :)

[UKCruiseJeff]

Hi M,

 

So pleased the idea might be helpful.

 

May I make one further observation that might help.

 

A mistake that many people arrive at with insufficient thought is to think of their wealth or capital as something that mustn't reduce. That philosphy implies that it is more important to leave kids or grankids whatever is left after death duties rather than using assets to enjoy the time you have left. I think everyone says "Oh you must preserve the capital" and people never question that. In the UK there are death duties and I'm looking after my kids whilst I'm alive and there will be property and stuff when the second of us goes ...... but some time ago the spreadsheet told us we had to die when we were 84!

 

So if you start off (in really simply terms) with a column that has your age going down the spreadsheet ie 65 to say 90 and your opening balance at the top. Then in simple terms with a small amount of assumed growth each year and the amount you need to spend, and the balance at the end of every year becomes the opening balance at the start of the next, at what age .... how do I put this ..... must you die before you run out of cash! In other words don't presume that capital must be preserved. It can be spent. There is nothing wrong with the opening balance of next year being less than at the start of this. Think of it as a sinking fund.

 

After a few months the spreadsheet will become quite sophisitcated with various assumptions and everything.

 

What you have at the moment is lot's of fears of the unkown. This removes fear of the unknown and starts the situation of being entirely in control.

[mysty]

Exactly so Jeff! Lots of fears of the unknown! The Retirement Plan produced by our finance dude takes exactly the approach you have outlined. The assumptions are for a modest 4% increase in capital each year and an assumption of about 2% inflation per year. By his numbers, our estate would be left with just the house value after the 2nd of us dies at age 90. I do not intend to live a miserly life in order to leave money for our children. Like you, we have been giving them money all along. That will be reduced though.

 

I can't wait for Myster to get home so we can at least start the dialogue. I would definitely like to downsize and I think it is a reasonable thing to do at this point. Hopefully he will agree. The next hurdle will be where to park ourselves. :) But, you know what? For the first time in a long time, I am excited about planning the future! :)

 

Thank you Jeff for all your wisdom and for your generous spirit!

[UKCruiseJeff]

Thanks for the comments M, one is never certain when offering help whether it is wise to ,,,,

 

I think your advisor is on the right track philosphically. One final bit about what such a spreadsheet can show.

 

For some years whilst we were building the business I was investing in the markets, and to be frank I hated it. In simple terms the gains I made didn't cause me as much pleasure as the sense of bereavement when I made a loss. I am not one of those cut out for investing speculatively. What my spreadsheet proved to me when I was goinf through this pain of constantly tracking investments was that if we made no further growth and spent as we were currently we had more than enough to last us. So that also begged the question why be greedy? Why risk it all? If we had enough, then why risk it all to grow it larger than what we need.

 

I was also very edgy about the markets and I have always been a truster of my instincts and intuition. They never let me down even if I don't always understand why they are telling me to do illogical things. So I sold off all the shares and put all the cash into long-term bank savings accounts and everyone told me how dumb I was. And then there was the crash. And everyone said "why didn't you warn me". So it was the right thing to do and now I don't worry about how the investments are doing. Basically because they aren't doing anything. The point is the spreadsheet also tells you whether you no longer need take risks and worry because you basically have all you need. It also told us when we could stop working.

 

Too few people know they basically have enough and need no more and have nothing more to fear.

[mysty]

Yes! The markets make me very nervous too! Especially with the new leader down south rattling his sabre! Unfortunately our retirement savings currently would not support us with the extremely low bank interest rates on offer here or the bond rates at present. I think you were very wise to move your money to a more secure place! If that was a viable option for us I would jump on it!

[Camillus112]

Thanks, Jeff, for sharing your constructive experience with Mysty and all Cooler friends. Like you said, we all have gone through some sort of similar stage. When Roberto was provost at the PR Conservatory and I was a very well paid financer and economic consultant, we took the plunge to accept a three year contract as composer residence with the Milwaukee Symphony. And this, with two children in USA colleges!! But fate was good, and Roberto was recruited by Cornell before the contract ended. Had this not happened, we were ready to accept "bottom" and so were the children. Of course, all this was thoroughly discussed beforehand. Yours is an excellent exposition on how to handle a difficult decision. So Mysty, welcome to the club!

[mysty]

Thanks Cam! :) I have not belonged to many clubs in my life but this one seems to have wonderful members!

[ShotsnCruises]

Jeff, I feel I should turn over my psychology license to you for awhile! Well done and well said advice for Mysty. Life changes are both exciting and dreadful, because we fear change. Even good change.

 

 

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[UKCruiseJeff]

That's very kind of you both. There is nothing more disabling than fear of the unknown and so any mechanisms that shine some light are helpful.

 

I'm a great admirer of Roberto, and I feel somewhat deprived that we cannot have a very very long leisurely lunch. I am good at long lunches and they are a passion. I am so intrigued and fascinated by the creative process of how one starts with a blank sheet and ends with something that affects moods and inspires. I think your decision that earnings aren't the end in itself, merely a means to an end was extremely wise and you liberated and set free that creative talent you married to explore it's range and breadth.

[Camillus112]

Thanks, Jeff, we will be in London from May 22-26. If at all possible, we would love to have lunch with you and your wife.