Cruising without your child- advice

Ever since my baby (now 3) was born, we have traveled with her. She has gone to Florida, on two cruises, Branson, Oklahoma and Kansas. The only time I have left her for more than a day was when we went to Las Vegas for DH's 30th birthday and it was a long weekend. There were really only two days that we did not see her during that time period. And we were able to call and talk to her.

So this year, DH and I decided to take a cruise by ourselves. She is not much of a cruiser to put it mildly (she was a big ole grumpy gus the whole time). WHen we booked it and DH's parents agreed to keep her, it sounded like a great idea. But now its in two weeks and I can hardly get excited about the cruise.

I know that DH's parents have raised 4 children and are perfectly capable of taking care of mine. And I know that my baby sitter has raised 3 children, 2 grandchildren and been babysitting for years. I trust them. But suddenly that paranoia is creeping in, what if something happens and I am not there.

Its only intensified by the fact that we will be pretty much out of touch for a lot of time. One port is in Key West so we do have regular cell service there. But that is the last port, the day before we get home. So basically I will have Tuesday at sea, Weds in Cozumel, and THursday at sea where I will be out of touch.

I have heard that Celebrity and ATT have some package where you can get some minutes for $30, which DH thinks is crazy. I know there is texting, but DH's parents don't text. DH's sis, who lives there, does text, but she is not always at home. His parents do not facebook and do not have internet.

If I get phone minutes, I worry that it will make her miss us more. And that I will cry. :(

What are your thoughts (besides buying a plane ticket and adding a 3rd passenger). DD is 3 years old.

Ever since my baby (now 3) was born, we have traveled with her. She has gone to Florida, on two cruises, Branson, Oklahoma and Kansas. The only time I have left her for more than a day was when we went to Las Vegas for DH's 30th birthday and it was a long weekend. There were really only two days that we did not see her during that time period. And we were able to call and talk to her.

 

So this year, DH and I decided to take a cruise by ourselves. She is not much of a cruiser to put it mildly (she was a big ole grumpy gus the whole time). WHen we booked it and DH's parents agreed to keep her, it sounded like a great idea. But now its in two weeks and I can hardly get excited about the cruise.

 

I know that DH's parents have raised 4 children and are perfectly capable of taking care of mine. And I know that my baby sitter has raised 3 children, 2 grandchildren and been babysitting for years. I trust them. But suddenly that paranoia is creeping in, what if something happens and I am not there.

 

Its only intensified by the fact that we will be pretty much out of touch for a lot of time. One port is in Key West so we do have regular cell service there. But that is the last port, the day before we get home. So basically I will have Tuesday at sea, Weds in Cozumel, and THursday at sea where I will be out of touch.

 

I have heard that Celebrity and ATT have some package where you can get some minutes for $30, which DH thinks is crazy. I know there is texting, but DH's parents don't text. DH's sis, who lives there, does text, but she is not always at home. His parents do not facebook and do not have internet.

 

If I get phone minutes, I worry that it will make her miss us more. And that I will cry. :(

 

What are your thoughts (besides buying a plane ticket and adding a 3rd passenger). DD is 3 years old.

1st, I get it, I do. Your momma heart wants to be there for every moment of your child's life. That is perfectly normal. That being said....

I do not know if this is helpful but ..here it goes, I tried (20 years very happily married) to always remember that I am more than just mom. I am a wife and an individual. What/how you live is what you are modeling for your child. Go and enjoy a romantic get away!!! IF there is an emergency, they CAN get ahold of the ship, most likely, not necessary though. Your marriage will benefit from it, unless YOU are a grumpy Gus ;). Your child will learn much from her Grandparents and strengthening bonds between them can only benefit her. You will both miss each other but the benefits outweigh that part. When we left our children, my DH would call and be the buffer, wanting to find out how they were/without hearing them. Try to relax and look forward to getting away. P.S. with a 15 and almost 18 year old, I am jealous and just making due with date nights right now. College, even with good scholarships, is expensive! :eek:

I get it, too. However, it's good for both you AND your child to have time apart. You know in your head that your child will be fine. Putting self-imposed guilt on yourself isn't healthy.

Blambky is right....you are MORE than a mom...and you and your child need to know that!

So, put aside your guilt, and get in the mood! You will give the caregivers the emergency phone # for the ship, and you must assume that NO news is GOOD news! Anything that might happen, could happen whether you are there or not...and the odds are that NOTHING will happen, except you'll return with a new sense of "self"... Really!

Ok...start packing, and stop with the pity party!

What they said. :) We always leave our itinerary with a couple of people at home as well as phone numbers of vet, TA, the ship, family members to contact in an emergency. Do that (but add your daughter's doctor's number to the list) and you will feel better knowing that you can be reached in an emergency. We didn't go anywhere without our kids for 23 years. Don't Be Those People! LOL Have a great time with your hubby and bring some wonderful surprises back for your daughter (and her assorted caregivers, of course).

. . . So this year, DH and I decided to take a cruise by ourselves. She is not much of a cruiser to put it mildly (she was a big ole grumpy gus the whole time). WHen we booked it and DH's parents agreed to keep her, it sounded like a great idea. But now its in two weeks and I can hardly get excited about the cruise. . . . what if something happens and I am not there. . . .I have heard that Celebrity and ATT have some package where you can get some minutes for $30, which DH thinks is crazy. I know there is texting, but DH's parents don't text. DH's sis, who lives there, does text, but she is not always at home. His parents do not facebook and do not have internet.

 

If I get phone minutes, I worry that it will make her miss us more. And that I will cry. :(

 

What are your thoughts (besides buying a plane ticket and adding a 3rd passenger). DD is 3 years old.

D-IL's do not text, but DSIL does. Well if anything "happens" either D-IL's will learn to text or will find DSIL or someone who does. You can also set up a time with DSIL to do a daily text (bring her home something "nice" :D)

Leave a little gift with Gma and Gpa for DD to open every day. Record a favorite story for them to use at bed time. DD may not "need" it but it can make you feel better knowing that you are still in touch with DD every day.

I had some bad experiences as a child with my parents leaving me with relatives. I'd wake up and they'd be gone (no prep) and I did not hear anything from them while they were "alone" (no postcards, no notes left for me, nothing). My grandmother worked full-time and was "guilted" into service as a baby sitter -- she did not have time and the extra 1/2 hour drive each way for work and being away from her home was an imposition. You and your DD do not have these issues -- she has good care set up. You have been preparing her. Everything will be fine.

. . . . P.S. with a 15 and almost 18 year old, I am jealous and just making due with date nights right now. College, even with good scholarships, is expensive! :eek:

I meant to add that perhaps it would be worth it to you to pay the crazy internet prices so that you can be in touch more often. Or have them send reports to your email and you can check it periodically for reassurance. The poster above gave some good ideas as well. Maybe make up an envelope for each day you are gone that gma and gpa can open with your daughter so she'll have something to look forward to and know that you are thinking of her.

I agree with all of the above in theory, but emotions mess with our logical thinking! It's really up to you on how you think you will feel during the cruise. If you will feel guilty or preoccupied with how your daughter is doing or missing her, then you won't enjoy yourself. I would buy the minutes and stay in touch so you can be reassured that she is doing fine and having fun with her grandparents.

When I had to be away from my girls when they were little, I actually found it better not speak to them while I was gone - it made it harder for them, harder for their grandma and then for me because I felt awful that they were crying. They would be completely fine before my call, but talking to me would stir them up - so though I was desperate to talk to them, we discovered it was not the best thing for them. So buy the minutes if you want to be able to check in, but I would not suggest talking to your child while you're away until she's older and can better understand that you can't suddenly appear. Lots of parents who travel for work, divorced parents, etc, and others who think it's important to have couples time away do this all the time with no detriment to the kids. I hope you go and have a wonderful time - I think having a strong connection with your husband makes your daughter very lucky.

All the best,

Mia

The cruise line has an emergency number that you can provide to your parents and you should provide them with this.

The rest of the time, I would use email. If you child is sad, Grandma and Grandpa can write you emails from your daughter. This way she can communicate without upsetting her or you.

Have a great time. I'm sure that the Grandparents will enjoy having your daughter all to themselves.

Leave a little gift with Gma and Gpa for DD to open every day. Record a favorite story for them to use at bed time. DD may not "need" it but it can make you feel better knowing that you are still in touch with DD every day.

 

Very good ideas!

I agree with all of the above in theory, but emotions mess with our logical thinking! It's really up to you on how you think you will feel during the cruise. If you will feel guilty or preoccupied with how your daughter is doing or missing her, then you won't enjoy yourself. I would buy the minutes and stay in touch so you can be reassured that she is doing fine and having fun with her grandparents.

Exactly. This that are completely illogical keep popping in my brain. Like at my baby sitters they have an above ground pool. Its not a threat right now, the main reason is that its closed off. Its cold now and there is no water in it. And no ladder to get into it. But I saw it yesterday and I started to worry, what if something happens while we are gone. or what if she gets hurt, etc. I know she will be taken care of and I will do the power of attorney/consent to med treatment so that they can take care of her. But my mind still goes there.

One thing that helped me when I have left my children is knowing what they were going to do each day before I left. At times, I have even paid for events or bought craft projects etc. so I would know my parents were doing something fun and new with my kids each day. Then I would wake up and be excited for what my child was going to do each day. "Today is Tuesday! They were going to take her for her first pony ride.... Today is Wednesday. Grandma promised she would get out the new paint set.... Thursday, a new book and a day at the park..." That way, I could enjoy my time away knowing my children were having their own set of adventures.

We've left our kids behind with the grandparents many times, and it's a good thing (the kids love it). I think it's better to limit contact if the child is young - calling every day might be upsetting. None of them ever seemed upset when we returned - it was almost like we had been gone for a night.

I just had to leave my 2 year old for a week for work... We didn't talk from Sunday-Tuesday, and he had a tough time Monday night and tuesday, Tuesday night and Wednesday he was better but we did a video chat Wednesday and Thursday nights and he liked it, hugged the phone, seemed to make it better, he could see my hotel room etc. I left little toys for him for Daddy to bring out if he needed a distraction and he only needed one... I like the idea pp had of leaving set plans for her to do with her grandparents each day.

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You might have already thought of this, but it might be a good idea to leave written permission for the grandparents to authorize medical care for your daughter if something happens.

Exactly. This that are completely illogical keep popping in my brain. Like at my baby sitters they have an above ground pool. Its not a threat right now, the main reason is that its closed off. Its cold now and there is no water in it. And no ladder to get into it. But I saw it yesterday and I started to worry, what if something happens while we are gone. or what if she gets hurt, etc. I know she will be taken care of and I will do the power of attorney/consent to med treatment so that they can take care of her. But my mind still goes there.

That's the same worry whether you're a thousand miles away or the other side of town.

My tip is, imagine you're any one of your ancestors - none of them used mobile phones or internet to get in touch with you when you were three, and you all survived.

My husband and I were given airline tickets and "ordered" out of town by his boss in 2008. At the time, my kids were 5 and 2. I alternated between counting the days in anticipation and counting the days in dread. My parents came to stay at our house for the 5 days we were gone.

The first day or two were rough for me. I wondered if my daughter got to school on time, if my son got to preschool. I worried that they wouldn't be good for my parents. I worried about all kinds of things. But after a bit, I realized my worry didn't make a bit of difference to what they were doing, but made a huge difference to me, so I slowly put the worries away and had a nice time with my husband.

Did it feel like traveling before we had kids? No. We still spent a lot of time talking about them. But we also went out dancing and had a few drinks. I took a few naps and read a book without being interrupted. I could eat my own food while it was hot and not have to cut up anyone else's. I could even shower without hearing a little voice ask me how much longer I was going to be. The last day was hard because I was so anxious to be home to them.

Since then, we've done it every year. My kids, now 7 and 10, are just as excited when dh and I book our cruise as they are when we book our family cruise. They love having my parents come to stay and take them out to dinner or cook foods we don't make often. They usually live the whole week on pasta and mac-n-cheese.

And finally, in a real emergency, they can get you on your cell phone. Yes, it costs a crazy amount for every minute, but you won't be truly out of touch.

We just got back from leaving our 3 (ages 6 and twins that are almost 3). We do buy the internet package for updates, but we leave permission for medical decisions and all the ship/cruise line emergency numbers (if it really is an emergency I'm happy to pay the charges!). One thing we have done for the kids is go to Build a Bear and let them pick out an animal to stuff- we then buy the voice recorders and tape a special message for each child. That way when they are missing us they can squeeze their bear and hear our voices- they loved this!

My husband and I took our first vacation without the kids when they were 2 and 3. Up until that point, we hadn't spent a night away from them and VERY rarely even did date nights. My mom stayed at our house with them and they did great. We called and checked in and they were fantastic during the time we were gone. My son MIGHT have asked where we were 27,000 times just in case the answer changed, but that was just his style at the time.

I think we missed them more than they missed us. We ended up getting on the next flight back after the cruise instead of spending an extra night in Miami even though it was prepaid just because we really missed them.

Now, each year, we do at least one small trip (5 days) and a big trip (9 days). One is a family trip (at 4 and 5, the kids are pretty great travelers) and the other is a trip for just me and my husband. This way, we can go places that aren't as geared for kids and still manage to take them to Disney World, the beach, etc.

Several years later, I can say that the first trip away is the hardest. We are preparing for a cruise out of San Juan in May and can't wait. We will always miss them terribly, but it is nice to spend time as a couple and just take a break.

I agree with the other posters. You should go with your husband. It will be good for you as a couple. BUT, I would also feel free to voice any specific concerns I might have about safety. For example, if the babysitter's pool bothers you (and I don't think that's crazy), ask the g-rents not to take your child to the sitter's house while you are gone. If they work, maybe another arrangement could be made to ease your fears.

You have gotten great advice from the posters here but I will just add do it! I struggled when my mother in law said she would take our 6 month old so that DH and I could go on vacation. I was sure it was the wrong the thing to do, but my DH and MIL persisted saying I would get over it.

Long story short, we went and left her with grandma. She is now a self sufficient 23 year old grad student. We text or instant message almost every day and I am very proud of the young woman she has become.

Only you can say what works for you and your family, but give it a shot. We found that working in couples trips with family trips worked well for our family. (and also girls trips worked in there when she got older too!!!)

A vacation without the kids helps remind you why you got married in the first place (well, unless you got married because you got knocked up :p).

We've got two kids, 7 and 4. When the older one was 1.5, we took a two week trip to Europe without her. We've done a couple cruises and a trip to Vegas without the kids. They stayed with grandparents.

They were perfectly fine. They missed us a little bit, but they love their grandparents, so it wasn't upsetting for them.

It'll be good for the kids and it'll be good for you.

Enjoy your cruise.

I alternated between counting the days in anticipation and counting the days in dread.

LOL! This was me!

DH and I took our first trip away from the kids this past December. I was posting on these boards for support too. We went and had a WONDERFUL time. NONE of my worst fears came to pass. In fact, we had sooooo much fun I felt guilty! We had forgotten what it was like to sleep as late as you want (our kids rarely ever sleep past 6:30am) , linger over dinner (no toddler dumping her food on the floor) and attend shows (without having to sit in the back row, outside seat in case we had to make a quick exit). :) It was awesome! I did miss them, but not nearly as much as thought I would. I got a little wistful whenever I would see little ones on the cruise about my kids age. We called them in port and were out of reach on sea days. It was reassuring to hear their voices because I knew they were fine.

Normally I dread the end of the cruise. This time I was excited to get back to my little ones but I didn't spend the entire cruise worrying or sad as I expected to. In fact, the time flew by. We stayed busy having FUN. When we returned we found no traumatized children abandonend by their parents. Instead my oldest said, "Mommy can you and Daddy leave again? Grandma let us stay up late, eat candy and gave us Chick Fil A every day!" :)

Little late to this game but we are about to take our first cruise together without the kids. They will be 4&2 at the time we leave!

We are leaving them with friends though instead of family since we are stationed overseas.

I understand the paranoia!

I would like the OP to come back after her cruise and let us know how her perspective has changed :rolleyes:

I know not everybody is the same - but here's my little tale. I'm a single mom, so all this talk about date nights and romance and reconnecting and all that jazz sounds great and all... but how about this: YOU are a person who NEEDS time to YOURSELF to relax, unwind, and be worry free. Am I wrong?

The first time I was away from my children for an extended amount of time was for a business trip. (they were 7 and 8) It was weird, I'll admit (and even weirder was sending them off to camp the next year... I cried like a baby all the way down the mountain) Any-who, after that business trip I came back and exclaimed for all the world to hear: "I vow from now until my children are grown I WILL take a child-free vacation for at least one week EVERY single year!!!" That's how good it was... and it was just a conference.

So far so good. :D We're going cruising in a couple weeks together, but it's off to camp again for them this summer, and this time (maybe) I won't cry... maybe.

The truth is, your little won't experience any hardship because you are gone. ZERO. Trust us all on this. ... and I also agree whole heartedly with the poster who suggested not talking via phone. Yikes. At 3 it's likely to make her whine and cry for you, which will just break your heart - but 2 minutes before the call she was perfectly happy. Besides, 3 year olds in my experience don't have the best phone skills. ?? Heck, my 10 year old still doesn't quite get it. (unless it's texting of course) and if the phone is a big deal so you can call and check in... umm, you're not really relaxing are you? If there is an emergency they will contact you - and otherwise, can't you hear the details of what she had for breakfast, and which pajamas she wore when you get back? (not meaning to sound harsh, but that's the sad truth of it when you think about it)

This is starting to remind me of that hilarious movie .. "Parental Guidance" Oh my gosh, don't be a Marisa Tomei... :D