"Babysitting" for seniors?

I hope I don't get flamed for even mentioning this.

I'm cruising with my 80something parents out of FLL the week before Christmas on Zuiderdam in an aft suite (5186 - thanks again to GrannyNurse and all for helping me pick this cabin!) My Mom has begun to have Alzheimer's symptoms, but Dad and I are cautiously optimistic we can make this one last great family event with the right attitude and planning.

I've searched this board, and haven't seen any mention of this difficult query: staff are occasionally willing to oblige with private babysitting for pay for children. Does anyone know if you can pay for this service for a senior?

By no means am I planning on abandoning Mom for hours to go off and have fun. I've made all the other prep I can think of: asked for a table to ourselves so we don't inconvenience other diners....don't have our heart set on any shore excursions in case Mom is having a "bad day" in Grand Turk, Tortola or St Thomas...have booked the HMC taupe cabana (closest to washrooms and help) and are cautiously optimistic Mom may be able to enjoy a beach day under those circumstances. In suite dining is a possibility for any evening Mom is upset or confused. It will be nice to be able to breakfast quietly in the Pinnacle. In case we are unexpectedly separated, I have lanyards/pouches for all of us, so we can *all* carry our ID around our necks, and Mom won't feel she's singled out (and I'm going to make a color coded taupe card for the HMC day with "taupe cabana" written on it!) Mom is OK on her own at home, but it's a bad idea to leave her in a strange setting, and we're *NOT* going to let it happen. At very least, we can take turns making sure one of us is with her at all times. But, it would be nice to know if it was even permissible to ask for paid assistance in an emergency.

Anyone have any experience or knowledge? Thanks in advance for your understanding.

While I do not have an answer to your specific question about adult daycare (sounds more PC than babysitting), I would like to suggest (1) that you consult with your mom's personal physician to be certain a trip or cruise is even advisable and (2) that you also notify HAL of her special situation/needs in the event she does become disconnected from the family unit while onboard.

No flames here ... my concern is that routine is very important in preserving some sense of normalcy for alzheimer and dementia sufferers, and a cruise could be anything but.

As to actual babysitting, it was my impression that crew members could pick up extra cash by tending wee ones. I might be wrong about that. However, when dealing with people with some type of dementia, I would think the most appropriate "sitter" would be someone trained to deal with specific dementia-related issues.

In all sincerity, I hope you are able to work out something so you all can enjoy a truly memorable family trip.

Just looked in the HAL brochure ... it indicates that they must be notified at time of booking of special medical, physical or other requirements. You might want to contact the Access and Compliance Dept at 800-577-1731 or halw_access@hollandamerica.com In the email address, there is a _ between halw and the balance of the address ... didn't show up in the hotlink

I'm sorry I can't answer your question, but I want to say that I think you are a wonderful daughter for doing this for your parents. It sounds like you've given this a lot of thought. I hope things work out and you are able to do this.

Thanks camp637 for your comments....at the time of booking, I let our TA know the situation, and asked her to advise Holland America (one of the reasons we asked for a table without other diners).

And of course, Mom's doctor was consulted.

Jerseygirl, really appreciate the positive thoughts.

Sorry if I implied that you overlooked anything in your planning ... certainly sounds like you've thought out the arrangements carefully and tried to cover most eventualities.

I'm touched by your concern and thoughtfulness for your mom. I hope you can work this out so you can enjoy this cruise together.

Hi fann1ish:

I'm sorry that I can't be of any help to you whatsoever, and I can't imagine how you could possibly be flamed for your post: you are obviously a kind, caring and compassionate person who is going through a difficult and painful time with a loved one, and handling it with the utmost grace.

I hope that someone wiser than I can help you and I hope sincerely that you and your family have a wonderful cruise and have nothing but wonderful memories of this cruise in the days to come.

Valerie:)

@fann1sh,

You absolutely need to contact Access & Compliance and inform them of the situation.

I think that you would have a difficult time finding someone on board to take care of your mother. I don't think they are trained to handle such situations, and I imagine it could be a liability for HAL.

I'm not sure if there are services that you can purchase, but it is fairly common to "hire" companions for cruises. Typically, I think people purchase an inside stateroom for their caregiver near an outside or a balcony.

This would be fairly expensive but if you have a caring family member or friend that you could help pay for, this might be the best option.

I see that you really care and are doing some careful planning, but, just let me suggest that you make this a cruise for your Mother. Tend to her yourself. My Mother was an avid cruiser, and when we knew she was not going to be able to carry on much longer, we planned just a week cruise on HAL.

She had her own suite, and we were right next to her. She, therefore, felt her independence. She had sailed three or four times a year--be it a world cruise, or a 4 week in the Caribbean. She was excited that we would take her even tho for a week. (She had taken me on cruises for over 40 years.)We gave her her independence, but we would never allow anyone to carry any responsibility for her. When we disembarked, we knew it was her last. Her last was actually a burial at sea of her ashes a few months later as that is what she requested.

The crew all loved her as she maneuverd about the ship. Her room steward even came looking for her when he knew she was with us. He brought a wheelchair just in case she was getting tired. HAL has a very caring crew, and they would probably work something out--but I only suggest that you treasure these moments yourself. If you want someone to look after her at times, call your travel agent.

This is not "flaming," or whatever you call it ; it is just a bit of advice from experience.

While it is certainly true that routine is important for people with Alzheimer's and other dementias, it is also true that in the early stages they frequently "step up to the plate" and cope surprisingly well when they understand or sense the importance. My MIL had Alz and I joined a support group, lead by a professional, to help me cope. Within the group there were several who worried about taking a parent or spouse on trips, to big weddings, or family reunions. With the sort of planning that you are already doing, nearly all of them managed better than expected.

One friend of mine took a HAL cruise to the Baltic with her husband, in mid-stage Alz, and his adult daughter. He went on some of the bus tours with one of them, while the other took a more strenuous excursion. He used a wheelchair on the ship. While he didn't remember much of it after they got home, they were glad they were able to manage this one last trip together.

It's wonderful that you are including her on this trip and I'm sure the time you spend planning, as you have, for her to be with you will be rewarded in priceless memories.

...have booked the HMC taupe cabana (closest to washrooms and help) and are cautiously optimistic Mom may be able to enjoy a beach day under those circumstances.

 

Anyone have any experience or knowledge? Thanks in advance for your understanding.

Just remembered something that may make that beach day more enjoyable for your mother. HMC has balloon-wheeled beach chairs available. Maybe you have already reserved one (I don't know if they take reservations), but you may want to inquire as it would enable her to see a bit more of the area and activities than just what's visible from the cabana.

Also, if you haven't already gone to the the Roll Call board for your cruise, you might find someone there who would be willing to share a few hours with your mother, maybe in exchange for a coffee or soda card, lunch in the PG, or something similar. My cruising buddy has been to all the islands, some several times, and often stays on the ship on port days. She's the type that wouldn't mind visiting and keeping an eye on someone for a while. Just too bad you're not on the same cruise.

We have taken my mother on two cruises since her dementia has set in. Yes, she does get confused by a change in schedule and location but she so adored cruising that she adapts OK. Both times I said that it would be the last one, but who knows. She is 90 years old now. We just took turns keeping her with us.

The last cruise we took her on was just a four day coastal on Oosterdam. The only shore day was Victoria and we took her to Buchart Gardens. She did just fine. That was in 2005. It also involved a driving trip for the return trip. I have vowed not to take her on an airplane again. Too complicated and it won't have the advantage of being something she used to love. My brother took her on a driving trip after that, but it was difficult by himself.

We have decided that we probably will stick to day trips from now on.

I hope I don't get flamed for even mentioning this.

 

I'm cruising with my 80something parents out of FLL the week before Christmas on Zuiderdam in an aft suite (5186 - thanks again to GrannyNurse and all for helping me pick this cabin!) My Mom has begun to have Alzheimer's symptoms, but Dad and I are cautiously optimistic we can make this one last great family event with the right attitude and planning.

 

I've searched this board, and haven't seen any mention of this difficult query: staff are occasionally willing to oblige with private babysitting for pay for children. Does anyone know if you can pay for this service for a senior?

 

By no means am I planning on abandoning Mom for hours to go off and have fun. I've made all the other prep I can think of: asked for a table to ourselves so we don't inconvenience other diners....don't have our heart set on any shore excursions in case Mom is having a "bad day" in Grand Turk, Tortola or St Thomas...have booked the HMC taupe cabana (closest to washrooms and help) and are cautiously optimistic Mom may be able to enjoy a beach day under those circumstances. In suite dining is a possibility for any evening Mom is upset or confused. It will be nice to be able to breakfast quietly in the Pinnacle. In case we are unexpectedly separated, I have lanyards/pouches for all of us, so we can *all* carry our ID around our necks, and Mom won't feel she's singled out (and I'm going to make a color coded taupe card for the HMC day with "taupe cabana" written on it!) Mom is OK on her own at home, but it's a bad idea to leave her in a strange setting, and we're *NOT* going to let it happen. At very least, we can take turns making sure one of us is with her at all times. But, it would be nice to know if it was even permissible to ask for paid assistance in an emergency.

 

Anyone have any experience or knowledge? Thanks in advance for your understanding.

fann1sh

I can't imagine anyone flaming you. I think this holiday is the most wonderful thing for your family to do. My parents are now 84 (dad yesterday) and mum 76 (two weeks ago) and I am thankful every time I see them for their health and happiness. If something like Alzheimer's affects either, I hope that we'll be able to do something equally as amazing for them.

Peter

May I suggest a Medic Alert type bracelet? My DF suffered from Dementia, and we found it very helpful. You mentioned that you you were going to have a lanyard with her ID in, but in addition with the Medic Alert, it alerts people to a medical condition without having to ask a lot of questions to someone that may be confused. My DF enjoyed many a cruise, and I wish you and your family a wonderful cruise.

On a Veendam cruise to Central America last Dec., a cruise critic member expressed the desire to see Mayan ruins but worried about her invalid husband on board while she was off the ship. They were in a suite and the concierge gladly checked on him regularly; mostly he watched tv and read and napped; lunch was from room service. The room steward also, on his own, popped in now and then. I am sure they received extra tips. I guess it depends on the health of the invalid but certainly register with the ship.:)

I think it is wonderful that you are including your seniors

I travel with my teen son with Down Syndrome. While he's not a senior, he's not a toddler either. While on Celebrity's Mercury we had no problem getting someone to come in and sit with him when he didn't want to go to dinner, or to a show at night or whatever. He just wanted to watch the DVD's that he brought in our cabin and didn't need "babysitting", but I just needed peace of mind that someone was with him. I just checked with the Customer Service Desk as soon as I boarded to inquire and make arrangements.

I wish you and your family a wonderful cruise together. My dear Mother passed away 7 years ago from Alz. and I want to assure you that whatever lengths you have to go to will come back to you in countless wonderful memories. I wish I could go on the cruise just to help you out-I understand and know there is a special place in heaven for both you and your Mom. Satine

Thanks all for the helpful replies.

Although I instructed our TA to notify HAL when we booked, it's not our usual TA (using AmEx points for credit). So, as Camp637 and Defaultet mentioned, I've specifically instructed her to send a detailed email to access and compliance. Just to reassure everyone, we would not be planning this trip if we thought Mom was a danger to others or herself. She's not going to try to climb the balcony railing, confuse a public place with a bathroom, or commit any similar outrage.

Dad and I will "companion" my Mom. If both of us are needed (for example, at the front office to resolve payment queries), we'll just have to bring Mom with us. Thanks, SpinDrift, for the voice of experience on this. It is my plan to care for her myself. My "babysitting" query was due to mentally conjuring all kinds of problems like the one above. I thought it might be less disruptive to leave Mom reading a book on the balcony rather than dragging her after us. But we simply can't take the chance she'll decide we're taking too long, and come look for us - getting lost in the process. Hopefully, being in a suite will mean "front office" problems can be smoothed by the concierge.

Gooselace, thanks as well - Mom has early-mid stage symptoms, and often "steps up to the plate" when stimulated, turning back the clock a decade. That's what we're hoping for, but of course I'm planning for the opposite. As a former phys ed teacher, she's fit, toned and VERY mobile, but can suddenly want to sit down, so I'll check into the wheelchair. I'm on a very active roll call, who all understand our challenges. Never even thought of querying there - thanks!

CruisinJudy, thanks for another voice of experience. Normally, when we suggest a "treat" to mom that disrupts her schedule, she says she'd rather stay home. When we discussed this holiday, her answer was: "Cruise? Suite? When do we leave!?!"

Sage, I don't know why I hadn't thought of a MedicAlert bracelet already for everyday. Thanks!

Catl331, thanks **so much** for a real life example. I think I'd rather not ask the concierge to check on Mom unless it was a flat out emergency - no plans to leave her while on a shore excursion. Cruisin'Mama - good to know these things can sometimes be flexible.

The only "challenge" I can't plan for is the life boat drill. The 3 of us will probably have to stay at the muster station until all the hoo-hoo dies down, to make sure we don't get separated.

I am so glad you posted your question, thank you. I am taking my mother with mid-stage Alzheimer's on a 4 night coastal in October. We are traveling with two other women. My mother was a second mom to them both. This will be her last cruise, and they wanted to be with her. She loves pictures and I plan to take lots of them and make a scrapbook for her to look at when home.

I was interested in what you plan to put in her lanyard pouch, as that seems like a good idea for us as well. Although there are three of us specifically going on this cruise to be with her, you never know.

With the current predictions on the numbers of people who will have Alzheimer's in the future, this is a very timely and important topic. Thank you for risking the flames for the rest of us, although the responses have been wonderful.

Hi, Kolleen...in addition to Mom's Sail and Sign card, I'd planned on including: photocopy of her passport main page....piece of paper with as much of the following as I can get on it - medications, ship contact info like ship/shore #, ship code, ocean code, port agent info (that should be in the flyer under the door night before each port) , names of Dad and I as next of kin, ship itinerary....a modest amount of US$

What am I forgetting?

What am I forgetting?

I know you don't plan to let her out of your sight, but if there's room, how about including small pictures of you and your Dad, to help someone find you, just in case you get separated. It would also be helpful for both of you to have a small current picture of your Mom. So much quicker than a description if you have to have someone else help locate her.

My physically able MIL once slipped away from me while I looked down to sign my name at the drugstore. "Thanks" to the automatic doors, she almost made it to the street before a clerk recognized her and alerted me.

how about including small pictures of you and your Dad, to help someone find you, just in case you get separated. It would also be helpful for both of you to have a small current picture of your Mom. So much quicker than a description if you have to have someone else help locate her.

Of course! Thanks!

I mentioned Mom is fit, toned and mobile. Like your MIL (and most 2 year olds) she seems to be able to cover half a block in the time it takes me to swipe my ATM card! Hand holding has become more than a sign of affection ;). I won't humiliate her by "leashing" her. Two pairs of eyes will help, but now all these precautions are giving me nightmares about "worst case scenarios"....

Yippeee! You've given me hope.....I adore cruising and the fact that you're mother recognized the "suite" and "cruise" and reacted with "when do we leave!", gives us all that extra security in knowing that we'll recognize a wonderful opportunity when it comes our way! ;)

In all seriousness; have a wonderful time, enjoy each moment with your mother. You're a blessed child and will reap the rewards of your thoughfulness!

Of course! Thanks!

I mentioned Mom is fit, toned and mobile. Like your MIL (and most 2 year olds) she seems to be able to cover half a block in the time it takes me to swipe my ATM card! Hand holding has become more than a sign of affection ;). I won't humiliate her by "leashing" her. Two pairs of eyes will help, but now all these precautions are giving me nightmares about "worst case scenarios"....

fann1sh,

When I saw your post,tears welled up.....Ok I admit it I am a too emotional guy.

You reminded me I am not alone. Touched that you would step up to the plate in this way.

My Mom has Parkinson's and dementia. I am her full time caregiver and I take her with me on cruises as change of pace for me. It's difficult to find someone good enough to care for her while I am gone......plus I enjoy having her with me......she is the same sweet lady she always was and I enjoy getting her to smile and laugh. She is not mobile enough to get into trouble or wander. I can actually leave her alone watching TV and always find her just as I left when I get back. I notify my steward when I leave and they are always happy to check in on her. It is actually harder when they are mobile, as in your Mom's case, because they can wander so easily.

I guess I really can't answer your question, but I felt I just had to post.

In '98 when she was healthy, but her memory was getting bad, I asked HAL if I could hire someone to watch her occasionally. They said I couldn't...and most definitely if I went on excursion because you have to be easily contacted in an emergency. It would have been an easy job, mainly just to keep her from getting lost.... and perhaps walking with her around the promenade. She loved to walk.:)

Again, thank you for your thoughtfulness....your parents raised a great kid.:)