DH has passed and I want to run away for Xmas...

[iancal]

Book the cruise today. Time to stop considering it. Do it for yourself.

[WeLoveCruising]

I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. My DH and I will be on a December 18th sailing for a similar reason, we lost our young adult son in July due to cancer. I cannot face having a Christmas without him at home, so we are trying to form a new tradition, make some new memories.

 

Coincidentally, I did the same about 10 years ago. I lost my Dad on Christmas Day, so the following Christmas my DH and I did a holiday cruise. That cruise sailed over Christmas and New Year's on the Maasdam. Other than the loss of my Dad, it was my favorite cruise, ever.

 

I'm in grief counseling, and what I've learned is that there is no right or wrong way to grieve. It's completely individual, and you have to do what feels right for you. Your heart will tell you what you should do.

 

Also, my DH and I went to a resort in Mexico only two days after my son passed away. We stayed home only long enough to make arrangements, and then we left. It wasn't a "fun" vacation, but rather what we needed at the time. We had been separated from each other for over a year while I was staying hours away near the hospital with my son who had a bone marrow transplant. We both had such difficulty staying in our house alone. The trip we took was very low key, where we cherished memories and mourned our son. Some might think it was an odd decision, but it was exactly what we needed.

 

Do what is right for yourself.

[POA1]

My deepest sympathy for your loss. It might be a good idea to get away for the holidays. There are a lot of nice people on a ship, and keeping yourself out amongst the world certainly seems like the way to go.

[DocF]

I understand your grief. We lost our second oldest daughter two years ago. She drowned while snorkeling on one of the North Shore beaches of Oahu. The whole family is still grieving, some more so than others.

 

I do have some training as a grief counselor. First, if you are not now in grief counseling, I urge you to find this help. Second, I understand perfectly about not wanting to decorate for Christmas. Still, you should not sit home, in a dark and gloomy house and do the same thing you would do next Tuesday. Going on the cruise may just be exactly the kind of self-therapy you need. Ask to dine with other solo travelers and be as social as you can. Participate in activities.

 

I know it is easier to give advice than it is to do some things, but ultimately you must be responsible for yourself and to yourself.

 

I know you can do it. I can tell from your message here.

 

Doc

[Krazy Kruizers]

Condolences for the loss of your DH.

I think since your family lives so far away, that a cruise would be good for you.

There will be lots of other people around you can talk to instead of spending the holidays alone at home.

[sevigny]

I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. My husband and I both lost our mothers within two months of each other. We were devastated. My husband had a sabbatical coming up for the spring semester, and we both agreed we wanted a long cruise, one that would keep us away from home for Passover and Mother's Day. I simply told my boss ( I am a florist), that I could not face the holidays at home, and he would have to let me go, or I would leave anyway.

 

I realized that I was leaving my dad and sisters in the lurch, but this was all I could do to save myself. So, please take the cruise and let yourself begin to heal.

[solocanadian]

My deepest sympathy for your loss. It might be a good idea to get away for the holidays. There are a lot of nice people on a ship, and keeping yourself out amongst the world certainly seems like the way to go.

 

hal lover, I echo what POA1 says. Go on that cruise and enjoy the view from the Crow's Nest.:)

[PathfinderEss]

I had a similar experience when my Mom died. She always made such a deal about Christmas. I didn't want to be home on the first Christmas after her death, so I did exactly the same thing you have planned. Being gone for the holidays work wonderfully. So I say go...........

[mcmarya]

I am so sorry to hear of your loss.

 

My husband and I took a Christmas Panama Canal cruise a couple of years ago. The passenger mix was a little different from what we usually observe. Yes, there were families, but not huge numbers--probably 80 kids to give you some idea. But, we met many folks on board who had a made a conscious choice to avoid being at home for the holidays--loss of a spouse, divorce, etc. A longer cruise on HAL will not have huge numbers of families.

[Faith77]

I've cruised solo during the holidays on either Princess or HAL 5 or 6 times over the years. Some years I'm very social and am involved with the Christmas activities. Other years I just enjoy the sea air, read books on my Kindle, and hang by myself. The thing about cruising is a cruise can be whatever you want it to be.

 

My only suggestion would be to take a longer (10+ days) cruise. On my one 7 day cruise it was harder to get away from the Christmas activities and the extended families. As the years have gone by, I have noticed more and more single/solo folks travelling over the holidays because they want to get away from it all. Faith

[Roz]

I think you have an excellent plan for dealing with your grief and your first holiday season without your husband. You can socialize to the degree you feel comfortable with.

 

Roz

[hal lover]

Thanks for all of the advice. The cruise that I am considering is a 21 night. It goes out before the Christmas (family) group and then comes back in on Dec 28 and stays out till well after the New Year.

 

I certainly do not mind the family stuff on the holiday's. DH and I had cruised a few times during the Christmas breaks. Only issue I ever had was the back out of FLL a few days before Christmas. It was usually a 7 nighter.

 

I am thinking really hard about this cruise and just need to watch that "single" price.

[Caribbean Chris]

I am so sorry for your loss and would do exactly what you are considering if I were in your position. The sight of the sea, lovely scent of the ocean air, and the soft sounds of the waves, beautiful ship environment, warm sunshine - all will be so soothing and restorative.

[1of4]

I am very sorry for the loss of your husband. My mother died on Dec 21 a few years ago (2012) so we held the funeral after New Years because of the snow, the travel and more people could attend. It was very tough as DH and mine anniversary is in that time period and out children were too young to be left alone at home. It was not a merry Christmas. So if you can make the finances work I highly recommend going on the cruise. We renewed our vows the next year on a cruise. It was just lovely and it gave us the mental break from the year before.

[magandab]

Two years ago we lost my brother, very unexpectedly, in September. My mom and I already had a Caribbean/Canal cruise scheduled for November, including Thanksgiving, which has always been a special holiday for our family. We went back and forth about cancelling it, and finally decided to go on the cruise. It was the best therapy we could have given ourselves. It got us out of the probate estate mess for a while and allowed us to really talk, remember, and even laugh.

[Salty Pearls]

Book the cruise today. Time to stop considering it. Do it for yourself.

I agree, we were on a cruise last yr with a lovely lady who lost her DH. She was travelling alone. She confided to us that for the first time in a long time she felt a weight was lifted and felt free. Caring for a Ill love one is difficult. She thought she was running away but during the cruise she realized she was running to someone, herself. The person she put last all the time.

 

Please take care of yourself. :)

 

ciao

[sail7seas]

I agree, we were on a cruise last yr with a lovely lady who lost her DH. She was travelling alone. She confided to us that for the first time in a long time she felt a weight was lifted and felt free. Caring for a Ill love one is difficult. She thought she was running away but during the cruise she realized she was running to someone, herself. The person she put last all the time.

 

Please take care of yourself. :)

 

ciao

 

I understand what you are saying about this lovely lady and her feelings but certainly we don't all share that sentiment. I cared for my ill late DH and I never felt the way you expressed she did. I never felt 'freed' by his passing. :eek:

 

Edited October 8, 2015 by sail7seas

[oliver1821]

So very sorry for the loss of your DH.

 

My DH passed away on 12/20 many years ago followed by my Dad on 12/16 two years later. Mom and I (pictured with me in avatar) started cruising and have done many wonderful trips together!

 

I would definitely recommend starting your own tradition for the holidays and enjoy every moment.

[Salty Pearls]

I understand what you are saying about this lovely lady and her feelings but certainly we don't all share that sentiment. I cared for my ill late DH and I never felt the way you expressed she did. I never felt 'freed' by his passing. :eek:

 

Perhaps my wording was misunderstood, my understanding by her saying she was free, meaning after years of letting her self go she was free to think of what she needed. Death of a spouse is traumatic and sometimes the caregivers own health suffers as a result. We did not believe her saying think she was free and clear in that respect. We all experience life's journey in different ways my intention was to be respectful not to imply that the lady we traveled with was being cavalier at all. Best wishes and safe travels to all. :)

 

ciao

[Keith1010]

Just wanted to post to say that I am very sorry for your loss.

 

Keith

[MsB1254]

I am very sorry to hear about your loss. Please don't let anyone tell you what would be best for you - only you know that and we all grieve differently and at our own pace. Do whatever feels best for you and don't feel guilty or second guess yourself when you make your decision. This might sound silly to others but I have always told my children after I am gone for them to cash the insurance - book a cruise and everyone go and have a good time. They can have a toast to me and remember all the good times we've had on our family trips and if not celebrate than at least have a laugh or two.

[hpf]

There is a long cruise that goes out of FLL on Dec 18 and returns a few days after the New Year. I'm thinking of booking it. Any suggestions?

 

.

 

Hi Hal Lover, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. Our prayers and sympathy to you.

 

We are on this cruise if it is the Prinsendam that you are looking at. We have gone on a couple of Christmas - New Years cruises and have enjoyed them very much.

Whatever you decide reflect and enjoy the memories you made together.

 

Helen

Edited October 11, 2015 by hpf

[USNUZULOOSE]

I empathize with you, DH and I had a cruise booked in Dec 06. In Nov I found out my daughter had passed a year prior. Long story with that. I knew I had to get myself in counseling right away. And for me it was so hard even with the cruise and not show emotion so my husband could enjoy the vacation. I am so sorry for your loss and big hug out to you. You do what ever makes you feel comfortable , do it.

[TravelingT]

Hello to all. I have not posted in a long while. My DH had been sick and in and out of hospital's and such for the last six months. He has passed away, so going solo (which I have done 3 times) seems to be my option. There is a long cruise that goes out of FLL on Dec 18 and returns a few days after the New Year. I'm thinking of booking it. Any suggestions?

 

 

 

BTW, I refuse to decorate for the holiday's this year and my family lives far away and I really do not want to go through the whole routine of the holiday this year.

 

 

I am also a widow and I cruise almost every year for the holidays. It is the one thing that makes me look forward to the holidays.

 

I am sailing out of FLL on the 18th on the Oosterdam for 21 days. If this is the one you are planning on, private message me and we can try to have a common dining time. I travel with my daughter but she doesn't always come to dinner so I often eat alone. I generally don't mind as I just talk to my neighbors or bring a book.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Edited October 14, 2015 by TravelingT

[hal lover]

Thanks for all of the responses. I keep wavering on making a decision. Will have to soon though.

The loss of my spouse has truly set me back. Good days, and bad days.

Am having a private memorial this week so perhaps then I will be able to concentrate and figure it out.

Oosterdam, I have never been on. Maasdam, oh geez, like a second home for me.