To RuthC: re solo cruising

As another fairly recent widow, I also found this thread to be helpful and very sensitive. After I became a widow around 60 after 30 years of marriage, I realized that I didn't want to stop having vacations for the next 20+ years of my life. Our kids were young professionals just starting careers, and didn't have vacation time to cruise with me. However, I had been a caregiver for a spouse with a terminal degenerative illness for over a decade, raised several children by myself and also held down a high-stress job to support our family, and didn't have a social network of friends ready to pack and travel with me.

My two solo cruises were with RCL since that was the cruiseline we traveled with as a family. (I have my first HAL cruise coming up with DS in May, and a solo cruise with RCL at the end of the summer.) My first solo cruise about 2 years ago was not a good experience. Not only did it feel like everyone was coupled or in a family, but I felt surrounded by ghosts and memories. I was seated alone in the dining room despite asking for a shared table, and was largely ignored by waiters, bar servers, photographers and others the entire week. There were no solo meetngs, and I wasn't comfortable going to anything for singles. I decided tell the pursar's desk that they should do something for future solo cruisers, such as a solo table in the dining room. As a result of that visit to pursar's desk, I received awkward follow up calls from the dining room, pursar and a member of the cruise director's staff who offered to have coffee with me "if I was lonely." As a result of cruise #1, I faced that the solo cruise experience would be different from prior family cruises but could still be great if I embraced the differences. Solo cruise #2 was a few months later, on the same ship. There were fewer ghosts on the 2nd cruise. I met nice people at various events, and brought my Kindle everywhere including the dining room if I was placed at a single table again. I enjoyed solo cruise #2 a lot more, and was very relaxed by the time I disembarked. I was happy I had tried it again. By the way, someone on CC mentioned to me that waiters, etc. might not approach right away if they think you're waiting for someone to join you as a solo.

Lesson learned: Be patient with yourself, and be prepared to learn how to take charge of your own experience. I'm betting my 3rd solo will be even better. Even though I'll be traveling with a "kid" on my HAL cruise, I'll be keeping a friendly eye out for solos. I've heard that HAL is a great cruiseline for solos, and I'm ready for more trips!

I was seated alone in the dining room despite asking for a shared table, and was largely ignored by waiters, bar servers, photographers and others the entire week. There were no solo meetngs, and I wasn't comfortable going to anything for singles. I decided tell the pursar's desk that they should do something for future solo cruisers, such as a solo table in the dining room.

Wow! That was AWFUL....but it'll never happen on HAL! All of my cruises are solo. And, as many folks have observed, it's easy to meet people as the cruise progresses.

But what about those first days...and those first meals? HAL always has a meetup for solos hosted by a crew member, usually on the first sea day. And I've NEVER been seated alone in the MDR at dinner. Most of the time I do fixed seating and HAL usually tries to put solos together at 6-tops or 8-tops. Even on the rare cruises that I've done open seating, the maitre'd will ask you if you want to share and you will be seated accordingly.

As other have said, HAL is a great cruise line for solos. I think you'll really enjoy it!

Thank you for resurecting this thread. I reread it in it's entirety and I think it meant more to me this time than the first time as I had experienced many of these occurrences.

One thing I will mention that was initially awkward... I had requested fixed dining at a table for 6 but got a table for 4 with a delightful couple but no 4th person. When the couple went to the Pinnacle I was sitting alone for just a few minutes then the Dining Room Manager came to me and asked if I would mind having a couple from anytime dining sit with me. I was happy to have the company and enjoyed chatting with them. We met up later a few times at shows etc. and always enjoyed each others company.

Ah, I"ve never sailed solo. However, for many years I traveled for business. I agree with most things people have said about mingling. I will, however, point out one minor thing as far as single women traveling alone are concerned. You need to know your bartenders, whether on shore on or on a ship. They will take care of you. This was recently pointed out at my class reunion. I had met the bartender earlier -- he knew I was there alone, so he 'diverted' more than one overly 'attentive bar fly' . There aren't many on the ships, but there are a few, so be aware.

@Truluv - thanks for sharing your experience, it's very encouraging. I look forward to meeting people on my next cruise.

@Av8rix/Susan - what are 6-tops and 8-tops? Are these the numbers of people at a table?

@lazey1/Jane - so glad you started the thread! It is a GREAT thread, I think that knowing that HAL has opportunities for solo travelers is so great. I'll be going on another cruise with family on Royal Carib, but I don't think it will feel the same without the children. It may make me sad with all the "bells and whistles" on board.

@momatibn - thank you for the bartender tip!!

I just found this thread for the first time. Thanks Jane for starting it and thanks to all the wonderful people who have posted.

My first solo cruise was actually pretty nice. I had so many friends from previous cruises that I rarely felt alone. I was fortunate that I knew several of the entertainers and we had more than one party in my cabin late at night.;)

My second cruise since Virgil died was with Jane. We shared a cabin to Alaska and had a wonderful time together and I would do it again in a heartbeat. :*

My third cruise is coming up. I am sharing the cabin with another friend who also recently lost their spouse. <|3

I tried most of the people meeting suggestions above with the exception of the singles get together and lunches. I have trouble thinking of myself as single. :o. I will try to go to some of them on this next cruise.

Some of the best vacations my wife and I have been on were cruises; each was special and memorable. The topic of could either of us ever go on a cruise without the other should something happen to one of us comes up on every trip.

For me, I believe it would be too painful and bring back too many memories that would amplify the loss. However it is very moving to read about the courage and strength all of your comments convey. It is heartwarming and encouraging to understand that it is possible to move on, painful as it is. I greatly admire you.

Ah, I"ve never sailed solo. However, for many years I traveled for business. I agree with most things people have said about mingling. I will, however, point out one minor thing as far as single women traveling alone are concerned. You need to know your bartenders, whether on shore on or on a ship. They will take care of you. This was recently pointed out at my class reunion. I had met the bartender earlier -- he knew I was there alone, so he 'diverted' more than one overly 'attentive bar fly' . There aren't many on the ships, but there are a few, so be aware.

I learned that lesson when I was traveling a lot on business. The first night I would make the acquaintance of the hotel bartender and never had to worry about the occasional "bar fly." Same with the restaurant staff -- I'd time it so I had dinner the same time every night, so I usually had the same wait staff. Helped keep annoyances at a minimum.

(I'm taking my first cruise ever in September -- and I chose HAL based on friends recommendations ... )

For me, I believe it would be too painful and bring back too many memories that would amplify the loss. However it is very moving to read about the courage and strength all of your comments convey. It is heartwarming and encouraging to understand that it is possible to move on, painful as it is. I greatly admire you.

When a spouse or partner dies, life as you knew it does not go on; it is over forever.

However, you have a choice to build a new life, or not. When you think about that, there really is no choice. It takes time, strength, and a tremendous amount of work. But it can be done.

Just one hint: if you join a trivia team, come early and try to find a team where the members are chatting and laughing. These teams are more "socialising". Some teams are more goal-orientated.

We rarely win, but we were often the team with a lot of fun, lots of chocolate and very often team members share wine or champagne they got for different reasons....

I, too, have read this entire thread this evening and want to add my thanks to those passengers who are not necessarily traveling solo but who will reach out to those traveling alone, whether at a meal or in a lounge or elsewhere.

My DH died suddenly 26 months ago of a massive heart attack, on board the Zuiderdam during a cruise on which we were celebrating our 45th wedding anniversary. My consolation was that Dave died doing what we loved doing. Although it took me a year before scheduling a solo cruise, my 4th solo (to Norway and Scotland) is booked for this summer, following 2 Caribbeans and a New England/Canada cruise. (With thanks to my dear financial adviser who set up a "fun fund" with part of my inheritance, and continues to remind me that this is what Dave would want me to be doing.)

I find that, for me, one of the tougher moments is walking onto the ship alone for embarkation. And I also find that there are those times when I want to "retreat" to my balcony or walk the promenade deck alone and reflect on what was and what is ahead.

Additionally, after being an introvert for 70 years, I continue to find it difficult to reach out to strangers. As such, as I mentioned earlier, I am so grateful for those "strangers," couples and individuals, who initiate contact when they see me alone. I doubt you can appreciate how much that means to me!

On the other hand, I'm realizing it's about time, and I'm working hard at convincing myself to reach out myself on the upcoming cruise, using some of the ideas above.

In the meantime, thanks to all who have "friended" me on my last three cruises and to all those who have contributed to this thread with such helpful suggestions.

Additionally, after being an introvert for 70 years, I continue to find it difficult to reach out to strangers. As such, as I mentioned earlier, I am so grateful for those "strangers," couples and individuals, who initiate contact when they see me alone. I doubt you can appreciate how much that means to me!

This is a good note for those not traveling solo--some of us who are traveling solo are introverts--and we like it that way. We aren't being rude when we decline to join you for dinner or a drink, and we are not lonely with our own company.

Certainly this thread has some good advice for those needing advice for how to join in. I'd also encourage people not to force people who don't want to join in, to join in.

This is a good note for those not traveling solo--some of us who are traveling solo are introverts--and we like it that way. We aren't being rude when we decline to join you for dinner or a drink, and we are not lonely with our own company.

 

Certainly this thread has some good advice for those needing advice for how to join in. I'd also encourage people not to force people who don't want to join in, to join in.

Absolutely! This is me. I enjoy my solo time when I travel.

I was married for 30 years when the now-ex decided to leave me for a younger Trophy. I do know it's not the same as losing a spouse due to death. But, it is still excruciatingly painful. I went to a therapist to help me get over the sudden and unexpected loss (yep, I had NO idea until that day he said he was leaving). She got me to get out of the house and get on with life. I have always been shy in social or cold business situations (to the point that I would get physically sick at times before meeting new people). She helped me realize that I would be fine putting myself out there in new situations and with new people. My first big thing was to do a vacation to Italy. Then, I did some cruises. Now, I had traveled for business in a previous career, so I was familiar and comfortable traveling solo. I just had to work it into my brain that I had to do my vacations solo and that it would be fun and fine. It's true!

No one type of cruising or travel will fit everyone and we all have to remember that some of us are joiners, some of us are not.

This is a good note for those not traveling solo--some of us who are traveling solo are introverts--and we like it that way. We aren't being rude when we decline to join you for dinner or a drink, and we are not lonely with our own company.

Excellent point, hrhdhd, and thanks for the reminder. I should have mentioned that there are times this introvert still needs alone time. When that happens it doesn't diminish my appreciation for someone who reaches out, but I will decline the invitation, hopefully graciously.