Cruising with "difficult to please" family members

[molsonschooner]

we have traveled with family before, and while we dont have a member with the same issues you describe, we have a usual plan for traveling with a group.

 

since it is impossible to "herd cats" we let everyone plan their own day, the only thing we try to do is meet for dinner in the MDR and pose for one family pic! with less pressure, it is funny how we tend to meet up by chance, with no obligation to hang around! it makes for a very relaxing cruise!

I agree 100% with this

[Royals Carol]

I think a cruise is the perfect way to get away from this person.

I've reached the point in my life where I don't need to be around toxic people. If they are around, I simply ignore them. They can fuss all they want, but they'll get no response from me. I'm not going to spend my time dealing with their drama....especially on a cruise.

 

 

Amen to that!! I'll second that one..

[RCI Cruisers 004]

I thought only Texans used that saying :D

 

Stationed in Texas years ago.....God bless Texas !

[babyher]

In my family, I AM the one that's difficult to please..that's why I make every single plan regarding any and all travel. Nobody else would dare plan anything for me, because they know I would find fault in it. (I guess that's why I've never been given a surprise party).:eek:

 

To be honest, some of us are just wired that way. For me, it won't be good enough unless I do it, so let her do it-let her make as many decisions and plans as possible, that way she has noone to blame but herself.;)

 

 

Boy you and me would make a good team . Its just so much easier to do it yourself than explain to someone what you want done.

 

I don't know what possessed me to become a trainer at work. (well okay more money that's what! *LOL*)

 

But I am supposed to sit back and let the trainee do it themselves and be there to help if they get in trouble. I have gotten better :), but too many times I start off showing the person what to do and next thing you know they are sitting there watching me do it, having no more idea what to do than when we started. :)

[firstimer2009]

Wow. I hope we all go out for a beer together sometime. We have some stories to share.

 

Chatted with some friendly family members today, and the consensus is NO, way too risky.

 

We'll need to figure out Christmas still, but the cruise is out.

 

Thanks all for the insightful considerations - and I also love the "not attending every fight I'm invited to"!

 

OMG Thank goodness! I was reading through the threads getting sick to my stomach. I have a SIL (2nd trophy wife) that has totally taken over my husband's family. Everything has to be done her way, even having to do with my MIL's funeral a few months ago. When my MIL was alive she wanted to do a big cruise with everyone (5 siblings + 5 spounses) and my DH and I always said NO WAY. Unfortunately I still have to see the SIL once a year at a family reunion which is only in a few weeks, but it's for 48 hours and we are staying in a different hotel.

 

My DH and I did cruise with friends a few years back, but decided for now our next cruise is "just us". We aren't even telling anyone much in advance so people don't want to jump on the bandwagon or cruise ship as it were.

[babyher]

OK after reading these posts , I just have to say it

 

"It's always an "In Law" *LOL*

 

I always thought it was my family but I see it's not in many cases.

 

I have seen so many families that were always so close end up at each others throats because of someone who gets in through marriage.

 

 

Mama and Papa dies and there is a nice piece of change left for the kids . The actual children are all in agreement and ready to evenly split everything until one of the spouses chimes in that that sibling deserves more because of this or that, and then it is a war.

 

Or once they get married , they go to every event or do everything for THEIR side of the family , but not the other.

 

I can think of a dozen families right off the bat , in addition to mine, that have hard feelings and anger for decades because of what one family member walked down the aisle and brought into the family.

 

Until we divorced , my ex wife was THAT in law. *LOL*

 

She finally goes and my sister marries THAT in law . :)

[celle]

. . . . . (some content deleted)

 

Unfortunately I still have to see the SIL once a year at a family reunion which is only in a few weeks, but it's for 48 hours and we are staying in a different hotel.

 

Families are great - as long as you can get away from them!

Whenever we go to a a family "get-together", we always book our own accommodation, somewhere we can escape to when the togetherness gets too much. It's surprising how much more we enjoy our families when we have that bolt-hole!

[beachchick]

I agree that she is an adult and she is the only one who can change her behaviour. However her husband and family could encourage her to change, by not continuing to enable her bahaviour. By that, I mean don't react to her tantrums by trying to please and pacify her, walk away and leave her on her own when she is ranting (well, it works for 2-year old tantrums!), have a quiet talk with her when she is not upset and tell her that you will not be swayed by her making a huge fuss or drama.

 

My niece has a sister-in- law who is like that. This person made a huge drama out of the fact that both she and the bride's mother, by chance, had chosen outfits made of the same material.

 

Her husband enabled her behaviour, and the bride's mother was a bit upset, but the rest of the bride's side of the family ignored it. We helped the bride's mother to still enjoy the day, but the drama queen insisted on being taken home to change her dress. She ended up being the loser, because she missed most of the ceremony and the reception.

 

My niece was philosophical, commenting that " At least she lives in a different state!"

 

I agree with that 100%. That's not telling her what to do; that's refusing to let yourself to be pulled into the dramatics.

 

My family and I spent far too many years appeasing a couple of difficult (putting it mildly) family members. It's freaking exhausting after a while to have to put so much energy into trying not to upset someone who is only "happy" when upset.

 

beachchick

[epaul78]

We have the other sort of issue. We love to spend holidays with the family, BUT we're always the ones traveling to see them! Four plane tickets at the holidays can be expensive, not to mention taking time off work.

 

This coming year we've decided we'd rather spend our precious vacation days celebrating at sea and I told the relatives a few months ago that we're not driving 12 hours to come visit for the holidays, we're taking a cruise and we'd love for them to come too if they want to.

 

I think that maybe made for some hurt feelings, but we said, "this is what we're doing, anyone who wants to come along is welcome." So the ball is in their court and I'm not going to feel guilty about not spending the holidays with extended family if they choose to do something other than what we're doing.

 

Maybe that's the track to take with the OP's in-laws - "this is what we're doing, you're welcome to come along." Then plan your cruise, the excursions, dining, whatever, and let your relatives decide if they want to do that with you or if they want to do something else, but let them own their own decision.

 

~Melissa

[Mom.to.2]

The OP came back and reported that s/he's nixed the idea of cruising with the extended family (and therefore this "difficult" person) over the holidays. Very smart IMHO.

[cruise pup]

The OP came back and reported that s/he's nixed the idea of cruising with the extended family (and therefore this "difficult" person) over the holidays. Very smart IMHO.

 

That's a shame. I was enjoying reading how everyone was making a meal out of this situation. Maybe the remarks will continue regardless of the OP's decision.:rolleyes:

[windjamming]

Holy cow, this thread is still going! It's a no go for the extended family cruise, but I love that there are so many opinions about this topic! Glad to know that I'm not the only one with a "difficult" family member.

 

Regarding one of the side threads, absolutely, I hold my brother responsible for a lot of the ongoing behavior. SIL is very sensitive and often feels like the victim, and he is VERY supportive. Someone (usually a woman) is always picking on her, and he's right there making her feel better by supporting her view.

 

I really wish the cruise would have worked out, but I know it's the right choice. It's just a little sad knowing that.

[varoo]

That's a shame. I was enjoying reading how everyone was making a meal out of this situation. Maybe the remarks will continue regardless of the OP's decision.:rolleyes:

It would be a lot more interesting to get the other person's point of view as well.

 

But in all these threads that complain about other people, we get only one side of the story. :D

 

[ShawninFL]

First off, I know the OP has decided the cruise is a no go.

 

However, our personal experience has been we always have a spectacular time when traveling with friends and or family. I think it has come down setting expectations. Knowing that we are not going to tied at the hip 24/7 seems to do the trick for everyone having a great time. We've traveled multiple times with my parents, my in laws, and well as two family reunion cruises with the in law side. They've all be great.

 

But even with that said, there are people who I would choose not to vacation with. With a really large group it's easy to keep your distance from these individuals, but if it was a smaller group, we'd take a pass.

[MEcruzr]

I've been on one large family cruise. Never, EVER again. EVER. I get jittery just thinking about it. If you were in the restaurant on the last night with us... you'll understand. O.M.G. Only saving grace was the s...t didn't hit the fan until the last evening. Whew!

[johneeo]

.......... Only saving grace was the s...t didn't hit the fan until the last evening. Whew!

 

We want details.;)

[celle]

We have the other sort of issue. We love to spend holidays with the family, BUT we're always the ones traveling to see them! Four plane tickets at the holidays can be expensive, not to mention taking time off work.

 

. . . (Content snipped)

 

~Melissa

 

Yep, been there, done that!

 

We live 4 hours' drive away from the rest of DH's family. In the 35 + years of our marriage that DH's parents were alive, they visited us twice. His 2 brothers and their families visited us about 4 times each - in 42 years.

 

We made the journey at least once every year. We would drive with 3 kids in the back of the car, but somehow the brothers, with only 2 children each, found visiting us "too far to travel with children".

 

I've had to accept that, because I don't want DH to lose contact with his family.

 

I think my MIL was the poster child for "difficult"!

[babyher]

Yep, been there, done that!

 

We live 4 hours' drive away from the rest of DH's family. In the 35 + years of our marriage that DH's parents were alive, they visited us twice. His 2 brothers and their families visited us about 4 times each - in 42 years.

 

We made the journey at least once every year. We would drive with 3 kids in the back of the car, but somehow the brothers, with only 2 children each, found visiting us "too far to travel with children".

 

I've had to accept that, because I don't want DH to lose contact with his family.

 

I think my MIL was the poster child for "difficult"!

 

I know that story all too well.

 

We lived 2 hours from the rest of my moms family and for many many years we were the ones alwasy going there and in that same time they came to us maybe half a dozen times.

 

They used to give all the same excuses

 

My dad used to say the highway only goes one way ....their way. :)

[jcc1025]

Just based on the number of posts on this question tells us how often this happens. Maybe there needs to be a way to share this with the folks who are generating all the responses.....lol. Good luck to everyone, don't let it get you down, the best revenge is to have a good time.

[grand isle joe]

You should buy yourself a T-shirt with "I'm with the *ITCH" and stroll the deck with said complainer....she will get the message.;):D

[RockeyBullwinkle]

You should buy yourself a T-shirt with "I'm with the *ITCH" and stroll the deck with said complainer....she will get the message.;):D

 

that's the problem they don't 'get it'.

 

I worked with a gal for a few year that would endlessly bitch about her 'ex' after getting to know her a little come to find out there were 3 ex's all equally worthless! I asked her what what she thought the odds of getting 3 bums in a row were.. then I said maybe the problem is the person doing the picking. Anyone who let's extended family affect their lives need to learn to say NO.

[nurse1sue]

Took my 20 yr old stepson on a 10 nighter with RCCI. The first couple of days were ok. After that it was all down hill. He complained there were no other single people his age, ( the crowds on there do tend to be older) but he really made little effort to find others. By the 5 th day he was having withdrawal from no cell phone or computer (something I won't pay for). He moaned and complained and was "bored ". I told him there was a whole ship at his disposal as well as the excursions every port, yet I would find him lying in the cabin, watching movies. I finally said if he wanted to spend the cruise wallowing in self misery and making no effort to enjoy what was given to him then that's his problem. I love to cruise, do so every chance I get and was not going to let him ruin it.

My hussband and I have 2 more booked and guess what? He's not invitees lol!

Sue

[nurse1sue]

Took my 20 yr old stepson on a 10 nighter with RCCI. The first couple of days were ok. After that it was all down hill. He complained there were no other single people his age, ( the crowds on there do tend to be older) but he really made little effort to find others. By the 5 th day he was having withdrawal from no cell phone or computer (something I won't pay for). He moaned and complained and was "bored ". I told him there was a whole ship at his disposal as well as the excursions every port, yet I would find him lying in the cabin, watching movies. I finally said if he wanted to spend the cruise wallowing in self misery and making no effort to enjoy what was given to him then that's his problem. I love to cruise, do so every chance I get and was not going to let him ruin it.

My husband and I have 2 more booked and guess what? He's not inviteds lol!

Sue

[groom66]

Hello all- hoping some of you may have personal experience on this topic and can provide insight.

 

This year we are considering a big family cruise for Christmas. While we have done New Years cruises (after the family get-togethers), the idea of unwrapping presents while in the Caribbean is very attractive, and I think would be a lot of fun. No cooking, no cleaning, and everyone can do and eat whatever they want!

 

The problem is one of my in-laws. She is...difficult and gets very upset at perceived slights. Don't get me wrong - she has a big heart - but I think tends to be oversensitive and kind of dramatic. I get on with her fine, but truthfully, she is taxing to be around, and the last few Christmases have been a bit of a bummer.

 

Would a cruise work? On one hand, I'm thinking it would be awesome because we could all do whatever we wanted during the day and only have to meet up at night. On the other hand, I'm scared of any scenes she might create, and traveling with family might be *really* stressful.

 

We are considering the Liberty of the Seas, which should have a ton of activities and things to do.

 

Has anyone here dealt with a similar situation?

 

I have sailed with family members. My experience is that a person who is needy on land will be EVEN MORE NEEDY in a new environment! If she is a single woman who has never cruised, she is going to have to pay MORE, but she will not have anyone by her side to support her every step of the way! This is not going to feel like a vacation, in her eyes.

 

Sorry, but true.

[grand isle joe]

that's the problem they don't 'get it'.

 

I worked with a gal for a few year that would endlessly bitch about her 'ex' after getting to know her a little come to find out there were 3 ex's all equally worthless! I asked her what what she thought the odds of getting 3 bums in a row were.. then I said maybe the problem is the person doing the picking. Anyone who let's extended family affect their lives need to learn to say NO.

 

 

 

.....as they say "birds of a feather flock together"........:D