Carribean Jewels: Live from the Legend (sort of)

[Pop-I]

Thankfully on the cruises we've done, only one or two a year, we have never had a block party, but then again, we don't do Carib cruises, so wonder if the block parties are limited to those cruises. But as for the OP, we encountered a couple that sound pretty much like them on our most recent cruise and high tailed it out of any space they were in as they sucked the air out of the room - negative, complaining, and too hyper-focused on reviewing and critiquing, rather than just being and enjoying.

Edited December 13, 2014 by Pop-I

[Adventurans]

Thankfully on the cruises we've done, only one or two a year, we have never had a block party, but then again, we don't do Carib cruises, so wonder if the block parties are limited to those cruises. But as for the OP, we encountered a couple that sound pretty much like them on our most recent cruise and high tailed it out of any space they were in as they sucked the air out of the room - negative, complaining, and too hyper-focused on reviewing and critiquing, rather than just being and enjoying.

 

Fletcher sounds like what yhey call in the U.K. quite the bore.

[Adventurans]

Mistake number one, Fletcher, avoid the lower level, lower priced cabins. Also, on the larger Seabourn ships, you have much more room and balcony space in the Penthouse suites, and even more in the Penthouse Spa Suites on Sojourn, which is well worth the extra cost. As a bonus, I doubt the folks up in those suites wold entertain block parties. But beware, they also wouldn't want to be bothered with your whining.

Edited December 13, 2014 by Adventurans

[Fletcher]

2 Dec: At Sea

We’re still thinking the ship’s shortcomings reveal themselves most clearly during days At Sea. The sun deck is simply awful and I’m amazed by how most people are happy to lie cheek by botoxed jowl in the full glare of the tropical sun drinking alcohol. I’d somehow thought that educated middle class Americans were the ultimate fitness freaks and food faddists. Not on this ship, it seems. I’d somehow thought Seabourn was the ultimate luxury cruise line. It’s not. It’s just another sun and sangria booze cruise. I think if all the drink served on a Seabourn cruise was poured into the ocean the rise in sea levels might have disastrous consequences for some nation states.

 

There is a reasonable little library on board and while my wife struggles to get through The Silk Worm by Robert Galbraith (aka JK Rowling) I am reading Roger Ebert’s memoir, Life Itself. I knew Roger slightly - we both wrote for newspapers and were paid for our opinions - and I find his descriptions of movie stars and directors a wonderful wallow in nostalgia. I find his account of his battles with cancer and reconstructive surgery utterly moving. It’s a beautiful book.

 

The slop buckets and cleaning paraphernalia outside our cabin is getting worse but we like our girl so we won’t complain. She and her colleagues are obviously overstretched. However, if I were the hotel director on this ship I’d do a tour of the corridors and take some sort of action.

 

3 Dec: Mayreau

Mayreau, one of the Grenadines, is where Seabourn performs their signature event, a beach BBQ with champagne and caviar delivered by speedboat. Mayreau is a far better prospect than Prickly Pear Island in the BVIs where the BBQ was staged last week.

 

The effort made by the staff is breathtaking - it takes them three hours to set up which means that passengers must kick their heels for three hours before they can go ashore. I’m afraid the Legend just isn’t flexible enough to tender people ashore if they fancied an early morning swim from the gorgeous beach.

 

The luncheon was spectacular - grilled lobsters, joints of hog, every type of salad and dessert. An amazing display. I’m told 140 bottles of champagne (well, fizzy wine) are brought ashore, along with all the other alcoholic beverages as people call them Stateside. It had the extravagance of one of William Randolph Hearst’s beach parties, seen in Citizen Kane, though our party did not include the likes of Charlie Chaplin or the Duke of Windsor. However, we do have dead ringers for the young Jeff Bridges and Walter Matthau as well as the British journalist Sir Max Hastings.

 

A crowd gathered at the water’s edge for the arrival of champagne and caviar. This was set up on a floating bar beneath parasols. The crowd surged forward for their luxury foodstuffs. Now, some people might regard this as harmless fun. Others might see it as a grotesque symbol of Western Decadence.

Edited December 13, 2014 by Fletcher

[ajpeter]

Okay, I can not hold back anymore. I have to react to the hilarious writings of Mr. Fletcher.

Everybody has his own view and opinion about life, life's ways, places to go, the behaviour of fellow citizens, and holidays in general.

Mr. Fletcher is spreading his personal observations and judgements on this tread and he has all the right to do so. Eventhou i prefer the 'the glass is half full' people to the half empty ones. But that again is my opinion.

 

I feel like the quality of the writers words by expressing ironie, sear amazement, racism and yes...even humor brings us all some good reading. (Very funny was the expression of 'half naked people drinking martini's', or someone sitting in the sun and drink a lovely gin and tonic or a glass of bubbles, making Seabourn a 'shangria booze cruise'). The man should book a carnival cruise during spring break, that will get him going. Looking forward to the novel, or will it be an 'autobiografy', he will write of that.

 

What I highly appreciate is the fact that he seems not hessitant in mentioning the negative as well as the positive. Many on this forum are not capable of this objectivity

 

The dear sir definitely feels superiour to his fellow travellers and his surroundings. He has been to such importent places and events where he met incredibly high class people that it seems necessary for him to be name-dropping. This definitely disappointed me.

 

Dear Mr. Fletcher, do not get frustrated by all the criticisme. Keep on writing. You are entertaining me. Thank you.

[nowornever]

I've also been reading along on this posting because we disembarked the same ship on the same itinerary on an earlier date. We inhabited the "cheap seats" as Adventuran so charmingly calls them. No mistake there, delightful neighbors, and such amazing cabin service that I'm lead to believe the OP must have done something or said something to irritate the lovely, efficient and very kind ladies who take care of that deck. Hard to clean cabins without making a bit of a muss in the hallways. Most passengers are understanding of this.

 

As for those crazy Americans inhabiting the sun deck all day sunbathing & swilling martinis, I hope you'll check out your passenger log when you receive the book. Ours indicated that our cruise was populated by about 1/2 Americans with the rest being mostly Europeans. So there is a good chance that that half of your half naked bodies strewn around the sundeck, all botoxed up, are not Americans gone wild after all.

 

Totally agree that your thoughts are most entertaining so keep them up...they'll make you feel even more superior. Maybe next time you can persuade Mr. Abramovich to let you accompany him on the Eclipse - sounds like a far better fit for you.

[Jay23]

This is greatly entertaining and I am enjoying every word. However, I feel that Mr F is giving us a very bad impression of my country, and its cruisers.

 

Most of my fellow countrymen really do enjoy cruising in the Caribbean, we love the sun, the sea and the luxury of the service offered by Seabourn Cruises and the other top line ships. Champagne and caviar in the surf is a novelty.. .a bit "naff" perhaps, but what the heck? It is something different.... I am so sorry that Seabourn hasn't really suited Mr F, but there is so much information available on line and in brochures, surely, he must have some inkling as to the sort of cruise he was embarking on.

 

Never having encountered a Cruise Director? What can I say? I am genuinely interested to know about the sort of cruises Mr F has been on.

 

Please Mr Fletcher do not stop writing, it is a fascinating report, giving a great insight into the different ways we like to travel.

 

One thing that hasn't been mentioned is "Trivia".............

[Roxburgh]

I am really enjoying Fletcher's posts. They are extremely well written and entertaining.

 

Nevertheless, there is a rumour that, just for him, Seabourn will be serving porridge at breakfast and replacing Aaron with a new Cruise Director; a Mr. Mackay.

[PaulaJK]

Well, F, since you were/are a journalist.......should western decadence be capitalized and perhaps some of your pity thoughts/sentences constructed with a semicolon? Just wondering.

 

I bet a lot of those folks on board are having fun!

[Fletcher]

4 Dec: Soufriere, St Lucia

As usual, I was up at 6am and out on deck. Saul was also up there, smoking and looking grumpy as usual and avoiding eye contact. Saul is German and I call him Saul because he reminds me of CIA boss Saul Berenson in Homeland. I want to ask him how Carrie is doing these days. And if anyone asks me what I miss most about home I say not home but Homeland.

 

What greeted me on deck at 6am was nature at its most Wagnerian. The Pitons were out there, half-shrouded in seething and writhing mist. I was alone, apart from Saul. I seriously wanted to get on the PA system and drag everyone up to witness this great spectacle.

 

By 8am we had reached the Legend’s final mooring spot, just off Soufriere, which must be one of the most dramatically beautiful anywhere in the world. It was beyond fabulous and the perfect accompaniment to my banana pancakes with maple syrup.

 

The last time we were in Soufriere our ship had docked at the St Lucian capital, Castries, and we took an independent tour down across the island to Soufriere. Then we took a boat around to Jalousie Beach where we had lunch at the hotel between the Pitons. Then it was a speedboat boat back up to Castries. Our one regret was that the tour people prevented us from exploring Soufriere because they said it was dangerous. That was a pity as it looked like a great place.

 

No one on the Legend staff had any idea about security issues at Soufriere. The St Lucia tourist board woman who came aboard did know about the murders of two tourists in recent years. Seabourn clearly don’t care what you do if you haven’t booked one of their overpriced trips.

 

So we tendered ashore, intending to explore the small town. We had left our watches behind and had only a compact camera. The first thing that happened was that an English guy in a van belonging to the very swish Jade Mountain Resort pulled up beside us. “Hello,” he said, “What ship are you on?”

 

We told him.

 

“Looking very old now, isn’t she?” he said.

 

“So are we,” we said.

 

Yes, Soufriere is run-down, poverty stricken, even a slum. And its inhabitants can seem mildly threatening, druggy and resentful when a load of affluent tourists show up. Fortunately there was a significant police presence so we wandered around admiring the old houses and buildings - Soufriere, for all its problems, is a remarkable survivor.

 

We’re having lunch with ‘Sir Max Hastings’ and his wife on the Veranda Deck, with that amazing view behind us. ‘Sir Max,’ who hails from Norway, says he feels sorry for the people of Soufriere. I don’t. I just feel it’s the way things are, have always been, and always will be. We’re joined by an American couple and because he’s wearing a John Deere baseball cap I assume he’s a farmer and they have opinions about everything. In fact he’s a doctor, from Indianapolis, who has opinions about everything. This turns out to be a truly exciting lunch, the six of us doing a grand tour around the world’s problems and I love the way Dr and Mrs Indy know all about European politics, the Scottish Referendum, immigration issues, UKIP and so on, and I also love the way they accept criticism and lively discussion of American issues - the legacy of 9/11, Obama Care vs NHS etc - without reporting us to the CIA as potential insurgents.

 

In the afternoon I return to Soufriere alone, needing a publishable photo of the little Anglican church. It lies, broken-hearted, in a very rough part of town and I now have a Canon camera worth $5000. Two surly-looking youths are sitting on a bench right by the church. I ask them if they might consider moving out of my shot. They glower and say they wouldn’t. But for money, they say, they would allow me to photograph both the church and them. Alexander Hamilton, who was born just up the road on Nevis, pays for my security. Then the bruvvers call over two lovely little kids dressed in rags so I photograph them as well. I get back to the ship with my life and with my camera which is my life, sort of.

 

I always find St Lucia a tense and disturbing place to visit - it’s like a bomb waiting to go off.

Edited December 14, 2014 by Fletcher

[ajpeter]

As self-important as always, but brilliant. Thank you again.

[longton]

Fletcher, I love reading your posts. Keep them coming, please!

[Fletcher]

5-6 Dec: Dominica & Nevis

Dominica is a lovely island, rich in natural beauty and rather poor in tourist numbers because there are few beaches and no resorts. I thought the roads would be in a sorry state - perhaps even sorrier than those of St Lucia - but I failed to factor in the Chinese who are buying this island and putting down infrastructure. Thus the road north is excellent, all the way past Plymouth to Fort Shirley which, along with Brimstone Castle on St Kitts, is the best preserved English fortification in the Caribbean. In the island’s lively and pretty capital, Roseau, the waterfront Fort Young Hotel gives us a restorative cup of tea and a fast internet connection.

 

We have a room service dinner tonight, not because we are feeling anti-social but because we just want to see how Seabourn do it. And they do it very well, with a waiter delivering our three courses in well-timed succession.

 

Approaching Nevis in the morning I can see three countries - the UK (Montserrat), St Kitts & Nevis and Holland (St Eustatius). In fact Statia, as it’s locally known, is becoming my own Bali H’ai, always there on the horizon, tantalising, out of reach.

 

In 1987 we spent a week on Nevis, staying at a former plantation on the slopes of the volcano. It was our first-ever visit to the Caribbean and we loved it. Today, walking around the sleepy little town, Charlestown, it seems that absolutely nothing had changed. We do the heritage trail, including the Alexander Hamilton Museum - Hamilton, you recall, saved my life the other day in Soufriere. The main change on Nevis has been the construction of the huge Four Seasons Resort up on Pinney’s Beach. We remember that beach as wild, empty and pristine. Princess Diana publicly frolicked there in the surf with her two boys when she wanted to annoy Charles. The Four Seasons has ruined all that but I guess it has had advantages for the local economy. At least the hotel is scarcely visible, apart from the unsightly concrete groins it has built offshore.

 

Tonight is our last dinner aboard the Legend and we stupidly left it too late to make a reservation on the Veranda. So it’s the dining room for us, a table for two in the far corner. At the next table six people are dining together in what looks like a car boot sale for costume jewellery and half-price deals on plastic surgery. We both enjoy a starter of a rather intensely flavoured chicken liver mousseline and a horribly stale piece of brioche. My wife orders a venison dish which comes with a sort of baby food puree of squash. I order a classic brasserie dish of Wiener schnitzel which arrives both dry and greasy, with pale and undercooked sautéed potatoes, and is completely inedible. I order the venison. What was planned as a sort of celebratory dinner turns out to be gastronomic disaster.

 

Returning to our cabin at about 9pm the slop buckets and cleaning things are everywhere, jumbled up with suitcases. We don’t count anymore. It’s all about turnaround tomorrow. At least we’re packed.

Edited December 16, 2014 by Fletcher

[LaPaloma]

Mr. F...........I consider you a clever boor.

 

The legend has always been a charming lady..........and the pleasures afforded those aboard abundant. It is my guess that your enjoyment of writing surpasses your enjoyment of life. I wish you a Happy 2015.......and hope that you become a bit more humble. If you really look around...people are enjoying themselves. Isn't that what this is all about? I have read all I care to of your humor???????????? Lola

[G.M.T.]

Ah Fletcher, "A Legend In One's Own Mind".

 

See: http://de.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=legend+in+one%27s+own+mind&defid=4151415

[Emperor Norton]

...

 

I do agree about the block parties,they are hideous and thankfully they do not happen on all Seabourn ships,it depends on who the cruise director is.

 

Sent from my iPad using Forums

 

Something they picked up from another line that they should have left with that line IMO.

[Winner]

I believe the line is Regent, which might interest Kilroy on another thread.

[wjf]

We really dislike the block parties.

They were introduced by Captain Dag when he came to Seabourn from Regent.

However we do like Captain Dag!

[Fletcher]

7 Dec: Sint Maarten/Disembarkation Day

The Legend is tied up at Philipsburg, Sint Maarten. Was it only two weeks ago we set sail from here?

 

Beside us is Eclipse, the private yacht belonging to Comrade Abramovich. It’s 100 feet longer than the Legend and, for a Russian oligarch, it looks surprisingly tasteful and stylish-looking. The same cannot be said of the Volandam, a hideous floating apartment block which is so big it shuts out the sun. We first saw it at Bonaire. I cannot imagine what life might be like aboard a thing like that.

 

Anyway, after a final batch of banana pancakes, we left the Legend behind and now, after a morning spent at Seabourn’s hotel of choice, the Westin Dawn Beach, an absolute dump, I’m back home in Norfolk, where it’s dark for 16 hours a day. So it’s time, perhaps, for a summary. I think some of you might have guessed early on that I’m not really Seabourn person. And you know what? I knew that on the first day when I got to the reception desk and saw the corporate plaque which told me that Donald Trump was Seabourn Ambassador Extraordinaire. I should have walked off the ship right then. Donald Trump? That’s like Nespresso replacing George Clooney with a warthog - you know, it’s an image thing.

 

Despite this, our Seabourn experience was an enjoyable one, not brilliant, but not awful either. The Legend wasn’t nearly as elegant or as luxurious as I was expecting and some areas were looking distinctly shabby. I’ve said before how much we disliked the sun deck and the septic tank/swimming pool. And I’m sorry, I just think a casino makes anywhere look sleazy. When I saw the hidden banks of one-armed bandits, as we call them in the UK, I did wonder what on Earth I was doing on a ship like this. We liked our cabin, though, and we thought the food was OK, often excellent, and the staff throughout were lovely.

 

As a cruise it didn’t come close to the cruises I have been on in the past - it was too tame, a bit boring and the ship’s seeming total disinterest in their destinations didn’t help either. But I kind of knew that setting out. This was just a quick, cheap trip to see four then three islands. I’m sorry I have come across as superior or self-important. I’m not like that on one of the expedition ships where everyone is a seriously seasoned traveller. On the Legend, no one seemed too bothered - just as long as the pina coladas keep comin’. We’re just not like that. We are destination driven and always will be. If I fancied two weeks just lazing around in the sun I certainly wouldn’t choose to do it on a crowded cruise ship.

 

So I’m not likely to ever step aboard another Seabourn ship. The itineraries don’t interest me at all (this was the only one that did) and I don’t fancy a big ship like the Sojourn or the Quest.

 

 

* * * *

 

Finally then, a thank you to the more than 3000 of you who time you took to read my stuff and, in some cases, respond to it. I know my posts haven’t been the usual Cruise Critic schtick; they were never intended to be. Perhaps I’ve been a bit disappointed by the level of some of the comments but I’ve not been offended or upset by anyone. Well, maybe one person did upset me, just a bit:

 

Lincslady accused me of being ‘unusually thick’ because I’m from Norfolk. I take great exception to that, especially from someone from Lincolnshire which is right next door. So just for you Lincslady, dear:

 

I lived in central London for 50 years before moving out to Norfolk where I’m proud to share my adopted county with other ‘unusually thick’ people, such as -

 

HM The Queen; The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge; Sir James Dyson; Stephen Fry; Horatio Lord Nelson; Thomas Paine; Philip Pullman; Sir Robert Walpole . . . and Alan Partridge.

 

Bon voyage everyone.

Edited December 17, 2014 by Fletcher

[lincslady]

I have to apologise for calling you thick - you are obviously not.

[Roxburgh]

Fletcher ... thanks you for your 'blog'. I enjoyed it. I also enjoyed the reactions you provoked in some of the other posters. It is a shame you will probably not be cruising with Seabourn again. I think I would have enjoyed your company. Whether you would have enjoyed mine is quite another matter.

[Bostonactor]

Fletcher, for someone who is obviously not "thick," you just keep stepping in it. People who enjoy Seabourn cruises (admittedly, we enjoy the larger Odyssey class) are not, by definition, unseasoned travelers. Quite the opposite, in many cases, I'm sure. Although we, personally, do not frequent "explorer" ships, we are explorers of a different type, having taken more than a dozen hiking expeditions in many countries (including Great Britain) on several continents. We include North Africa, China, New Zealand, Argentina and the Grand Canyon among our destinations. That does not mean that we can't enjoy an occasional cruise. AND, we are in our mid-70's, not even approaching doddering. The problem with your thinking (and writing) is that you tend to generalize to the point that you insult people, forcing them into stereotypes. So, for your edification, people are individuals, not types. Those who enjoy a drink on the deck are not all drunks and degenerates. People who wear costume jewelry are not necessarily cheap. Maybe they left the diamonds at home, as they should. Maybe they are enjoying being a little over-the-top on holiday, just for the fun of it. Imagine that. I am relieved you are home and hope you are able to enjoy the holidays after your wasted experience.

[OctoberKat]

-- "I think some of you might have guessed early on that I’m not really Seabourn person. And you know what? I knew that on the first day when I got to the reception desk and saw the corporate plaque which told me that Donald Trump was Seabourn Ambassador Extraordinaire. I should have walked off the ship right then. Donald Trump? That’s like Nespresso replacing George Clooney with a warthog - you know, it’s an image thing."

 

Priceless!!

[mraven]

3000 page views does not equal 3000 people. That was just me and 40 or so others hitting refresh hoping for more prose. Please do another cruise with Seabourn's parent!

[lincslady]

Bostonactor - thanks so much for the post which I might have written if I were not a bear of little brain! Sums it up perfectly.