“unwritten rules” at the Dinner Table

[WestonOne]

I was on a TransAtlantic round trip mid October to November and we were on a table of six. Going to New York we shared a table with a German couple and a couple from Texas. On the return we shared with another American couple and two Canadian sisters. We are a couple from the UK.

 

We talked quite a lot of politics of all our countries and others.  Not most of the conversation but a fair amount. All generalisations are dangerous but I have normally found well travelled people are  not a problem on such matters. 

Edited November 7, 2022 by WestonOne

[bbtablet]

I find that if I get involved in conversations at the meal table, I end up enjoying a good stimulating chat, but then have no memory of eating the food, which was surely why I went there in the first place?!

[carolina_yankee]

One one cruise, a British couple had a two-top next to our four-top. It was a Disney cruise so we had lots of Disney discussion to break the ice, but we did talk about Brexit and the royal family. As an American, I knew I really couldn’t have an opinion on Brexit that mattered, so I enjoyed hearing their viewpoints and learning why it was a big issue for them. They disagreed so I got to hear both sides.

 

I love deep and serious conversations. I have zero patience with uninformed nonsense or obnoxiousness. I’m also fine with chatty “how was your day in pot?” And general travel/where are you from topics.

 

Right now, we are set for  late dining and our TA request an 8 person table - I’m not sure I’m up for that, but would love to hear people’s opinions on best table size for a couple. I’m more concerned about being the lost couple amongst others and figure a six top would be better for interaction, but only if it’s three couples.

 

We may also end up switching to any time if that becomes available so could have more two-tops, but if Cunard cruisers are generally interesting people and good conversationalists, I would be up for it.

 

 

 

 

[Lakesregion]

1 hour ago, carolina_yankee said:

One one cruise, a British couple had a two-top next to our four-top. It was a Disney cruise so we had lots of Disney discussion to break the ice, but we did talk about Brexit and the royal family. As an American, I knew I really couldn’t have an opinion on Brexit that mattered, so I enjoyed hearing their viewpoints and learning why it was a big issue for them. They disagreed so I got to hear both sides.

 

I love deep and serious conversations. I have zero patience with uninformed nonsense or obnoxiousness. I’m also fine with chatty “how was your day in pot?” And general travel/where are you from topics.

 

Right now, we are set for  late dining and our TA request an 8 person table - I’m not sure I’m up for that, but would love to hear people’s opinions on best table size for a couple. I’m more concerned about being the lost couple amongst others and figure a six top would be better for interaction, but only if it’s three couples.

 

We may also end up switching to any time if that becomes available so could have more two-tops, but if Cunard cruisers are generally interesting people and good conversationalists, I would be up for it.

 

 

 

 

I personally find the ten tops to be the best. I do not know if Cunard is up to the task of properly fitting table mates as they have done in the past. Britannia not the Pent House crowd) With rare slips, most of my tables have been within a broad but not totally out of range in age and the mix has been primarily single folks as that is my mode of travel. Usually all are conversant in English but not necessarily their first language. 

 

The most interesting though trying table was returning from LA to NYC on the tail end of the QE2 world cruise in 2008. Most of our excellent table had departed in LA as they resided on the west coast. They were replayed with three young Japanese ladies who spoke zero English but we did manage through sign language to make it for the 12 days as they were a happy trio and the four of us left from the original ten top made the  effort also.

[steve4031]

These issues also occur in dining cars on Amtrak trains.  For the most part I stick to train travel and the scenery.  Since I have traveled on every route in the system multiple times I usually can give a pretty accurate description of anticipated scenic highlights.  

 

On one memorable occasion though, dinner was an adventure.  I was traveling with my GF from Chicago to St. Louis and we were seated with a lady.  The guy across the aisle was by himself and included himself at our table.  Though he sought permission from the crew, this was unusual.  We exchanged the usual greetings, and then he sought to control the conversation.  I said something, and he aggressively contradicted me.  I observed that he was drunk, and decided not to engage.  My GF, who is usually pretty mild mannered, engaged in conversation with the other lady at the table to double team the guy.  They socially isolated him for the entire meal, and spent most of it asking me questions about train travel because they  were both annoyed with the guy.  They did this without any verbal agreement.  I was just sitting there answer questions, and thinking, holy crap did this guy get more than he planned for.  At the end of the dinner the lady told my GF and I were great dinner companions, and then she turned to the guy and told him, "and you are an idiot" though she used profanity which I am not going to type here.  

[PORT ROYAL]

On 11/7/2022 at 4:27 AM, Austcruiser84 said:

On one QE cruise I abandoned a table where a lady sought to control the dining experience for everyone, including what seat you could have and in what order people could speak. I was reallocated to another table after two nights of unbearable, yet somewhat entertaining, dining dictatorship. At the new table was a couple heavily involved in the Scottish National Party. They only talked politics. They were perfectly nice and I did learn more about the SNP so saw it as an educational experience. Plus they didn’t tell me what I could order off the menu! 

Have also dined with vigorous SNP supporters.  One asked three pertinent questions, receiving detailed answers regarding the mechanics of independence.   Found the exchanges interesting.

[Windsurfboy]

Nothing wrong with political discussion as long as people are open minded, not of the modern type to "cancel" someone who disagrees.  It can be more stimulating than small talk. That's why it may be better to stick to safe subjects for the first few days. 

[Victoria2]

46 minutes ago, Windsurfboy said:

Nothing wrong with political discussion as long as people are open minded, not of the modern type to "cancel" someone who disagrees.  It can be more stimulating than small talk. That's why it may be better to stick to safe subjects for the first few days. 

Small talk and chat are always best the first day or two. Then as the table gels, and it always has apart from one occasion, as most of our fellow guests have been great conversationalists, stimulating discussions often ensue especially when sitting with celebrity guest speakers, and those who have/had interesting careers and here I'm thinking diplomats, US four star General, an LA plastic surgeon [boy was he interesting] artists,  Ex CEO of a software company [a google back in the cabin of the WSJ confirmed his stupendous career] Ivy League Professors [married to each other]. I could go on.

 

Then of course, your regular people like us. All with something to contribute which is why, I guess, we all opt for a large table.

Each contributes to great discussions which by no means of the imagination, can be termed small talk but definitely non contentious and incredibly interesting. Suits us. 🙂

Edited November 8, 2022 by Victoria2

[Windsurfboy]

43 minutes ago, Victoria2 said:

Small talk and chat are always best the first day or two. Then as the table gels, and it always has apart from one occasion, as most of our fellow guests have been great conversationalists, stimulating discussions often ensue especially when sitting with celebrity guest speakers, and those who have/had interesting careers and here I'm thinking diplomats, US four star General, an LA plastic surgeon [boy was he interesting] artists,  Ex CEO of a software company [a google back in the cabin of the WSJ confirmed his stupendous career] Ivy League Professors [married to each other]. I could go on.

 

Then of course, your regular people like us. All with something to contribute which is why, I guess, we all opt for a large table.

Each contributes to great discussions which by no means of the imagination, can be termed small talk but definitely non contentious and incredibly interesting. Suits us. 🙂

 

I can't work out if we agree or disagree . Anyway I feel a good conversation edges on a debate , even if you all fundamentally agree , it refines your thinking.  But not every night, and not till you get the feel of the person. 

[Victoria2]

21 minutes ago, Windsurfboy said:

 

I can't work out if we agree or disagree . Anyway I feel a good conversation edges on a debate , even if you all fundamentally agree , it refines your thinking.  But not every night, and not till you get the feel of the person. 

Miss out any political bits and yes we do. 

I remember distinctly, one occasion when a fellow [American] diner introduced the 2018  mid terms.

 

A distinct froideur descended onto the table and a 'we never discuss politics over dinner' came from the other American couple.

 

Well said. We never have and never will.

[Windsurfboy]

The trouble with politics, too many people treat people with opposite views as almost enemies. It's a form of cancel culture that's been going on for years.  

 

Conversations with someone with the complete  opposite views to you can be enlightening and enjoyable. They are two types of political discussion,  one about social and economic ideas. The other party politics, which is to be avoided.

 

 

[Victoria2]

23 minutes ago, Windsurfboy said:

The trouble with politics, too many people treat people with opposite views as almost enemies. It's a form of cancel culture that's been going on for years.  

 

Conversations with someone with the complete  opposite views to you can be enlightening and enjoyable. They are two types of political discussion,  one about social and economic ideas. The other party politics, which is to be avoided.

 

 

Society and economics are often discussed, as are most branches of the social sciences.

[ExArkie]

4 hours ago, Victoria2 said:

Small talk and chat are always best the first day or two. Then as the table gels, and it always has apart from one occasion, as most of our fellow guests have been great conversationalists, stimulating discussions often ensue especially when sitting with celebrity guest speakers, and those who have/had interesting careers and here I'm thinking diplomats, US four star General, an LA plastic surgeon [boy was he interesting] artists,  Ex CEO of a software company [a google back in the cabin of the WSJ confirmed his stupendous career] Ivy League Professors [married to each other]. I could go on.

 

Then of course, your regular people like us. All with something to contribute which is why, I guess, we all opt for a large table.

Each contributes to great discussions which by no means of the imagination, can be termed small talk but definitely non contentious and incredibly interesting. Suits us. 🙂

I have noticed that everyone (even "your regular people") has something of interest to share - a story of life in an area different from where I have been, different cultural experiences in childhood or adolescence, historical perspective on what they have been through, how they developed their own hobbies/interests, and so on. It is sometimes difficult to get the stories out of the more reticent - and sometimes difficult to stop them from the more garrulous - but it usually interesting when one does so.

 

 

[IB2]

Whilst the OP is right that some topics are best avoided, at least until the diners get to know each other a bit, it’s the approach to the conversation that matters more than the subject matter.   In extremis you can easily ask to be moved to another table, but I have found that the type of person or couple willing to be seated on a larger table with others are generally open to good conversation and most Cunarders have more sense than to try and force their views onto others.

 

The only time I ever asked to move was when I found myself on a table of eight with what turned out to be a regular cruisecritic.co.uk reviewer.  Every time any dish arrived at the table, this person got out their phone and photographed it from every angle, and they sat with a notebook on their knee and spent the whole meal scribbling notes under the tablecloth, not participating in conversation at all and responding to the few attempts to involve them in the table discussion with curt yes or no answers, before returning to their scribbling.

 

Ironically after my crossing I chanced upon this person’s write up of the cruise on this site, and it was actually a really good read.  But in real life this person was dreadful company - of the original table of eight, five of us moved away, leaving just the cruisecritic person and a very patient couple on the original table.  I was amused to see that at the end of the write up the reviewer mentioned that it was disappointing that most of the table didn’t turn up to dinner later in the week, without any awareness as to what had actually happened!

[techteach]

@IB2 I have had similar situations on both HAL and Celebrity.

[rkacruiser]

A very disagreeable situation that I have encountered was a usually pleasant couple who had interesting careers (one an artist, the other a financial consultant), but, would, at times, come to the table in the midst of an argument that they were having.  Since one of them was seated next to me, I sometimes felt like I needed a Black/White striped shirt with a whistle.