“unwritten rules” at the Dinner Table

[Jacqueline]

Usually I have found that table mates have an understanding that it’s best to avoid controversial topics. Politics, religion, COVID, conspiracy theories. I
how do you handle a table mate that goes off the rails?  
It’s been a very rare problem (often but not always linked to excessive alcohol consumption).

We love meeting new people ! 

[exlondoner]

Very difficult. Try and start an emollient conversation with some other table companions, so he is neutralised? Say clearly you don’t want to discuss said topic if they wouldn’t mind? Say you’ll just have to agree to differ and let’s talk about tomorrow’s port/lecture/show? Failing all that, surreptitiously scatter large quantities of quick acting laxative on their meal and await their rapid departure. As you say most of one’s companions are lovely?

[ballroom-cruisers]

If you simply don't respond, or initiate talk about a totally different and less controversial topic, or talk to another person instead, then there is a limit to how much a person can continue on with a monologue (for most people anyway!). Occasionally on such (rare) occasions, I have simply smiled and said nothing - that is not a response normally expected to that controversial kind of initiation to a dinner table discussion, so the ongoing situation can be eased.  Either way defusing that rare situation can be done with tact, careful response - but it is a (small) risk) for any table with more than two (assuming the table for two is two people who normally get on well!).

[PORT ROYAL]

1 hour ago, Jacqueline said:

Usually I have found that table mates have an understanding that it’s best to avoid controversial topics. Politics, religion, COVID, conspiracy theories. I
how do you handle a table mate that goes off the rails?  
It’s been a very rare problem (often but not always linked to excessive alcohol consumption).

We love meeting new people ! 

Tried once.  Guarantee you’ll never see them again.

Just say to the monologue person….

Oh, sorry to interrupt, but we do not appear to have after dinner drinks.  Would you like to have the honour of getting the first round?
 

 

[Victoria2]

and if any of those don't work, move tables, as we [for the very first and only time] and another couple did.

We left the obnoxious loudmouth, his companion and their two  travel friends to their own devices. Looked rather obvious when spaced out on a table for eight! 🤣

 

Other than that, polite listening for a bit then turn to another table mate and start a completely new, non contentious conversation.

Edited November 6, 2022 by Victoria2

[exlondoner]

3 minutes ago, Victoria2 said:

and if any of those don't work, move tables, as we [for the very first time] and another couple did in '19.

We left the obnoxious loudmouth, his companion and their two  travel friends to their own devices. Looked rather obvious when spaced out on a table for eight! 🤣

 

 

Table moving is always an option, but often you don’t want to leave everyone else on the table. Sometimes even the insensitive person’s companion is charming and agreeable, and indeed embarrassed by them. But in the end it is your holiday, so you need to enjoy it.

[ballroom-cruisers]

Humour warning! A few years ago at a land-based holiday we were seated at a table for six with the same kind of person. We requested a table move, and next evening were happy with our new table mates. Next thing we knew was that the people who led us to change tables had raised a formal complaint about us leaving their table, and said that us doing so was extremely rude and inconsiderate! Would never happen on a Cunard cruise of course!

[Windsurfboy]

39 minutes ago, ballroom-cruisers said:

Humour warning! A few years ago at a land-based holiday we were seated at a table for six with the same kind of person. We requested a table move, and next evening were happy with our new table mates. Next thing we knew was that the people who led us to change tables had raised a formal complaint about us leaving their table, and said that us doing so was extremely rude and inconsiderate! Would never happen on a Cunard cruise of course!

 

Be careful or you could be accused of some sort of offence for upsetting them. 

 

Luckily always had charming table companions,  sad to part company.

[exlondoner]

Whatever people might like to think, there is no law against upsetting people.

[ballroom-cruisers]

Depends on who and how it happens!

[Windsurfboy]

33 minutes ago, exlondoner said:

Whatever people might like to think, there is no law against upsetting people.

 

23 minutes ago, ballroom-cruisers said:

Depends on who and how it happens!

 

There might be no law, but you can be given a caution. 

[ballroom-cruisers]

A bit like tiptoe carefully across a minefield.

[MCC retired]

This is a big reason why Tables for 2 are now so popular .

 

[Underwatr]

1 hour ago, lissie said:

You're not supposed to talk politics? We had a wonderful table on our last cruise - just got off. The other 4 were  English so we had to commiserate with them re the state of UK politics - had many amusing conversations.

Commiseration is fine - it's when you discover that you don't share an opinion on some matter...

[Austcruiser84]

On one QE cruise I abandoned a table where a lady sought to control the dining experience for everyone, including what seat you could have and in what order people could speak. I was reallocated to another table after two nights of unbearable, yet somewhat entertaining, dining dictatorship. At the new table was a couple heavily involved in the Scottish National Party. They only talked politics. They were perfectly nice and I did learn more about the SNP so saw it as an educational experience. Plus they didn’t tell me what I could order off the menu! 

[Victoria2]

12 hours ago, exlondoner said:

Table moving is always an option, but often you don’t want to leave everyone else on the table. Sometimes even the insensitive person’s companion is charming and agreeable, and indeed embarrassed by them. But in the end it is your holiday, so you need to enjoy it.

Luckily, in our one and only case, four of us came to the same conclusion.

No thanks! Cheerio.

 

If for some, politics or anything remotely connected becomes a staple constituent of dinner table conversation with relative strangers, I think we might be sticking to two tops. 😟

[Se1lad]

2 hours ago, Austcruiser84 said:

On one QE cruise I abandoned a table where a lady sought to control the dining experience for everyone, including what seat you could have and in what order people could speak. I was reallocated to another table after two nights of unbearable, yet somewhat entertaining, dining dictatorship. At the new table was a couple heavily involved in the Scottish National Party. They only talked politics. They were perfectly nice and I did learn more about the SNP so saw it as an educational experience. Plus they didn’t tell me what I could order off the menu! 

I’d love to hear more about this!  She was trying to tell you what you could and couldn’t eat?!

[steve4031]

I had a similar experience on Carnival.  I was traveling solo because my GF had a change in plans and could not go.  I went anyway because the cruise left New Orleans and I wanted to go down the Mississippi to the Gulf.  

 

We had picked assigned dining when we booked.  Then when she canceled I was unable to switch to anytime dining.  I decided to ask onboard.  The person at the hostess stand stated this was not possible.  I decided to give it a go.  One person was a drunk male who told me about every cruise he had taken a women on and the arguments he had with them when they were not willing to accommodate him  for treating them to a cruise.  I decided that I would eat pizza and stay away from the dining room for the rest of that cruise.  On the way out the lady who had told me no  before asked how it went.  I told her and stated I would just eat in the steakhouse or lido deck the rest of the cruise.  I was not going to ask a second time.  She immediately changed me to anytime dining.  

 

The rest of my dining room meals were pleasant.  

[Jacqueline]

I would find it fascinating to learn about the Scottish National Party. I guess I would file that under cultural exchange,

Having  an Aussie (with a drinking problem) critique each US president (I am from the states) was annoying and not edifying. She informed us that she was very well read on the subject. Eventually she lost a fingertip in a door that closed on her hand after staying too long at a deck party. The surgeon onboard reattached it.

 

I must say, I don’t mind an honest conversation with people from other countries as they are interested in insights and information and visa versa. Part of why I choose a large table. I love learning about different cultures and perspectives!

That’s different than a lecture or a person who just wants to stir the pot (like my daughters MIL who insists that there are kitty litter boxes in classrooms for people who identify as cats)

[steve4031]

I think conversations about how things work in other countries are fascinating.  The line is crossed once someone from one country starts critiquing the way things are done in another country.  

[exlondoner]

1 minute ago, steve4031 said:

I think conversations about how things work in other countries are fascinating.  The line is crossed once someone from one country starts critiquing the way things are done in another country.  

It depends doesn’t it. If it’s a third country, it may be fine. For instance, a German and an American might share similar critical views of Russian foreign policy objectives, and nobody would be offended. But one should always expect the sensitivities of Russian staff.

[steve4031]

I myself in an international setting would be hesitant to critique any country's policy.  It is impossible to know another person's background.  

[exlondoner]

6 minutes ago, steve4031 said:

 It is impossible to know another person's background.  

That of course is true. But attention to the idea would seem to preclude any conversation whatsoever. Surely it is all a matter of tone and attitude.

[carlmm]

IMHO the number one "rule" is respect. Respect for other opinions, experiences and perspectives. Respect for the desire of somebody to talk about something as well as for the point when somebody does not want to talk about a certain topic.

 

I learned a lot about polics and religion from interesting fellow guests and had great discussions. Yet, certainly one does not want to be lectured down and dominated, about what ever, politics or home gardening.

Edited November 7, 2022 by carlmm

[Victoria2]

1 hour ago, steve4031 said:

I myself in an international setting would be hesitant to critique any country's policy.  It is impossible to know another person's background.  

Apart from one memorable cruise when a specific UK vote was held the day after we boarded, we managed many, many cruises pre Covid, seated at tables for eight, with no political discussion.

 

We are all either rather boring or find so much more of the world and experiences to chat about.🙂