Let laugh...funny things you've heard on a cruise...(not from a cruise director)

We've all heard all the cruise jokes from the Cruise Directors. Do you have any jokes or incidents that made you laugh while on a cruise?

Here's mine.

I often have breakfast on my own. My wife loves to sleep in. One morning, a lady asked if she could join me. I said yes. The first thing she said was: "My husband likes to sleep in". I laughed and told her it was the same way with me. It was a great way to start our meal.

I asked her if she was enjoying the cruise. She said "Yes...it is my second cruise". I said: "You are being humble...I can see you are Elite...you have a black card. It takes at least 15 cruises or about 150 sea days to get that!"

She said: "My first cruise was 172 days." I couldn't stop laughing! :)

On the first evening, in the theatre, a lady took a hard tumble. The attendants rushed in, checked her over and finally sat her down in her seat. The last one to leave patted her on the shoulder and said kindly, 'Have a good trip'!!!

john

On our last cruise we were standing at the elevator waiting for it to arrive at the floor we were on. A gentelmen stood next to me. We were all looking up at the number watching it go from floor to floor. A lady walked up to us and asked: "Are you waiting for the elevator?". Without missing a beat the Gentlemen said: "No lady we're waiting for the bus!"

I could not hold my laughter in and just let it go! :D

We were on the upper deck above the pool, just relaxing and reading. There were a couple of older women next to us talking. One of them gets up and looks out over the railing towards the ocean. Then we see her walk away and go to the other side of the ship, and does the same thing. Then she comes back and says to her friend "I had no idea we would be completely surrounded by water".

Sitting at the bar I couldn't help but overhear a lady complaining to her friend that she was going to demand her money back because the cruise was nothing like what was described in the Cunard brochure she had in her hand and no where on the ship could she find the Queens or Princess Grill for a good meal. Problem was we were on the Diamond Princess at the time.

Boarding in Long Beach. Following aa older teenager. She was jumping and pointing, "Look, they have submarines!"

I told her I hope those aren't submarines because those are our lifeboats. Lol

On an Alaska cruise we were moving slowly in towards Hubbard Glacier and the Captain announced that there were some sea lions on on ice floe "at 9:00". We were on the port side of the ship so I looked off to the left and there they were.

A lady a few feet away looked at her watch (it was about 1 pm) and then said something to her daughter about the announcement being a little late. It was one of those moments where you think fast about how to word what you're going to say - I didn't want her to feel dumb but I figured they would probably like to see the sea lions. So I explained about the bow being 12:00, stern 6:00, etc.

We were on the upper deck above the pool, just relaxing and reading. There were a couple of older women next to us talking. One of them gets up and looks out over the railing towards the ocean. Then we see her walk away and go to the other side of the ship, and does the same thing. Then she comes back and says to her friend "I had no idea we would be completely surrounded by water".

I don't see how anything could top this. THANKS:D

We also had an experience in Alaska. We were on the aft of the Oosterdam just sailing into Glacier Bay National Park. The photographer was making his rounds getting photos of people with the beauty of Alaska behind them.

A older lady came up to him to ask when we would be to the glacier and the photographer told her that the captain had just announced we would be there in about two hours. She looked right at him, and I kid you not, said so there is absolutely nothing to see for two hours! She stormed away and the photographer just looked at my husband and I, when we started laughing he did too. We couldn't believe she wasn't awed by what we were seeing. I guess the part about scenic cruising was lost on her. :p

While sitting in the thalassotherapy pool on Carnival Splendor, a lady was looking all around the pool for something. My wife asked if she lost an item. The lady responded that she was looking for the switch to make the waves in the pool like the previous night. I had to tell her the waves were caused by the 17 foot swells and there was no switch. She didn't believe me.

Departure day on Freedom of the Seas, while we were sitting in the Library looking down over the Royal Promenade. Three older ladies come up beside us and start looking down at all the shops and hustle and bustle. One of them pipes up and says how nice it was that the cruise line put in a shopping mall for people to use until the ship left. I told her that this was indeed a shopping area, but that it was part of the ship. She was stunned and delighted! :)

Carnival Miracle...circa 2008. We were waiting to leave the ship for our port day in San Juan. The husband and wife in front of us in line were explaining to their 6-ish year-old boy how important it was that he stayed with them at all times, because "These foreign countries are not as safe as home in New York City"...

Err...

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A transatlantic from Southampton to NY aboard the Queen Mary 2. Jerry Springer had boarded in Southampton and mid-ocean a tablemate was telling us at dinner that during the lunch hour while he was in line at the buffet he overheard two ladies discussing the fact that Springer was aboard and she hadn't spotted him. The other lady said, "Do you think he is still on board or did he get off?"

Our tablemate said it with such a deadpan face that we all paused before we burst out laughing. We joked about that for days and the opening topic was had anybody spotted Springer.

We were on the Epic, which has a Nickelodeon feature. I was on an elevator with a husband, his wife, and their two small children.

The wife turned towards her husband and said, "You know you have to get slimed."

The husband replied, "No way."

The wife turned to the children and asked, "Who do you want to slime, Mom or Dad?".

In unison, the children yelled, "DAD."

I was still on the elevator when they left. The husband was the last of them to leave. As he was getting off the elevator, I wished him good luck, and he replied "Thanks".

Another elevator story, wife and I got on the elevator with a couple and their child in a stoller. The elevator made a number of stops when the wife started complaining that they should make the elevators go either up or down. She was very insistent and you could see her husband wanted to climb into a corner but obviously could not find one. My wife and I couldn't look at each other or we would have broken out in laughter, we finally got out of the elevator and found the nearest quiet place to kneel over laughing.

Not quite on the cruise, but on a tour to Hubbard Glacier:

Our group had a very knowledgeable ranger guide. After her initial presentation, she asked if anyone had questions. One lady commented - "The glacier is really dirty, why don't you clean it?" The ranger never missed a beat, answering "That's just not in my job description.".

Another elevator story, wife and I got on the elevator with a couple and their child in a stoller. The elevator made a number of stops when the wife started complaining that they should make the elevators go either up or down. She was very insistent and you could see her husband wanted to climb into a corner but obviously could not find one. My wife and I couldn't look at each other or we would have broken out in laughter, we finally got out of the elevator and found the nearest quiet place to kneel over laughing.

This I did not see. On one of the HAL ships, a couple of teen age lads put a small table and two chairs on an elevator. Armed with a little book, it seems that they rode up and down, at each stop asking, 'Do you have a reservation?'

Back in the olden days we might call this 'Good clean fun'.

john

This I did not see. On one of the HAL ships, a couple of teen age lads put a small table and two chairs on an elevator. Armed with a little book, it seems that they rode up and down, at each stop asking, 'Do you have a reservation?'

Back in the olden days we might call this 'Good clean fun'.

 

john

I think that's funny and it is good clean fun...

Our Med cruise began in Venice - while up in the buffet, I heard a woman telling an older woman (I think her mother) to look as one of the other ships set sail. The older woman seemed fascinated and asked "will our ship be doing that too?"

Marianne

One time, I was waiting for the elevator and noticed that I had forgoten to leave my cell phone in the cabin. Oh well. Not going to walk back to the room to drop it off. Elevator doors opened and I had to step over 4 young boys sitting on the floor under the button panel. They were busy playing a game. Taking turns closing their eyes, reaching up and punching a button. There were 6 adults crowded along the walls glaring at these kids. I found a spot to squeeze in. Coffed loudly and when the boys looked up, I placed my phone to my ear and said so they could here "security? we have a problem on elevator 5". Next time the doors opened, the boys disappeared. Every time they saw me after that they went the other way. Received laughs and congrats from the others. Loved it.

This is something funny that happened, not heard. My DH was standing in line at the grill, the woman in front of him was complaining about every little thing and giving the guy behind the counter a very hard time. When she finally had her order, she proceeded to the condiments. The mustard was in one of the pump type contraptions and it didn't want to work. She proceed to continue to pump and all of a sudden mustard covered the front of her clothes. Karma is a b#$^@!

The maître de on the NCL Jewel was standing at the entrance to one MDR enforcing the no shorts rule. We had on nice slacks, but were asked to step aside for a moment. He asked us what the problem was. I said, "our pants are too long.". maybe you don't think it was funny, but it really cracked him up.