Letting kids wander

After a long battle with my parents they have allowed my little sister (10) to join us on our first cruise. So naturally I have a lot of concerns, I signed her up for camp carnival so she could meet other kids her age. When my mother found out about this she kind of got upset and stated that she expect her to be with me at all times. I understand her concern because its a new experience. My real question is if she decided to get up earlier than us and want to head off to the camp by herself how safe is it to let her do that?

dxetza09 -

When I first saw your post I thought perhaps you were a teenager (I quickly found some of your other posts).

I would tell you that it really depends on a number of things like how mature your little sister is - also what the rules are on Carnival as to drop of etc.

Sometimes the clubs require an adult to "sign in"

Also as a side note, make sure you have notarized documents giving you permission to take her with you.

Hope this helps you out

She certainly *can* go and sign herself into Camp Carnival as long as your parents have it on file that she is able to do so, but as a parent, I can see your mom's concern with her being by herself. I think letting her go to camp to be with other kids is a great idea, but I would never be comfortable letting my child get there on their own. I like the security of knowing that they go from my supervision directly to camp staff supervision and back. A cruise ship isn't an inherently dangerous place, but it isn't 100% safe either. There are bad people on cruise ships too. There is no knowing what she could encounter between your room and camp, and there is no guarantee that she wouldn't decide to take a detour and land herself somewhere unsafe. Think of it this way-- would let your child walk 1/4 mile to a friend's house unsupervised?

After a long battle with my parents they have allowed my little sister (10) to join us on our first cruise. So naturally I have a lot of concerns, I signed her up for camp carnival so she could meet other kids her age. When my mother found out about this she kind of got upset and stated that she expect her to be with me at all times. I understand her concern because its a new experience. My real question is if she decided to get up earlier than us and want to head off to the camp by herself how safe is it to let her do that?

I think it is great to allow your sister to go to Camp Canaveral so she can hang out with kids her own age at times. However, I would not be comfortable having a 10 yr old get up and head out on her own in the morning. She needs some supervision and guidance from you. She also needs breakfast before she heads off to play for the morning.

Pick a time that she is allowed to get up and make sure she has a clock. If she wakes up too early, she can read or use an ipad or some other device you bring to keep her busy. Take her to breakfast and let her help plan the day.

I would not allow her to wander the ship by herself but I would allow her to go get an ice cream cone with a friend, after you have met said friend and the friend's parents.

Set the rules up front. No going into anyone's cabin, no going off on her own, just common sense stuff so that your Mom won't be worrying the whole time you are away.;):p

I don't believe in letting kids "wander" or "roam"...I would have NO PROBLEM allowing her to come and go to places alone for specific reasons (like going to the buffet to get a drink while I was at the pool)....I would NOT let her wander aimlessly.

I think that if her mother has stated that she expects her to be with you at all times, then you shouldn't let her go anywhere unaccompanied. I'm not sure it's realistic for your mom to expect her not to participate in supervised children's programs (Camp Carnival) so that's something to further discuss with her. However, she's not your child so it's more important that you go with what your mother is comfortable with than what you or a bunch of people on an internet forum think is safe.

It is important to let kids learn and grow...otherwise, they are coddled adults...and see where that's gotten this country! The whole point to "raising kids" is to teach them to be responsible adults. In order to do that, they must make mistakes....you do NOT learn unless you fail sometimes! It's the truth. Better to fail when the consequences are not so dire than when you face losing jobs, homes, spouses.

So...let the child have SOME freedom....trust, but verify... give them enough rope to grow, but not enough to hang themselves!

It is important to let kids learn and grow...otherwise, they are coddled adults...and see where that's gotten this country! The whole point to "raising kids" is to teach them to be responsible adults.

I agree. But the OP isn't raising any children so that doesn't apply to her situation.

It is important to let kids learn and grow...otherwise, they are coddled adults...and see where that's gotten this country! The whole point to "raising kids" is to teach them to be responsible adults. In order to do that, they must make mistakes....you do NOT learn unless you fail sometimes! It's the truth. Better to fail when the consequences are not so dire than when you face losing jobs, homes, spouses.

 

So...let the child have SOME freedom....trust, but verify... give them enough rope to grow, but not enough to hang themselves!

Yes - this. I do have a problem with her getting up and leaving the cabin while you sleep. I think it is important that a 10 year old starts off the day with the rules for the morning reinforced. So, while at breakfast (so you know they have eaten) discuss with them, where they are going, when they are going and when they will return, what events they want to participate in either at the kid thing or with you, etc. If you do not know when they left your cabin how do you know where they went and when?

You: but officer she told me she was going to the kids club. SO: When did she leave the cabin? Y: I don't know. SO: Let's try to trace her steps. Did she get breakfast first? Y: I don't know I was sleeping. SO: Was she alone? Y: I don't know I was sleeping. You see a pattern here. Other scenario: SO: when did she leave the cabin? Y: Well, after breakfast at around 8:00 I watched her head out in the direction of the kids club. I verified about 30 minutes later and she never made it. You decide which is smarter.

We (me and/or the parents) take my grandkids to Disneyland at least twice a month, sometime weekly. My DGS is used to being in adult situations. He pretty much grew up at varying fire stations and playing on the different equipment. They have been going to DL since they were born. We know several DL employees. The kids have had the safety issues and procedures pushed into them continually. DSIL got a job there. They have bricks there. Last year DL had a feud in Frontierland similar to the Hatfields and McCoys. DGS at 9-1/2 played the sheriff whenever he was there. He didn't want to go on rides he wanted to do that. He would spend up to 5 hours there each visit.

We gave him his first phone. You know those old fangled things that only make and receive calls. He doesn't even know the number. What he does know is that he must call us at set times, he must be where he told us he was if we check. He must not deviate from the plan without prior approval. He is mature for his age in this area. These rules are exactly the same as they would be on a ship. Let them go wherever they want (well within reason) and for the first few times follow them like an Ace Detective and make sure they are doing 100% what they were supposed to be doing. Trust but verify.

Would I let him go get pizza, ice cream, head back to the cabin alone. Absolutely. Would I let him get up and leave the cabin while I slept? Not if he wanted to see another day.

His soon to be 8 YO sister. Not a chance on any of the above.

I agree. But the OP isn't raising any children so that doesn't apply to her situation.

As long as the OP is taking responsibility for her sister she is "raising" that child that week. Rules must still be set up and followed.

She should, of course, not go against mom's rules unless she does it with mom's approval but the kid thinks it is being sneaky. A suggestion might be WITH MOM IN ON THE SCENARIO: Aunt: This will be a test so we can show your mom how mature you are. Don't let me down now. This is just between me and you. Give her the test of getting pizza. Going on ahead about 10 minutes to breakfast and getting her own meal. Once this task is completed properly she is praised highly and asked "do you think we should tell your mom". If yes, great and at this point, you tell the child - your mom already knows because I would never do anything your mom didn't approve us. This just shows both of us how much faith we have in you and we are both so proud of you. If no, you should discuss further why the child feels it is okay to lie to her mom.

As I said above, however, I DO NOT think she should leave the cabin while the aunt sleeps.

As long as the OP is taking responsibility for her sister she is "raising" that child that week. Rules must still be set up and followed.

 

She should, of course, not go against mom's rules unless she does it with mom's approval but the kid thinks it is being sneaky. . .

According to the OP, the mom expects little sister to be with big sister at all times and was bothered by the idea that little sister would be left at camp. This suggests to me that she isn't getting mom's approval to let little sister go off unsupervised even for activities that most people would consider safe.

I think you had very reasonable ideas in your post for rules for a 10 year old. I just thought someone needed to point out that the child's mother's expectations should be respected. And while the poster I was replying to when I made my "not raising any children" comment has valid points about kids needing some freedom to learn responsibility, I still think (and it seems from the rest of your post that you agree) that such responsibility shouldn't come at the expense of teaching her that it's okay to ignore her mother.

I signed her up for camp carnival so she could meet other kids her age. When my mother found out about this she kind of got upset and stated that she expect her to be with me at all times.

You should probably remind your mother that it's your little sister's vacation too, and she'll be bored to tears following you around 24/7 while other kids are having fun socializing in a safe, supervised environment.

10 years old is too young to leave the cabin and wander the ship by herself while you're asleep, because you do need to know her whereabouts at all times. But she's also old enough to question why she's not allowed to go to where other kids are having fun (and she will definitely figure out that there's a kids' camp onboard). You should really straighten it out with your mother before your cruise.

YMMV but my two boys I let them go to and from camp as young as 10 and they were always going as a pair.

My daughter, dang, why do I feel different about her, even at 14 still nervous about letting her wander alone. Not that I don't trust her, don't trust the rest of the ship.

The reality is on my past cruises I saw many kids roaming alone, fewer single young children, they are there.

The other reality like walking home from school, taking a public transportation, or out shopping/movies alone, things really are pretty "safe."

Now what did I let my daughter do, she was allowed to check in and out of the club on her own since about 12.

Thank you guys for your help... I've been in my little sister life from the moment she was born she see me as a second dad. I def think I should make sure that we all have breakfast together first and then let her tell me what she is planning on doing for the rest of the day so a) I can be with her or b) she is somewhere I trust. I def trust her judgment because I have taken her to Disney before with no problems. I think I am more worried about the fact that we are on a ship. Which based on a lot of the responds it looks like is no different than being land base. I know for a fact that she is aware that she is not allow to be near the pools with out supervision and she is fine with that. The last question I ask is, if we are all having a drink and she wants to go to the arcade as long as I drop her off and pick her up there is nothing to worry about?

Again thank you so much for all your answers cause this our first cruise ever, we've done other vacations but not something like this.

Thank you guys for your help... I've been in my little sister life from the moment she was born she see me as a second dad. I def think I should make sure that we all have breakfast together first and then let her tell me what she is planning on doing for the rest of the day so a) I can be with her or b) she is somewhere I trust. I def trust her judgment because I have taken her to Disney before with no problems. I think I am more worried about the fact that we are on a ship. Which based on a lot of the responds it looks like is no different than being land base. I know for a fact that she is aware that she is not allow to be near the pools with out supervision and she is fine with that. The last question I ask is, if we are all having a drink and she wants to go to the arcade as long as I drop her off and pick her up there is nothing to worry about?

 

Again thank you so much for all your answers cause this our first cruise ever, we've done other vacations but not something like this.

Yes. I would also let her go with a friend if she makes one at the kids club as long as they stick to together, go to a designated place and know when and where to come back to. To be quite honest my kids never hung out at the arcade much (nor the kids clubs either). They preferred going mini-golfing, playing basketball/soccer, large checkers, or ping pong....or hanging out with us.

Thank you guys for your help... I've been in my little sister life from the moment she was born she see me as a second dad. I def think I should make sure that we all have breakfast together first and then let her tell me what she is planning on doing for the rest of the day so a) I can be with her or b) she is somewhere I trust. I def trust her judgment because I have taken her to Disney before with no problems. I think I am more worried about the fact that we are on a ship. Which based on a lot of the responds it looks like is no different than being land base. I know for a fact that she is aware that she is not allow to be near the pools with out supervision and she is fine with that. The last question I ask is, if we are all having a drink and she wants to go to the arcade as long as I drop her off and pick her up there is nothing to worry about?

 

Again thank you so much for all your answers cause this our first cruise ever, we've done other vacations but not something like this.

The thing that bothers me is that you are going against moms wishes of letting your sister go alone places on the ship. God forbid something did happen to her if you let her go or be somewhere alone without appropriate adult supervision, imagine how mad mom would be and imagine the guilt you would have for the rest of your life. There are pervs out there, and some go on cruises, so I would not feel comfortable allowing a 10 year old to walk around the ship alone or to be in the arcade alone.

I would though find some videos of the kids club so maybe mom can see how fun it is and that it is staff supervised by trained staff that have had background checks and clearances, because I do feel that your sister would enjoy some fun time with other kids in the club even if it were for only 2 hours a day.

Thank you guys for your help... I've been in my little sister life from the moment she was born she see me as a second dad. I def think I should make sure that we all have breakfast together first and then let her tell me what she is planning on doing for the rest of the day so a) I can be with her or b) she is somewhere I trust. I def trust her judgment because I have taken her to Disney before with no problems. I think I am more worried about the fact that we are on a ship. Which based on a lot of the responds it looks like is no different than being land base. I know for a fact that she is aware that she is not allow to be near the pools with out supervision and she is fine with that. The last question I ask is, if we are all having a drink and she wants to go to the arcade as long as I drop her off and pick her up there is nothing to worry about?

 

Again thank you so much for all your answers cause this our first cruise ever, we've done other vacations but not something like this.

I would have no issue with her going to the arcade if she was with a friend. I would not allow her to go on her own.

Talk it out with your Mom and make her understand that you aren't going to let her just wander, you are going to be with her or know exactly where she is 100% of the time. Try to find the daily kids flyer for her age group online and show your Mom what is offered. I know for Royal Caribbean it is called a kids compass. I think Carnival calls it a kids caper or something like that.

You are giving your sister a wonderful gift.:)

Also, maybe show mom the actual deck plan of the ship. Show her that the distance from point A to B is really like walking 5 houses up the street - not 10 miles. Going to Deck 10 from Deck 5 is only floors - not a huge distant. Talk to her about how you are going to make sure she is safe. Show her your cabin and how far it is to the kids area. Find a few videos of kids in the kid center etc. Just show her that she isn't going to be out of your reach by more then a minute or two.

Remind her that at her age things were have been different and remind her of her freedoms. I mean probably she walked to school on her own. Point out to her what she did at 10 years old and maybe she'll relax a little. The unknown is what gets people and advertisements show these huge ships.

Think of it this way-- would let your child walk 1/4 mile to a friend's house unsupervised?

Depends on the kid.

I have a 10 year old daughter who will be going with us on her first cruise this Sunday and I am going to let her check herself out of Camp Carnival if she wishes. I would let her walk 1/4 mile to a friends house unsupervised but sadly the friend likely wouldn't be permitted outside without a leash and biometric locks on the fence.

There are bad people everywhere, there were bad people everywhere when we grew up. It's no different, we're just conditioned with fear to think it's different.

Now my girlfriends 9 year old son will need supervision until he's 32 because he's an incredibly immature boy that has the common sense of broccoli.

As a parent who has taken her girl on cruises at age 23 months, 3, 4, 5, 7, 8, 13 and then 15, here's my take: Until she hit the teen group, I didn't let my girl have sign out privileges. For our piece of mind. We did allow her to enjoy the kids' clubs as much as she wanted because it is her vacation too. So as others have said, show her mother the info on the kids' program for that ship.

Every mass market cruise line has info about the kids' activities on their website. she will be with other ten-year-olds and doing age appropriate things. They don't take the kids to the pool or to some areas of the ship (sometimes there are kids' dinners but this info will be in the day-by-day listings you'll be given on the first day). You may even be able to find some examples of the kids' schedule if you look hard enough.

I certainly hope her mother will realize this would be great fun for her daughter, and will also allow you and your partner some time doing the things you want to do (besides the obvious;), there's also wine tastings, trivia contests, and other activities that just might bore a tween).

If you went to visit a town of say 5,000 people for a week would you let her wander off on her own?

That is in reality your answer.

No one here knows your sister and how mature she is.

I think I am more worried about the fact that we are on a ship. Which based on a lot of the responds it looks like is no different than being land base.

Not true, actually. One of the most common causes of child disappearances in the USA - I think from the tone of many of these posts it happens to about 5% of children - is when a woman or (usually) man grabs a child, drags him or (usually) her into the car, and drives off.

On a ship, unless they have the key to the lifeboats, this isn't a problem. And your sister will always be in earshot of several hundred people.

If the terms of the deal are that you are to be in her presence 100% of the time, I wouldn't do it. It's supposed to be your holiday. And when you say "us", presumably someone else - your husband? - is going to have a strange sort of holiday too.

If your mom trusts you enough to let the girl go on the cruise, she should trust you enough to make decisions about things like kids' camp. Having to be together at all times doesn't sound like fun for any of you.

I agree that another discussion is required with your mother.

The first big hurdle was to get her to agree to take your sister with you on your cruise.

Now you need to either (a) have your mom understand that making a 10 year old stay with her older brother 24/7 is not anyone's idea of a vacation (I'm sure you love her and she loves you, but this IS vacation, after all and there are lots of fun things that each might want to do that is not necessarily fun or appropriate for the other) or (b) realize that your mom really does expect you to have your sister with you the entire time (not allowing her to participate in the kids club activities) and you need to decide is this is the right thing for both of you.

It's hard for a mom to send her child off on vacation with someone, even a family member. I sent my 15 year old son from NJ to CA to visit with my niece when she was in grad school a couple of years ago. He flies with me all the time, he knows how to handle himself. He's been leaving home for sleep away camp and other activities since he was 9. But still, it made me nervous. When I put him on that camp bus at 9 and sent him away for 6 weeks, alone, to be at camp, that's even more nerve racking then sending him with a sibling on vacation.

So I'm sure your mom is just nervous that this is a new environment, one that she can't relate to since she's never been, and she's worried.

Hopefully a conversation, plus copies of the activities and showing her deck plans will have her more comfortable.

I would have no issue with her going to the arcade if she was with a friend. I would not allow her to go on her own.

 

Talk it out with your Mom and make her understand that you aren't going to let her just wander, you are going to be with her or know exactly where she is 100% of the time. Try to find the daily kids flyer for her age group online and show your Mom what is offered. I know for Royal Caribbean it is called a kids compass. I think Carnival calls it a kids caper or something like that.

 

You are giving your sister a wonderful gift.:)

Ditto to this post.