“So a Penguin, a Horse and Polar Bear walk into a bar on the Edge...

[tallyho8]

A professor travels to Africa to live with a primitive tribe. He spends years with them, teaching them all about the wonders of science and mathematics.


One day, the Chief's wife gives birth to... a white child! The word spreads, and the entire tribe is in shock. The chief pulls the professor aside and says, "Look, you're the only white man we've ever seen around here, and this woman just gave birth to a white child. It doesn't take a genius to figure out what happened!"


The professor replied, "No, Chief. You're mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrence, what we in the civilized world call an albino! Look at that field over there. All of the sheep are white except for one black one. Nature does this on occasion."


The chief was silent for a moment, then said, "Tell you what. You don't say anything more about that sheep and I won't say anything more about that white child."

[K.T.B.]

[centurycruiser]

I just found the worst page in the dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest and disingenuous.

[goofysmom99]

[tallyho8]

A little boy comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores.

"Not yet," said the little boy....

His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores.

Well, he's a little teed off, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig. He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.

"How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks.

"Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either. I saw you kick the cow so for a week you aren't getting any milk."

Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen.

The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says, "You gonna tell him or should I?"

[K.T.B.]

[centurycruiser]

[goofysmom99]

[K.T.B.]

[goofysmom99]

[centurycruiser]

[centurycruiser]

[C-Dragons]

[K.T.B.]

[C-Dragons]

[tallyho8]

A mother and her 5-year-old son were flying Air New Zealand from Auckland to Sydney.
The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"
The mother, who couldn't think of an answer, told her son to ask the flight attendant.
So the little guy walks up to the galley and asks the flight attendant, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"
The flight attendant responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me that?"
The boy said, "Yes, she did."
"Well, then, please tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Air New Zealand always pulls out on time. Ask her to explain that to you."

[MamaFej]

1 hour ago, tallyho8 said:

A mother and her 5-year-old son were flying Air New Zealand from Auckland to Sydney.

Yeah, right. 😉

[lobsternight]

So im in the MDR and the waiter comes with my soup, trips, and covers me head to toe in it.  There is a great fuss, many appollogies, and they clean me up the best they can.  Overall its not a big deal, accidents happen, i just ask they send my clothes to the laundry that night.

 

After a night of doing shows and other ship activities I return to my cabin and there is a note on the door.  Inside the envelope there is an offer for a private galley tour the next day, and i think why not, I've been on the group tours before, so this may give me a better chance to see more and interact with the staff.

 

The next day I'm met by one of the chefs and I'm having a great tour.  We then come around the corner and into the bakery section.  I am shocked, here is this one baker, shirt off, he's huge, exceptionally hairy, covered in sweat, and he's got a huge batch of dough that he's kneading against his chest.  I burst out loud, OMG that is so disgusting.  The chef giving me the tour leans over and whispers to me, well its a good thing its not Tuesday when he makes donuts.

[goofysmom99]

[tallyho8]

A mechanic was removing a cylinder-head from the motor of a Harley
motorcycle when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop.

The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come
and take a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the
garage: "Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?"
The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic
was working on the motorcycle.

The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So
Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, repair
any damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works just
like new. So how come I make $39,675 a year and you get the really big
bucks ($1,695,759) when you and I are doing basically the same work?"

The cardiologist paused, smiled and leaned over, then whispered to
the mechanic... "Try doing it with the engine running."

[K.T.B.]

[goofysmom99]

[C-Dragons]

[tallyho8]

[C-Dragons]