“So a Penguin, a Horse and Polar Bear walk into a bar on the Edge...

[PTC DAWG]

[K.T.B.]

[tallyho8]

Chicken Surprise

A couple goes for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the 'Chicken Surprise',
The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot.

Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.

Good grief, did you see that?' she asks her husband. He hadn't, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down..

Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation.

'Please sir,' says the waiter, 'what you order?'

The husband replies, 'Chicken Surprise'

(You're going to love this, and you're going to hate yourself for loving it!...)
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'Ah! So sorry,' says the waiter, 'I bring you Peeking Duck’

[centurycruiser]

[lyndarra]

9 hours ago, davekathy said:

Remember the song "Signs" by Five Man Electrical Band (1971)...

 

I now have a problem finding enough hair to tuck up under my hat.😟

[NMTraveller]

[centurycruiser]

[davekathy]

[Von & John]

Just bought Twister for Kindergarten Graduation Gift...

[K.T.B.]

[davekathy]

[K.T.B.]

[centurycruiser]

9 minutes ago, K.T.B. said:

That's funny. When we built a house in 1973 and Bell Telephone was wiring they suggested an extension in the master bath and we said "no." That was our quiet time!

[C-Dragons]

[C-Dragons]

[cruisingpeople]

3 hours ago, C-Dragons said:

 

The scary part is that I had no problem reading it....😲🤣😂

[TeaBag]

Me either, but then I was doing a headstand!  NOT.

[goofysmom99]

[C-Dragons]

3 hours ago, cruisingpeople said:

 

The scary part is that I had no problem reading it....😲🤣😂

What's scary? I had no problem reading it either. 😁

[tallyho8]

The Pope and the Dali Lama were sitting down together having breakfast.

The Pope said "I think I can see the face of Jesus in the margarine"

The Dali Lama turned to him and replied,

"I can't believe it's not Buddha

[bob278]

I didn't know the Dali Lama was from Boston. 🤣

[goofysmom99]

[tallyho8]

The city's largest Charitable Organization realized that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful lawyer. So a volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office.

The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, "Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don't give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give something back to your community?"

The lawyer thinks for a minute and says, "First, did your research also show you that my mother is dying after a long painful illness, and she has huge medical bills that are far beyond her ability to pay?"

Embarrassed, the rep mumbles, "Uh... No, I didn't know that."

"Secondly," says the lawyer, "did it show that my brother, a disabled Veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair and is unable to support his wife and six children?"

The stricken rep begins to stammer an apology, but is cut off again.

"Thirdly, did your research also show you that my sister's husband died in a dreadful car accident, leaving her penniless with a mortgage and three children, one of whom is disabled and another that has learning disabilities requiring an array of private tutors?"

The humiliated rep, completely beaten, says, "I'm so sorry. I had no idea."

Then the lawyer says, "So, if I didn't give any money to them, what makes you think I'd give any to you?"

[tallyho8]

An atheist was seated next to a dusty old cowboy on an airplane and he turned to him and said, “Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”

The old cowboy, who had just started to read his book, replied to the total stranger, “What would you want to talk about?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” said the atheist. “How about why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?” as he smiled smugly.

“Okay,” he said. “Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?”

The atheist, visibly surprised by the old cowboy's intelligence, thinks about it and says, “Hmmm, I have no idea.”

To which the cowboy replies, “Do you really feel qualified to discuss God, Heaven and Hell, or life after death, when you don’t know crap?”

[C-Dragons]

Back in the old days, people were went to these things called "movies". A man wanted to bring his pet chicken to one of these movies, but unbeknownst to him, chickens weren't allowed in the theater. Saddened to hear this the man headed home with his chicken.

But on the way, he was struck with an idea! He ducked into an alley and stuffed his pet chicken down his pants, believing he could sneak it into the theater. His plan worked flawlessly. He was able to walk into the theater, taking the only seat left next to two old ladies. When the theater darkened, he quietly unzipped the fly of his pants to let his pet chicken stick it's head out to watch the movie with him.

One of the old ladies, noticing something strange happening next to her, leans over to her friend. "Ethyl," she whispers.

Ethyl quickly shushes her, but her friend continues, “Ethyl!”. Her friend finally relents. "What is it, Dorothy?" she whispers back. Dorothy points over to the man with the chicken and Ethyl rolls her eyes. "So what? You've seen one, you've seen 'em all!"

Dorothy looks over again and whispers back, "I know, but this one's eating my popcorn!"