Beware of Teenage Girls and Crew Members

[boulders]

And some Asian countries people marry at age 16 or younger.

 

And plenty of other countries too.

[Karysa]

I had to google "flagrante delecto" LOL

 

OK maybe I am a bad parent but.. I take cruises and set my girls free on the ship all week... I give them a basic lecture and not they are neither challenged in any way nor overtly sexual or over interested in boys in their nature soo.. maybe I am OK.

 

One reason that we cruise is BECAUSE we feel that it is a comparatively safe, contained environment for our kids! Allowing creeps to work there is an extreme violation of our trust. I would have hoped that the screening process would be better.

 

:confused:

 

We have 3 TA daughters and they need to be in 2's at least to visit the public washrooms on a cruiseship. No way would I set them lose. There have been prosecuted rapes on cruiseships. It is not easy to pick out a creep on Facebook or in an interview so I think that it's harsh and presumptuous to blame the cruiseline for hiring him.

[marshhawk]

If I was picking up a towel, or a drink on a cruise ship, they run my sail and sign card, and they get my name. I signed something right? Now all they have to do is jot down the name, and when they get to port, look them up on facebook. Try to figure out which person (if they have the same name) by cruise ship pics, or info on the page, and then ask to be their friend. Face book is just a form of accepted prostitution." Hi I'm out here, lonely-or look at what I am up to - contact me. " And some people have figured that out, it's personal information that people want to treat as inpersonal. This society puts every thing out for public scrutiny and no longer recognize what intimate friendship means or what personal means.

 

I am sorry that this happened, I know that we have to be vigilent towards our kids, but this girl may not have given him any information, we all are too easy to find on line.

[momofmeg]

If I was picking up a towel, or a drink on a cruise ship, they run my sail and sign card, and they get my name. I signed something right? Now all they have to do is jot down the name, and when they get to port, look them up on facebook. Try to figure out which person (if they have the same name) by cruise ship pics, or info on the page, and then ask to be their friend. Face book is just a form of accepted prostitution." Hi I'm out here, lonely-or look at what I am up to - contact me. " And some people have figured that out, it's personal information that people want to treat as inpersonal. This society puts every thing out for public scrutiny and no longer recognize what intimate friendship means or what personal means.

 

I am sorry that this happened, I know that we have to be vigilent towards our kids, but this girl may not have given him any information, we all are too easy to find on line.

That is a broad statement.

I have a FB account and nope I have not slept with any of my FB"friends" that is except my husband of 30 plus years and that was way before FB.

[trish1c]

This post comes with a disclaimer. . . I don't have kids but I have had jobs that allow me to interact with 18-24 year olds regularly.

I do have a Question: How old was the towel attendant? If he was 18/19, I think everybody needs to downshift a bit. A 19 year old contacting a 16 via text or on FB doesn't send up predator warnings to me. If the towel attendant was over 21, by all means, lynch the guy (j/k sort of).

Cruise lines do have anti-fraternization policies for good reasons. But human beings are still driven by certain base desires & sex is one of those.

Teens need information about safety & boundaries. Parents can't be with them 24/7. Education is important. Young women especially need to taught how not to send mixed messages. Giggling & saying "no" when she really means "talk me into it" causes a lot of problems. I had a naïve GF growing up who was shocked when a young man with whom she was staying (in his guest room), tried to kiss her after an expensive dinner in an fancy restaurant, followed by a return to his house where they sat in his dimly lit living room having a nightcap before he made his move. (Both were over 21 at the time this happened). When I asked her if she ever got up off the couch, turned on a light or even the television before he tried to kiss her, she said she never thought about it. When I explained that doing any of that most likely would have prevented the almost kiss she finally understood that she had an obligation to control her own surroundings.

It's flattering when a handsome "foreign" stranger flirts. At 16 most girls aren't going to know what to do with that attention.

[momofmeg]

That is a broad statement.

I have a FB account and nope I have not slept with any of my FB"friends" that is except my husband of 30 plus years and that was way before FB.

 

Hey I got a hunky gal for you on FB since you feel that way. She is 105,for real and the oldest person on FB.

[marshhawk]

What I mean by "prostituting" yourself on face book was not by selling your body, but your thoughts-do I need to know when someone is out having a good time with someone, if they were more in the moment of having a good time they wouldn't be thinking about posting about it. I dont need to know when some one's kid burps, when Ketchup is on sale, or when someone buys new shoes. But everytime we post that in personal stuff, we are saying- I need attention, no one is at home, I have money and am spending, etc I'm on a cruise(i'm not home) not sleeping with some one, but sharing every thoght that goes through the head.

[janetz]

Hey I got a hunky gal for you on FB since you feel that way. She is 105,for real and the oldest person on FB.

 

 

Just saw that today on the news. :)

[skiwee]

I had a somewhat similar issue on the Epic last year. I took my mom, and two daughters that trip. The girls were 29 and 13 y/o. My older daughter went to sign out the younger one from the teen area and asked at the desk for her. The crewmember responded, Oh yeah, Suzy* (name changed*) the one with the nice ass. And he preceded to go find my 13 y/o daughter. Needless so say we marched right to the front desk and reported him. I won't allow my daughter to go to these teens things again on a ship.

[notentirelynormal]

I had a somewhat similar issue on the Epic last year. I took my mom, and two daughters that trip. The girls were 29 and 13 y/o. My older daughter went to sign out the younger one from the teen area and asked at the desk for her. The crewmember responded, Oh yeah, Suzy* (name changed*) the one with the nice ass. And he preceded to go find my 13 y/o daughter. Needless so say we marched right to the front desk and reported him. I won't allow my daughter to go to these teens things again on a ship.

 

All I can say is "wow!"

[notentirelynormal]

What I mean by "prostituting" yourself on face book was not by selling your body, but your thoughts-do I need to know when someone is out having a good time with someone, if they were more in the moment of having a good time they wouldn't be thinking about posting about it. I dont need to know when some one's kid burps, when Ketchup is on sale, or when someone buys new shoes. But everytime we post that in personal stuff, we are saying- I need attention, no one is at home, I have money and am spending, etc I'm on a cruise(i'm not home) not sleeping with some one, but sharing every thoght that goes through the head.

 

You do realize that you can "unfriend" these people. No one forces you to have 5000 "friends" or read their comments. I have probably around 30 and I am, for the most part, interested in what they say and are doing. But, then, I actually am friends with these people (well some are relatives).

[Langley Cruisers]

Face book is just a form of accepted prostitution." Hi I'm out here, lonely-or look at what I am up to - contact me. "....

 

 

Wow, I am really sorry you feel that way. That's not true in the least, but I doubt someone on a message board will change your mind about that. I'm shaking my head at your narrow-minded statement, and hope and pray that you don't really feel this way... perhaps you are just upset at the situation here and are spouting off... but allow me to tell you that I have a FB account and in no way am I prostituting myself. For me right now, FB is a way to keep in contact with loved ones and let them know how I am doing with my illness and treatment. I also share photos from vacations and family times, and keep in touch with family members who are away from us at them moment.

 

You can set your privacy settings to pretty much ZILCH if you run a search. Even if you knew my real full name, I guarantee you would not find me.

 

Your comments are very sad and very, very wrong.

 

.

[celle]

I'm sure the OP had good intentions in starting this thread. Now that I've read the whole thread, I do feel that he over-reacted to the situation.

 

I'll probably be flamed for this, but I think the crew member is actually the victim here. Yes, I know the cruise lines have a policy against fraternisation, but to lose his job is, IMHO, too severe a punishment for what he did. Not every person who phone messages and posts on Facebook to people he meets casually is a predator grooming a potential victim. This guy, too, could have been young and almost as trusting as the girl.

 

In this day and age, exchanging phone messages and posts on Facebook can be quite innocent. That is all the crew member did. He didn't touch the girl, try to kiss her, or do anything physically inappropriate.

 

Many teenagers are (in my opinion, unwisely) free with the information they give out and it is often difficult to tell how old they are - it is easy for a girl to look several years older than her chronological age.

 

The incident reported is not the first time something similar has happened with this girl. I'll give her parents the benefit of the doubt and say that I believe they have tried to teach her the dangers and she has a problem understanding them.

 

In that case, there is probably a need for greater control (Take the phone away for a while? Cancel her Facebook membership? Give her less freedom?) I don't think the answer is to continue to blame the man in each event.

[oncruisecontrol]

I had to google "flagrante delecto" LOL

 

OK maybe I am a bad parent but.. I take cruises and set my girls free on the ship all week... I give them a basic lecture and not they are neither challenged in any way nor overtly sexual or over interested in boys in their nature soo.. maybe I am OK.

 

One reason that we cruise is BECAUSE we feel that it is a comparatively safe, contained environment for our kids! Allowing creeps to work there is an extreme violation of our trust. I would have hoped that the screening process would be better.

 

:confused:

This sentence reminds me of something my mom always used to remind us girls: Some creeps have yet to be caught, so there is no record of them. No doubt, there are sex offenders, pedophiles, creeps (whatever you want to call them) who have not yet had the book thrown at them, so they'll come up clean when screened. In the US, but especially in other countries where crew members may hail from, victims may be hesitant to report an assault because of the stigma that may result, so perpetrators often go undetected. On paper, their records are clean. Then, there's probably the ones who are doing it for the first time.

[pris993]

My 16 year old daughter and I just returned from a cruise on Oasis of the Seas. My daughter is a very naive 16 years old (mentally much younger). She does have some comprehension issues and attends a school for children with learning disabilities. Even though I've repeatedly told her to beware of strangers, it's very difficult on a cruise ship because everyone is being so friendly. On a previous cruise, she was contacted afterwards on FB by our server. I messaged him then blocked him telling him it was inappropriate. It happened again this time only it went further. My daughter received a phone call from the Pool Towel Attendant. After intense grilling, I found out she had been talking to him all week on the ship. He wrote notes to her professing enternal love. I was livid. I just want to warn all parents to watch your teenagers. My daughter will never leave my side again on a ship. I reported the person involved. He texted my daughter and I responded telling him to never contact her again. I will be changing her telephone number this weekend. The only day she was alone by the pool was the last day. We knew many people on this cruise so I foolishly thought she'd be safe in a crowd. I did not allow her out on her own in the evenings. No matter how careful you are, there are predators everywhere. Do not be lulled into complacency thinking it couldn't happen to your child.

 

Thanks for sharing. This is a message parents need to hear. I don't have kids but have been cruising for years and recoginize cruise ships are not a totally "safe" environment. I was horrified when a family friend with two young boys with learning disabilities allowed them to run free without parental supervision day and night, even after the parents when to bed. If they were my kids I would not do so. Even kids with out special needs need to be careful.

[zoncom]

The crew creeps know that next week their targets of opportunity will not be around to tell on them.After living on Miami Beach for years you see that women are held in low esteem by many foreigners. Sex to them is recreation. American parents are still very naive. I worry about these young girls becoming pregnant.Crew/ passenger sex happens on ships in all age groups. Once with a singles table on X our waiter called most of ladiies at our table offering an intimate encounter. He didnt hit on me because he knew I was longtime passenger and I had given him a dirty look night before. Ladies turned him in. Next night MD comes by stating our waiter had to go home to take care of parents in Hondurus. He was 8 yr waiter. Always wondered how long he had been at it. I do acknowledge X did the right thing. I have been offered sex many times by crew, even officers.

[pris993]

I'm sure the OP had good intentions in starting this thread. Now that I've read the whole thread, I do feel that he over-reacted to the situation.

 

I'll probably be flamed for this, but I think the crew member is actually the victim here. Yes, I know the cruise lines have a policy against fraternisation, but to lose his job is, IMHO, too severe a punishment for what he did. Not every person who phone messages and posts on Facebook to people he meets casually is a predator grooming a potential victim. This guy, too, could have been young and almost as trusting as the girl.

 

In this day and age, exchanging phone messages and posts on Facebook can be quite innocent. That is all the crew member did. He didn't touch the girl, try to kiss her, or do anything physically inappropriate.

 

Many teenagers are (in my opinion, unwisely) free with the information they give out and it is often difficult to tell how old they are - it is easy for a girl to look several years older than her chronological age.

 

The incident reported is not the first time something similar has happened with this girl. I'll give her parents the benefit of the doubt and say that I believe they have tried to teach her the dangers and she has a problem understanding them.

 

In that case, there is probably a need for greater control (Take the phone away for a while? Cancel her Facebook membership? Give her less freedom?) I don't think the answer is to continue to blame the man in each event.

 

Cruise lines do have strick rules for crew and staff. Violation leads quick and final consequences. This is the way cruise lines maintain discipline.

 

We had a excellent waiter who got in a fight with another crew member betting on a scoccer championship after hours. We met the waiter getting off the ship with all his belongings the next morning.

 

While I do believe parents need to take more responsibilities, crew members know the rules.

[celle]

Cruise lines do have strick rules for crew and staff. Violation leads quick and final consequences. This is the way cruise lines maintain discipline.

 

We had a excellent waiter who got in a fight with another crew member betting on a scoccer championship after hours. We met the waiter getting off the ship with all his belongings the next morning.

 

While I do believe parents need to take more responsibilities, crew members know the rules.

 

I do agree with you about the rules, but what made me defend the crew member was the assumption, and expression by some people, that he was a creep (stated) and a pedophile (implied).

 

Both the crew member and the girl were responsible for what happened, but most of the blame is being attached to the crew member. To a certain extent, the girl's naivete and her possible lack of comprehension explain her actions.

 

However, a similar thing happened before and, unless her parents can impress on her the need for more caution, it will happen again. In both instances, the man was blamed. That's not the solution to what could become a recurring problem.

[JasonTehGreat]

Like it or not, there was one adult (chronologically) and a kid in this interaction. If the adult conducts themselves as an adult when interacting with kids those kind of thing can NEVER happen. He got her contact info one of two ways; Asked for it (fire him on the spot) or it was offered and he took it (fire him on the spot).

 

All the adult had to do was say "Whoa...I can't touch that". He made a choice...suffer the ramifications. Fact is he is probably finished on the industry.

 

 

The best thing he could have done was accept her contact info, then alert ships security so the parents could be notified immediately. The proof would be the info he handed in to security.

 

Should the OP's daughter be allowed a FB account? It's not my decision but I would consider HEAVY parental controls on her computer.

 

Sent from my GT-P5113 using Forums mobile app

[notentirelynormal]

The best thing he could have done was accept her contact info, then alert ships security so the parents could be notified immediately. The proof would be the info he handed in to security.

 

Should the OP's daughter be allowed a FB account? It's not my decision but I would consider HEAVY parental controls on her computer.

 

Sent from my GT-P5113 using Forums mobile app

 

The parent (father) admitted it has happened before but he was on vacation and everyone was "so friendly". I'm sorry but I think that the brunt of this falls on the parent slacking off KNOWING that his daughter was prone to give personal info. He got two guys fired because HIS daughter flirted and HE did nothing to stop it. It's time for him to step up as a parent and say... hmmm, what could I have done. This crew member's life was ruined because his daughter gave her information to a stranger. Sorry, but it think the crew member was the victim, not the girl. Bad parenting.

[celle]

The OP says he warned his daughter about the danger of giving information to "strangers" but then goes on to say that he thought she would be safe on a ship "because everyone was so friendly."

 

Is it any surprise then that his daughter found the concept of "strangers" a bit hard to understand on the ship? How do you define a stranger? And isn't it true that most assaults are committed by someone the victim already knows and not by strangers?

 

Since this has happened in the past, maybe the OP needs to tell his daughter that she is not allowed to give her personal details to anyone until she has brought that person to her parents and they have had the chance to vet him or her.

 

Unless her too-trusting behaviour is curbed, this will continue to be a problem and it is unacceptable to keep blaming the men concerned.

[Fydlstyx]

I think you are a bit too opinionated. I know friends whose daughter is autistic now in her early 30's. They have had to watch her like a hawk all her life, first because of pedophiles and now it is jerks because she is beautiful. She desires friends but has trouble making friends. Yes, she knows better, she has been told, but what do you expect, she still has hormones. She is just not capable of making good judgments on people. I hate to say this, and I mean this nicely but I am afraid you are in for a wake-up call with your granddaughter in another 10 years or so. There is a big difference in ages 6 and 16.

 

Then I guess the appropriate thing to do is NOT allow the teen to be alone on the cruise at any time. I agree with the poster who says that the crew members are wrong, but not the only ones at fault here. The young lady gave her info to these men, and seems to continue to do that, so SHE needs more supervision.

[rvsullivan]

Seems OP is long gone?

[Langley Cruisers]

Seems OP is long gone?

 

No, he posted here 2 days ago, post #6.

[momofmeg]

Then I guess the appropriate thing to do is NOT allow the teen to be alone on the cruise at any time. I agree with the poster who says that the crew members are wrong, but not the only ones at fault here. The young lady gave her info to these men, and seems to continue to do that, so SHE needs more supervision.

 

It does seem that way. She has the normal teen raging hormones but not the maturity to act correctly on them, but then that goes for so called "normal" teens too. They all need supervision and some more than others. There are many stories here on CC of teens hooking up with other teens on cruises.

 

I also read one story here nearly 10 years ago. This guy (passenger) bought a teen girl (15) an alcoholic drink and then told her he would tell her folks that she had had alcohol if she did not come to his stateroom. The girl was terrified. Another passenger, a woman,(she was the one that posted this)saw her crying in a public bathroom (I think, if I remember correctly) and asked her what was wrong and she told her. She convinced her to tell her parents and went with her since the girl was afraid of the guy who was waiting for her.

 

So yes, I think teens need supervision, all of them.