The Kind of Trouble Kids Can Find

[clarkrock7]

Yes...I have a kid. My kid is now 25. He's been financially independent since 21....and has owned his own home since he was 22. And he did this without ever getting into trouble or causing me grief.

 

Maybe I have "a gem". Or maybe I'm a good mother. Or, maybe he learned how to behave by example.

 

Please explain....

How is it responsible parenting to allow a 16 year old to be in charge of a 14 year old and a 12 year old....until "they are ready to end the night"?

 

I don't think I'm a conservative person at all....just realistic.

 

The OP is lucky that she only lost $250....and not 250 lives were lost.

 

Or maybe your little angel did stuff you don't know about and just didn't get caught.

 

You might say that the OP was unlucky, cause the vast majority of the time this stuff happens, nothing gets set on fire.

 

It may be a good exercise in how to deal with people to abandon the holier than thou pulpit.

[MommaOf3Princesses]

Good post! I dont have teens yet but i can only imagine what it will be like!!!

i try to think back to when i was a teen and how i was on vacations with my family. For some reason, even as a smart and reaponsible daughter, i always made HORRIBLE desicions on vacations. There seemed to be a make believe sense of safety on vacations. I am very lucky i was never hurt, taken advantage of, etc. (We have all read the stories on the news!!!!

Now as a parent, my rules on vacation will be the same as my rules at home!!!

[mumofsons]

Clarkrock!!

Two thumbs up great post

[clarkrock7]

Thank you OP for putting yourself out there and sharing your story.

 

I am a mother of 2 teenage boys and I totally feel your pain. Mine are 19 and 17 years old and are responsible for every, single, grey hair on my head.

 

I have yet to take either of them on a cruise simply because of my fears relating to how they may behave/misbehave. I keep telling them that once they earn a cruise then I will take them.

 

I think my oldest has earned his cruise now, since he has been on his own since age 18 and in the military. Even with that being said, after reading your story, and since I will be paying for his cruise, I will be sure to get an adjoining room and will leave the door open. Or better yet, make him share the room with DBF and I. :p

 

Thanks again for sharing. Ignore the flames. You are doing a public service by telling the folks here what could potentially happen even with the sweetest of angel children. All children misbehave at some point or another and those parents who say that their children never got into trouble...that's probably true. But some children are just better at never getting caught doing something wrong.

 

Christ on a bicycle, your kid gets a machine gun and has the chance to die for his country and you're scared to take him on a cruise and are going to have him bunk with mom? Run kid, run!!!! go on a cruise some other time.

[clarkrock7]

But i will say this, to all those who praised the OP on the way she handled the situation ( including myself)and want to make her mother of the year....i just wonder what our replies would have been if there actually had been a fire.

 

 

Well if you are a rational, logical person it makes no difference. It was a teenager with a cigarette that got dropped on the floor as they hauled butt when the alarm went off. It through an incredible series of unlucky coincidences that turned into a big deal instead of a little soot on the carpet, that in no way changes the conduct at issue. The results shouldn't change how you evaluate the conduct, it's just chance how it turns out.

[All4fun&fun4all]

Christ on a bicycle, your kid gets a machine gun and has the chance to die for his country and you're scared to take him on a cruise and are going to have him bunk with mom? Run kid, run!!!! go on a cruise some other time.

 

If you went through what I have been through for the last 5 years with this kid you would understand. He is lucky that he ended up going to military school and then getting straight into National Guard training or his future would have been quite different than the path he is on now.

 

It has taken a great deal of time to grow back that trust and considering he just came home and chose to stay with me for a week before he moved to Georgia speaks volumes. He also thanks me for all that I did for him to get his life on track. He just asked me the other day when we are going on a cruise together.

 

I guess it is my fault for not giving the full story here and it was sort of in jest (sort of) but he gets it. And that is all that matters to me.

[clarkrock7]

MsTabbyKats, I would like to stand and applaud you. You are the only person to speak your mind and not sugar coat anything. I agree with you 100%!

 

'Those darn kids, they are just being normal teenagers'. This is the problem with our society today, you believe that your kids are "normal" with this kind of behavior. Newsflash lady, their behavior is not normal. I always believe in the saying "birds of a feather, flock together". So before you point a finger at the other kids, take a closer look at your own. The fact that you let your sons (one of them is 12) stay up on the ship past 1am speaks volume. You did not want your 16, 14, and 12 year old sons to enter someone else's cabin but yet you did not get up to see who was in their cabin! Your sons will never blame themselves of course they will say the other kid did it. But of course, your little angels would never lie to mommy. The 4 of you should have been escorted off the ship at the next port.

 

Let me just say that I would much, much, much rather cruise with the OP and her kids than these grumpy curmudgeons. It's a Fun Ship, not a complain about everybody else ship. Please do a preemptive strike and escort yourself off of future cruises, stay home and judge everyone else's actions from the comfort of your living room.

[BeagleOne]

the vast majority of the time this stuff happens, nothing gets set on fire.

 

 

I know you didn't mean it to be funny, but this is the best line of the entire thread. :)

 

OP, you may have a great behavior incentive going, what with your scheduled March cruise. The boys already know you're happy to cruise by yourself, since you have a solo cruise booked...you can always tell them you'll be happy to go by yourself in March, too, if they don't behave themselves between now and then.

[clarkrock7]

Whatever happened to the good old days?

 

Try to break through the haze and remember them and then apply some common sense to this situation.

 

I just looked up a study from 1970 that showed that for boys 15-16 years old 19.5% of them were "regular smokers". Not tried it one time on a cruise, but regular smokers. (profiles.nlm.nih.gov/ps/access/NNBCPH.pdf)

 

It seems to me that adult smokers set off the alarm from time to time by trying to smoke in their room too. That's all that was happening here.

 

I wouldn't disagree with you that kids in general are far more disrespectful these days, I represent a lot of them in real nasty serious criminal cases. But don't let your disgust with them make you lose sight of the times when kids really are just being kids.

[clarkrock7]

If you went through what I have been through for the last 5 years with this kid you would understand. He is lucky that he ended up going to military school and then getting straight into National Guard training or his future would have been quite different than the path he is on now.

 

It has taken a great deal of time to grow back that trust and considering he just came home and chose to stay with me for a week before he moved to Georgia speaks volumes. He also thanks me for all that I did for him to get his life on track. He just asked me the other day when we are going on a cruise together.

 

I guess it is my fault for not giving the full story here and it was sort of in jest (sort of) but he gets it. And that is all that matters to me.

 

that makes sense, it's like somebody else said, one size really doesn't fit all with kids, even between your own kids.

 

Glad you've gotten your son goin in the right direction. :)

[girlsjustwannacruise]

thank god the entire ship didnt go up in flames killing thousands of people. your boys sound like my 15 yr old. hes funny, outgoing, the star b-ball player at his high school, loves church, doesnt have a mean or disrespectful bone in his body. but hes like your son.... A TEEN. They look mature, but... not really so much. im gonna have my sister bunk in with my boys in connecting rooms. you just never know what they are gonna do. At least no major damage done. Doesnt sound like there was much you could do to prevent it. i wouldnt let them have friends in cabin again though.

[DizzyDallasDi]

I just looked up a study from 1970 that showed that for boys 15-16 years old 19.5% of them were "regular smokers". Not tried it one time on a cruise, but regular smokers.

 

I'm surprised it's not more. I graduated from HS in 1970 and we had a couple of school-designated areas outside called "smoke holes." Students would congregate there to smoke between classes. These were right outside the school doors for convenience. Then, I went to college and smoking was allowed in class.

[AngAndBoys]

that woulda been me-- (and please, I was NOT flaming you as I dont do that.

Although on the boards forever-- I do still learn stuff)

 

did you sign and papers?

 

 

\were you already booked on the upcoming March cruise?

 

Yes, they made me sign papers saying I would supervise my children better. Believe me, I felt like a total loser. They actually made me write a statement. *sigh*

 

The next day they called me down to guest services to sign that I would pay the money. They never said I was banned. I guess I'll find out the next time I try to book one?

 

The March one was already booked before all this, actually, a deposit is put down so I can still cancel till December...and I will if they drive me mad between now and then. I had already booked us all in the same cabin for that one. I just found a good deal for Spring Break and snatched that one. They've only had thier own cabin one other time, last summer...and that went FINE...but they didn't have anyone in, their curfew was NOT extended, and I had my husband with me...who they were WAY more scared of than me. :D

[AngAndBoys]

Good post! I dont have teens yet but i can only imagine what it will be like!!!

i try to think back to when i was a teen and how i was on vacations with my family. For some reason, even as a smart and reaponsible daughter, i always made HORRIBLE desicions on vacations. There seemed to be a make believe sense of safety on vacations. I am very lucky i was never hurt, taken advantage of, etc. (We have all read the stories on the news!!!!

Now as a parent, my rules on vacation will be the same as my rules at home!!!

 

A very good idea. I had the same false sense of security about being on vacation...the opposite from the mom side...that they wouldn't DARE misbehave when I took them on a nice vacation and stuff. It is dumb in retrospect, of COURSE it's prime time for kids to meet all kinds of other kids and get exposed to all kinds of behaviors. Duh, right? Hindsight is always 20/20.

[MommaOf3Princesses]

A very good idea. I had the same false sense of security about being on vacation...the opposite from the mom side...that they wouldn't DARE misbehave when I took them on a nice vacation and stuff. It is dumb in retrospect, of COURSE it's prime time for kids to meet all kinds of other kids and get exposed to all kinds of behaviors. Duh, right? Hindsight is always 20/20.

 

Yes it is!!! We live and learn...and later think 'duh'!

Well like many have said, your honesty is much appreciated and i know many parents will learn from your experience.

Sounds like you are a loving and imperfect mom....thats the best kind! :)

[twindaddy]

Can I arrange through Carnival, John Heald, H82seeyou, or the Bon Voyage department to NOT let my adorable six year old girls grow up? They are at such a fun age, but I can see the rumblings of female drama starting already. :(

 

The biggest problem is about 15 years ago, I was a teenage boy and I know what they are thinking, and sorry mommys out there, its not sunshine and lollipops, I dont care who your son is!

 

OP, I think you handled things fine.

[mavis2222]

On my last cruise, my Nephiew met some other teens to hang with for the week. He was 16 at the time. He is a quiet shy type of kid but managed to get to know a couple girls and he told his father that the girls were saying "some guy in a skirt was going around hugging other girls"..

 

He was talking about that guy as me since I wear kilts. So he told his father, his father told me about it. I thought it was kinda funny. Also UNTRUE.. Im more shy then my nehpiew and the last thing I can do is try to hug complete strangers Unless they hug me first... Its not my personality. And no that never happened.. LOL.

 

I was the only guy on ship wearing a "skirt" so i figured the girls were trying to stir trouble by starting rumours.

[Room Service!]

Christ on a bicycle, your kid gets a machine gun and has the chance to die for his country and you're scared to take him on a cruise and are going to have him bunk with mom? Run kid, run!!!! go on a cruise some other time.

 

He's 19, an adult. She doesn't have to take him at all.

His choice whether to go, and be in mom's cabin, or not.

[bplazo]

Let me just say that I would much, much, much rather cruise with the OP and her kids than these grumpy curmudgeons. It's a Fun Ship, not a complain about everybody else ship. Please do a preemptive strike and escort yourself off of future cruises, stay home and judge everyone else's actions from the comfort of your living room.

 

Wow! I am thinking you should stay home because you seem like the type of person who has uncontrolled children and do not care what they do.

[sparks1093]

I knew the flamers would come out and that's ok. Everyone has a different style of parenting, that's all. My style has never been hard and heavy. I firmly believe that if kids do it just because I said so, or out of nothing more than fear of harsh consequences, they don't LEARN...and they end up in trouble when it's time to make real decisions in the real world. I have this hope that we can get all the dumb stuff out of the way early on. I talk my kids to death about stuff, and there is obviously some stuff that I will not tolerate. A C will get you grounded around here until it's a B...but only because they are all quite capable of doing it. We have random drug tests here. I'm not messing around with THAT at all. So far, negative on that. If you drop a curse word here, I will just tell you to show some respect for your mother and leave it at that...or ignore it entirely. I don't address every single issue with them, only the big ones.

 

They ARE learning. My middle son's very good friend for years started going the wrong way last year. It was VERY sad to watch. I know the boy's mother (she's decent), I know and love HIM. I talked with my son quite a lot at that time about peer pressure and how things start to go bad for kids when they are hanging with the wrong crowd. I ended up deciding that I wasn't going to ban the child, just discourage the friendship and watch carefully. I also pretty much forced my son to play baseball last season because he seemed to have too much time on his hands for "hanging out". To make a long story even longer, without me forcing it, but just guiding him along a little bit, my son made the decision to stop hanging out with the friend. So, to those of you who want to know why I let the rope out, that is why...because I think it's really good for a kid to get those opportunities to do it right and feel like THEY decided.

 

It's not out of pure laziness or stupidity. It is SO much easier to just tell them to get their butts in bed and forget it, isn't it? A lot less to worry about anyway. Parenting IS hard, no matter which way you decide is your style. I'm not terribly embarassed about what happened. I screwed up, for sure. It happens. I recovered OK and revised the new rules, lesson learned.

 

Lest you get the idea that I'm super-mom, I'm not. There are some days y'all, when I just want to close my eyes, clamp my hands over my ears and scream la-la-la-la...somebody come get me when they all move out! Most of the time though, I just try to do the best I can. There are areas where I definitely need to improve. I'm definitely guilty of allowing them to nag me into doing things that I rather them not. I must be strong!

 

As for why I let the 12 year old hang with the older boys...because they told me they were watching a movie and I believed them, simple as that. I didn't see anything wrong with him watching a movie with them across the hall while I slept. Same as at home when the older boys have friends over, you know? My 12 year old IS around older kids all the time. He has 2 older brothers. THe only thing I can do about it, that I know of, is harp on his older brother that he is watching and learning. Consider what he saw happen to his older brother that night. He learned.

 

As for the 1AM time frame...that IS when the 12-14 and 15-17 clubs let out. We had long discussions about what they would be doing if I let them stay out,etc. They swore that they were mature and would behave themselves. Ha! They said that all the kids would be mostly hanging around the lido eating pizza and talking. It seemed ok. It's funny, in retrospect, because they are certainly NOT allowed to stay out that late at home. I was actually quite thrilled and relieved when they checked in and told me they were just going to the cabin! Shows you what I know!

 

Oh, last things...someone asked if Carnival banned us. No. If I pointed out to my son that we could have got thrown off the ship for his behavior...absolutely! If they get their own cabins for the upcoming cruises...the one in December is me, me, and only me. Adult time. I am going to let me hair down and act very un-Momlike. The one after that, in March is with them and we are all staying in the same cabin for that one. I came thisclose to cancelling it that night...but then I calmed down.

 

Thank you for a wonderful follow up.

[bplazo]

He's 19, an adult. She doesn't have to take him at all.

His choice whether to go, and be in mom's cabin, or not.

 

"like"

[Kato27]

Well if you are a rational, logical person it makes no difference. It was a teenager with a cigarette that got dropped on the floor as they hauled butt when the alarm went off. It through an incredible series of unlucky coincidences that turned into a big deal instead of a little soot on the carpet, that in no way changes the conduct at issue. The results shouldn't change how you evaluate the conduct, it's just chance how it turns out.

 

Like i said, If it happend the way she said it did. She did a pretty good job,maybe she handled even better than i would have.

Having read alot of flaming on these boards for the simplest things, im quite sure the responses would not have been as favourable if there actually had been a fire.

So yes the outcome would have changed the responses.

[pafam4]

They've only had thier own cabin one other time, last summer...and that went FINE...but they didn't have anyone in, their curfew was NOT extended, and I had my husband with me...who they were WAY more scared of than me. :D

 

OP, I don't know if you addressed this yet, but your last post made me wonder: What was your husband's reaction when you told him about your son's adventures?

[LuckyZ]

Why didn't the parents of the smoker pay the fine?

 

I think the OP was responsible as it was their room. If they wanted to avoid this, they should have never allowed strangers into the room at such a late hour unsupervised.

Sounds like lessons were learned.

 

And once again, nothing good ever comes when you combine the wee hours of the morning and alcohol.

[serene56]

Yes, they made me sign papers saying I would supervise my children better. Believe me, I felt like a total loser. They actually made me write a statement. *sigh*

 

The next day they called me down to guest services to sign that I would pay the money. They never said I was banned. I guess I'll find out the next time I try to book one?

:D

 

 

Did you meet the hotel manager? where did your meeting take place? At guest services?

 

(did you read what you signed)

 

write a statement???