The Kind of Trouble Kids Can Find

[AngAndBoys]

Cruises are actually where teenagers are giving the most freedom before College. I'm 22 playing collegiate basketball & getting my BA in Marketing next year. Now I do remember being 14-17 & my dad letting me & my cousin pretty much roam the ships freely. I guess because it was a lot safer due to the fact we lived in New York City & was already taking the bus/train to get to school & basketball practice. On the boat we had our own cabins & we did have party's & my big brothers did give us liquor. We never really got in trouble with security, so my dad didn't actually find out until I told him (after I turned 21 of course). Parents might disagree with me but I feel like you should let your kids roam a little more esp on the boat as they get older & they gain more trust from you. On a boat there is really so much a teen can do that he/she won't be able to do on land. I thank my dad/brothers for actually letting me practice being "free" on the boat because when I moved to FL for college I realized peer pressure is real, & teens that parents were maybe a little bit more over-protective than others got into way more trouble (DUIs/Drugs/etc) once they left the nest. Never the less I am now the big brother going on a cruise in Aug with my little brother & cousin (17). My brother has one more year of HS & my cousin graduated in July. I feel like it's only right for me to show my younger siblings the same thing my older brothers showed me as far as handling myself. I'm not saying I'm going to drench them with Bahama Mamas, but I do what to make sure they won't ever be peer pressured into foolishness & they are able to handle themselves after a shot or two. Obviously, I don't expect a lot of people to agree with me. I just wanted to write this so parents would have different point of view being that I was your kids age a couple years ago. So if you have any questions feel free to ask.

 

Hmmmm, you're young yet. I don't agree with allowing underage drinking. I don't think it sends the right message to the kiddos. Kids NEED limits to push...I'm not about to raise the ante that high. I knew kids growing up whose parents allowed drinking at home...with the same kind of mindset as you. Said kids still drank outside of adult supervision and drove drunk...which I would have NEVER considered.

 

Please understand, I'm neither totally appauled nor terribly surprised by kids drinking...I WAS a teenager once, and a college student. I just think, as a parent, its a huge mistake to condone it.

[pafam4]

Well, that's a little complicated. My husband that was with us last summer was their step-father. He was much stricter than I am and definitely more in tune to what kids could and would get up to. He was a preacher's kid...and he was a wild teenager. 'Nuff said. He died last summer, about one month after the cruise, so I'm back to being on my own with them...sorta.

 

Their father is alive and well and lives in the same neighborhood we do. We get along pretty well and are very cooperative about getting our kids raised. My 12 year old called him from the very first port to tell him what had happened. Since I knew he already knew...I didn't call him then. At the time (the day after the incident), I didn't really feel like talking about it just yet. I talked to him about it when I got home and he said he was surprised I didn't call him from Key West to pick up the older one. :D

 

My 16 year old went to see him after our trip and they talked about it. My ex gave me report on what was said, and basically, he was proud that the kid took responsibility. He's not terribly heavy handed either. He felt like the kid got it and no more parental intervention was necessary at that time.

 

 

OP, so sorry for your loss. I hope your upcoming cruises are stress-free and enjoyable. It sounds like your guys learned valuable lessons!

[AngAndBoys]

OP, so sorry for your loss. I hope your upcoming cruises are stress-free and enjoyable. It sounds like your guys learned valuable lessons!

 

Thank you! I miss him like you wouldn't believe....and I seriously miss his teenage boy insight.

 

My next cruise will DEFINITELY be stress free and enjoyable! No kids! I'm going to try on this solo cruiser thing and see how it fits. :D

[richstowe]

Appreciate honesty and a good story and got both. Thanks AngAndBoys.

It's always less stressful to read someone else's parenting of teenager stories then experience your own.

[Andoria]

Hmmmm, you're young yet. I don't agree with allowing underage drinking. I don't think it sends the right message to the kiddos. Kids NEED limits to push...I'm not about to raise the ante that high. I knew kids growing up whose parents allowed drinking at home...with the same kind of mindset as you. Said kids still drank outside of adult supervision and drove drunk...which I would have NEVER considered.

 

Please understand, I'm neither totally appauled nor terribly surprised by kids drinking...I WAS a teenager once, and a college student. I just think, as a parent, its a huge mistake to condone it.

 

 

My parents let me drink at home. I inherited the wicked awful hangover gene and they let natural consequences teach me not to overindulge.

[Rob&Bonnie]

AngAndBoys - I think you did a great job with what happened. Kids don't come with instruction manuals, it's the ultimate 'earn while you learn' job.

 

For those people talking about the freedom allowed for your teenagers, if you don't allow them to learn while a teenager at home, how will they survive on their own at college? They have to learn to judge others - you won't be there to screen their college classmates and decide who can enter their dorm rooms.

 

There is a constant struggle as a parent to know where you need to give more freedom, and when you need to cut that freedom back. The truth of the matter is that you can't be with your kids 24/7, so you need to let them experience life and teach them survival skills for when you can't be there. You don't know how your kids will react to a situation until they are faced with it. Sometimes they react well, other times not so much. On the not so much times, it's back to square one in teaching why certain behavior is important and what the expected reaction is should the same situation come up again.

 

Not that I EVER had to go back to square one with MY child, who was perfect in every way from the day he was born :rolleyes: OK - so maybe that is about as realistic as saying I just needed a new look, the Loreal has NOTHING to do with having any gray hair to cover....

[alexspepa]

AngAndBoys - I think you did a great job with what happened. Kids don't come with instruction manuals, it's the ultimate 'earn while you learn' job.

 

For those people talking about the freedom allowed for your teenagers, if you don't allow them to learn while a teenager at home, how will they survive on their own at college? They have to learn to judge others - you won't be there to screen their college classmates and decide who can enter their dorm rooms.

 

There is a constant struggle as a parent to know where you need to give more freedom, and when you need to cut that freedom back. The truth of the matter is that you can't be with your kids 24/7, so you need to let them experience life and teach them survival skills for when you can't be there. You don't know how your kids will react to a situation until they are faced with it. Sometimes they react well, other times not so much. On the not so much times, it's back to square one in teaching why certain behavior is important and what the expected reaction is should the same situation come up again.

 

Not that I EVER had to go back to square one with MY child, who was perfect in every way from the day he was born :rolleyes: OK - so maybe that is about as realistic as saying I just needed a new look, the Loreal has NOTHING to do with having any gray hair to cover....

 

this - gotta let em make small mistakes at a young age so hopefully they will not make bigger ones later.

[Pokeraddict]

I didn't even persue it with them and neither did security. Problem number one was that said parents didn't even speak English. Plus it would have been a whole he said/he said thing. I had no proof of WHO was doing the smoking. For all I know, it was my own precious little darling. I just told my son, his cabin, his problem...and really it was ultimately MY problem.

 

 

You are so the typical parent, not my kids they are the best they never cause trouble really! I would have kicked them off the ship.

[richstowe]

this - gotta let em make small mistakes at a young age so hopefully they will not make bigger ones later.

That reminds me of the old expression,

Small kids, small problems (but lots of 'em).

Big kids, big problems.

[Warm Breezes]

You are so the typical parent, not my kids they are the best they never cause trouble really! I would have kicked them off the ship.

 

Did you miss the part where she did not point the finger on board at the other kids and she did take responsibility for the damages to the room...or the part where she disciplined her children by making them pay her back the damages and made them stick to her side for the rest of the cruise? Does that sound like a parent that held her children blameless and denied any responsibility for the damages made?

[Room Service!]

You are so the typical parent, not my kids they are the best they never cause trouble really! I would have kicked them off the ship.

 

Did you read the whole thread?

[Andoria]

You are so the typical parent, not my kids they are the best they never cause trouble really! I would have kicked them off the ship.

 

 

You are so the typical poster that decides to spew their opinion instead of reading the thread.

[Daisyloo]

You are so the typical parent, not my kids they are the best they never cause trouble really! I would have kicked them off the ship.

 

Can you read and comprehend English??? :confused:

[richstowe]

You are so the typical parent, not my kids they are the best they never cause trouble really! I would have kicked them off the ship.

Maybe if you weren't a poker addict your reading comprehension would be better or you wouldn't be so judgmental.:p

[CzarTwon]

Hmmmm, you're young yet. I don't agree with allowing underage drinking. I don't think it sends the right message to the kiddos. Kids NEED limits to push...I'm not about to raise the ante that high. I knew kids growing up whose parents allowed drinking at home...with the same kind of mindset as you. Said kids still drank outside of adult supervision and drove drunk...which I would have NEVER considered.

 

Please understand, I'm neither totally appalled nor terribly surprised by kids drinking...I WAS a teenager once, and a college student. I just think, as a parent, its a huge mistake to condone it.

 

I totally understand what you are saying. My dad did not condone underage drinking either, but he did have a hint of what I was doing esp on the cruise. It was more of my Big Brothers introducing me to that lifestyle. Teens are going to drink regardless of where they are. Since I'm the big bro my lil brother/cousins talk to me about anything before the parents can get a slight clue. Parents will teach them right from wrong, values, respect & discipline. My job as the big bro is teaching more about the street smarts & how the real world really is.

 

My parents let me drink at home. I inherited the wicked awful hangover gene and they let natural consequences teach me not to overindulge.

 

My brothers did that to me after I felt I could "drink them under the table". Never again!!! After that I learned my limits..

[halos]

Appreciate honesty and a good story and got both. Thanks AngAndBoys.

It's always less stressful to read someone else's parenting of teenager stories then experience your own.

 

I agree!!!

 

 

To Ang, I also would like to add that I love how you and your Ex work peacfully together to raise your kids...that is admirable because you see so dang little of that. :)

 

Can you read and comprehend English???

 

There is a HUGE lack of that ability around here of late.

[kat2009]

I don't think anything good comes from having kids out after 1 a.m. anywhere. My own two had a 1 a.m. curfew until they moved out.

On your next cruise, I think your kids should be in your room and have to go to bed when you do. Perhaps a little too much freedom too soon? This was actually a VERY serious incident. Can you imagine if the whole ship had caught on fire?

 

Please keep your kids in line or keep them home for the safety of others.

[bobsfamily]

I don't think anything good comes from having kids out after 1 a.m. anywhere. My own two had a 1 a.m. curfew until they moved out.

On your next cruise, I think your kids should be in your room and have to go to bed when you do. Perhaps a little too much freedom too soon? This was actually a VERY serious incident. Can you imagine if the whole ship had caught on fire?

 

Please keep your kids in line or keep them home for the safety of others.

What a shame you did not READ what was posted...

[HarpHarp]

I don't think anything good comes from having kids out after 1 a.m. anywhere. My own two had a 1 a.m. curfew until they moved out.

On your next cruise, I think your kids should be in your room and have to go to bed when you do. Perhaps a little too much freedom too soon? This was actually a VERY serious incident. Can you imagine if the whole ship had caught on fire?

 

Please keep your kids in line or keep them home for the safety of others.

People keep saying what if the ship caught on fire. That's why the smoke alarm went off & security was notified. The sprinklers would have been next, but there was no fire. Fire is such a serious hazard on ships, they do everything they can with flame retardant materials and fire supression systems. You can't bring on irons, candles etc. for that reason.

We have an incident of boys trying to be cool in front of their new friends, and the OP certainly has a good handle on ways to prevent this typical teen behavior in the future. We had a similar incident in the teen room at the library where I worked. One of our young men was playing with a lighter. The other kids just watched until he turned up as high as he could and started running up against the table. Then it was like, excuse the expression, rats deserting a sinking ship. The kid charred the table, but in this case it wasn't even enough to set off the smoke alarm. It was however all captured on video:eek:

[babyher]

I just thought it was time to hunt you down and you do know...I like my bad boys :).

 

I do have a couple of new birds, have decided to go for the full sleeve now. In June, I had a cardinal and then a week later a bluejay was added. It's going to be sooo amazing! And you also know I never turn down time with my artist ;).

 

How about you?

 

Hunt me down huh? You say the sweetest things :)

 

I have been doing OK

 

Tats sound pretty . Still tossing ideas around about what to get next . I still have until November (when I turn 50) . i will think of something.

[PAPERBKWRITER]

Didn't read everything here but,OP, count your blessings that an underage girl wasn't involved. This could have had a very different outcome.

[FromSJU]

OP thanks for sharing your experience. My kids are still 10 and 7 but pretty soon they will be teens... Gasp , and they didn't come with instructions.. So DH and I try to learn from experiences like these to at least try to prevent as much as we can...

[Kakidoll]

i'm a single mom (widowed) and I too have a good kid who often hears the words "what where you thinking?" ..... I'm tough but leniant, overbearing, yet give her freedom, always on her back, but SO proud of her accomplishments.

 

It hit home one night when (after a long yelling session about her financial responsibility ... or rather, LACK of it) she bluntly said to me....

" Mom, i'm 20 years old. I Don't do drugs, i Don't drink hardly ever and i'm IN COLLEGE, I don't do anything illegal, I'm NOT pregnant, I don't smoke, and i care about other people and their choices. I'm graduating college with 2 bachelor degrees and am going on to grad school. AT 20!. So i spend too much on fast food. It could be worse."

 

THAT HIT HOME. Yes. she has friends that she has graduated with that have done or are doing ALL THE Above........ and i'm on her back constantly for eating at McDonalds too much. Hmmmmmm.

 

Does she do stupid things sometimes. ABSOLUTELY! Do i agree with everything she does? OF COURSE NOT. But i will say she is a MUCH better kid than i was at that age (we won't go there). Being a 'single' mom is HARD. I've been widowed for 9 years now and its just her and I. I have to be 'everything' to her. The only 'extended' family we have are our good friends. So to this Poster..... THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for showing that good kids... AND good parents do have to deal with things sometimes.. but everything needs to be put into perspective.

 

AND i'm one of those parents who HATE that the HUGE percentage of parents DON"T discipline their kids. THIS MOM DID..... If i was on her ship, i 'd be buying her a big ol FOO FOO drink! and saying GOOD JOB! on both how she handled it AND that her kids were responsible enough to stand up and say YES SIR and NO SIR instead of the rotten attitudes many have today that MOmmy and Daddy will just yell at whoever and cover their butts.....

 

Off my rant........... but again... THANK YOU FOR THIS POST! I want to cruise with you AND your boys!:)

[alexspepa]

You are so the typical parent, not my kids they are the best they never cause trouble really! I would have kicked them off the ship.

 

as another poker player -

 

NOT well played at all sir, not at all. Please review the entire hand before making a judgement on the river.

[Godiva5]

It takes a bigger person to tell what bad choices their little darlings have made. We've all (tell the truth) been there to some degree and, this was the perfect forum. Now, for those parents who nievely say, "my sweet little Suzie would NEVER do such a thing"......you're the ones I'm looking out for! :mad:

 

Kids sometimes make bad choices. It's the parents responsibility to correct them, hold them accountable and dole out the appropriate punishment if necessary. It's all a part of growing up!

 

We do our very best to raise up and prepare our little Suzie and Jimmy to be kind, considerate, helpful, polite and, think before acting. Just know that, at some point, your kids peers will have a powerful influence over them and, they'll do and say things that you feel are totally out of their character.

 

Remember when YOU were a teenager.....:eek: