Learn from my mistakes, lost my kid 3 times in 14 days

Obviously everything worked out, but I thought it would be worthwhile posting this on the family board because some of the things we did for this ahead of time helped us. Some mistakes we made caused two of the losses.

All of these were on our Eastern Mediterranean NCL Gem cruise, our DS is eight years old.

The first loss occurred as we were headed to dinner. DS ran ahead, normally we don't let him go "around corners" so that he is always in our sight but this time he was just too quick. We headed down to the sixth floor and there was no child waiting. DH ran up to the buffet but couldn't see him. I left DH in hallway in case DS came back while I headed to reception. Just after I finished the lost child report DS arrives, hand-in-hand with a server from the buffet. He had gone there for lunch many times and was used to heading upstairs for food. DS did exactly what we had discussed with him, he went up to someone in a uniform and told them he was lost. I was grateful that we had a plan in place and that he followed directions.

The second time we were in the city of Athens. After watching the changing of the guard DH told me he was going to the subway museum and I said I wanted to watch the end of the ceremony before meeting back up with our van that would meet us by the subway museum. DS loves subways and I thought he was going with DH. When I got to the waiting spot I saw my husband come up the escalator alone. He asked "where is Sam?" I answered "I thought he was with you?" This time I waited by the subway entrance and DH ran back to the square in front of the guards. This one was totally on us, the parents. We each assumed our son was with the other. If you are traveling in a city and split up, be very explicit with each other about who has the kid(s). This may seem obvious, we have travelled all over and this was the first time it happened to us (thank God).

The third time was back on the ship. It was the second to last night of the 14 day cruise. After I picked up DS from kids' club, he asked if he could go back to the room by running down the stairs ahead of me. I verified he knew the cabin number and off he went. During the two weeks he would go down the long hallway in front of me, and stop in front of our cabin. I get downstairs and no Sam in the cabin (DH was already there). I go back to the staircase, and bellow a couple of times up and down the stairs "Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam!" No kid. Just then, the elevator doors open up and Sam gets off the elevator with a Japanese family who smile and nod at me. I thank them profusely. I asked Sam where he went and he said "4" because that is where we went everyday for the past several days to tender into the various ports. I told him that the "9" in the cabin number 9622 meant it was on the ninth floor. He said "well, I didn't know that." I asked him how he got back to the ninth floor and he said he went up to a family and asked them where cabin 9622 was. I assumed that because he knew the cabin number he also was aware it was the ninth floor. My mistake.

I posted this to help alert others to have a plan in place with their kids, and to learn of the simple mistakes that we made through making assumptions that wound up with a lost child. We live in New York City and are usually very security conscious so this can happen to anyone, at least it happens to us and maybe by this post it will happen to one less family.

Glad everything worked out and your son was found safe. We are going on our first cruise in November with a 9 year old so will definitely keep this in mind. Thanks for sharing your experience!

I guess you better train your child to stay beside you! However, he wasn't afraid to approach a stranger and ask for help...that's HUGE! Good job! Do you remember the child who got lost on a Boy Scout trip? He was so afraid of 'strangers" that he wouldn't answer when his rescuers were calling his name......

Parents NEED to teach kids HOW to approach a stranger and ask for help!

Glad everything turned out good!

I think I would have had a heart attack. :eek: Seriously. Maybe not on the ship ones, but in Athens, I would have needed oxygen. ;)

Glad things worked out well. You see why I say if I could keep my kids locked in strollers I would? HAHAHAHAHA

If you are traveling in a city and split up, be very explicit with each other about who has the kid(s). This may seem obvious, we have travelled all over and this was the first time it happened to us (thank God).

We lost our 5 year old back in 2001 while on a family cruise. We had a group of 12 total - 6 kids and 6 adults. We were in Valdez, Alaska and had taken a shuttle bus into town. We all got off and headed towards a small museum. There was such a big crowd of people that my son got separated from our group as we crossed the street. It took us a couple of minutes after arriving in the museum to realize he wasn't with us. We thought he had run ahead of us into the museum while we stopped to pay admission. Luckily it was a very small building and we soon realized he had never come in. We went back outside and he was standing at the corner with a couple from our ship. They had seen his wrist band that all the kids in the ship had, so knew he had come from the ship and waited with him until we came back and found him. Whew!

After that we always made sure that we counted heads and each were responsible for a child at all times. 6 adults, 6 kids. Everyone gets a kid! We never lost another one.

The really funny thing is that my SIL found a shorts/shirt set which said, "Get lost in Alaska" and bought it for my son. It was our family joke for quite a while!

I'm glad it worked out for you

Your experience in Athens is a good lesson, we lost our much younger one in Lego land under similar assumptions, but likely far safer enviorment. After watching Taken, call me paranoid but my younger one is never out of my sight or a direct handoff.

Your other two incidents on the ship sounds like a disconnect between you and the kid in communicaton. We have had that happen many times not necessarily on a ship, but enough with first one that we already know to say twice at this age for things like this is often not enough and are sometime overbearing about it :o Eight is old enough to understand the difference between where formal dinners, buffet and other stuff just overcommunicat the plan :D

i'm glad everything worked out ok ,but i can't believe you let it happen not once ,not twice but threee times :eek: after the first time i would have been so scared it would never happen again . i could not even imagine losing my dd . anytime we are in a public place she is either holding mine or dw's hand . you were very lucky i hope you realize that

i'm glad everything worked out ok ,but i can't believe you let it happen not once ,not twice but threee times :eek: after the first time i would have been so scared it would never happen again . i could not even imagine losing my dd . anytime we are in a public place she is either holding mine or dw's hand . you were very lucky i hope you realize that

You obviously don't have an 8 year old, they do not walk around holding their parent's hand all the time. The OP made some very poor choices and has admitted that. She needs to work with this child, set some boundaries but also give him the skills he needs to get around while travelling. I would suggest next time they travel whether just at a hotel or on a cruise ship, see if he can get them back to the dining room without anyone helping him with directions. Then, have him get them back to the room. Explaining how cabin numbers and room numbers work is important. How to use a house phone is also important.

We all learn from our mistakes. At 8 years old, a child is old enough to understand that they can't run too far ahead or they will have to hold mommies hand.

Thanks reallyitsmema. I knew I was risking lectures and criticism by posting my experiences. I weighed that against the possible benefit of helping others. Each mistake was different, and one we had never experienced before.

The one about the cabin number really surprised me. One tends to forget what kids know, and what they don't know. Back when my son was six, before our first cruise, he was afraid of the ship's pool. I finally understood that it was because he thought it was a hole, directly down to the ocean. I explained it, and drew pictures, but it wasn't until he actually saw the pool, and the pool bottom, that he was reassured.

Anyway, yes I know that we made mistakes. I pointed that out. I was trying to help others avoid the same mistakes. I hope this doesn't deter anyone else from posting their learning experiences for fear that the criticism will come their way.

i'm glad everything worked out ok ,but i can't believe you let it happen not once ,not twice but threee times :eek: after the first time i would have been so scared it would never happen again . i could not even imagine losing my dd . anytime we are in a public place she is either holding mine or dw's hand . you were very lucky i hope you realize that

Um, "let it happen". Do you really think she was wanting this to happen? I'm pretty diligent with my grandkids (like I was with my kids) but unexcepted things can always happen. Even "perfect" parents can make a mistake. You can't prepare for every situation every second of the day.

I wondered how long it would take for someone to post something about the OPs due diligence as a parent. My hat is off to all those that have posted a similar situation and thanks to all for the reminder. We ALL know that there is no guarantee that it can't happen and being reminded of the possibility is always appreciated.

Thanks reallyitsmema. I knew I was risking lectures and criticism by posting my experiences. I weighed that against the possible benefit of helping others. Each mistake was different, and one we had never experienced before.

 

The one about the cabin number really surprised me. One tends to forget what kids know, and what they don't know. Back when my son was six, before our first cruise, he was afraid of the ship's pool. I finally understood that it was because he thought it was a hole, directly down to the ocean. I explained it, and drew pictures, but it wasn't until he actually saw the pool, and the pool bottom, that he was reassured.

 

Anyway, yes I know that we made mistakes. I pointed that out. I was trying to help others avoid the same mistakes. I hope this doesn't deter anyone else from posting their learning experiences for fear that the criticism will come their way.

Don't worry about admitting your mistakes - everyone makes them; sometimes they just forget about their own... :cool:

As you've pointed out, each of these three incidents was a completely different situation, and so being extra diligent to ensure the prior incident didn't recur wouldn't have been helpful (and I'm sure you were, and it wasn't). I think the best information we can all take away from this thread is that we, as adults, often take for granted the things that we just 'know'.

Because of the travelling experience I had as a child with my mom and grandmother, and a sister who was 'directionally challenged', when we started travelling with my daughter, I was prepared for things like how room numbers work. The 'I thought she was with you...' problem, on the other hand - I think every parent has to learn that one for themselves.

Another one is just ensuring that your child tells you where they're going, even if it seems perfectly reasonable to them. We were in the Minneapolis airport in July at a restaurant, and a man came in with two kids. He sat down, his son sat down, and as the two of them looked up to check the sports score, his daughter ran out of the restaurant and back the way they'd come. I turned to my husband and said, 'I wonder how long it's going to take him to notice his daughter is gone...' Within moments, he did, and he asked his son if he'd seen her, and of course the son hadn't. I was about to say something when he pulled out his cell and called his wife (presumably) and from the side of the conversation I heard, the daughter was safe with her, and the inevitable, 'She was right here and then she was just gone...' was uttered... Kids are FAST, and if we don't actually take the time to say things like, 'We're in an airport and you MUST tell me if you are going anywhere,' they may not think of it themselves.

The bottom line is that we must assume our children know NOTHING. Even if we get that 'look' - you know the one I mean, and it's usually accompanied by something like ,'Mooooooom, duh, I'm not a baby' - we need to say things out loud.

Something that works for us that might help others is that we plan a route when we split up. If one or more of us is going to break off for some reason, we lay out a route that will be followed, so that if the others need to track them down, all paths are sure to cross at some point. It also works at the mall. :)

Having at least two phones with you can be helpful. Save them for emergency only calls. Also, we always agree on a meeting place in advance, in case anyone is lost.

Well, I have an 8 year old who just completed a 19 day cruise plus land tour of the Med this summer and yes, 8 years olds do hold hands.

Not once did we lose her on our trip. Why? Because we watch our child, are aware of who has her when we separate and because she holds hands. Most times in a crowd, my daughter will take my hand before I reach for her. Why? Because that is something that we have always done. Is she fearful in crowds? No, but she knows how to behave in a way that keeps her safe. And, because as parents, we are always watchful of what our child is doing and where she is.

Perhaps if parents actually parented their child, instead of making these crazy generalizations about what children do or do not do, they wouldn't lose them.

Oh, and thanks for letting your child run through the hallways - it is because parents like you that I was kept at night with children running past my cabin door every evening, or had to worry about the 'little darling' about to knock me over as they ran ahead of their parents in the hallways during the day. Really, is it so hard to just walk to your destination?

I wanted to add another very important thing to teach your child is to stay put if they get lost. My husband is a military officer and he has drilled this "survival skill" into our girls since they could walk. Often when someone gets seperated from the group they go out searching and the other party goes out looking and they miss one another.

We have told our girls if they get seperated make sure the area is safe and don't move!!! If someone offers to help ask them to get a police officer, crew member, etc and bring that person back to them.

Just my 2 cents!

Yes as parents we have all made mistakes and I think it is very good you posted here as a reminder to others to be more careful. But in a big city like Athens and after the incidents on the ship I would have definitely made my child hold my hand. In big crowds I even held my kids hands until they were much older...even as a 38 year I hold my friends hands if there is a lot of people around. We have Fiesta here every year which is typically a very friendly event, but very crowded and a few years back a Grandma let go of her Grandaughters hand for just a moment and she was gone; they found her dead a few days later. :( Not trying to judge anyone (I have definitely made my own mistakes) just trying to remind folks that bad things can happen very quickly. I am happy your story had a happy ending.

Hi

When our kids were that age, we took a leather id tag and put all our contact info on it including our phone number and the hotel and room number. We put it on a leather band and they wore them like necklaces and were not allowed to take them off!

When we went on scout trips, I gave every scout a business card with the name, address and phone number of the camp and the cell phone number of each leader. I gave these to the adults also!

Well, I have an 8 year old who just completed a 19 day cruise plus land tour of the Med this summer and yes, 8 years olds do hold hands.

 

Not once did we lose her on our trip. Why? Because we watch our child, are aware of who has her when we separate and because she holds hands. Most times in a crowd, my daughter will take my hand before I reach for her. Why? Because that is something that we have always done. Is she fearful in crowds? No, but she knows how to behave in a way that keeps her safe. And, because as parents, we are always watchful of what our child is doing and where she is.

 

Perhaps if parents actually parented their child, instead of making these crazy generalizations about what children do or do not do, they wouldn't lose them.

 

Oh, and thanks for letting your child run through the hallways - it is because parents like you that I was kept at night with children running past my cabin door every evening, or had to worry about the 'little darling' about to knock me over as they ran ahead of their parents in the hallways during the day. Really, is it so hard to just walk to your destination?

If the OP didn't mention being on NCL I would say the three of us were on the same cruise!

I completely agree with you about the issue of keeping together and even holding hands in public (!). My DS 10 may not be as quick to hold a hand as he was when he was 'little' but my DD 8 still does whenever in a crowded or busy situation. And when somewhere completely unstructured like a foreign city, you bet they both do. They have always walked with us in public (no running ahead, why has that become the norm?)

We took a Med cruise in July on the Ruby and although everything was wonderful it seemed the only way for most families to travel through the ship was for their kids to barrel ahead - 'racing' to their cabins, tables, pools, etc. As you mention they have no concept of other people while on their race to wherever they are going and the best you can hope for from the parents as they pass is a weak 'What are you going to do?" look.

I don't mean to generalize, and I am sure there are parents who don't allow this, but far too many seem to.

Anyway, to the OP, since you posted this as a mistake on your part, consider that the real mistake and the cause for your near losses of your DD was that you have made it clear that she does not have to stay near you. That may seem like teaching independence but it is really just turning her loose unprepared.

Hi NJMOM - which July Ruby were you on? we were on the 4th of July sailing - hope your trip was as amazing as ours was!

And yes, it has become the norm for kids to just do what they want. I had alot of parents give me that 'what can you do look' as Junior tried to run by me. I said 'tried', because as an adult, I don't feel that I have to give way.

Another pet peeve of mine on that sailing was the teens that were never told to stand to the side when an adult passed. It was a rare instance when that happened. I also, wherever we are, instruct my daughter to stand aside when an adult is passing near. Just good manners...

Hi NJMOM - which July Ruby were you on? we were on the 4th of July sailing - hope your trip was as amazing as ours was!

 

And yes, it has become the norm for kids to just do what they want. I had alot of parents give me that 'what can you do look' as Junior tried to run by me. I said 'tried', because as an adult, I don't feel that I have to give way.

 

Another pet peeve of mine on that sailing was the teens that were never told to stand to the side when an adult passed. It was a rare instance when that happened. I also, wherever we are, instruct my daughter to stand aside when an adult is passing near. Just good manners...

We were on the same one! When you said 19 day cruise I wondered how did I miss that one...guess you meant with before/after trips.

I agree, teaching correct behavior in public is for both safety and manners. We can take our kids anywhere and they know how to behave...and they do enjoy themselves. I hate hearing that kids should have fun all the time and that's why they are allowed to run wild. Our kids have fun when they should and know when to sit/stand still and actually experience life rather than bouncing off the walls.

Obviously everything worked out, but I thought it would be worthwhile posting this on the family board because some of the things we did for this ahead of time helped us. Some mistakes we made caused two of the losses.

 

All of these were on our Eastern Mediterranean NCL Gem cruise, our DS is eight years old.

 

The first loss occurred as we were headed to dinner. DS ran ahead, normally we don't let him go "around corners" so that he is always in our sight but this time he was just too quick. We headed down to the sixth floor and there was no child waiting. DH ran up to the buffet but couldn't see him. I left DH in hallway in case DS came back while I headed to reception. Just after I finished the lost child report DS arrives, hand-in-hand with a server from the buffet. He had gone there for lunch many times and was used to heading upstairs for food. DS did exactly what we had discussed with him, he went up to someone in a uniform and told them he was lost. I was grateful that we had a plan in place and that he followed directions.

 

The second time we were in the city of Athens. After watching the changing of the guard DH told me he was going to the subway museum and I said I wanted to watch the end of the ceremony before meeting back up with our van that would meet us by the subway museum. DS loves subways and I thought he was going with DH. When I got to the waiting spot I saw my husband come up the escalator alone. He asked "where is Sam?" I answered "I thought he was with you?" This time I waited by the subway entrance and DH ran back to the square in front of the guards. This one was totally on us, the parents. We each assumed our son was with the other. If you are traveling in a city and split up, be very explicit with each other about who has the kid(s). This may seem obvious, we have travelled all over and this was the first time it happened to us (thank God).

 

The third time was back on the ship. It was the second to last night of the 14 day cruise. After I picked up DS from kids' club, he asked if he could go back to the room by running down the stairs ahead of me. I verified he knew the cabin number and off he went. During the two weeks he would go down the long hallway in front of me, and stop in front of our cabin. I get downstairs and no Sam in the cabin (DH was already there). I go back to the staircase, and bellow a couple of times up and down the stairs "Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam!" No kid. Just then, the elevator doors open up and Sam gets off the elevator with a Japanese family who smile and nod at me. I thank them profusely. I asked Sam where he went and he said "4" because that is where we went everyday for the past several days to tender into the various ports. I told him that the "9" in the cabin number 9622 meant it was on the ninth floor. He said "well, I didn't know that." I asked him how he got back to the ninth floor and he said he went up to a family and asked them where cabin 9622 was. I assumed that because he knew the cabin number he also was aware it was the ninth floor. My mistake.

 

I posted this to help alert others to have a plan in place with their kids, and to learn of the simple mistakes that we made through making assumptions that wound up with a lost child. We live in New York City and are usually very security conscious so this can happen to anyone, at least it happens to us and maybe by this post it will happen to one less family.

Excellent post. Thank you for sharing.

I lost one of my kids going through the buffet line on embarkation day. I had taken my 3 kids through the line and as we were walking to the table one of them got separated. He was only gone a couple of minutes when a crew member found him, but it was so scary. I'm glad everything worked out for you - it sounds like your son knew when to ask for help which is great. We found a young girl huddled in a ball and crying in the airport once. She was probably around 9 or so. We stopped and helped her up, turns out she was lost but her parents couldn't see her because she was down on the floor. What really disturbed me was how many people passed by her without stopping to help, but that's a whole other discussion topic!

I concur with the posters who question why the kid was allowed to "run" ahead. Is this a literal "run" or a figurative "run"? The ship is indoors and other than in a gymnasium, I cannot imagine an indoor venue where running any where is really appropriate.

Like the OP, I've let my child go on ahead if she is walking more quickly than I am, but she stays "in view"

I've stopped kids who are running alone in the halls and told them we're going to stay here and wait for your parent. My little girl was knocked over once and there are so many elderly and small people who get barrelled into by kids running in the halls and on the stairs (along with the noise it creates for those trying to relax in the cabin). If the parent does not seem to understand the importance of not letting kids run alone in the halls, I tell them I'm happy to call security to discuss it.

That said, I really appreciate the OP's post for its honesty and sincere desire to help others. Another thing to discuss with kids is what the plan is if one person gets left behind when using elevators. I've had it happen where I almost lose one of the kids when exiting/entering the elevator because grown-ups are pushing one way or the other.

Best,

Mia

I wanted to add another very important thing to teach your child is to stay put if they get lost. My husband is a military officer and he has drilled this "survival skill" into our girls since they could walk. Often when someone gets seperated from the group they go out searching and the other party goes out looking and they miss one another.

 

We have told our girls if they get seperated make sure the area is safe and don't move!!! If someone offers to help ask them to get a police officer' date=' crew member, etc and bring that person back to them.

 

Just my 2 cents![/quote']

 

Kind of like the Hug-A-Tree theory. I think it's a good one.

I also want to thank the OP for this thread. It seems to me that the most important message to take from this is to teach your child what to do if he or she gets separated from you. Even the perfect hand-holding parents ought to do this.

One thing that I have done on our European trips is to make sure each of my daughters has a card in her pocket with our names and international cell phone numbers (which are different from our usual cell phone #'s). We also spent a lot of time at hot, crowded museums. I would keep telling my kids: if we get separated, don't move onto the next room without me or Dad!