Would You Accept This Gift?

[antmaril]

A little background -- My best friend (Nancy) and I have been best friends for 60 years. Yes, you read that right. When our parents moved in next door to each other, I was three years old and Nancy was two. I am also close to her husband, as we all went to school together and they have been married for almost 44 years. My husband passed away six years ago.

 

I like to travel, but it is hard because I am a fairly young widow. Most of my friends are married, older than me or have some physical limitations. I was thinking about taking a cruise by myself, but that really doesn't appeal to me. I got to thinking about that and decided that because I would be paying the single supplement anyway, that I should take someone with me. Nancy and her husband have had some financial difficulties and she would not be able to do this with me unless I pay for it. We are having lunch on Friday and I am going to offer a cruise on the Gem in September to Canada/New England. I would pay for everything except her gratuities and, of course, her spending money. We would have the UBP and would eat in the complimentary dining rooms.

 

So, if you were my best friend, would you accept this gift from me? Would you be insulted? That is the last thing I want. The way I see it is the trip is a gift for both of us. She is giving me the gift of her time and companionship and I am giving her the gift of travel.

 

What do you think?

[triptolemus]

What do you think?

 

I don't see how anyone here could know your friend of 60 years better than you can! Seems like you could talk to her about anything. I think if you simply invite her and explain how much you value spending time with her... and avoid a pity-party... should be fine.

 

If it were me, I would not be insulted. And I've been through my fair share of financial problems, mostly when I was young.

[Cruise4Real]

A little background -- My best friend (Nancy) and I have been best friends for 60 years. Yes, you read that right. When our parents moved in next door to each other, I was three years old and Nancy was two. I am also close to her husband, as we all went to school together and they have been married for almost 44 years. My husband passed away six years ago.

 

I like to travel, but it is hard because I am a fairly young widow. Most of my friends are married, older than me or have some physical limitations. I was thinking about taking a cruise by myself, but that really doesn't appeal to me. I got to thinking about that and decided that because I would be paying the single supplement anyway, that I should take someone with me. Nancy and her husband have had some financial difficulties and she would not be able to do this with me unless I pay for it. We are having lunch on Friday and I am going to offer a cruise on the Gem in September to Canada/New England. I would pay for everything except her gratuities and, of course, her spending money. We would have the UBP and would eat in the complimentary dining rooms.

 

So, if you were my best friend, would you accept this gift from me? Would you be insulted? That is the last thing I want. The way I see it is the trip is a gift for both of us. She is giving me the gift of her time and companionship and I am giving her the gift of travel.

 

What do you think?

 

I wouldn't be insulted. And given that you will really only be "out of pocket" for the taxes and port duties, given the 100% single supplement, it's not that *huge* of a gift -- a couple hundred dollars at most. I would stress that it wouldn't be costing you all that much over you going on your own.

 

The only other consideration I can think of is that Nancy is still married. Presumably you know them well enough to know whether her husband will be okay with him being left behind while the two of you enjoy your cruise.

[restasured]

No insult for me to be offered a free cruise. Depending on which category you are in as far as cabins, if it is Oceanview or higher she wouldn't even have to pay for tips.

[antmaril]

I wouldn't be insulted. And given that you will really only be "out of pocket" for the taxes and port duties, given the 100% single supplement, it's not that *huge* of a gift -- a couple hundred dollars at most. I would stress that it wouldn't be costing you all that much over you going on your own.

 

The only other consideration I can think of is that Nancy is still married. Presumably you know them well enough to know whether her husband will be okay with him being left behind while the two of you enjoy your cruise.

 

Her husband would be fine with it. That is not a problem. I would also pay for the travel insurance and airfare to NYC.

[triptolemus]

The only other consideration I can think of is that Nancy is still married. Presumably you know them well enough to know whether her husband will be okay with him being left behind while the two of you enjoy your cruise.

 

A wise man knoweth to never meddle in the affairs of women. A man married 44 years... likely a wise man.

[antmaril]

No insult for me to be offered a free cruise. Depending on which category you are in as far as cabins, if it is Oceanview or higher she wouldn't even have to pay for tips.

 

We would have a balcony cabin, but would choose the UBP as our "freebie". There would be gratuities.

[Starry Eyes]

If cruising appeals to her and she can afford the time away, I hope she accepts. I once did something similar.

 

A few years back, I wanted to slip in a last minute cruise but DH did not care to go. Like you understanding to single supplement, I felt it made ssince to ask somebody to join me. Just laid off, a relative was quite surprised at the invitation, but accepted as soon as she talked to her husband. Given the lay off, I covered cruise, transit to port and gratuities, leaving drinks and other on board and port expense to her. The cruise was rough due to storms, but that first time cruiser handled it well, and we still talk about the fun on that trip.

[kandpsmom]

That's wonderful that you have been friends for so long. You definitely know her better than I do, but I can't imagine that she would be insulted. She will probably be happy to spend the time with her best friend.

[antas901]

I don't think she would be insulted. However, another way to look at this is you are giving her an expense that she hasn't planned for: Gratuities. You said that she is having financial trouble so, perhaps you can make this gift complete and pre-pay the gratuities. IMO, that's the way to remove any obstacles that might make it hard for her to say "no".

[rochelle_s]

I went on my first cruise in 1989 as a solo and when I came home I told my mom she should go on a cruise because she would love it. She just pushed the idea aside and said she was not interested. Fast forward a few years and her best friend approached her about a cruise, saying she had already paid the 200% single supplement so my mom might as well come along. She told my mom she would rather the money be spent taking her along rather than just giving it to the cruise line for nothing. Money was not an issue for my mom but her friend insisted on treating. My mom went and she did love it and has cruised many many times since.

 

If your friend is having a little financial trouble it is possible it could be taken the wrong way, not necessarily an insult, but more as a matter of pride. But if you explain it like my mom's friend did, she either comes along and enjoys herself or the cruise line gets the money for nothing, your friend might just be on board with the idea. Be sure to emphasize that her company on the cruise would mean a great deal to you.

 

I hope she agrees to join you. Please come back and let us know what she says!

 

 

Rochelle

[antmaril]

I don't think she would be insulted. However, another way to look at this is you are giving her an expense that she hasn't planned for: Gratuities. You said that she is having financial trouble so, perhaps you can make this gift complete and pre-pay the gratuities. IMO, that's the way to remove any obstacles that might make it hard for her to say "no".

 

Thanks for your thoughts. If I thought she couldn't afford the gratuities or have some spending money during the trip, I wouldn't ask her. It isn't that bad. But, a cruise, airfare, travel insurance, a hotel in NYC for a night and some spending money would be a problem. The reason I chose a cruise is that everything I am paying for will be paid for before we go. If we take a land based trip and I pay for everything, I would be picking up every check and tab. Now, that could be awkward for someone, I think. On a cruise, we won't have to worry about that.

[antmaril]

I went on my first cruise in 1989 as a solo and when I came home I told my mom she should go on a cruise because she would love it. She just pushed the idea aside and said she was not interested. Fast forward a few years and her best friend approached her about a cruise, saying she had already paid the 200% single supplement so my mom might as well come along. She told my mom she would rather the money be spent taking her along rather than just giving it to the cruise line for nothing. Money was not an issue for my mom but her friend insisted on treating. My mom went and she did love it and has cruised many many times since.

 

If your friend is having a little financial trouble it is possible it could be taken the wrong way, not necessarily an insult, but more as a matter of pride. But if you explain it like my mom's friend did, she either comes along and enjoys herself or the cruise line gets the money for nothing, your friend might just be on board with the idea. Be sure to emphasize that her company on the cruise would mean a great deal to you.

 

 

 

I hope she agrees to join you. Please come back and let us know what she says!

 

 

Rochelle

 

Thank you. How nice that your mom could go with her friend.

 

Oh yes, I plan to present this in a way that will make her feel comfortable about it. I want her to know that if she doesn't want to go or can't go for some reason (we are both retired, so we don't have to worry about work) that I understand completely. What I don't want is for the money I am spending to factor into her decision. When I am on my death bed, am I going to want that money back or am I going to cherish the memories of that trip? I think we know the answer to that one.

 

One thing I learned after my husband's death to pancreatic cancer is that I would rather do something than buy something. So, let's keep our fingers crossed that she says "yes".

 

I will let you know.

Edited April 16, 2015 by antmaril

[Imalismom]

I have actually done this a few times. I have a friend who through no fault of their own has not had the best of finances cast before them (mainly medical bills,and husband being laid off from work with several months in between finding a new job).

 

I like to cruise with my daughter - my husband HATES to cruise. I have invited my friend to come along with us - so he gladly says - go without him, please.

 

All they have to pay for is their personal incidentals (i.e. if they order a glass of wine)

 

AT first she was hesitant, but finally did accept, and we have had a very good time, several times!

 

So, I say, yes, ask her!!!

[NLH Arizona]

A little background -- My best friend (Nancy) and I have been best friends for 60 years. Yes, you read that right. When our parents moved in next door to each other, I was three years old and Nancy was two. I am also close to her husband, as we all went to school together and they have been married for almost 44 years. My husband passed away six years ago.

 

I like to travel, but it is hard because I am a fairly young widow. Most of my friends are married, older than me or have some physical limitations. I was thinking about taking a cruise by myself, but that really doesn't appeal to me. I got to thinking about that and decided that because I would be paying the single supplement anyway, that I should take someone with me. Nancy and her husband have had some financial difficulties and she would not be able to do this with me unless I pay for it. We are having lunch on Friday and I am going to offer a cruise on the Gem in September to Canada/New England. I would pay for everything except her gratuities and, of course, her spending money. We would have the UBP and would eat in the complimentary dining rooms.

 

So, if you were my best friend, would you accept this gift from me? Would you be insulted? That is the last thing I want. The way I see it is the trip is a gift for both of us. She is giving me the gift of her time and companionship and I am giving her the gift of travel.

 

What do you think?

I have a friend that has traveled with two of her more financially independent friends all over. She just returned from Hawaii with one of the friends and has taken many, many cruises with the other. She doesn't seem to have an issue accepting a gift of travel. I kinda wish I was in my friends position, so someone would pay for my travel, because I would gladly accept and be very grateful LOL! Edited April 16, 2015 by NLH Arizona

[ColinIllinois]

I think you meant to post this on the "Dear Abby" section of Cruise Critic.

 

(j/k) :)

[spanishguy1970]

I congratulate your friendship and what a lovely thing to do. I think since you have known her so long you might already know how she will take it and say. If i were her and something like that was being offered to me, my guess her way of thinking will be whether she can afford just going away period. Going on a trip no matter what will always entail some expense so the question will be can she even afford that otherwise i hope everything works out..

 

take care..

[Epic_Bear]

My Mom does this for me and my brother and his wife once a year. She'll pay for the cruise, hotel, and DSC and we pick up our own airfare and other expenses.

 

We would never turn down a great vacation and spending quality time with the the family. We also treat her to dinner at Cagney's or something while we are there.

[Markanddonna]

I am now a bit upset at all my own friends that they haven't made an offer like this...

 

Go and present this offer to her. I sure hope you both go and have a fabulous time!

[JC5240]

This entire thread is so beautiful. I hope she says yes, as well. I wish I could be on the cruise with you guys to see how much fun you two are going to have!

 

She will say yes -- a 60 year friendship is something that you don't see every day.

[antmaril]

Thanks everyone for your thoughts on this. I am very hopeful that she will accept. Her mother is 92 and in a nursing home, so that could be a hiccup.

 

Fingers crossed. I will let you know!

 

Thanks again!

[perkydebrajean]

I say "go for it".

 

When I was 14 my best friend's family was going from Texas to California for vacation (Disney Land, Universal Studios, San Francisco, etc.). She was an only child and they offered to pay for everything if I could go with them so that my friend would have someone to hang around with. We had a great time and 40 years later, those are still some of my best memories.

 

Enjoy your cruise!

[Sunset Lover 1971]

I am doing the same thing for my BFF of 30 years. She is just covering her airfare. Have a wonderful vacation!

[Nola26]

Hey, I'm going on a cruise and I can bring someone for free, come with me. Problem solved. Truth told. Go have fun.

 

I actually just did this, but friend couldn't come due to terminal ill parent. The offer was appreciated.

Edited April 16, 2015 by Nola26

[Susie51]

I would accept the invitation. Do you have children? Maybe one of them could go with you.