“So a Penguin, a Horse and Polar Bear walk into a bar on the Edge...

[Prost Seattle]

[Weenah]

[NMTraveller]

[NoWhiners]

On 3/21/2020 at 9:40 PM, NMTraveller said:

A stray kitten showed up at my door.

I was like " you got to be kitten me. 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

 

I named this one Bob The Cat...

 

 

I watched this and as I did, I thought, wow that sure looks like ABQ. Then I realized it was you!

 

Silly me 😳

[Prost Seattle]

When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.—Will Rogers

[CILCIANRQTS]

 

[goofysmom99]

[bob278]

[C-Dragons]

7 minutes ago, bob278 said:

 

Just noticed this , Bob. It's good to see you’re remaining “optimistic”.

Too funny! 😁

 

Summit San Juan - So Caribbean 04/18/20..CANCELLED

Millennium 07/31/20 Vancouver to Fairbanks Cruise/Land Tour..IN SERIOUS DOUBT

Constellation 10/31/20 Barcelona - Tampa  Click here for roll call web site..MARGINALLY HOPEFUL

Edited March 25, 2020 by C-Dragons

[bob278]

At least we got our Azamara cruise to Antarctica in before the bovine excrement hit the wind-moving device.

[albertacruiserx2]

How is this?

 

1. What’s the difference between COVID-19 and Romeo and Juliet? One’s the coronavirus and the other is a Verona crisis.

2. You know who buys up all the toilet paper? Assholes.

3. Why do they call it the novel coronavirus? It’s a long story….

4. Why didn’t the sick guy get the joke? It flu over his head.

5. Why don’t chefs find coronavirus jokes funny? They’re in bad taste.

6. I’ll tell you a coronavirus joke now, but you’ll have to wait two weeks to see if you got it.

7. Nail salons, hair salons, waxing center and tanning places are closed. It’s about to get ugly out there.

8. Finland just closed its borders. You know what that means. No one will be crossing the finish line.

9. What do you tell yourself when you wake up late for work and realize you have a fever? Self, I so late.

10. Did you hear the joke about the germ? Never mind, I don’t want to spread it around.

11. Where do sick boats go to get healthy? The dock!

12. What did the sick parent make their kids for lunch? Mac and sneeze.

13. I ran out of toilet paper and had to start using old newspapers. Times are rough.

14. You know what they’re saying about 2020. It went viral faster than anyone thought it would.

15. What do you call panic-buying of sausage and cheese in Germany? The wurst kase scenario.

16. Back in my day you would cough to cover up a fart. Now, with COVID-19, you fart to cover up a cough.

17. If there’s a baby boom nine months from now, what will happen in 2033? There will be a whole bunch of quaranteens.

18. You know what they say: feed a cold, starve a fever, drink a corona.

19. What should you do if you don’t understand a coronavirus joke? Be patient.

20. The grocery stores in France look like tornadoes hit them. All that’s left is de brie.

21. Still no toilet paper in the stores. They’re wiped out and you’re ***** out of luck.
 

[Prost Seattle]

[leck57]

This virus is the only thing we have got from China that has lasted this long.

[C-Dragons]

Thanks to everyone for the continuing contributions. 😊

 

[bob278]

Thanks for starting this.  You have no idea how much time you helped me fill as I look for things to share.  Not to mention all the enjoyment I've gotten from the funny things that others are putting up.  Nice to know that there is still some semblance of sanity alive. 

 

This is for all the fashonistas stuck in isolation.

 

Edited March 26, 2020 by bob278

[C-Dragons]

 

A married couple in their 60’s find a strange looking bottle on the beach.

They pick it up, rub it clean and pull the cork out.

Seconds later a Genie appears who says he will grant each of them a wish.
“I want to travel around the world with my darling husband!” says the wife.

Presto, two tickets for a luxury cruise magically appear in her hand!

Her husband says, “Sorry, love, my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.

The Genie says, ”Granted”, waves his hands and the husband becomes 92 !

[C-Dragons]

7 minutes ago, bob278 said:

Thanks for starting this.  You have no idea how much time you helped me fill as I look for things to share.  Not to mention all the enjoyment I've gotten from the funny things that others are putting up.  Nice to know that there is still some semblance of sanity alive. 

I appreciate the kind words. 🌺🌼🌺

I, too, have enjoyed the pleasant diversion on this thread. 😊

Next..? 🎤

[goofysmom99]

[Kartgv]

When is this "Social Distancing" supposed to over?   My husband keeps trying to come into the house.

[CILCIANRQTS]

 

 

[bob278]

I may have to update my signature.

 

[leck57]

I went to visit a Psychic the other day who had been recommended to me.

I knocked on her door and she said "who is it".

So I left.

[chemmo]

9 hours ago, bob278 said:

I may have to update my signature.

 

 

Nice...

[puppycanducruise]

[alibaba1]

If we keep the schools closed much longer, mothers will find a cure for the virus before scientists.

 

A neighbor's house got rolled with toilet paper this weekend and increased the house's value by $30,000. 

 

We heard that some people who used to spin the toilet paper roll like they were on Wheel of Fortune, now turn it like they were trying to crack a safe.

 

Someone told me all I needed to go to the grocery store was a mask and gloves, but they lied: everyone else had on clothes.

 

A friend asked if it was okay to pull the bag out of a box of wine and stab a straw in it like a giant, adult Capri Sun.

 

Those who bought dryer sheets when they could not find toilet paper have found their fannies now smell like lavender, there is no more static electricity, and for the first time in 20 years, their butts are wrinkle free.

 

We have a lot of sympathy for all those married men who have spent years telling their wives "I'll do that when I have time." 

 

We asked our four-year-old grandson if he knew why there was no school right now and he said "because there is no toilet paper."

 

If you need to find motivation to stay at home, shave your eyebrows off.

 

We trust all the critical people around will be generous enough to remember, when swimsuit season rolls around, that the gyms were closed during Reese's peanut butter egg and hollow milk chocolate bunny season.

 

Quarantine is wearing pajamas all day, showering, and changing into new pajamas.

 

It is actually fun to stay at home, but we wonder why one bag of rice has 7,456 grains of rice and the other one only had 7,398?

 

We may be about three weeks away from knowing everyone's true hair color.