how would you break the ice?

[juanarcin]

Hello all! DW and I are going to be cruising on the Carnival Panorama in December. This will be our 9th cruise, however we are taking our parents and it will be their first, Excited for everyone involved! One thing though is that our parents have never really "hung out". Mostly focused on our mothers for this post. They have met about 3 times during small events, and have been very friendly with each other however they are both the timid type and are mostly polite with each other. One thing to note is that they are both immigrated to the US as young adults and basically spent their lives struggling and working to provide for us. This means they never made many friends outside of their family, and sadly neither of them drink lol!   They both have so much in common but if left alone would probably stick to smiles and small talk about the weather lol! However, we strongly believe they can have a blast together if they open up! We have no doubt that by the end of the cruise they will be very comfortable with each other, but we are wondering what we can do on the first day to make sure they start enjoying fully from day one as opposed to a few days in, after all this will be their first vacation ever! The environment is right so we know that no matter what they will have fun, but hopefully we get some ideas so they get the most out of this experience. Thanks!

[ldubs]

I think the best thing you can do is to not try to force things, especially things you know they might not be comfortable doing.  Let them enjoy on their own terms.    

[Mum2Mercury]

A discussion of what you'll do on your island stops is a safe topic.  

Similarly, going through the app to decide which shows /activities are "must dos" is a safe topic.

[sparks1093]

I was going to quote Ogden Nash's poem "Reflections On Breaking the Ice" which is "Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker", but since they don't drink I guess that's out. I do agree that this should happen as organically as possible. I like the idea of discussing what to do in the ports. 

[Top_of_the_Cube]

You could tell them the yummy looking frozen drinks are non-alcoholic.  Scratch that, you should never lie to your mother.

 

I am very awkward, socially, and have found that playing a card game or a board game often provides a good opening for conversation and connection.  It also usually produces comical moments to share laughter, and then later those moments become "inside" or "private" jokes.

 

As a last resort, encourage them to share embarrassing stories about you and your wife as children.  That should keep them engaged for the whole cruise. 

[Shorex]

I agree with Idubs, don't try to force them into being someone they are not. From your description they will be out of their comfort zones. Just have a pleasant first day dinner, chat about the activities that are available and be relaxed. The more relaxed and casual you are, the more relaxed they will become.

Let them bond naturally, maybe, just maybe, they will become close friends.

 

 

[Toofarfromthesea]

Let them be themselves, not who YOU want them to be.

[rkacruiser]

Maybe form a trivia team and play a few games of trivia.  It's hard not to talk during trivia!  

[bbwex]

I would think that if you have breakfasts and dinners together and tour together, they will naturally grow more comfortable and open with each other.  I doubt that you would have to do much beyond that to "force" things.  DW and I are, likely, more outgoing, but we have made fast friends when we have toured together, even though they were people we did not know at all before the cruise.  Some pre-planning together might be useful, but I would think that private tours that kept your group intimate would be very helpful.

[Essiesmom]

Take them shopping, especially to the local markets.  They will surely find something interesting to talk about there.  EM

[Mike981]

My wife's grandmother and my grandmother were both rather timid and not outgoing at all. When they met for the first time at our wedding, they both easily warmed up to each other. Let things play out and don't over think it. As you said they have met before and got along, so just relax and enjoy your trip. Since they are both immigrants, I'm sure there is a lot they can talk about.

[MyTMo777]

I agree that just being together, things will naturally develop between them and you shouldn't force them. However, you mentioned that they have so much in common - but it seems that they just don't know it yet. Since you know what they have in common, open up conversations about those things. Ask them questions. Ask them to tell their story so that the other mother can hear her own story in the other woman's words. Then you can say things like, "Mom, didn't that happen to you when you were young also? How was your experience the same or different than hers?"

[GeezerCouple]

I strongly agree with those above who suggest NOT pushing it, NOT trying to "make them be friends".  That's not how friendships form, or work.

 

I'd also guess that the more "shy" they each are, the worse "pushing things" would be.  I tend to be an introvert around strangers (DH, not at all, which is great).  IF I felt any pressure to "participate", to "talk to someone I didn't know yet", etc., I'd probably start to withdraw from any such encounters, and just not join the folks who are pushing things on me.  I don't need to spend any of my time being "pushed" in any direction at all.  Full Stop.

 

I can't imagine if you are on some excursion to a beautiful or interesting area that they would each remain silent, rather than react with a few comments about the area, some other similar area, something it reminded them of, etc.  And at some point, the other will add something, and *then* their comments will be towards each other and not only to those they already know.

 

Think about a blind date, where you know you are "supposed to relax and have a good time". Does that make it work?  Uh, sometimes it can just be awkward, trying to find something to discuss other than "Uh, nice weather this evening, huh?"

But if two people are in a group, and one makes a comment, the other may respond, fully relaxed, no pressure.  And then it can continue, slowly or more quickly, however THEY feel comfortable.

 

I really don't get it about trying to push things.

 

GC

[K32682]

Do nothing. These are grown ups who can decide for themselves the type of relationship they prefer. Adults should not have to contend with offspring hovering around trying to "break the ice" or otherwise create a relationship. Let them do it for themselves.  

 

 

Edited November 5, 2022 by K32682

[Tonsoffun44]

Would start getting them together more - BEFORE getting on the ship for multiple days in a row.  IF they both live nearby "Cruise SHOPPING" or planning the port activities together. 

[dolittle]

Perhaps both are wise enough to know that it is best when worlds DON'T' collide .