My dad just died, advice needed.

[TNIris]

Hi all. :(

 

My dad passed away this morning, he was in what should have been a fatal car accident 5/25/12, had a traumatic brain injury and they brought him back. He has been in a long term care facility since and has really suffered.

 

Anyway, we leave Sunday on our cruise. We have trip insurance, so we could cancel, but I don't know if I should. We're going to have the memorial service on Saturday, so we can still drive down to Port Canaveral Saturday night.

 

Has anyone ever cruised that soon after losing someone they loved?

 

I'm worried I won't have a good time. WORSE, I'm worried I WILL have a good time, and what kind of daughter would that make me??

 

But I'm trying to think of my husband and kids as well....we have planned and planned and looked forward to this since January. We were going to spend a couple of days at Disney beforehand, but I did go ahead and cancel that.

 

Thoughts welcome. My brother said, "Daddy would want you to go on your trip" and I laughed and said, "No he wouldn't!" :p

 

I just want to do the right thing by everyone, although my husband says I should do the right thing by me. But what me wants to do is just go to bed for several days, so I'm probably not thinking rationally right now.

[hgmizzou]

There are no rules about where or how people mourn for loved ones. Unless you are needed by a family member (mother, etc...), I would take your brother's advice and go if that is what you want to do.

 

It sounds like this was not an unexpected event. Even though it is tragic and hard to deal with, you should not feel guilty about enjoying your life.

 

I had a friend who had the same situation happen - only it was a retreat instead of a cruise. She went (after much soul searching) and found the experience to be helpful.

 

Whatever you choose needs to be the best thing for you. You and your family are in my prayers.

[sn2792]

There isn't anything you can do for your Dad at this point other than attend his memorial service. I would still go on the cruise. Your Dad is in a better place now considering how much he has suffered. I'm am sorry for your loss. You shouldn't feel guilty if you have a good time.

 

My DH, our two kids and I took a short vacation after his Father's funeral several years ago. We enjoyed ourselves and it was good to get away.

[NYGirl1002]

If you are not needed at home I can't see why you shouldn't go. It'll be good for you too.

 

I had a cruise booked when my husband passed away. We were leaving on his birthday a couple of months later. I just cancelled him and my daughter and I went.

 

It was just what we needed.

 

I'm sorry for your loss.

[retird]

Only you can make the right decision........

[TC1957]

First and, by far the most important thing, I am terribly sorry for your loss. I have lost a parent...my heart goes out to you.

 

Now, as for the cruise. That is something only you can decide but I can assure you that even if you go that wether you have a good time or not will have absolutely no bearing on the kind of daughter you were to him. We all deal with grief in our on way. What is right for one may be the absolute worse thing for another to do. Personally, I think it my be good for you to "put it aside" for a short while...even though I know from experience that is impossible. However, you and the rest of his loved ones have be dealing with this for a year. What better "medicine" than spending time with YOUR immediate family. If he would have approved of such a thing, raise a toast to his memory. After all, he is in a far better place.

[Dharma517]

First of all...I am very sorry for your loss. I would imagine that you have been saying goodbye to your beloved father or some time now in your own way. The timing is unfortunate but I would still go and perhaps you can have a moment onboard out in the evening in the middle of the ocean where you think of him. It is very peaceful. (((hugs)))

[ryano]

Hi all. :(

 

My dad passed away this morning, he was in what should have been a fatal car accident 5/25/12, had a traumatic brain injury and they brought him back. He has been in a long term care facility since and has really suffered.

 

Anyway, we leave Sunday on our cruise. We have trip insurance, so we could cancel, but I don't know if I should. We're going to have the memorial service on Saturday, so we can still drive down to Port Canaveral Saturday night.

 

Has anyone ever cruised that soon after losing someone they loved?

 

I'm worried I won't have a good time. WORSE, I'm worried I WILL have a good time, and what kind of daughter would that make me??

 

But I'm trying to think of my husband and kids as well....we have planned and planned and looked forward to this since January. We were going to spend a couple of days at Disney beforehand, but I did go ahead and cancel that.

 

Thoughts welcome. My brother said, "Daddy would want you to go on your trip" and I laughed and said, "No he wouldn't!" :p

 

I just want to do the right thing by everyone, although my husband says I should do the right thing by me. But what me wants to do is just go to bed for several days, so I'm probably not thinking rationally right now.

 

I would go on with my vacation because I know thats what my dad would have wanted. I have no doubt he would also want me to have a good time.

 

Its a tough choice and a choice that only you can make. Im so sorry to hear about your loss :( i lost my dad 10 years ago and there isnt a day go by that I dont think about him.

[BND]

I'm guessing due to his injury you have already grieved. Go and have a good time. Staying home won't make you feel better and your family needs to get away.

[reedl]

As has been said by others, you need to decide this for yourself based on what your family thinks and what your father would have wanted you to do. If your family is OK with your leaving, then you should go.

 

From your story, it seems that your father was already living on borrowed time, so you probably have said your good-byes with your father previously.

 

In my case my father would have wanted me to bring the ashes onboard and spread them at sea because he did not want to be buried anywhere taking up valuable real estate. Furthermore, we did a lot of woodworking so the concept of burning him up in any wooden box would have angered him.

 

But the final decision rests on you.

[beachnative]

Our sincerest condolences.

 

My dad died suddenly while we were on a ski trip...couldn't get back for a few days and resolved ourselves to having a good time. After the initial shock we quickly realized that dad would want it that way.

 

As a dad myself, I would want my loved ones to carry on and have a great time after I'm gone...and the sooner the better.

 

Do what you think is the best for you and those dear to you.

[Tudy]

First; my sympathies to you and your family.

 

Grief is complicated and often fraught with regrets. If you go on the cruise, you will regret it at some point in time. If you don't go on the cruise, you will regret it at some point in time.

 

Also, grief usually makes decision-making difficult. I recommend holding a family conference with your husband and children. Make it a family decision.

 

Deep breath, exhale slowly. You have been saying good-by to your father for over a year now. You loved him to the best of your ability. You can grieve however you want to grieve. Grief is a very personal thing, and very different for everyone.

 

Hugs.

[Esilef]

I would go but also have a private memorial to your father on the ship. By this I mean get a bottle of champagne and give a toast to him. Talk to your family share your feelings. Celebrate his life and enjoy being with your loved ones

[Tyron]

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. :(

[Nyrina4life]

Well, its hard to say since I didn't know your dad, and I am sorry that he has passed away. Most who pass, would like their loved ones to keep living, and not wallow in sorrow.

 

I haven't cruised after losing someone, but I have gone on vacations and it made it easier to accept the loss. A few things did make me cry during the trip, but overall it was a positive experience.

 

 

Again, sorry for your loss and whatever you chose to do, may you find peace.

[SusieCruises]

Hi all. :(

 

My dad passed away this morning, he was in what should have been a fatal car accident 5/25/12, had a traumatic brain injury and they brought him back. He has been in a long term care facility since and has really suffered.

 

Anyway, we leave Sunday on our cruise. We have trip insurance, so we could cancel, but I don't know if I should. We're going to have the memorial service on Saturday, so we can still drive down to Port Canaveral Saturday night.

 

Has anyone ever cruised that soon after losing someone they loved?

 

I'm worried I won't have a good time. WORSE, I'm worried I WILL have a good time, and what kind of daughter would that make me??

 

But I'm trying to think of my husband and kids as well....we have planned and planned and looked forward to this since January. We were going to spend a couple of days at Disney beforehand, but I did go ahead and cancel that.

 

Thoughts welcome. My brother said, "Daddy would want you to go on your trip" and I laughed and said, "No he wouldn't!" :p

 

I just want to do the right thing by everyone, although my husband says I should do the right thing by me. But what me wants to do is just go to bed for several days, so I'm probably not thinking rationally right now.

 

I am so sorry for your loss! Whatever you decide will be the right decision for YOU.

That said, perhaps a restful trip is what you (and your family) need right now. As other posters have said, at some point during the cruise a tribute/memorial of some kind for your Dad might help. It seems that after watching all he went thru after the accident you must be exhausted and a little R&R would be great.

None of us here can really tell you what to do...it has to be whatever YOU feel comfortable doing. Just know that there are a lot of us here hugging you right now {HUGS} and hoping you find peace.

[EVALUATOR]

Sorry about your dad.

 

It will be 1 year this Saturday since Mrs. E passed away. We took many cruises together. She was cremated and buried at sea two months after passing. I would have done it sooner but some friends wanted to attend the services.

 

I just remember all the fun things we did together and I try to put the painful memories aside.

 

Go. Remember only the good things. Enjoy the cruise. He will be there with you.

[graymadeb]

Bless you and big hugs! It is so hard losing a father.

 

My situation was a bit different from yours. We knew when leaving on two different trips (10 years apart) that my father would pass away while we away in South America picking up a son from an LDS mission and then in 2011 we knew that my MIL was about ready to pass on too when we were leaving on a cruise. We knew and were reassured that both Dad and MIL didn't want us to change our plans to sit by their sides waiting for them to go home to their Maker.

 

I had a feeling while in Cusco Peru that Dad was about to leave. I called him, they put the phone to his ear so I could say goodbye, and he passed within a few minutes. It was like he was waiting to hear from his last daughter. We were able to return in time for his services.

 

Sweet MIL passed on the 5th day of our cruise. It was so good knowing that we got to visit with her before we left. We changed our going home flights and were able to be there for her services.

 

In both situations, I remember thinking of them ALL the time while we were gone, and thinking that Dad would love this food, or that MIL would enjoy this "view" of something beautiful.

 

When I wonder what I should do, I try to put myself in my loved ones situation. I would want my children to go on with their plans, and just think of me enjoying the grand family reunion going on that I'm getting to enjoy. It is my belief that death is a time of sadness for those left behind and incredible joy for the one who has passed on.

 

Be comforted.

[LamboPuppy]

My sympathies to you and your family.

 

My MIL passed away in 2007 after an unexpected illness. We had a cruise planned which left a week later, and had travel insurance. Travel insurance would not cover anything at all. After quite a few phone calls to the cruise line home office, they allowed us to book another cruise, if it was within six months.

[lovetocruise75]

Very sorry for your loss.

I agree with the majority of the posts. You will do what you need to on Saturday. Get away with your family. Try to relax and spend time together. Nobody knows how long we have to spend with our loved ones.

[CI66774]

I'm so sorry about your Dad. I lost mine so many years ago and it still hurts. There is no right or wrong answer. I guess you should take it day by day and see how you feel. I went to a spa for a couple of days after my mother died. I just had to get away and have some time in private to grieve. Whatever you decide will be the right decision.

[pcur]

My condolences to you and your family.

 

Your father's passing is a blessing to him and your family. No one should suffer for an additional 16 months. You should go on Saturday to celebrate his life, and continue on with your cruise. You will need the time to de-stress and think your thoughts in a calm and happy environment.

 

Life is for the living, and none of us should feel guilty because we are still here and able to enjoy our life. Honor your Dad with living your life to the fullest, and remember him in your mind for what he gave to you while he was here.

 

He is gone; you need to go on.

 

My best to you; enjoy your cruise.

[bambilin]

My condolences, may your Dad now rest in peace. My Dad was dying if cancer back in 1998 when I was about to leave a cruise to Ireland and Scotland. I was going to cancel and my Dad insisted I go. Mom said he did not want me missing my trip to sit around waiting for him to die. I went with my friends and of course called home constantly. Dad died about 5 days after I returned. The day he died at the hospital his oncologist asked me how my cruise was. She said my Dad told her he did not want to ruin my trip and she had better keep him alive until I got home or he would haunt her! ;0)

 

He really did want me to go, so maybe your brother is right and yours would too.

 

Best wishes with your decision!

 

 

Sent using the Cruise Critic forums app

[Lionesss]

I am truly sorry for your loss.

I have had to make some difficulty decisions in life.

All centered around the death of a parent.

Looking back, it was hard yes, but, I know in my heart my parents would have wanted us to go on with our lives.

". . . remember in life there is always something old to be sought and enjoyed.....always something new to be found treasured and shared......"

Remember your father, and share his legacy with others.......But do not stop living.

People grieve in different ways at different paces.

You may just need the get-a-way to deal with whatever closure will occur in the future. And if you decide you are not ready to travel, it is your decision.

What ever you decide I am sure it will be the right choice for you.

Take care.

Sea Ya

[Tkaklita]

To begin with, my deepest condolonces to you and your family.

 

I lost my father twice while in my company and after he came back the first time, he made sure to stress that it was more important to honor him thru living and enjoying this short time we have here than to be all gloomy and sad over him.

 

Dad always belived in living life to its fullest as much as possible. He appreciated respect but life goes on and if I were in your situation I can here him saying "Hey, go enjoy your family and your time together, I will be right there smiling and watching over you too"

 

Only you can be comfortable with what ever decision you take, but I really believe that parents always want their children to be more happy than sad and life does go on.

 

May the good times and fond memories of your father help ease the hurt in your heart as time goes on.

 

Take care,

 

Linda