Cruising as a newly-sober alcoholic??

[LivinToCruise2Somewhere]

My husband and I are cruising in a few months. He will have a little less than 10 months sober when we cruise. He isn't attending meetings, or engaging in any social-type sobriety groups (like AA). In past cruises, he (and I) have always drank alcohol & been with others drinking alcohol. Obviously, that's not going to be the case this time. But, I'm honestly VERY worried about all the alcohol that is available & the overall "tone" of a cruise, and that it will be a great temptation.

 

Anyone else cruise as a newly sober alcoholic - or spouse of one? How did it go? Any ideas for keeping the mind of booze... and enjoying the cruise sober (including ME - I don't drink anything around him).

 

Thanks!

[LHT28]

Not in your position but most ships have Friends of Bill W meetings daily ..maybe you could both attend & meet others in the same situation

 

Then you can be around people with the same goal in mind ...keeping sober

 

It may be a challenge for him

 

Good luck to both of you & enjoy the cruise

[nolatravelgirl]

You can't keep someone sober who has no desire to do so. Have you asked your hubby about what activities he enjoys about cruising? I would focus on things he enjoys. Maybe you could use the cruise as an opportunity to start a joint fitness routine amd shift your time to sports and fitness type things such as aerobics classes, rock climbing, walking, etc.

 

Booze is a huge profit center for cruises so if your hubby was used to having a pre dinner cocktail then plan something fun for that time so it doesn't feel like he is missing something.

[buchhalm]

It probably also depends on what cruise line you are sailing with. Some ships are like floating frat parties, whereas others are very civilized.

If hubby does not have a problem dining in a land side restaurant, then there should little to worry about on a cruise.

Perhpas request a table for 2 in the dining room or find a bunch of Muslim (or Mormon) friends who are unlikely to order and alcohol. Strength in numbers!

try to relax and enjpy the new experience

[gerif]

You can get all of the yummy foo foo drinks served without alcohol and no one will know or care if he's sitting in a bar drinking one. I got strep throat on a two week cruise once and couldn't have alcohol but managed just fine with virgin foo foo drinks and seltzer with lime.

[cb at sea]

The ability to drink on a cruise is no more than on land....it's all up to him!

[RickT]

I agree that it will be a huge temptation for him. I know that I drink a bit more while cruising simply because of the whole vacation/have a good time atmosphere.

 

Some ideas might be:

 

The non-alcoholic foo foo drinks

The non-alcoholic beer (I also believe there is non-alcoholic wine but don't quote me)

 

It might also be worth making an effort to avoid those ship locations where drinking is the focal point. You don't mention which ship/line but scout out a few nicer areas where you can relax and enjoy your vacation without the temptation of alcohol. I'd also recommend you dine at a table for two so as not to be tempted by those around you drinking at dinner.

 

Good luck.

[navybankerteacher]

Not in your position but most ships have Friends of Bill W meetings daily ..maybe you could both attend & meet others in the same situation

 

Then you can be around people with the same goal in mind ...keeping sober

 

It may be a challenge for him

 

Good luck to both of you & enjoy the cruise

 

This is good advice - make the joint effort to focus on activities other than drinking.

[SPacificbound]

My husband and I are cruising in a few months. He will have a little less than 10 months sober when we cruise. He isn't attending meetings, or engaging in any social-type sobriety groups (like AA). In past cruises, he (and I) have always drank alcohol & been with others drinking alcohol. Obviously, that's not going to be the case this time. But, I'm honestly VERY worried about all the alcohol that is available & the overall "tone" of a cruise, and that it will be a great temptation.

 

Anyone else cruise as a newly sober alcoholic - or spouse of one? How did it go? Any ideas for keeping the mind of booze... and enjoying the cruise sober (including ME - I don't drink anything around him).

 

Thanks!

 

Have you and your husband discussed AA and Al-Anon? As mentioned there are daily meetings on board, however if he is opposed to going they won't help.

 

The decision to not drink is literally one day at a time. This isn't your battle to win it is his, but for this cruise maybe you and he both could enjoy an alcohol free cruise.

[pris993]

Not in your position but most ships have Friends of Bill W meetings daily ..maybe you could both attend & meet others in the same situation

 

Then you can be around people with the same goal in mind ...keeping sober

 

It may be a challenge for him

 

Good luck to both of you & enjoy the cruise

 

Very good idea. Before I retired I helped employees follow through on recovery programs, attending AA meeting and associating with those involved in recovery is a key to success. Even if your husband will not attend, recommend you attend yourself, without him if necessary.

 

You did not mention what your cruise, ship or line you are going on. Some are more party boats than others.

 

Staying physically active, walking in ports, on deck, and enjoying a private balcony are other ways to enjoy a cruise that don't involve alcohol.

 

When we are in lounges we often order a glass of ice water in lieu of alcohol. We don't care to drink much.

 

Hope you have a healthy and fun cruise.

[spookwife]

My husband and I are cruising in a few months. He will have a little less than 10 months sober when we cruise. He isn't attending meetings, or engaging in any social-type sobriety groups (like AA). In past cruises, he (and I) have always drank alcohol & been with others drinking alcohol. Obviously, that's not going to be the case this time. But, I'm honestly VERY worried about all the alcohol that is available & the overall "tone" of a cruise, and that it will be a great temptation.

 

Anyone else cruise as a newly sober alcoholic - or spouse of one? How did it go? Any ideas for keeping the mind of booze... and enjoying the cruise sober (including ME - I don't drink anything around him).

 

Thanks!

 

the only one who can stay sober is HIM. if he refuses to use any support networks( AA,. BillW, etc) then it doesn't matter where he is.. only HIS self control will be the determining factor.

 

there will be alcohol every where.. the roving waiters around the pools and every lounge, the sommelier at the dinner table, even the buffet has it. does he have the necessary fortitude to resist temptation?

[dwjoe]

You can ask Guest Services onboard if they can mark hubby's seapass card "No Alcohol Purchases Allowed". They routinely do that for cruisers under 21, so there may be a way to do that for older adults on request.

[OCruisers]

We often are on the same cruise with a man who no longer drinks ... but does love to smoke a cigar from time to time. His pre-dinner treat is to smoke a cigar.

Not encouraging anyone to start smoking ... but it works for him.

LuLu

[jamessemaj]

While alcohol consumption is in abundance, most people are drinking moderately, and I'll bet half of the people are not drinking at all. One tactic would be to seek those who abstain out for company.

[itsme_jj]

The Friends of Bill groups are a good way to find others who are wanting to cruise to have a good time without drinking. I highly suggest you drag him to meet up even if he doesn't want to do the AA part of it, just like when you drag your teens to the teen club. Even they don't go, they just got introduced to group with their same likes and can say hi to on board.

 

Buy the coffee/lattee cards and/or soda non alcoholic beverage cards and hang out at those places. Over 50% of your cruisers do not drink at all!

[Dayenu]

On one of the cruises I was taking medications that did not allow me to drink. I was offered drinks almost everywhere - especially at dinner. I love to listen to music, this was mostly in bars. So be prepared to say "no, thank you" several times a day.

[Desertrose7]

Hi there. Maybe the best course of action is for the two of you to sit down together and really talk about this in depth before you go.

I don't know if you have expressed your concerns to him or are keeping them largely to yourself.

You need to have a plan "together" before you step foot on the ship.

There is no such thing as having "just one" if you are a recovering alcoholic, as you know so knowing exactly - going over how you intend to deal with possible scenarios is a good idea.

 

There has to be an alternative, I would guess. Some kind of "reward". Something to replace that drink.

He is putting himself into a situation I imagine that will absolutely test his willpower.

Would he be willing to talk to somebody, perhaps with you? before he goes? Even as a one off thing?

[superdee]

I have been sober 22 years and sought out a few friends of Bill W meetings. Over the course of the last 22 years I have helped a lot of people achieve long term sobriety and tried to help people who haven't. Seriously being in AA would be a God send for your husband as he doesn't have to go the road alone. When I was a kid growing up I wanted to be a Jet pilot or a Fireman. No where in my plans was being an alcoholic. Going to AA and staying sober "One Day at a Time" has made my life totally awesome. Today I have a life. I have a wife ,step kids, Grand kids and the last four years foster kids.Depending on the Cruise line he could be setting himself up for a slip and it has been my observation that they are very bad and his 10 months will be absorbed into his slip. If you walk around in a barnyard you will get **** on your boots. AA will help him make sure the ****'s not his. I will pray you make it through.

[InResponse2014]

First of all, congratulations to your husband on becoming sober! And kudos to you for being concerned and for asking how you can help him stay sober during your cruise.

 

Secondly, I’m sorry for the long post, but I hope my input will be helpful.

 

I am an alcoholic who has been sober for just over 18 months (550 days today - Yay!!). I haven’t done AA or Friends of Bill – it’s just not my thing – I realized what I was losing out on, quit drinking alcohol, and decided to take it one day at a time. During the past 18 months, we’ve done a Mexican all-inclusive, an 8-day cruise and the mothers of all temptations, Las Vegas and New Orleans. I have remained sober through it all.

 

Living2CruiseSomewhere, as others have mentioned, and I concur, your husband’s sobriety is completely up to him. Understand that this is his decision. He may wake up every morning and decide for himself, and possibly many times that day, whether or not he will drink alcohol. He may be tempted frequently yet he may truly be committed to his sobriety. He is the only one who really knows this. How he decides to deal with it is his choice.

 

What has helped me a lot in my quest to remain sober is having a partner who understands the challenges I face in situations where we used to seriously imbibe. He still drinks alcohol in my presence, which sort of normalizes things -- as in, a lot of people drink alcohol in social situations and I really can’t avoid them forever. Besides, I have the problem… he doesn’t.

 

Recently, in New Orleans, even after well over a year of sobriety, it was difficult for me to be in that city without drinking. I was able to turn to my partner and say “This is really hard for me.”

 

Hi there. Maybe the best course of action is for the two of you to sit down together and really talk about this in depth before you go.

I don't know if you have expressed your concerns to him or are keeping them largely to yourself.

You need to have a plan "together" before you step foot on the ship.

There is no such thing as having "just one" if you are a recovering alcoholic, as you know so knowing exactly - going over how you intend to deal with possible scenarios is a good idea.

 

Desertrose7 raises several good points. How open are the lines of communication between you and your husband specifically regarding his drinking? Is he defensive? Open with his feelings? Open to hearing yours? How does he plan to avoid temptation? Will he let you know when he's feeling challenged? Keep the lines of communication open!

 

Ultimately, it is his decision whether he will drink or not. And, it is your decision as to how you will deal with that.

 

Wishing you all the very best.

[pris993]

Happy to see posts from those who have been there and are making it with AA.

[EdmPair]

If it works for you, build a routine to visit the same locations each day. On Princess, the servers will ask you once and when you say 'no thank' they will drop a napkin on the table to signal to other staff who may walk by that you have been asked. In my case, I often have Earl Grey tea even as others drink alcohol. After 2-3 days in the same place, the server will learn that just as well as if I had ordered some alcoholic drink.

 

While we did anytime dining, fixed dining would help you out too as you will see same staff in the MDR each night.

Hope this little bit helps too.

 

And if you can cope day to day landside, you can do the same on your vacation. Have fun!

[chrislynnet]

Good for your husband, I'm glad to hear he's sober. My sister has been sober for 30 years and she still goes to 2 AA meetings a week, regular as clockwork. She says it's the AA meetings that are the reason she made it 30 years.

 

She'll attend at least 1 Friends of Bill meeting on our upcoming cruise. I hope your husband does too.

[NMLady]

My husband and I are cruising in a few months. He will have a little less than 10 months sober when we cruise. He isn't attending meetings, or engaging in any social-type sobriety groups (like AA). In past cruises, he (and I) have always drank alcohol & been with others drinking alcohol. Obviously, that's not going to be the case this time. But, I'm honestly VERY worried about all the alcohol that is available & the overall "tone" of a cruise, and that it will be a great temptation.

 

Anyone else cruise as a newly sober alcoholic - or spouse of one? How did it go? Any ideas for keeping the mind of booze... and enjoying the cruise sober (including ME - I don't drink anything around him).

 

Thanks!

 

IMO the support given through AA groups is extremely important. Even if he doesn't attend them on land it will help him stay away from the prevalent alcohol if he attends Friends of Bill meetings aboard ship. Those will be listed in newsletter.

[Cruisin' Chick]

If it works for you, build a routine to visit the same locations each day. On Princess, the servers will ask you once and when you say 'no thank' they will drop a napkin on the table to signal to other staff who may walk by that you have been asked. In my case, I often have Earl Grey tea even as others drink alcohol. After 2-3 days in the same place, the server will learn that just as well as if I had ordered some alcoholic drink.

 

While we did anytime dining, fixed dining would help you out too as you will see same staff in the MDR each night.

Hope this little bit helps too.

 

And if you can cope day to day landside, you can do the same on your vacation. Have fun!

 

I was thinking about suggesting traditional dining too. If you have a great waitstaff, all you have to do is say that the two of you don't drink (maybe also tell the headwaiter) and you probably won't get asked again. Maybe the head waiter will also advise the sommelier to skip your table.

 

Both of you can bring travel mugs and keep them filled with iced tea, water, lemonade, other beverages. These would tend to be healthier as you'll stay hydrated, while alcohol has the opposite effect. The poolside waitstaff might approach and you can raise your mug and say "we're fine, thanks."

 

I've seen Bill W meetings on every cruise so maybe you can talk hubby into checking one out just for kicks. If he avoids AA because of the religious/spiritual angle, hopefully he will find the on board meetings a bit more reasonable for him.

[lady_cruiser]

I have been sober 22 years and sought out a few friends of Bill W meetings. Over the course of the last 22 years I have helped a lot of people achieve long term sobriety and tried to help people who haven't. Seriously being in AA would be a God send for your husband as he doesn't have to go the road alone. When I was a kid growing up I wanted to be a Jet pilot or a Fireman. No where in my plans was being an alcoholic. Going to AA and staying sober "One Day at a Time" has made my life totally awesome. Today I have a life. I have a wife ,step kids, Grand kids and the last four years foster kids.Depending on the Cruise line he could be setting himself up for a slip and it has been my observation that they are very bad and his 10 months will be absorbed into his slip. If you walk around in a barnyard you will get **** on your boots. AA will help him make sure the ****'s not his. I will pray you make it through.

 

I'm 65 years old. I got drunk only once in my life when I was 21 years old. I got so sick that I have never had more than 1 drink at a time since so I can't say I know what a person with an alcohol problems goes through. But I need to tell you that you gave great advice and encouragement to the OP. Thank You.