Are we in the minority regarding cruising/travelling with other couples?

[CDNPolar]

8 hours ago, clo said:

This sounds perfect and I'd like to know if anyone disagrees and why.

 

We have not had anyone disagree... We just reason that we all have things we want to do and see and one of us should not lead the way if others are not interested.

 

One thing for sure is that if we go ashore outside of a tour, we never go with anyone else - just my husband and I go.  Husband and I have very close interests in what we want to do and see so together we are great.  When we go ashore outside of an excursion, we want to spend the time we want to spend in a shop, or whatever and don't want to feel that others are not interested in what we are interested in.  We know that our shopping interests are not the same, so we just go alone.

[CDNPolar]

6 hours ago, frantic36 said:

 

 

 

This is interesting to me as I mainly travel just with my husband and only twice travelled specifically with another couple and it ruined our friendship. I didn't realise how many people expect when you travel with others it is expected to have dinner together every night. That was the deal breaker for us as that I thought it was understood we would do some things together and have a few meals together but they expected most if not all dinners together. I want to be able to have date nights with my husband and dinner with others on the cruise.

 

Now when we cruise we often learn others from previous cruises are onboard so that is wonderful as we can catch up with friends for an occasional meal or even excursion but no expectations to do so.

 

I guess that I have one question:  You say that others "expected" to have dinner every night and that you thought that it was understood that you would only do some things together.

 

Did you actually talk about this openly, or was it an assumption?

 

Sorry - not calling you out, but we actually have this direct discussion at the planning stage with the people we are travelling with.

 

We often detect a sigh of relief from them too when we talk about this.

 

I not only stopped travelling with, but actually ended a friendship with someone that I shared a cruise cabin with that was the most annoying cling-on that I have ever experienced.  She took over an hour to get ready in the morning but I was not allowed to go on deck or wander around, I had to wait for her to be ready so we could go together.  One sea day, I asked what do you want to do today?  Her response was sit on a deck chair all day and read.  We got deck chairs and an hour in I got up and she asked where I was going.  I said, I am bored with reading I am going to wander and explore the ship.  She started to pack up to accompany me, and I suggested that she wasted to sit the whole day and read... and she quickly responded, "well, I don't want to do it alone".  

 

 

[horseymike]

12 hours ago, SelectSys said:

My wife and I have come to the conclusion that we aren't really all that good traveling with other people.  It seems most times that we travel with others our schedules and interests tend to diverge if we travel with others.  This includes friends that we spend time and socialize with on a regular basis at home   

 

Are we in the minority?  How do you get along with others during cruises and trips?  We have a cruise of 15 days coming up at the start of 2025 with another couple where are daily routine and interests are somewhat different.  

 

BTW - our rule for traveling with our kids, now all adults, is simply that everyone simply needs to show up for dinner.  I may try to extend that rule to traveling with another couple on our upcoming cruise.

 

I understand and totally agree. We all have our own style when cruising , nothing against friends or family , but it is difficult to have your style match theirs and vice versa.

[kashmira]

11 hours ago, CDNPolar said:

 

I have seen a few friendships go on the rocks after travelling together, but these were two singles sharing a cabin.

I agree we need our freedom 

don’t want to be tied up with friends after paying such huge amounts 

we need our freedom and enjoy with your family first 

[kashmira]

33 minutes ago, horseymike said:

I understand and totally agree. We all have our own style when cruising , nothing against friends or family , but it is difficult to have your style match theirs and vice versa.

Yes I totally agree 

[leaveitallbehind]

10 hours ago, frantic36 said:

This is interesting to me as I mainly travel just with my husband and only twice travelled specifically with another couple and it ruined our friendship. I didn't realise how many people expect when you travel with others it is expected to have dinner together every night. That was the deal breaker for us as that I thought it was understood we would do some things together and have a few meals together but they expected most if not all dinners together. I want to be able to have date nights with my husband and dinner with others on the cruise.....

As mentioned, we have cruised with the one couple, who we met on a cruise and with whom have become good friends, a half dozen times or so, with as indicated, two more planned.  We live 150 miles or so apart but also get together back on land once or twice a year as well.  But I guess the point being it is by choice.  On board we don't expect to do anything together - we do it because we want to.  We enjoy dinners together and socializing in the evenings.

 

But when we cruise together we are not joined at the hip and do a number of things on board and in port independently.  There are no feelings hurt if at any given time one couple or the other changes their mind or has a different plan. We get along well and maintain this relationship because we are good friends.  We have occasionally cruised similarly as well with other of our friends. 

 

To us this is an easy concept that works well when we cruise with our friends. But also as mentioned we cruise more times than not by ourselves and also enjoy those experiences together as a couple.

Edited April 16 by leaveitallbehind

[frantic36]

3 hours ago, CDNPolar said:

You say that others "expected" to have dinner every night and that you thought that it was understood that you would only do some things together.

 

 

I did discuss this prior to our first cruise that we wanted to have independence but didn't realise they expected to meals most times together and thought we were only excluding excursions.  The second cruise was an accident as we had booked well before and they at the last moment decided to join us which we didn't ask them too. My husband was concerned, the first half wasn't bad but this was a long cruise so it got difficult later. 

[frantic36]

47 minutes ago, leaveitallbehind said:

On board we don't expect to do anything together - we do it because we want to.  We enjoy dinners together and socializing in the evenings.

I'm glad this works for you and my husband and I have worked out what works for us,.

[CDNPolar]

9 minutes ago, frantic36 said:

 

I did discuss this prior to our first cruise that we wanted to have independence but didn't realise they expected to meals most times together and thought we were only excluding excursions.  The second cruise was an accident as we had booked well before and they at the last moment decided to join us which we didn't ask them too. My husband was concerned, the first half wasn't bad but this was a long cruise so it got difficult later. 

 

Not that we have not had some issues, but more from people that have "connected" to us on the cruise that we did not know before.  Sometimes these are suggesting meals or excursions together or let's go back into the city together.

 

I think that with the best planning and communication, your interpretation can always be different from their interpretation. 

[leaveitallbehind]

30 minutes ago, frantic36 said:

I'm glad this works for you and my husband and I have worked out what works for us,.

As it should be!  Each of us is different and should each dance to the beat of a different drum.

[SelectSys]

4 hours ago, CDNPolar said:

most annoying cling-on that I have ever experienced.

This would be the worst and is what I fear.  People that are unable to go out on their own and expect to be together 24X7.  It could be that the people we are traveling with and their expectations and for lots of together time might be too much for our style.  The couple has other friends that they travel with frequently and it sounds like they are together all the time or the wives go one way and the husbands another.

 

40 minutes ago, frantic36 said:

first half wasn't bad but this was a long cruise so it got difficult later.

Most things are tolerable for a bit of time - like a week end - but would be rough over a couple of weeks.

 

3 hours ago, horseymike said:

We all have our own style when cruising , nothing against friends or family , but it is difficult to have your style match theirs and vice versa.

100% - we just need to be in agreement before the cruise with the couple we are traveling with.

[CDNPolar]

Well we have an interesting one coming up.

 

My brother and his wife - never travelled with them before

The wife's mother and sister - know them both well, but never travelled with them

My brother's high school friends that are a couple from high school

 

Eight of us on the ship.  Only agreement now is that we will eat dinner together.  Let's see how this plays out.

 

My Husband and I are extremely independent and prefer to go our own way on the daily activities as discussed above... especially during the day as we have very close interests as a couple that don't always jive as a group.

[clo]

6 hours ago, Honolulu Blue said:

I just finished a group of four in three months, all on different cruise lines. And next year I will have a cluster of three cruises in six weeks.

I would lose my mind (even more than it's already lost)! Do you live in Hawaii? That might explain it. I've heard that people feel the need to leave more often than non-Hawaiians .

[Honolulu Blue]

1 minute ago, clo said:

I would lose my mind (even more than it's already lost)! Do you live in Hawaii? That might explain it. I've heard that people feel the need to leave more often than non-Hawaiians .

No, I don't live in Hawaii.  I'm from Michigan.  Some of us have a desire to get away from the cold this time of year (though it's not cold today), given any little excuse.

[clo]

6 hours ago, CDNPolar said:

One thing for sure is that if we go ashore outside of a tour, we never go with anyone else - just my husband and I go.  Husband and I have very close interests in what we want to do and see so together we are great.  When we go ashore outside of an excursion, we want to spend the time we want to spend in a shop, or whatever and don't want to feel that others are not interested in what we are interested in.  We know that our shopping interests are not the same, so we just go alone.

We're very much that way. We've done a number of escorted land trips...and leave the group regularly. When they get off the coach and go to the right, we go left. When they go straight we turn up little side streets. And have terrific food that some people wouldn't care for. 

[clo]

1 minute ago, Honolulu Blue said:

No, I don't live in Hawaii.  I'm from Michigan.  Some of us have a desire to get away from the cold this time of year (though it's not cold today), given any little excuse.

We've been living in Seattle for a few years and agree when it's called "The Big Dark." Visiting Flagstaff AZ where temps are mild in summer and there are four seasons.

[screwsmcernst]

We travel with friends all the time.  The way we work it is, do your thing and if it is the same as my thing great if not, lets meet up at dinner and talk about our day.  We have 2 sets of friends that we do most of our travels with.  It is really easy.  Then there is traveling with extended family.  My sister and BIL great.  My DH's family.... NEVER again.  

 

Edit:  That being said, every now and then it is nice to travel with just the 2 of us.  Our next cruise is just the 2 of us.  😃

Edited Wednesday at 06:46 PM by screwsmcernst

[Mike981]

I have found that when you have others traveling with you, it can make it hard to meet new people.

 

As others have said, my wife and I get a long very well and enjoy each others company. And this is after we have worked and lived together 24/7. We will proudly be celebrating our 35th anniversary in a couple of months.

[Mary229]

On 4/15/2024 at 7:21 PM, leaveitallbehind said:

We travel both ways and they are equally enjoyable to us. We have cruised with several couples at once as well as well as with one or two couples together.  But we have one couple that we cruise with rather frequently (in fact we met them on a cruise a number of years ago and became good friends on land as well). When we occasionally have different interests in port they do their thing and we do ours.  But we always get together for dinner and our evening activities. The rest of the time we cruise by ourselves. We have four cruises planned (three booked) between now and October '25, two with them and two alone.

Same here.  We also travel on land journeys with couples. For land journeys which do require close daily quarters we add the rule “every person gets one day to complain, once you register any complaint that is your one and only day - so choose wisely”. Remarkably there are hardly any complaints 😉

[navybankerteacher]

It’s important to know folks pretty well before arranging to travel with them - and to have a common approach: perhaps plan on dinner together most (probably not all) evenings, plan some (probably not all) shore activities together.  But we have two couples we travel happily with - because all of us have the same approach.

 

Hell! It’s hard enough to get along with a spouse 24/7 - trying to do it with another couple is a fool’s errand.

[Nebr.cruiser]

We're not particularly sociable in our at home life and haven't cruised with other couples, although we have taken a couple of vacations with friends.

 

We do cruise often with my two sisters.  We usually eat dinner together and do tours together but go our own way for other meals and on board, meeting up if we have an activity or entertainment we want to do.  It seems to work out well.

 

I think it is important to not be joined at the hip for the entire cruise; that way we enjoy our time together more and to be respectful of differences.

 

 

[Joebucks]

We've done it a few times, and it was overall enjoyable. Most of the time, we don't travel in a group. When we do, there's a few things I stand by:

 

- Do not stay in the same room, when possible. I absolutely loathe cramming a bunch of people in one room. For any of its perceived benefits, it's overall less enjoyable. 

 

- Not having to commit to the same plans. We'll do a few things together. However, this is what we're doing. You can come if you want. You can do something else if you want. Plan the important stuff in advance and communicate early.

[Mary229]

4 hours ago, Joebucks said:

We've done it a few times, and it was overall enjoyable. Most of the time, we don't travel in a group. When we do, there's a few things I stand by:

 

- Do not stay in the same room, when possible. I absolutely loathe cramming a bunch of people in one room. For any of its perceived benefits, it's overall less enjoyable. 

 

- Not having to commit to the same plans. We'll do a few things together. However, this is what we're doing. You can come if you want. You can do something else if you want. Plan the important stuff in advance and communicate early.

Oh no.  I would never stay in the same room. We do family cruises and try to find a sailing that suits all budgets.  When we travel with friends we would only ask people who travel in the same budget class we generally do.  We sail and stay mid premium and would not ask a dedicated luxury devotee nor  a super budget conscious person to travel with us.  Many people are flexible including us but some do like their luxuries and some like their savings   My level is never more than 2 in a room

Edited Thursday at 06:42 PM by Mary229

[Silver Sweethearts]

On 4/15/2024 at 4:57 PM, wcook said:

That has always been our rule when traveling with others (usually family). Dinner is mandatory. Everything else is optional. 

 

Don't you think "Dinner is mandatory" sounds a bit demanding and doesn't exactly set the tone for a relaxing meal?

[wcook]

1 hour ago, Silver Sweethearts said:

 

Don't you think "Dinner is mandatory" sounds a bit demanding and doesn't exactly set the tone for a relaxing meal?

LOL. That wouldn’t go over well on a cruise with friends, would it. I’m just used to giving the speech on big family trips to the yutes and that’s the language I use.