Empress 3/4/17 - A TALE OF TWO CRUISES

[wolfganghowell]

YAY! "Who is" is back! Look, you can threaten to stop cruising all you want but that just means you will have to come back and write fake reviews. It's been a true March Madness of a different kind - reviews from you, the Villain and SailorJack. I hit the giggle lottery!

 

Now if I can just figure out how to get back on a ship before the end of October!

[JohnGaltny]

Hi Wolf.

 

I really thought I was done but I was reversed on appeal. I make no future predictions.

 

Now I'm going to find Sailor Jack and York.

[Tee & Chilli]

Excellent review:D

[truffles2]

Enjoyed....as I knew I would.

Carry on.

[Jerseygirl1416]

A great read. Very funny😄 Thanks for the laughs!

[JohnGaltny]

Thanks. Glad you could make some sense out of it.

[Biker19]

Note: My apologies for cutting this up so much but my thanks to Biker for helping me learn the new CC quirks.

As I mentioned before, it reads just as well in pieces, perhaps even better. One needs to have laughter moments in certain doses.:D

[funship freddy]

Loved your review. Booked on 4/24 for a 4 nigh that was mysteriously changed from a 5 night without explanation. The annual Boy's Cruise. I hope we have better experiences at the bar. We have already moved from Carnival to RCCL due to many of the same reasons. Having felt wronged with the day reduction (they dropped Key West, a Boy's favorite) we have moved the 2018 Boy's event to Celebrity. Thanks for your insight and warnings [emoji41]

 

 

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[roxierox]

Great review! Thanks for brightening my morning!

[Lisette325]

Thanks for your review JohnGaltny. I leave on Empress next week 3/23, it is sold out so I expect a "spring break" full house also.

 

 

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[JohnGaltny]

Thanks everyone.

 

Freddy, I would be seriously honked off if they skipped the Conch Republic.

 

As always when I try to write these reviews before I get back on my meds, I forget things.

 

As another example of this cruise in paradox land, I should have mentioned that Empress has one of those incredibly intrusive big screen annoyances above the pool. On Embark day this is used for a continuous stream of telemarketing on every upsell aboard. It's like those people who congratulate you on the vacation you won or threaten you with an IRS lawsuit had hacked your skype number. On every other day, in between RCI ads, it shows a never ending loop of the same "cute" animal videos of the type I try to avoid on Facebook.

 

On the other hand, that same screen at night offers movies and we actually sat there and watched them on two nights. Welll, to be honest, the others did. By that time I was usually pretty bleary eyed. I blame my contact lenses.

 

Also, Embark day in the WJ involved my getting a lot of practice saying "Nyet, spacebo" to all sorts of wonderful offers to charge me more money for meals I had already paid for. Honestly, I wasn't sure if we had skipped the ship and gone directly to the Plaza in Cozumel. Thankfully, this was only a one day phenomenon.

[funship freddy]

John,

 

I was very honked but Royal had no sympathy. Love Key West. [emoji41]

 

Funship

 

 

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[JohnGaltny]

OF course not. I'd be curious why though?

[Yorkvillain]

Ok so my iPad is now covered in spit and snot. This seems to happen every time I read a JohnGaltny review. Well done sir! That was phenomenal.

 

I hope you saw that the Adventure of the Seas (Explorer twin) is coming to Cape Liberty for the Summer of 2018.

[Spa girl nana]

Loved your review. Good information tucked in with the humor. My first cruise, in 1993 was on the Nortic Empress. We knew nothing about cruising and had rough seas, but thought it was the prettiest ship ever. I had thought I would like to go on Empress Of The Seas again, but as I read reviews, I really don't. I'll be looking for more of your reviews.

[Wildcatfish]

Thanks for the review - I needed it. After a BS week at work I needed to hear someone speak common sense.

[SailorJack]

Hey York, welcome. Great to see ya.

 

Written anything lately? Sailor Jack?

 

What a great review! I did like your elephant reference. You have become a master at the understated, or rather unstated! :) Once again you have enlivened my early morning hours. Well done!

 

I cannot imagine a cruise with spring breakers, but it sounds like it was not as bad as I had imagined.

 

Happy sailings.

 

And yes, I have written lately.

 

Celebrity Millennium last month.... http://boards.cruisecritic.com/showthread.php?t=2460016

Carnival Miracle in August...http://boards.cruisecritic.com/showthread.php?t=2346342

 

They are not up to your subtlety but I continue to learn from you.

 

Jack

[molsonschooner]

Great review. I laughed at pretty well every sentence. Your humour and writing style are pure entertainment but at the same time you accomplished what a review is supposed to do. Great job.

[JohnGaltny]

Thanks for your review JohnGaltny. I leave on Empress next week 3/23, it is sold out so I expect a "spring break" full house also.

 

 

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Thanks Lisette.

 

 

From your picture, you belong on a spring breaker way more than I do.

[JohnGaltny]

Ok so my iPad is now covered in spit and snot. This seems to happen every time I read a JohnGaltny review. Well done sir! That was phenomenal.

 

I hope you saw that the Adventure of the Seas (Explorer twin) is coming to Cape Liberty for the Summer of 2018.

 

Adventure out of Bayonne? We should talk to Sailor, OT and Rick. We must also invite Wolf.

Imagine the level of weird on that one.

[dani negreanu]

It was pure joy reading your review :D Thanks

[Lisette325]

Thanks Lisette.

 

 

From your picture, you belong on a spring breaker way more than I do.

 

 

Good to know that I still got it although I turn 42 while on Empress. What did you think of the Cruise Director and the activities on board?

 

 

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[JohnGaltny]

Good to know that I still got it although I turn 42 while on Empress. What did you think of the Cruise Director and the activities on board?

 

 

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The activities were pretty standard stuff. Quest, bingo, trivia etc. only real problem was getting a seat if it was held in a bar venue.

 

I almost never even know who the CD is so I'm not much help there.

[Yorkvillain]

Adventure out of Bayonne? We should talk to Sailor, OT and Rick. We must also invite Wolf.

Imagine the level of weird on that one.

 

 

Yup, Bayonne.

 

That would be one heck of a cruise!

[A&L_Ont]

John, excellent review. I was happy to read that you did not have a barf bag strapped to your face, except for your limited visits to the MDR.

 

I still need to finish my review but I'd much rather read yours. That's good time management IMHO.:)